(_Compiled by a Publisher with strong views on the Subject._)
_Question._ Which do you prefer--a novel in three volumes, or in one
single tome?
_Answer._ That is a matter that entirely depends upon terms.
_Q._ Then you are indifferent as to length?
_A._ In everything save the figures of a cheque.
_Q._ But is not Art your first consideration?
_A._ Certainly, when it leads to a substantial balance at my bankers.
_Q._ Then you write for your living?
_A._ Certainly, or I shouldn't live at all.
_Q._ Which do you prefer--a story produced in parts, or a story
published as a whole?
_A._ Again a question of terms. Still, if remuneration is equal,
sketches of character are easier than construction of plot.
_Q._ When is the latter necessary?
_A._ When the novel is written for a serial, and is published with the
standing announcement (frequently repeated), "to be continued in our
next."
_Q._ Is it difficult to sketch character?
_A._ Not if you do not mind irritating your friends and driving your
foes into lunacy.
_Q._ How do you irritate your friends?
_A._ By reproducing in an amusing manner their peculiarities.
_Q._ And how do you madden your foes?
_A._ By passing them over in a dead silence, and sternly refusing to
recognise their existence.
_Q._ How should you treat your contemporaries?
_A._ If you appreciate your work at its proper (that is to say, your
_own_) value, you will not admire contemporaries.
_Q._ And what will you say of authors of the past?
_A._ That it is fortunate that they did live in the past, as they
certainly do not exist in the present, and will certainly not revive in
the future.
_Q._ How should you criticise a contemporary's novel?
_A._ If you are sure of his influencing a criticism of your own work
favourably, praise his romance sky high. If he is, from a reviewer's
point of view, a negligable quantity, why, treat him on that basis.
_Q._ Then what is your motto?
_A._ "Nothing for nothing."
_Q._ Do you consider a novelist's life the best possible form of
existence?
_A._ I should say yes if I did not know of a form of existence to be
even better.
_Q._ And what is that?
_A._ Inheriting a fortune, putting your hands in your pockets, and for
the rest of your life doing nothing.
* * * * *
[Illustration: PREHISTORIC PEEPS.