ADVENTURES
IN
THE MOON,
&c.
LONDON:
Printed by A. SPOTTISWOODE,
New-Street-Square.
ADVENTURES
IN
THE MOON,
AND
OTHER WORLDS.
LONDON:
PRINTED FOR
LONGMAN, REES, ORME, BROWN, GREEN, & LONGMAN,
PATERNOSTER-ROW.
1836.
CONTENTS.
Page
A JOURNEY TO THE MOON 3
MAHOMET AND THE SPIDER. (A Dialogue.) 149
A LETTER FROM POSTERITY TO THE PRESENT AGE 179
ANSWER FROM THE PRESENT AGE TO POSTERITY 193
THE SLEEPER AND THE SPIRIT. (A Dialogue.) 211
A DISPUTE BETWEEN THE MIND AND THE BODY 243
ALCIBIADES 293
TRUTH RELEASED 325
A Letter from Thrasicles of Miletus to Rhodius of
Athens.
THE TWO EVIL SPIRITS.
Dialogue I. 373
Dialogue II. 386
THE JUDGMENT OF MAHOMET 419
A JOURNEY TO THE MOON.
Ove mirabilmente era ridutto
Ciò che si perde o per nostro difetto,
O per colpa di tempo o di fortna.
Ciò che si perde qui là si raguna.--Ariosto.
Je vous parle d'une des plus agréables foliès de l'Arioste, et je suis
sûr que vous serez bien aise de la savoir.--Fontenelle.
Amongst inquisitive persons there has always been a wish to know
something about the moon, its surface, its inhabitants, and their
manners; and several philosophers, to satisfy this curiosity, have, with
much sagacity, construed its spots into mountains, volcanoes, and other
commodities which a world is supposed to want. But these travels must be
considered very imperfect; for by visiting a country through a
telescope, but little is to be known of its people, their manner of
living, their literature, their arts, or opinions. Accordingly, while
that was the only way of travelling, we knew little more of the moon
than that there was one.
Amongst the other speculations on this subject, many ingenious men
exercised themselves in guessing what service the moon has to discharge
for the earth, since it was generally agreed impossible that our
satellite should revolve round us merely for its own advantage, though
it might perhaps in some measure be consulting its private ends; and it
was most commonly supposed to be transacting our business and its own at
the same time.
First, then, it was supposed that the moon had been ordained with its
mountains, valleys, and volcanoes, that it might give us light in the
absence of the sun; and this was declared a powerful argument for the
bounty of Providence, which did not forget us even in the night, when
all other beings are asleep. But it was objected, that according to
this, reasoning Providence is bountiful only during a part of the month;
and that any argument in favour of Providence ought to last through the
whole year.
To pass over all these uncertainties, I must remind my readers that our
moon was at length proved to be the receptacle of every thing lost upon
earth. This truth was the discovery of a great philosopher, and has
nothing in it of theory or conjecture, but was attained by experiment
and the strictest rules of induction. The knowledge of this must very
much increase the interest with which we look at the moon; since every
person has some loss to lament, and may gaze upon that heavenly body
with a certainty that it contains what has been dear to him.
I had often wished that we could procure admission into the moon, in
order to regain what had once belonged to us, and had amused myself with
imagining the eager search that would take place; but without having the
least suspicion that this could ever be really effected, since the want
of air, and other conveniencies, is sufficient to discourage most
travellers; besides which, the having no ground to tread upon must
increase the difficulty of the journey. It cannot, therefore, be
wondered, that in former times only one journey to the moon was known to
have been accomplished, which is that related by Ariosto. But nothing
seems too difficult for modern science; and it is well known that, by a
most ingenious invention, we have lately been enabled to walk up into
our satellite with safety. As I, amongst others, have accomplished this
journey, I shall give a short narrative of my adventures, for the
amusement of those who have been deterred by the distance from
travelling in person.
The nature of this invention is so well known, that I need give no
description of the journey. I saw great numbers travelling on the same
expedition; some being led by curiosity, but most by a hope of
retrieving the several losses that they had met with during life. I
inquired of many, what prizes they hoped to recover. Some decayed
people were going up in search of the health which they had once
enjoyed; a woman with a melancholy look told me she had undertaken this
journey with the hope of recovering her husband's good humour, which he
had totally lost, to her great discomfort. There was a lady who refused
to tell the motive of her journey, but it was whispered that she went to
look for her character. Many old people were going to regain their
youth. There seemed a great uncertainty as to the success of all these
projects; for, first, it might be very difficult to find the lost
advantages, and if they were found, none knew whether they could be used
a second time: all, however, had great hopes; and I saw two or three
men, who appeared incurably old, and were nevertheless convinced that,
as soon as they arrived in the moon, they should revoke their wrinkles,
and find some contrivance for not having lived the last fifty years.
