_One shilling_
The above are only a few preliminary prizes, but if the scheme can be
effectually carried out, there is every intention to offer rewards for
a variety of other qualities. In the present day, when servants are
always "bettering" themselves, which means growing worse and worse,
the project of a prize club for this troublesome class seems fraught
with the most promising prospects.
* * * * *
[Illustration: SPEEDING THE STAYING GUEST.--_Hostess._ "Won't _you_
sing something, Mr. Borely?"
_Mr. B._ "Yes, if you like. I'll sing one just before I go."
_Hostess_. "Well, _do_ sing _now_, and perhaps Miss Slowboy will
accompany you."]
* * * * *
_Mistress._ "Did Mrs. Brown say anything when you told her I was out?"
_Maid._ "Yes, 'm. Mrs. Brown, mum, said, 'Thank Heaven!' mum."
* * * * *
OUT OF HER ELEMENT.--The last place which you would expect a woman to
like is--a stillroom.
* * * * *
"CUISINE."--_Mistress._ "Susan, we're thinking of having a pig's head
boiled for dinner. You understand it, I suppose?"
_Cook._ "Oh no, m'um. I told you before I came I didn't understand
game!"
* * * * *
"IN THE QUEEN'S NAME."--_Martha the Cook (to Lizzy the Housemaid)._
"'Ere's an 'orrible mistake. In 'is subscripshion list the heditor 'as
spelt your name with a "hi" and a "he" instead of a "y.""
[Illustration: "A GHOSTLY VISITANT"
_Mistress (returning)._ "Any one to see me, Mary?"
_Mary._ "Yes, mem. An insanitary spectre."
[_But it was only the sanitary inspector who had called
regarding some alterations that were going on._
]
"THE FROGS" AT OXFORD.
SCENE--_Parlour of Private House, Oxford._ TIME-_Quite recently. Cook
wishes to speak to her Mistress._
_Cook._ Please, 'm, I should like to go out this evening, 'm, which
it's to see them Frogs at the New Theayter.
_Mistress._ But it's all Greek, and you won't understand it.
_Cook._ O yes, 'm. I once saw the Performin' Fleas, and they was
French, I believe, leastways a Frenchman were showin' of 'em, and I
understood all as was necessary.
[_After this, of course she obtains permission._
* * * * *
DOMESTIC ECONOMY.--_Cook (to Vicar's Wife)._ "And what's to be done
with the sole that was saved yesterday, ma'am?"
* * * * *
_Bucolic Boot-boy._ "I say, Sarah, wotever be a creematorium?"
_Metropolitan Maid._ "Oh, you _are_ an ignorant boy! Why, it's French
for a milkshop, of course!"
[Illustration: _Mistress (soliloquizing)._ "I'm afraid this hat's
rather out of date."
_Maid._ "Oh, no, mum. It's quite fashionable. Cook has just bought one
exactly like it!"]
[Illustration: _Domestic._ "There's a gentleman wants to see yer on
business."
_Master._ "Well, ask him to take a chair."
_Domestic._ "He's taking 'em all, and the table too. He comes from the
furniture shop!"]
[Illustration: FOREIGNERS ARE ALWAYS SO VERY POLITE.--_Charming
Hostess._ "_Do_ have some of my cake. I don't believe you've ever tasted
my own make?"
_Delightful Foreigner (wishing to be polite)._ "Indeed--indeed I have,
and I assure you I did not wish to eat anything else for days after!"]