[Illustration: Mr. Punch sitting in library]
THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.--"You remember that party at
Madam Gelasma's, to hear Joachim, Rubinstein, and the Henschels, and De
Soria--quite a _small_ party?"
"No; I wasn't there!" "No? Ah--well--it _was_ very select!"
* * * * *
THE GREATEST QUESTION OF THE DAY.--"My dear, what will you have for
dinner?"
* * * * *
OUR WHIST PARTY.--_Major MacFlush_ (_at close of rubber, to partner_).
Didn't ye see me call for trumps?
_Partner_ (_a new hand_). You may have called, Major, but I never heard
you!
* * * * *
UNDESIRABLE BRIC-A-BRAC.--Family jars.
* * * * *
MEM. FOR YOUNG HOUSEWIVES.--To make both ends meet--burn the candle at
'em.
* * * * *
"PLEASANT it is when the woods are green," as paterfamilias observed
when all the doors in his new villa took to warping.
* * * * *
THE DEAR THINGS.--_He._ You know Jones's wife, an old schoolfellow of
yours; tell me, is she musical?
_She (her dearest friend)._ I should say decidedly not, or she wouldn't
be so fond of hearing the sound of her own voice.
* * * * *
THE KITCHEN-RANGE-FINDER.--The policeman!
* * * * *
MOTTO FOR THE LADY OF THE HOUSE.--Don't worry about trifles; make a
blanc-mange.
* * * * *
_Visitor._ "Do you have any difficulty in getting servants?"
_Hostess._ "None whatever. We've had ten different ones in the last
month!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: DOMESTIC ECONOMY.--_Cook._ "Wasteful, mum? Well, mum,
that's one thing I'm _not_! Why, everythink in the eatin' an' drinkin'
way that comes down from hupstairs, I make a point of finishin' up
myself, mum!"]