As I approached the moon, I enjoyed the splendour of the sight. Its
mountains far surpass ours in size; and in the shape of the surface
there is a greatness not to be found in the noblest parts of our earth.
I landed in the moon upon a plain, where I found grass and trees, the
particular nature of which I shall not describe, as this short narrative
is not intended to include botany and natural history--subjects which I
leave to those who travelled into our satellite for the express purpose
of studying them. I wish that my forbearance in this instance may be
imitated by some of the more confined travellers on this earth, who, in
the description of a country, thinking that no circumstance or
production must be omitted, are very apt to give information on subjects
of which they are profoundly ignorant. A traveller, who, in his own
country, has not skill to distinguish one herb from another, is a sudden
botanist on the other side of the globe, lest the book he is writing
should be incomplete. Many of them involve themselves in shells,
minerals, and other intricacies, on which they would not hazard a
conjecture at home. He who is silent on any subject, leaves his
knowledge in doubt; whereas, if he speaks, there can no longer be a
question. Upon many productions of the moon, therefore, I shall avoid
the indiscretion of being learned.
When I landed there, my attention was first engaged by a singular change
in my sensations, through an increase of strength and activity. I had
known that this change must take place, and had expected some amusement
by observing it in my fellow travellers. As the weight of a body depends
not on its own mass alone, but also on the force of attraction in the
globe where it is placed, and as this attraction is in proportion to the
mass of the globe, a man who goes out of our earth into the moon, which
is much smaller, finds a great diminution of his weight. Still his
muscular strength remains the same, so that he gains a great advantage
in vigour and activity, and at the same time has a sensation of
lightness not to be described. Though prepared for this, I could not
immediately accommodate myself to the change. There was a small ditch in
my way, and thinking to step over it, I sprung as far as a deer could
leap. Nor could I at first regulate the effort of my muscles in walking,
but every step was a great bound; and until I had had some experience, I
was not able to walk with any moderation.
While I was endeavouring to discipline my movements, I was amused by the
astonishment of my fellow travellers, who knew not the cause of their
own gambols, and were exhibiting great feats of activity when they
intended to be perfectly sedate. A number of persons were seen bounding
about like balls of Indian rubber. Some of them laughed, and others were
terrified at their sudden want of substance. A large man, who in his own
world had also been heavy, came bounding towards me with great
consternation in his face: I seized him in one hand, raised him from the
earth, and twirled him round my head with as much ease as a woman finds
in tossing a young child; at which his terror and astonishment were
redoubled. I endeavoured to make him understand why we were suddenly so
active and so strong; but gravitation was a new study to him, for he had
never had so frivolous a curiosity as to inquire the reason why he had
always remained on the earth in preference to flying away from it, and
accordingly I could not succeed in making his frolics intelligible. I
perceived he did not believe me, when I told him, that before we reached
the moon I had foreseen what gambols we should execute at our first
arrival.
As I was determined to travel alone, I soon left my companions,
endeavouring not to jump about. After a short practice in walking I
attained a tolerable steadiness; and as my journey was to be on foot, I
found great advantage in the reduction of my weight, for I soon was able
to move along with wonderful speed, and scarcely ever was weary. The
sense of lightness was so singular, that it was impossible to make
others imagine what I felt. Not only had my whole body acquired a new
ease in moving, but every limb had a strange alacrity, and I could not
raise my hand without being surprised by its readiness. It seemed as if
I had been newly released from fetters.
I found in myself another strange alteration, which I attributed to the
same cause. I arrived in the moon early in the morning, and left it in
the evening of the same day: this is a fortnight of our time; for as the
moon turns only once on its axis during a revolution round the earth, it
has only one day and night during our month. In this long day or
fortnight I never slept, and felt not the slightest desire for sleep. I
conclude that the relief from weight prevented the perpetual want of
restoration which we here labour under.
Each country on our earth has a separate district in the moon, to which
its lost things repair; and these territories are divided from each
other by high and difficult mountains. Every thing which takes flight
from the earth has a strange intelligence, which guides it to its own
country in the moon. I had landed on the English domain, and now walked
along in expectation of meeting with some of the lost advantages of my
own world. My chief motive for this journey had been curiosity,
accompanied perhaps by that desire which makes so many travellers,--the
desire of having been where others have not. But besides these
inducements, I had entertained a design of bringing back some of my past
pleasures, if I should be able to find them, and if they were in a
condition to bear removal. Amongst the things that I had to regret, was
a considerable portion of time, which I had not used with all the
frugality that I now could wish. I was, therefore, in hope that this
commodity, though perhaps of no very great value, would appear to me in
the moon, and that I might find means of carrying it back. But I was
apprehensive that I might find it without knowing what it was; for I
could not imagine how time would appear to the eye, nor by what art it
could be laid by and preserved.
As I walked along, being now quite alone, I heard a voice near me, and
turned towards it in the hope of being informed which way to betake
myself in order to find some of the curiosities that I was in search of.
