As all the world will soon be in the air a few words of advice on
choosing an aerial steed may be of assistance to intending fliers who
have so far had no experience as owners of winged craft.
The first thing is to locate the whereabouts of the best park, for one
speaks of a park of aeroplanes just as one speaks of a school of whales,
a grove of wombats or a suite of leeches. Having arrived (wearing, if
you are wise, a full-grown check cap, with the back to the front and the
peak protecting the nape of the neck from the bites of savage vendors),
take a deep breath and look round you knowingly.
By the way, what are you--peer, profiteer, or plain _pater-familias_
looking for a family air-bus? It is impossible to advise you how to
select a plane without knowing whether you want one for long-distance
journeys (with non-starting attachment), for stunting, or merely for
gadding about and dropping in on your friends. There is a sad story
afloat of a man who bought an air-bus the other day for world-touring
and only discovered the insufficiency of cupboards and the want of a
bathroom after starting on his maiden trip to Patagonia (where the nuts
drop off).
Let us suppose that you are one of the majority of heavier-than-air
persons who will shortly be wanting a good steady machine to rise to any
ordinary occasion.
Well, then, look round you carefully. Observe the demeanour of the
machines that are trotted out (if such a term may be used) for your
inspection. The flick of a tail, the purr of an engine or the slope of
a wing may give the observant a clue as to the disposition of an aerial
Pegasus.
But however reassuring a preliminary canter may be (to borrow another
horsey simile) insist on a thorough personal inspection of all parts of
the machine. Test the musical capacity of the wire entanglement, screw
and unscrew the turnbuckles till the seller cries for mercy, and run
your hands well over the body (the aeroplane's, of course) to make quite
sure that it will support the weight of yourself, of your family and of
your parasites--remembering in this connection that Aunt Louisa kicks
the beam at 15.7. Make sure also that the body will not part company
with the rest of the box of tricks at one of those awkward corners in
the sky. Also, if you have time, it might be well to glance at the
engine, the petrol tank and the feed-pipe, as experts consider these of
importance.
Having satisfied yourself that all these things are as they should be
in the best of all possible aeroplanes, that the joy-stick works as
smoothly as a beer-pull, and that the under-carriage has the necessary
wheels, axles and other things that under-carriages are licensed to
carry, little remains but to pay for the machine and make a nosedive for
home.
A longer and more detailed article on "How to Choose a Stunter," by the
Bishop of Solder and Man, with which is incorporated "A Few Hints on
Banking for Beginners," by Sir JOHN BRADBURY, will appear in next week's
issue.
[This is the first I have heard of it.--ED.]
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