(_Or Compendious Weather-Guide for the British Tourist_)
When the wind is in the North,
Gingham take if you go forth.
If to Eastward veer the wind,
Gingham do not leave behind.
If to West the wind should tend,
Gingham is your surest friend.
If it seek the South, of course,
Gingham is your sole resource.
Intermediate points demand
Gingham constantly in hand.
If there be no wind at all,
Gingham take, for rain will fall.
At all other times, no doubt,
Gingham you may do without,
Yet e'en then an hour may bring 'em,--
Showers I mean,--so take your Gingham!
* * * * *
_English Tourist_ (_in the far North, miles from anywhere_). "Do you
mean to say that you and your family live here all the winter? Why, what
do you do when any of you are ill? You can never get a doctor!"
_Scotch Shepherd._ "Nae, sir. We've just to dee a natural death!"
* * * * *
_The_ PLACE IN HOT WEATHER.--Lazistan.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE WATER CURE
_Young Lady._ "So you've been on the Continent, Professor?"
_The Professor._ "Yes, I've been to Marienbad, taking the baths, you
know."
_Young Lady._ "Really? That _was_ a change for you, wasn't it?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "Oh! con-found these country looking-glasses, though!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE HOT WEATHER
_Traveller_ (_bedtime, thermometer 100 deg.!_). "Waiter, go' sh'ch a thing
as a warmin'-pan?"
_Waiter_ (_astounded_). "A warming-pan, sir!"
_Traveller._ "And got any ice?"
_Waiter._ "Ice, sir? Yessir!"
_Traveller._ "Then tell 'chamb'maid to run a pan of ice through my bed,
and let me have my candle. I'll turn in!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SCENE--_An Indian Station, on the eve of a Fancy
Ball._--_Globe-trotting "Bounder"_ (_newly arrived_). "You're running
this ball, ain't you? Is fancy dress _de rigueur_?"
_Choleric Colonel_ (_who is Ball Secretary_). "Fancy dress, sir, is not
_de rigueur_, but an invitation _is_!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: UP COUNTRY JOYS IN INDIA.--_The Mem Sahib_ (_with a view
to seasonable festivities_). "I wonder if you have got such a thing as
lemon peel or candied peel in your shop?"
_"Europe Shop" Keeper._ "Ah, no, Mem Sahib. Onlee got it 'cockle' peel
and 'beesham' peel!"]
* * * * *