When I reached the spot whence this voice proceeded, to my astonishment
I saw not a human being near, though the talking continued close to me.
I listened, and soon discovered that what I heard was the advice of a
father to his son against gambling; and then I concluded that it had
repaired to the moon as having been lost. In this admonition I
recognised the voice of an old friend of mine, whose son had devoted
himself with great energy to the gaming table. The aged voice spoke with
much earnestness and wisdom, showing clearly the consequences of play to
the fortune, the disposition, and the character. The lecture had arrived
in the moon with the proper tone, the pauses, and the emphasis; so that
I could distinguish every shake of the head, and every blow of the
withered hand upon the table. The old gentleman omitted no efficacious
topic; it seemed impossible to stop a bad practice more eloquently; and
I wondered how this insurmountable advice could have failed. I listened
to all its arguments, its infamy, distress, and ruin; but finding at the
conclusion that it began again without respite, and proceeded in the
same words as before, I walked out of hearing, sufficiently advised
against play.
I may here mention, that before I left the moon I met with the very
young man who had undergone this eloquence; the purpose of his journey
being to search for the money that he had distributed in his vocation. I
told him that I knew the place where he might find what had been lost by
his indiscretion. He eagerly inquired where his treasure was kept, and I
directed him to the spot whence this noble admonition proceeded.
"What!" said he; "is all that I have lost collected there?"
"Yes," I answered; "every argument, every word is preserved."
"Arguments, and words!" he exclaimed; "I am looking for money."
I then explained to him that the lost treasure, which I had found, was
the advice of his father; and I urged him to repair to the spot, and be
fortified against future losses. He was angry with me for disappointing
him; said he did not think the advice likely to be more efficacious in
the moon than it had been upon earth; besides which, his father was
still alive, so that he could have advice fresh from his lips whenever
he was in need of it, for the old man was so munificent as never to
refuse him a supply in any difficulty.
"He is old now," said the son; "but the faculty of advising commonly
remains in full vigour when all others have decayed."
This meeting with the advised son occurred, as I have said, at a later
period of my travels. I was now in retreat from the father's lecture,
and had just walked beyond its reach, when a confused noise came towards
me, which at first I could by no means interpret, for a solemn
declamatory tone, and a shrill railing voice, seemed to be united in it.
As the sound approached me, I heard what I should have thought a sermon,
had not some angry and profane expressions been inserted in it. As it
went slowly along, I accompanied it, and by a little attention was able
to understand this singular combination; for in the solemn part of the
clamour I remembered the voice of a celebrated preacher, whom I had
often listened to. It appeared that one of his sermons, not being the
cause of much virtue on the earth, and accordingly discharged, had taken
refuge in the moon, where, while it was floating about in the air, and
preaching with great solemnity, it had unfortunately been entangled in
the invective of a fish-woman, which no doubt had been lost by the
fortitude of her antagonist. Thus these two pieces of eloquence, having
by some means been involved in each other, continued with equal
vehemence, and without the least chance of one being silenced by the
other. I was scandalised to hear the solemn words interrupted by such
abominable phrases, and waved my hat about the place in hope of
separating the two harangues; but they were so confused together, that
though I drove them about by disturbing the air, my efforts to
disengage them were vain, and I was obliged to leave a fine moral
discourse loaded with these vile execrations.
The divine and his associate the fish-woman were no sooner out of
hearing than I walked into a long story, which was telling itself with
great pomp and emphasis. I listened, and heard some passages, where I
was sure that an explanatory finger had been stretched out. I could not,
however, discover the purport of the narrative, which seemed to be
wholly destitute of all the three particulars required by Aristotle,--a
beginning, a middle, and an end; but it had this excellence, that it
might have been undertaken at any period of it without disadvantage. I
afterwards found that the tellers of long stories provide the moon with
a great abundance of sound. I now heard other attempts at conversation,
and amongst them many of the small enterprises which are called puns.
But now, from a different quarter, a sudden wind sprung up, which was
encumbered with a great variety of sounds, and I was quite overwhelmed
with the clamour. First it blew sermons for a short time, and doctrines
of every sect flew past me. This hurricane of divinity was succeeded by
speeches in parliament: I was entertained by a declamatory breeze on the
grievances of Ireland; then came a zealous wind in defence of the Church
of England, and afterwards a prolix gale on free trade. I was at first
amused by the novelty of all this piety, anger, learning, and eloquence
in the air; but when it was no longer new, I found the clamour
intolerable; and it is certainly a discouragement to those who would
visit the moon, that any breeze which rises may preach and declaim so
immoderately.
