HE REPAIRS TO BRISTOL SPRING, WHERE HE REIGNS PARAMOUNT DURING THE WHOLE
SEASON.
We shall therefore leave her in this comfortable situation, and return to
our adventurer, whose appearance at Bristol was considered as a happy
omen by the proprietor of the hot well, and all the people who live by
the resort of company to that celebrated spring. Nor were they deceived
in their prognostic. Fathom, as usual, formed the nucleus or kernel of
the beau monde; and the season soon became so crowded, that many people
of fashion were obliged to quit the place for want of lodging. Ferdinand
was the soul that animated the whole society. He not only invented
parties of pleasure, but also, by his personal talents, rendered them
more agreeable. In a word, he regulated their diversions, and the master
of the ceremonies never would allow the ball to be begun till the Count
was seated.
Having thus made himself the object of admiration and esteem, his advice
was an oracle, to which they had recourse in all doubtful cases of
punctilio or dispute, or even of medicine; for among his other
accomplishments, his discourse on that subject was so plausible, and well
adapted to the understanding of his hearers, that any person who had not
actually studied the medical art would have believed he was inspired by
the spirit of Aesculapius. What contributed to the aggrandisement of his
character in this branch of knowledge, was a victory he obtained over an
old physician, who plied at the well, and had one day unfortunately begun
to harangue in the pump-room upon the nature of the Bristol water. In
the course of this lecture he undertook to account for the warmth of the
fluid; and his ideas being perplexed with a great deal of reading, which
he had not been able to digest, his disquisition was so indistinct, and
his expression so obscure and unentertaining, that our hero seized the
opportunity of displaying his own erudition, by venturing to contradict
some circumstances of the doctor's hypothesis, and substituting a theory
of his own, which, as he had invented it for the purpose, was equally
amusing and chimerical.
He alleged, that fire was the sole vivifying principle that pervaded all
nature; that, as the heat of the sun concocted the juice of vegetables,
and ripened those fruits that grow upon the surface of this globe, there
was likewise an immense store of central fire reserved within the bowels
of the earth, not only for the generation of gems, fossils, and all the
purposes of the mineral world, but likewise for cherishing and keeping
alive those plants which would otherwise perish by the winter's cold.
The existence of such a fire he proved from the nature of all those
volcanoes, which in almost every corner of the earth are continually
vomiting up either flames or smoke. "These," said he, "are the great
vents appointed by nature for the discharge of that rarefied air and
combustible matter, which, if confined, would burst the globe asunder;
but, besides the larger outlets, there are some small chimneys through
which part of the heat transpires; a vapour of that sort, I conceive,
must pass through the bed or channel of this spring, the waters of which,
accordingly retain a moderate warmth."
This account, which totally overthrew the other's doctrine, was so
extremely agreeable to the audience, that the testy doctor lost his
temper, and gave them to understand, without preamble, that he must be a
person wholly ignorant of natural philosophy, who could invent such a
ridiculous system, and they involved in worse than an Egyptian fog, that
could not at once discern its weakness and absurdity. This declaration
introduced a dispute, which was unanimously determined in favour of our
adventurer. On all such occasions the stream of prejudice runs against
the physician, even though his antagonist has nothing to recommend
himself to the favour of the spectators; and this decision depends upon
divers considerations. In the first place, there is a continual war
carried on against the learned professions, by all those who, conscious
of their own ignorance, seek to level the reputation of their superiors
with their own. Secondly, in all disputes upon physic that happen
betwixt a person who really understands the art, and an illiterate
pretender, the arguments of the first will seem obscure and
unintelligible to those who are unacquainted with the previous systems on
which they are built; while the other's theory, derived from common
notions, and superficial observation, will be more agreeable, because
better adapted to the comprehension of the hearers. Thirdly, the
judgment of the multitude is apt to be biassed by that surprise which is
the effect of seeing an artist foiled at his own weapons, by one who
engages him only for amusement.
Fathom, besides these advantages, was blessed with a flow of language, an
elegant address, a polite and self-denying style of argumentation,
together with a temper not to be ruffled; so that the victory could not
long waver between him and the physician, to whom he was infinitely
superior in every acquisition but that of solid learning, of which the
judges had no idea. This contest was not only glorious but profitable to
our adventurer, who grew into such request in his medical capacity, that
the poor doctor was utterly deserted by his patients, and Fathom's advice
solicited by every valetudinarian in the place; nor did he forfeit the
character he thus acquired by any miscarriages in his practice. Being
but little conversant with the materia medica, the circle of his
prescriptions was very small; his chief study was to avoid all drugs of
rough operation and uncertain effect, and to administer such only as
should be agreeable to the palate, without doing violence to the
constitution. Such a physician could not but be agreeable to people of
all dispositions; and, as most of the patients were in some shape
hypochondriac, the power of imagination, co-operating with his remedies,
often effected a cure.
On the whole, it became the fashion to consult the Count in all
distempers, and his reputation would have had its run, though the death
of every patient had given the lie to his pretensions. But empty fame
was not the sole fruit of his success. Though no person would presume to
affront this noble graduate with a fee, they did not fail to manifest
their gratitude by some more valuable present. Every day some superb
piece of china, curious snuffbox, or jewel, was pressed upon him; so
that, at the end of the season, he could almost have furnished a toyshop
with the acknowledgments he had received. Not only his avarice, but his
pleasure, was gratified in the course of his medical administration. He
enjoyed free access, egress, and regress with all the females at the
well, and no matron scrupled to put her daughter under his care and
direction. These opportunities could not be lost upon a man of his
intriguing genius; though he conducted his amours with such discretion,
that, during the whole season, no lady's character suffered on his
account, yet he was highly fortunate in his addresses, and we may venture
to affirm, that the reproach of barrenness was more than once removed by
the vigour of his endeavours.