(_By One who has tried them_)
Must really decide where to go for five or six days at Easter. Weather
always awful. Usual Springtime. North-east wind, frost, snow and dust.
Something like last week. Can't stop in London. One Sunday or Bank
Holiday in London mournful enough. But four of them consecutively!
Impossible!
Innocent persons go to the south coast of England, thinking that fifty
miles nearer the equator one is in quite a different climate.
Bournemouth? Bosh! All sandy dust and depressing invalids. Torquay?
Twaddle! Probably rain all the time, if not snow. England no good.
Scotland or Ireland? Worse!
Must go, as people say vaguely, "abroad." How about Paris? North-east
wind, frost, snow and dust, worse than here. Streets windy, theatres
draughty, cafes and restaurants suffocating. Brussels? Nothing but rain.
Aix-les-Bains? Probably snow. Nice? That might do. No frost or snow,
but very likely a north-east wind and certainly lots of dust. Besides,
thirty hours' journey out and thirty hours' journey back, would only
leave about sixty hours there. No good. Rome, Seville, Constantinople,
Cairo? Still farther. Should have to leave on the return journey before
I arrived. Where can I go to at Easter to be warm and comfortable,
without so much trouble? I know. To bed!
* * * * *
REGARDLESS OF THE TEMPERATURE.--_Facetious Australian_ (_off Calshot
Castle, to indisposed friend_). What arm of the sea reminds one of a
borrowed boot?
_The "I. F."_ (_feebly_). Give it--anything--up.
_F. A._ Why, the _Sole-lent_, to be sure.
[_The "I. F." is promptly carried below._
* * * * *
AT BATH.--_Wiffling_ (_sympathetically_). Here on account of the waters?
_Piffling._ No, unhappily. Here on account of the whiskies.
* * * * *
"A QUESTION OF THE HOUR."--Asking a railway porter the time of the next
train's departure for your holiday resort.
* * * * *
[Illustration: Scene--_The Summit of Vesuvius_
_American Tourist_ (_to the world at large_). "Great snakes, it reminds
me of hell!"
_English Tourist._ "My dear, how these Americans _do_ travel!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Friend_ (_below_). "All you've got to do when I throw
you the rope is to make it fast to that projection over your head, and
lower yourself down!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "THE CHURCH-GOING BELL"