I may here mention that all sounds from the earth are at first allotted
to separate districts in the moon. There is the region of puns, that of
speeches, of sermons, and of every other fruitless noise. To each kind
of noise a valley is assigned; the surface of the moon being very much
varied, and the valleys very deep. Each sound, upon its first arrival,
repairs of its own accord to the valley which is its proper habitation;
but when the wind is violent, and happens to blow through one of these
valleys, it sweeps away many of the sounds, and scatters them over the
moon. Thus the most unsuitable alliances are formed of the different
sounds, and the precepts of religion are often enforced by oaths; for a
violent gale having passed through the residence of sermons, and carried
many discourses away with it, may blow them through the valley where the
Billingsgate rhetoric is preserved, by which means an unusual energy is
added to those pious compositions: and many other sounds equally averse
to each other are in this manner united. But when the air becomes calm,
each by degrees returns to its own habitation; and no doubt the sermon,
which I had vainly endeavoured to set free from the scurrilous abuse
annexed to it, would in time escape from its intemperate colleague by
its own efforts, and go home to the other divines. The eloquent wind, in
which I have said that I was involved, by degrees became less copious,
and at last quite silent.
I now saw a young woman running towards me in pursuit of something which
rolled along in the wind. As she approached, I perceived that it bore
the figure of a heart; and the lady I knew to be one who had lately been
very much dejected on account of a hopeless passion. She had come to the
moon to recover her lost heart, and was just about to possess herself of
it when the wind had snatched it away, and she pursued it with all the
speed she could exert. I should explain, that things do not ascend into
the moon in the same substantial form that they bear upon earth: this
heart was a mere shadow or ghost, and so light as to be blown about by
every breath of air. I placed myself in the way, and endeavoured to
catch it; but it bounded past me, and the poor girl continued the chase.
Another young lady, who had once sung extremely well was come in search
of her voice, which she had lost by an illness. She had heard it at a
distance singing an Italian song with great taste, and hastened to the
spot in hope that she might inhale it; but a wind springing up had
swept it along singing as it flew, and in despair she heard her own
sweet notes dying away in the distance.
I now saw a well-known English statesman, who had come here in search of
his integrity, which he had lost in the service of his country. Without
it he had found himself quite disabled in the pursuit of his designs,
being no longer eloquent in parliament or dexterous in council.
Soon after this I met a very beautiful woman, but extremely pale, with
whom I was acquainted. She told me that she was endeavouring to find her
complexion, which she had lost very early in life, and never ceased to
regret. Her countenance was so attractive that I could not forbear
offering to assist her in the search, though I told her that I knew not
where the lost complexions were kept; for being very lately arrived in
the moon, I was not yet conversant with its geography. She said that no
farther search was necessary, for she was convinced that she had
discovered her complexion, though she had not been able to regain
possession of it; but perhaps I by a little vigour might succeed. It had
been seized, she said, and was now worn, by a young man, in whose face
she had detected it; for she instantly recognised her own bloom though
after a separation of some years; besides which, it evidently did not
fit the face of the usurper. I inquired where the young man was to be
found; and as the lady knew what road he had taken, we followed at our
utmost speed and soon overtook him. He was a young man of effeminate
appearance, and studied dress. It was plain at first sight that the
beautiful bloom, which he wore, had no natural affinity with his
features; for he had not been able to make it adhere to them with any
exactness, but in several places it was separate from the skin. I
observed him endeavouring by delicate touches to contrive a better
alliance; but with all these inducements he could not detain it with any
confidence, nor reconcile it to his cheeks, and he seemed every moment
apprehensive lest it should drop.
I asked him very courteously, whether he was quite sure that he had his
own complexion on. He answered "Yes," with some indignation; upon which
I endeavoured to convince him of his mistake, representing that in some
places there was a separation between his complexion and his skin, and
that he would never bring them to unite in any security. But as he did
not seem disposed to relinquish his prize, I approached him on pretence
of examining his face more closely, and grasped him by the chin; when
the disputed complexion slipped off with the greatest ease, and I
presented it to the lady, who applied it to her face, where it instantly
fitted itself on, and seemed to be quite at home. I could not forbear
smiling at the sallow cheeks of the young man, who had been thus
despoiled. He remonstrated very angrily against the violence done to his
face, and persisted in claiming what he called his property. I desired
him to observe that the complexion was so settled and established in the
lady's face, as to make a removal impossible, which was a proof that he
must have been mistaken when he believed it to be his. I told him I was
convinced that his own complexion, when he had it, was of equal beauty
with this; and no doubt, by a diligent search, might be found, being
certainly in the moon, since by his cheeks he had evidently lost it. He
was not to be satisfied; but still insisted, that even if this
complexion had originally been produced in the lady's face, yet by
coming to the moon it had been forfeited, and became the lawful prize of
any person who could seize it. I remarked, that it was now useless to
dispute against the lady's right to wear her complexion, since it was
immoveably fixed; and therefore, if he were determined to wear no other
bloom, his only expedient was to wait till it should again arrive in the
moon, and endeavour to gain possession of it a second time. He turned
away with great resentment; and the lady, being now perfectly beautiful,
took leave of me with many acknowledgments of the service I had done
her. I afterwards met this young man again with a fine florid bloom, to
which I believe he had no right, for he turned away his head as he
passed me.
