_To destroy black-beetles._--Turn a pack of fox-hounds into the
kitchen.
_To cure smoky chimneys._--Discontinue fires.
_To get rid of ghosts._--Use disinfecting fluid copiously.
_To expel dry-rot._--Soak the places affected with the finest dry
sherry.
_To get the servants up early in the morning._--Send them to bed early
at night.
_To revive the fire._--Tie up the front-door knocker in a white kid
glove.
_To prevent the beer going too fast._--Possess the key to the mystery.
_To avoid draughts._--Don't take any.
_To destroy moths._--Collect butterflies.
_How to keep plate clean._-Wrap it up in silver paper.
_How to dispose of old newspapers._--Put them into the brown study.
* * * * *
THE MOST CONTINUOUS BREAK WE KNOW. Our housemaid's.
[Illustration: _The Duchess (who takes a great interest in all her
servants, and has a large house-party)._ "Oh, so you're the new
scullery maid. I hope you like your place?"
_New Scullery Maid._ "No, my lady. I want to leave next week. I can't
stand these late dinners. All the ladies as I've ever been connected
with have just took a bit of something in their 'ands, and there wasn't
all this washing up!"]
* * * * *