THE QUARREL BETWEEN MR. ADJECTIVE AND MR. PRONOUN AND LITTLE
INTERJECTION.
[Illustration:
ADJECTIVE-PRONOUN
A | P]
It is sad to tell that nearly the first thing Mr. Adjective did when he
was set free was to have a quarrel with Pronoun.
When the Judge came into court the next day he found them both much
excited.
“It is mine, I know it is,” said Pronoun.
“And I know it is mine,” cried Adjective. “I’ll ask the Judge if it is
not.”
“I’ll ask him, too,” said Pronoun. “My lord,” he continued, coming
forward, “_her_ is mine, and Adjective wants to take it from me. But
when I claimed it in court before, he said nothing about it.”
“I thought the more,” returned Adjective, “but I supposed that you
would give it up quietly without all this fuss in court.”
“I would willingly give it up if it were yours,” said Pronoun; “but it
is not.”
“It is,” cried Adjective, angrily; “I tell you it is.”
“Silence!” said the Judge, sternly. “Brother Parsing, be kind enough to
question both Adjective and Pronoun, that we may know the cause of this
quarrel, and hear what each has to say for himself.”
“Certainly, my lord,” answered Serjeant Parsing. “Adjective, what words
do you claim?”
“_My_, _thy_, _his_, _her_, _its_, _our_, _your_, and _their_,” replied
Adjective.
“Well, Mr. Pronoun, tell us how you make them out to be yours.”
“Nothing is easier,” answered Pronoun. “These words stand instead of
nouns, and therefore they must be pronouns. When you say ‘_my thumb_,’
my lord, you mean Judge Grammar’s thumb, so _my_ stands instead of
the noun Judge Grammar. And when you say, ‘Little Bo-peep has lost
_her_ sheep,’ you mean _little Bo-peep’s_ sheep, therefore _her_ stands
instead of _little Bo-peep_. So _my_ and _her_ are clearly pronouns;
and _thy_, _his_, _its_, _our_, _your_, _their_, are used in just the
same way, and therefore must be pronouns too.”
“It would seem so,” said the Judge. “What has Mr. Adjective to say to
that?”
“I will soon tell you, my lord,” replied Adjective. “You will, of
course, allow that an adjective is a word that may be used before a
noun, to tell something about the thing that the noun names. It has
been said that if you can put thing or things after a word, that word
(not counting _a_ or _the_, of course) is sure to be an adjective;
as, a _good thing_, a _bad thing_, _large things_, _little things_,
and so on. Well, I am sure you can say _my_ thing, _thy_ thing, _his_
thing, _her_ thing, _its_ thing, _our_ thing, _your_ thing, and _their_
thing. Therefore, _my_, _thy_, _his_, _her_, _its_, _our_, _your_, and
_their_, must be adjectives.”
“H’m! It is all very well to say _must_,” remarked the Judge, “but then
Pronoun says they _must_ be pronouns. Are there any more of your words,
Mr. Pronoun, that Adjective claims in the same way?”
“My lord,” answered Pronoun, “he claims all the words of mine that
may be used before a noun. _This_, _that_, _these_, and _those_, for
instance.”
“Of course I do,” said Adjective; “for when you say _this_ bird,
_that_ horse, _these_ rabbits, _those_ people; _this_, _that_, _these_,
and _those_ are clearly used with a noun, but do not stand instead of
one.”
“Ah!” said Pronoun, “but when you say ‘look at _this_,’ ‘take _that_,’
‘may I have _these_?’ ‘burn _those_;’ _this_, _that_, _these_, and
_those_ are _not_ used _with_ a noun, but clearly stand _instead of_
one, and therefore they are pronouns.”
“It seems to me,” said the Judge, half to himself, “that sometimes they
are adjectives, and sometimes they are pronouns.”
“That is just what I say, my lord,” cried Adjective, “and if you
will allow it, I think I know of a way that will make peace between
us directly. Let us call them _Adjective-Pronouns_, and have them
between us. When they are used, not with a noun, but instead of one,
then Pronoun may have them all to himself; but when they are used like
adjectives, before a noun, then we will have them between us, and call
them _Adjective-Pronouns_.”
“That seems very fair,” replied the Judge, “and I certainly allow it.
Mr. Pronoun, be kind enough to give us a list of your words, and Mr.
Adjective will point out any that may be used as _Adjective-Pronouns_.”
So Mr. Pronoun began: “_I_, _thou_, _he_, _she_, _it_, _we_, _you_,
_they_, _mine_, _thine_, _his_, _hers_, _its_, _ours_, _yours_,
_theirs_; _my_, _thy_, _his_, _her_, _its_, _our_, _your_, _their_.”
“Those last eight are between us,” said Adjective, “for they can all be
used before a noun.”
“_Myself_, _thyself_, _himself_, _herself_, _itself_, _ourselves_,
_yourselves_, or _yourself_, _themselves_,” said Pronoun, with a little
toss of his head, “those, at least, are all mine, Mr. Adjective.”
“Continue repeating your words, sir,” said the Judge, sternly; “do not
stop to talk.”
“_This_, _that_, _these_, _those_,” continued Pronoun.
“Adjective-pronouns, all four of them,” remarked Mr. Adjective; “we
have shown that already.”
“_Each_, _either_, _neither_, _one_, _other_,” continued Pronoun.
“Stop,” said the Judge; “we have not had these words before. You must
give us some sentences to show that they are pronouns.”