After restoring this lady to her beauty, I walked on to seek new
adventures, and had not proceeded far before I saw a large building,
which I approached, and the doors being open I walked in. The building
consisted of one vast room, the walls of which were covered with
shelves, containing a vast multitude of small bottles with their corks
tied down as if to confine some liquor that was ready to escape. In the
room I found some persons, who gave me an explanation of what I saw.
These bottles contained the lost spirits of those, who for some
melancholy reason, or without reason, had, from being cheerful, become
unhappy. The bottles appeared to be filled, not with any liquor, but
with a sort of vapour, which was constantly in very active motion. Each
bottle had a label, inscribe with the name of the person from whom its
contents had escaped, to which was added the misfortune that had caused
this loss of cheerfulness.
I found a great amusement in walking round the shelves and reading these
little narratives, by which I discovered the concealed sorrows of
several of my acquaintance, who had become pensive without any apparent
pretext, and exercised in vain the penetration of their friends. By far
the greater number of these bottles were female. Many ladies had been
deprived of their mirth by disappointed affection, some by unhappy
marriages, others by the want of children, and several by wanting
nothing. Some labels had blank spaces where the calamity ought to have
been recorded; these blanks, I learned, were the histories of those
whose vivacity had dropped off them without any real cause, and only
because it was not of a durable kind.
The reading of these bottles alone might be a sufficient inducement to
visit the moon, with those persons who excel in providing their friends
with motives, and in explaining every thing in the look or manner, which
is abstruse; for here, in a few minutes, such discoveries are made, as
must be unattainable by mere inquiry and sagacity; and I think that
amongst all the incentives to curiosity and study, there is nothing that
so much provokes research as a mysterious melancholy in one who
seemingly has every title to mirth.
It appeared to me that many of the owners of these bottled spirits had
become unhappy on very slight provocation. Some of the reasons assigned,
I thought hardly sufficient to justify a frown of a day's duration; part
of these afflictions ought rather, in my opinion, to have been received
as advantages; others seemed altogether fanciful, and it was manifest
that the sufferer had become unfortunate merely by the force of a lively
imagination. Amongst these bottles I observed some that were empty, and
inquiring the reason, I was told that they had contained the mirth of
persons who, after a certain period of melancholy, had regained their
happiness by fortitude, philosophy, religion, a change of wind, or some
other consolation; for whenever a person, whose mirth has been under
this confinement, is ready to be cheerful again, and wants his spirits
back, they make so great an effort to escape from the bottle as to force
out the cork, and immediately they return into the possession of their
owner, performing the journey in a few minutes. When this liberation is
effected, the attendants who manage the bottles inscribe on the label
the length of time that the spirits had remained in prison; and the
empty bottle is still left to receive them again, should they be
banished from their owner a second time. This often occurs by the
vicissitudes incident to many tempers, in which the being happy to-day
affords no security for happiness to-morrow. By these inscriptions, I
found that the spirits of some people are engaged in perpetual journeys
between the earth and the moon.
Upon one of the empty bottles I saw the name of a friend of mine, who
had been in great affliction from the loss of his wife. I was surprised
to read on the inscription that his spirits had driven out the cork, and
returned to him at an early period of his sorrow, since which time I had
seen him in profound melancholy; and it then appeared evident that he
was to be unhappy much longer. I thought there must be an error in the
date, but was informed that these bottles are infallible; that they
estimate sorrow by the heart, and not by the countenance; and that as
soon as a secret disposition to mirth returns, they certainly release
the cork, though the face should remain inconsolable. It appeared,
therefore, that though my friend had been so plausibly grieved, the
bottle knew he was fit to receive its contents, and I had merely wanted
penetration to detect his clandestine cheerfulness. I rejoiced in the
discovery, having never thought that the being melancholy is so great a
duty or public good as is sometimes believed. I entertained myself here
in detecting the real duration of sorrow in some others for the death of
friends, and I saw with pleasure how soon a resignation to the will of
Heaven had sometimes taken place after the most grievous loss. Some had
begun to submit on the day after the funeral; others had wept with so
much despatch that, the death having occurred in the morning, and their
spirits being immediately sent to the bottle, they had wanted them again
in the evening of the same day.
The bottles being arranged in order according to the time when each was
filled, I could easily find any cases of affliction which had come
within my own knowledge; and I discovered that, in several instances, I
had wasted much friendly compassion upon people so speedy in submission
as to attain a Christian serenity of mind long before others had ceased
to be distressed for them,--a lasting melancholy having been
apprehended from the skilful gloom which was preserved.
