* * * * *
HAPPY THOUGHT.--_Husband (devoted to spouse and bridge)._ What shall we
christen the little dear?
_Wife (still more devoted)._ I've been thinking--why not--_Bridget?_
_Husband (delighted)._ By all means. For luck.
* * * * *
"HARD LINES."--_Mistress (to former Cook)._ "Well, Eliza, what are you
doing now?"
_Ex-Cook._ "Well, mum, as you wouldn't give me no character, I've been
obliged to marry a soldier!"
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.--_Hostess (who
has just sung)._ "Are you _quite_ sure you don't sing, Captain Lovell?"
_Captain Lovell._ "I assure you--a--I've no voice whatever.
A--unfortunately, I--I'm a _listener_!"]
[Illustration: INTUITION.--_Ethel (to Mary, her bosom friend, who has
been admiring the diamonds, and now hears for the hundredth time how
it all came about)_. "I don't know exactly what it was; but somehow
I felt, from the moment we met last night, that he meant to propose.
_Something_ about him--something in his voice----"
_Mary._ "Ah, I see, there was the true _ring_ in it!"]
[Illustration: "Oh, please, 'm, th' noo paarson's called to see you."
"Very well, Mary. I hope you've shown him in, and asked him to sit
down?"
"Oh, yes, 'm, ah've _loosed 'im into the drawing-room_!"]