Pronoun replied:--
Two sparrows had a fight to-day,
_Each_ wished to take a worm away;
_One_ pulled at it, so did the _other_,
_Neither_ would yield it to his brother.
Had _either_ given up at least,
His brother would have had the feast;
But while they fought a thrush came by,
And with the worm away did fly.
“There, my lord,” continued Pronoun, “all the words, _each_, _one_,
_other_, _neither_, _either_, stand for sparrow in those lines, and as
sparrow is a noun, they must be pronouns.”
“They are adjective-pronouns sometimes,” remarked Mr. Adjective, “for
you can say, ‘_each_ boy,’ ‘the _other_ day,’ ‘on _either_ side.’”
“Certainly,” said the Judge. “Have you any more, Mr. Pronoun?”
“_Who_, _which_, _what_,” continued Pronoun.
“You must show that they are pronouns,” said the Judge.
“‘Here is the man _who_ shot the tiger,’” said Pronoun. “‘Here are two
apples; _which_ do you choose?’ ‘I know _what_ I want.’ _Who_ stands
instead of the _man_, because you could say, ‘Here is the man; the
man shot the tiger.’ _Which_ stands instead of one of the apples, and
_what_ stands instead of the thing that I want, whatever it may be.”
“Yes,” said Serjeant Parsing. “But if _who_ and _what_ are used to ask
questions, as, ‘_who_ is there?’ ‘_what_ is that?’ then what do _who_
and _what_ stand instead of?”
“If you will answer the questions, and tell me who was really there,
and what that really was, then I will tell you what nouns _who_
and _what_ stand instead of; but if you do not know any answer to
your own questions, then of course I cannot tell you what noun my
little pronouns stand for; I can only tell you they stand instead of
something, and therefore are pronouns.”
“_Which_ and _what_ are used before nouns sometimes,” cried Adjective:
“‘_which_ way are you going?’ ‘_what_ bell is that?’ therefore they are
adjective-pronouns too.”
“At any rate,” said Pronoun, haughtily, “_who_ is altogether mine, for
you cannot say, ‘who way,’ ‘who book,’ ‘who man,’ or anything of that
sort.”
“Hoo! hoo! hoo! ha! ha! ha! he! he! he!” cried a voice among the crowd.
“Old Adjective beaten! hurrah! bravo!”
Every one in the court looked round to see where such strange sounds
came from.
“It is Interjection,” said Serjeant Parsing, angrily, making a dive
at the crowd behind him, to try and catch hold of some one in it.
“Critics,” cried the Judge, “seize that fellow, and bring him here.”
But that was more easily said than done, for little Interjection was
as quick and active as any street boy in London. He dodged in and out
amongst the other Parts-of-Speech, and was here, there, and everywhere,
till at last he tumbled up against Serjeant Parsing, who held him fast
till the Critics came up. He is such an odd little creature, that you
could hardly tell what he is like. One moment he is crying bitterly,
and the next he is in fits of laughter; when you look at him again he
is perhaps shrieking for fear, and in another minute he is standing on
his head for joy. He is so fond of standing on his head, that people
say he had his portrait taken so once (!), and that is why they put a
note of exclamation (!) after his words; but that is all nonsense, of
course.
“Interjection!” said the Judge, sternly, “you are the last of all the
Parts-of-Speech, and have no business to interrupt the court now. Let
me not hear you again until your turn comes.”
“Alas! alas!” cried Interjection, wringing his hands. “Mr. Parsing
says I am only a poor little fellow thrown in (that is what my name
interjection means, _thrown in_), to express surprise or fear, joy or
sorrow. When folks do not know what to say next, one of my little words
pops in, and poor Mr. Parsing is at his wit’s end to know what to do
with it, ah! ah! Off! off!” he cried, changing his tone, and suddenly
jerking himself out of the policeman’s hold. “Away! away!” he shouted,
springing to the door; and before they could catch him he was indeed
away, and they heard his “ha! ha! ha!” die away in the distance.
Serjeant Parsing then turned to the Schoolroom-shire folks, and
asked them to mark off on their slates places for Mr. Noun, Pronoun,
Adjective, and little Article, and a corner somewhere for tiresome
Interjection; and while he read to them, to put down a stroke in the
right place for each word that they knew. “And when you come to an
adjective-pronoun used _with_ a noun,” continued Serjeant Parsing, “put
a stroke on the line that divides Adjective’s ground from Pronoun’s.
That will be like a little man sitting astride on the wall, with one
leg for Pronoun to pull and one for Adjective. Of course if it is used
_instead_ of a noun, and _not_ with one, then Mr. Pronoun must have the
stroke all to himself. Whichever Part-of-Speech gets the most strokes
gains the game.”
This is what Serjeant Parsing read.
“Alas! alas! that naughty boy,” said Harry’s mother, as she waited for
him to come back from school. “He must have gone to play with the other
boys at the big pond, and he will certainly fall in, for the boys are
sure to try the ice, and it is too thin to bear them yet. Oh! my poor,
dear boy! what shall I do? If he falls into the black, cold water, he
will certainly be drowned. My darling Harry! ah! why does he not come
home? If I had any one to send.... Why, there he is, I declare, with
his hands full of oranges. Oh! the naughty boy! I will give him a great
scolding. To give me a fright, and keep me waiting while he was buying
oranges! Harry, you are a naughty, careless, tiresome---- What! kissing
me, you little rogue, to stop my mouth. There! there! do not pull down
my hair, and never give your poor mother such a fright again; and now
come in and see the lovely Christmas-box I have for you.”
[Illustration]