There were many people engaged, like myself, in examining these bottles;
and amongst them I found a pretty woman of my acquaintance, who had once
been remarkable for vivacity, but had suddenly fallen into a pensive
dejection, for which she could give no reason, except that assigned in
Shakspeare,--that she was sad because she was not merry. Feeling
severely the want of her former mirth, she had travelled to the moon in
quest of it, where, being directed to this building, she had discovered
the bottle containing her own spirits, and I found her considering by
what expedient she could transfer them to herself. She had intended to
carry away the bottle, and meditate some contrivance at her leisure; but
they were all fixed immoveably in the shelves, so that whatever plan
should be tried it could only be practised on the spot. She consulted me
in her difficulty; and remembering the invention described by Ariosto, I
advised her, when the cork should be removed, to hold her head over the
bottle, and endeavour to inhale the vapour which should issue forth. She
stood ready, and I cut the string which confined the cork; when it
instantly flew out with a loud report, and a roar of laughter rushed
after it: this was the imprisoned merriment escaping, and it lasted as
long as the vapour continued to come forth. The lady applied herself to
it as if to a smelling-bottle as long as this violent evaporation
lasted. When the bottle had ceased to laugh she raised her head, and I
immediately saw that my invention had succeeded; her eyes had regained
their mirth, and her mouth its beautiful smile. She walked away in great
delight at finding herself happy again.
There were many other people in the room who, having found the bottles
belonging to themselves, were in perplexity about the means of
recovering the contents; and now, having observed the success of my
contrivance, they began to practise it upon themselves, so that very
soon I heard corks flying and bottles laughing on every side. The first
restoration of lost mirth had a violent effect upon most of the
patients, and raising their heads at the end of the operation they burst
into a vehement fit of laughter; some danced about very zealously, and
performed other exploits. But this frantic delight sunk gradually, and
in a few minutes was turned into a steady and reasonable cheerfulness.
The first senseless joy from these bottles very much resembled the wild
behaviour from nitrous oxide, popularly called laughing gas, which he
who inhales commonly has recourse to a violent career of laughter,
without being able to assign any just grounds of merriment.
Those who have seen this common experiment, may conceive exactly the
extravagances acted in consequence of these bottles.
The most ridiculous frolics were exhibited by an old woman, who, having
found the bottle containing the spirits of her youth, applied herself to
it in order to be young again. Immediately the features of seventy were
animated by the mirth of sixteen, the old woman was intoxicated by her
new feelings, laughed immoderately, danced, and sung, with many other
achievements, which greatly disturbed her daughter, who accompanied her,
and endeavoured in vain to control this aged vivacity.
I took notice of a lady with a very grave countenance, who was making a
most diligent search amongst the bottles of that time, from which she
dated the absence of her own cheerfulness, but still she was unable to
find one bearing her name. I heard another lady, her companion,
endeavouring to persuade her that she had always been as phlegmatic as
she was then, and not at any part of her life able to furnish the
contents of a bottle, so that it was vain to search for vivacity which
was neither there nor in any other place. The solemn lady, however, was
resolved to be lively, and not finding any mirth that she could justly
claim, she prepared to invade the bottle of some other person, which,
she said, would do no injury; for the person whom she should despoil
might take her bottle in exchange, since it was undoubtedly there,
though at that moment she could not find it. Accordingly she released
the cork of a bottle which, by the explosion, seemed to have been very
well provided with merriment, and she inhaled it all to the concluding
laugh; but raising her head after this instigation, she remained as
sedate as before, and found to her great disappointment that she could
not be lively with the spirits of another person. I afterwards saw the
same theft committed by others, and in every case it proved that the
bottled spirits were ineffectual in any person except the owner. This
might perhaps have been foretold, as we frequently see persons who have
no vivacity of their own, endeavour, without success, to borrow it from
others, though not out of a bottle. I speak of the emulation of those
who, being solemn by birth, attempt vivacity by a strict execution of
those gestures, looks, and sayings which they have observed to be the
practice of lively persons, and with all their study can never contrive
that those gestures, looks, and sayings shall be received as life and
spirit, though in certain people they pass without dispute.
I saw an unfortunate lady in great distress: she had been endeavouring
to practise my contrivance upon the bottle which preserved her spirits;
but by being too slow to intercept them as they hastened out, and then
by holding her head in a wrong place she had suffered the whole mirth
to escape, and it flew laughing through a window as if in derision of
her. The poor girl stood at the window in despair to hear herself
laughing at a distance, being now condemned to hopeless dejection for
the rest of her life. I had, however, the satisfaction of restoring many
to a cheerful mind; and it was a great amusement to see the melancholy
faces of many as they entered this room, and the happy countenances with
which they left it after exhilarating themselves in this manner.
