MOUS. So, so! No, let’s be just, Crummy--let’s be just. She has good
eyes, Crummy, umph?
CRUM. (L.) Squints a little.
MOUS. Does she? I’ve never noticed her in the slightest degree
whatever--but I’m damned if she squints!
CRUM. At any rate her eyes seem good enough to have noticed
_you._ But, knowing you to be free from blame in the matter, I
reasoned with her, told her the folly of fixing her affections upon a
married man, but all in vain--so _you’d_ better take her in
hand.
MOUS. Do you think so?
CRUM. Certainly--you can talk to her seriously, but kindly.
MOUS. Of course, I shouldn’t go and behave like a brute to her! I
shouldn’t go to blow Betsy up.
CRUM. Certainly not--for, after all, the poor girl is more to be
pitied than blamed.
MOUS. Crummy, that sentiment does you honour! It shows that the milk
of human kindness flows in your bosom, Crummy. (_shaking CRUMMY’S
hand_)
BETSY. (_without, L. H._) Very well, ma’am, I’ll be sure to
remember it.
CRUM. That’s her voice! There’s something lively and cheerful about
it, eh?
MOUS. Yes, yes, it’s a pleasant voice, Crummy. (_arranging his
cravat, &c._)
CRUM. She _might_ have gone out by the back door, but, of
course, she knew that _you_ were here. Ha, ha! (_nudging
MOUSER, then retires up_)
MOUS. Pooh! Go along! I believe you’re about right, though, ’pon my
life I do!
_Enter BETSY BAKER, L. D._
BET. (_seeing MOUSER_) There stands my wretched victim! He
little knows what’s going to happen to him.
CRUM. (_C. aside to BETSY_) Now then, attention! (_aloud_)
Well, my dear, Mrs. Mouser was pleased with her veil I hope?
BET. (_crossing C._) Oh, yes, sir; but in getting it up, somehow
or other, I run the iron through it. I suppose I was thinking of
something else. (_looking languishingly at MOUSER, then aside
to CRUMMY_) How’s that?
CRUM. (_aside to her_) Capital!
MOUS. (_in a plaintive tone, and approaching BETSY_) Dear, dear,
so you run the iron through it, did you? What a pity!
BET. (_with pretended emotion_) Oh, sir! (_letting the veil
fall--aside to CRUMMY_) How’s that?
CRUM. (_aside to her_) Can’t be better!
MOUS. (_aside_) It’s a clear case! Poor _creetur!_ (_picks up the
veil, and offers it to BETSY_)
BET. Oh, sir! (_taking the veil, and squeezing his hand_) I’ve
done it! (_aside_)
MOUS. (_aside_) She squeezed my hand!
CRUM. (_to BETSY_) Perhaps you’ve seen Mr. Mouser before.
(_aside to her_) Sigh! (_CRUMMY crosses behind to R. C._)
BET. Heigho! (_aloud_) Oh yes, sir. I often see Mr. Mouser. I
saw him go out yesterday at thirteen minutes past four, and come in
again at twenty-seven minutes and a half past five.
CRUM. (_aside to MOUSER_) You see, she counts the very minutes.
(_aloud_) This is the young person who’s going to marry our clerk,
Joseph Harris.