_Question._ What is your object this year?
_Answer._ To follow the precedent of former Summers, and get over as
much ground as possible.
_Q._ How do you manage this?
_A._ With the assistance of a ticket guaranteed to make distance a
greater consideration than scenery.
_Q._ Is it necessary to examine the places _en route_ with much careful
consideration?
_A._ Certainly not, as the Guide-book of the place visited will supply
the compulsory omissions.
_Q._ What are compulsory omissions?
_A._ Objects of interest left out for want of time to give them an
inspection.
_Q._ How long would you give St. Peter's at Rome?
_A._ A quarter of an hour, and the Colosseum at the same place ten
minutes.
_Q._ Could you not spare more time than this from your holiday?
_A._ No; for luncheon and dinner have to be taken into consideration in
the touring table.
_Q._ What object of interest would you examine in the Land of the
Midnight Sun?
_A._ The sun at midnight, if it happened to be shining.
_Q._ And if you visited the Rhine by the railway, what object of
interest would chiefly attract your attention?
_A._ The interior of the compartment in which you happened to be
travelling.
_Q._ What advantage would you derive from your tour?
_A._ The satisfaction of explaining to non-tourists where you had been
rather than what you had seen.
_Q._ Do you consider that your mind would derive much benefit from your
rapid locomotion?
_A._ Not much, nor my body either.
_Q._ But I presume your outing would justify the title of this Vade
Mecum?
_A._ Most certainly; because, by the end of your journey, you might
accurately describe your condition as one who had been reduced to a
skeleton.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Nervous Tourist._ "Stop, driver, stop! There's something
wrong! I am sure a wheel's coming off!"
_Driver._ "Arrah, be aisy then, yer honour. Sure, it's the same one's
been comin' off thin these three days back!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: (_Sketched on the pier just after the arrival of the
boat._)
_'Arry_ (_viewing stormy sea in a mutoscope_). "My eye, Maria, come an'
'ave a look 'ere. The motion of the waives is simply grand!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A CONTINENTAL TRIP.--_First Man_ (_tasting beer_).
"Hullo! I ordered lager. This isn't lager!"
_Second Man_ (_tasting_). "No; but it's jolly good, all the same!"
_Third Man_ (_tasting_). "C'est magnifique! mais ce n'est pas
lager-r-r!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ON THE GRAND TOUR.--Scene--_Staircase of the Palazzo
Bianco._--(_Enter the Joneses of London._) _Chorus of Maidens._ "O, ma,
dear! O, papa! do look! _Isn't_ this charming? _Isn't_ it delightful?
Only fancy--the _Bragginton Smiths_ were here last month!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE FAULT OF THE FOWL