Having entertained myself here some time, I departed, and continued my
wandering journey. It was not long before I came to another building
which I entered, and found it full of bottles like the last. These
contain the hopes, which have never been fulfilled, and to the eye they
appear to hold a clear transparent liquor. Upon each bottle is the name
of the person to whom it belongs, together with a short account of the
hopes within, and the circumstances in which they were entertained. At
the first glance on the outside of the bottles, I saw coronets, mitres,
riches, and other amusements, in great abundance, which made me think,
that if, as we often hear asserted, hope is the most agreeable
employment of the mind, it is with great injustice that we complain of
the misery of life. According to the same doctrine, we ought to rejoice
that so few of the advantages within sight are attainable, because what
is once gained can no longer be hoped for, and the chief delight from
it, therefore, must be lost. The happiness of every man ought to be
estimated, not by the number of his successes, but by the multitude of
his hopes; and whatever seeming adversity he may have laboured under,
yet if nature has provided him with an alacrity in hoping, he must be
declared a prosperous man. For some, the most unfortunate in their
undertakings, yet have through life been succeeding in prospect, and
thus been fully recompensed for actual disappointment. The office of
this passion is to make men equal in happiness, since every advantage
obtained must take away a hope.
Seeing on one of these bottles the primacy of England, as the hope
contained in it, I looked for the name in some curiosity, to know who
had aspired so high, expecting it to be some celebrated divine. The name
was that of a clergyman, who had passed his whole life on a curacy of a
hundred pounds a year. He had died at the age of seventy-six, and no
doubt his age, poverty, and infirmities had been greatly relieved by the
expectation of being primate. The office of prime minister had for many
years been the hope of a man, who had been known to speak in parliament
twice, on one of which occasions he was manifestly applauded. To be the
greatest of English poets, was hoped for by a young man, on no other
provocation than the having written some verses in a newspaper. A
family of two fine boys and four beautiful girls, was the secure hope of
a lady who had been married at the age of forty-six.
I found here many hopes so fantastical, and having so little regard for
possibility, that they made me think less incredible a certain wish,
recorded by Rabelais, which I had before thought a high strain of
imagination. The projector of this wish desired that, a certain church
being filled with needles from the floor to the roof, he might be in
possession of as many ducats as would be required to fill all the bags,
which could be sewn with these needles, till every one of them had lost
either its point or its eye. This computation of a livelihood, hardly
exceeds in boldness some of the designs which I observed here.
I saw an old man reading the bottle which contained his own past hopes;
he laughed heartily at their extravagance, declaring that to have
fulfilled them all he must have lived a thousand years, and that many of
them could not have been accomplished unless all mankind had been in a
confederacy to complete his schemes. Some bottles contained a vast
number of hopes, the owner having had so much fertility in hoping; other
persons seemed to have had no room for more than one hope at a time. I
amused myself with pursuing the hopes of a man from youth to age, and
observing the variation in the different stages of life. Some of the
young hopes diverted me; a girl of sixteen had been entirely occupied
with the hope that the outline of her nose might improve before she grew
up. Another young lady of the same age had been equally busy with the
hope of her hair becoming darker.
Seeing my own name on a bottle I read my early hopes, which however I do
not intend to divulge. I was surprised by the extravagance and absurdity
of them; for till that moment I had imagined myself a rational man, and
I could not conceive how such projects had ever been let into my brain.
I observed another old man studying his bottle and recapitulating the
brilliant hopes of his youth. He lamented that he was no longer capable
of transacting such visions, and declared he would try to recover the
faculty of hope by drinking the contents of the bottle. Accordingly,
having obtained a glass, he drew the cork and poured out the liquor,
which sparkled like champagne, and he drank it hastily, seeming to think
that the escape of every bubble was the loss of a hope. He finished the
draught, which was about a pint, and was immediately thrown into the
most violent transports. All the hopes of his life took possession of
him at once, and he fancied himself about to perform some mighty
exploit, though unable to conjecture what it was to be. His words,
looks, and gestures were wild and incoherent; and if two friends by whom
he was accompanied had not taken him into custody, he would probably
have attempted some dangerous enterprise. They forced him out of the
room, and I afterwards heard that it was several hours before his
delirium abated; and even when he had recovered his composure of mind he
remained subject to occasional visions, and from time to time is still
elevated by chimerical fancies.
It occurred to me that, although the whole bottle of hope swallowed at
once produced madness, yet perhaps a small quantity at a time might be
drunk with benefit and encouragement in the decline of life; and I
resolved to take my bottle with me for cheerfulness in old age, the
bottles of hope not being fastened to the shelves like those containing
lost spirits, which I have mentioned before. On one occasion since,
having been a little dispirited, I drank a very small quantity of my
hopes diluted with water, and found a very agreeable elevation of mind
from it.
One caution, however, is to be observed, which I learned from the
example of an old gentleman, who had brought his bottle of hopes from
the moon, and had recourse to it after it had stood undisturbed for some
time. By standing still the several hopes had been separated from each
other, so that he had poured out a single hope from the top, and drunk
that alone. It appeared that the hopes were arranged according to their
weight, and not according to the order in which they had entered the
bottle; that which he drank first, therefore, happened to be one of his
early youth. It was a hope that he might obtain favour with a certain
married woman of great beauty, and, according to the most received
opinion, by no means inaccessible; but, after he had prosecuted his plot
for three years without an approach to success, he discreetly resolved
to abandon it, and accordingly the hope flew up into its bottle. This
hope, being now swallowed from the top, possessed him again with all its
former vehemence. It had been perfectly suitable to the time of life
when he had first entertained it, but agreed very ill with his present
venerable appearance.
The same lady was no longer in sight, but he was acquainted with another
of as much beauty and ambiguity, every age being furnished with such
enterprises, and to her he immediately had recourse through the
inspiration of his bottle, soliciting her by every known artifice, to
the great amusement of many observers, and the surprise of his friends;
for before this he had always conformed himself to the lapse of time,
and never pretended to an indiscretion above his years. This hope
continued to molest him for three weeks, during which he was
indefatigable; but the effects of the draught having then passed away,
he discovered the fallacy, and was in great confusion at what he had
been doing. He told me that if he was to commit such absurdities through
his bottle, he should prefer despair and dejection. I advised him to
shake his bottle thoroughly, so as to confound all the hopes together
before he poured out a draught, whence I conceived that he would not be
instigated to any single project, but obtain only a general
encouragement. This he practises with great success, repeating his
draught from time to time; after each dose, he is possessed with a
conviction of some speedy good fortune, though he can gain no insight
into the particular nature of it, and he is thus quite fortified against
the melancholy of old age. It is true that to drink for hope and
prosperity is not a new invention; but the complacency obtained in the
manner I describe has the advantage of not being followed by any of
those injuries which attend the peace of mind from a common bottle.
Leaving the House of Hopes, and pursuing my travels, I met with an old
gentleman, who told me he had come to the moon in search of the time
that he had lost during his life; "for," said he, "if I could recover
all the hours that I have mis-applied, I should be a young man again."
"But," said I, "is it not probable, that if these hours had to be
employed again, they would be engaged in the very same occupations which
have brought them to the moon before?"
"No," he answered, "I believe there are some old men who lament their
loss of time only because it is a loss of pleasure; but I rejoice in
having freed myself from my errors. I lately undertook a complete
reformation of my habits, and succeeded. I wish to regain my time, only
that I might pass it all in the virtue which I now enjoy; for, alas! I
have discovered the pleasure of virtue so late, that I cannot expect
much time for the practice of it."
I walked on with this old man till we came to a building, which,
according to the information of one whom we met, contained "lost vices."
Inquiring what was meant by that expression, I was told that in this
building are preserved all the profligate habits, which have been
unwillingly relinquished by those, whom old age alone can reform, and
who never part with an infirmity till they lose the faculty of being
frail.
We entered the building; and found, as before described, a large room
with innumerable shelves, on which the bad habits are kept by a singular
contrivance. The vices of every man are contained in a little
instrument, exactly resembling in appearance and use that ingenious toy
called a kaleidoscope. On each of these instruments is inscribed the
name of the libertine who has filled it. On one of them I observed the
name of a man with whose past life and character I am acquainted. He
once accepted very frankly of all the blessings offered him by
Providence, but now lives in the strict practice of every virtue which
decrepitude enforces. I took his kaleidoscope from the shelf; and
looking into it, saw him carousing at a table with some companions,
according to the morals of a former time, when the worship of Bacchus
was more diligently prosecuted than it is now. I knew his person, though
in this scene he was a young man. His colleagues I had never seen, for I
believe he had buried them all by his example. Their figures in this
vision were very small, but quite perfect, and all their looks and
gestures faithfully exhibited; no sounds were heard, though much clamour
was intimated. I could perceive that songs were sung, and stories told,
with all the usual literature of such meetings. While I was entertained
by seeing this company drink in miniature, I accidentally gave the
kaleidoscope a turn, upon which the scene vanished in an instant, and
another adventure appeared, the same man being still the hero. He was
now soliciting a beautiful girl with great energy; and, from her
reluctance and alarm, I supposed it to be the first interview. He seemed
to make no progress while I held the kaleidoscope still; but I gave it a
slight turn, which advanced his suit considerably, and a great part of
her austerity was now omitted; whence I found that I must continue to
turn the instrument, in order to bring his addresses to a conclusion. I
therefore turned it round very gradually, not to lose any stage of the
transaction, according to the injunction of Ovid:--
Non est properanda voluptas,
At sensim longâ prolicienda morâ.
When this exploit was ended, another took its place; and I found that by
still turning the kaleidoscope, I might bring all the debaucheries of
this old man in succession before me. But my curiosity did not last
through many years of his life, which was crowded with incidents.