DEATH OF HER DAUGHTER--FIRST MISSIONARY
SOCIETY IN NEW YORK.
In July, 1795, Mrs. Graham's second daughter, Joanna, was married
to Mr. Divie Bethune, merchant in New York. In the following month her
eldest daughter, Mrs. Stevenson, was seized with a fatal illness.
Possessing a most amiable disposition and genuine piety, she viewed
the approach of death with the composure of a Christian and the
intrepidity of faith.
She had been in delicate health for some years, and now a
complication of disorders denied all hope of recovery. She sung a hymn
of triumph until the struggles of death interrupted her. Mrs. Graham
displayed great firmness of mind during the last trying scene, and
when the spirit of her daughter fled, the mother raised her hands, and
looking towards heaven, exclaimed, 'I wish you joy, my darling.' She
then washed her face, took some refreshment, and retired to rest.
Such was her joy of faith at the full salvation of her child; but
when _the loss of her company_ was felt, the tenderness of a
mother's heart afterwards gave vent to feelings of affectionate
sorrow: nature will feel, even when faith triumphs. In her devout
meditations before God, Mrs. Graham improves this event as follows:
"OCTOBER 4, 1795.
"Why, O why is my spirit still depressed? Why these sobs? Father,
forgive. 'Jesus wept.' I weep, but acquiesce. This day two months the
Lord delivered my Jessie, _his Jessie,_ from a body of sin and
death, finished the good work he had begun, perfected what concerned
her, trimmed her lamp, and carried her triumphing through 'the valley
of the shadow of death.' She overcame through the blood of the Lamb.
"I rejoiced in the Lord's work, and was thankful that the one,
the only thing I had asked for her, was now completed. I saw her
delivered from much corruption within, from strong and peculiar
temptation without. I had seen her often staggering, sometimes falling
under the rod; I had heard her earnestly wish for deliverance from
sin, and when death approached she was more than satisfied: said she
had been a great sinner, but she had a great Saviour; praised him and
thanked him for all his dealings with her--for hedging her in, for
chastising her; and even prayed that sin and corruption might be
destroyed, if the body should be dissolved to effect it. The Lord
fulfilled her desire, and, I may add, mine. He lifted upon her the
light of his countenance; revived her languid graces; increased her
faith and hope; loosed her from earthly concerns, and made her rejoice
in the stability of his covenant, and to sing, 'All is well, all is
well; good is the will of the Lord.' I did rejoice, I do rejoice; but
O Lord, thou knowest my frame; she was my pleasant companion, my
affectionate child; my soul feels a want. O fill it up with more of
thy presence; give yet more communications of thyself.
"We are yet one in Christ our head--united in him; and though she
shall not return unto me, I shall go to her, and then our communion
will be more full, more delightful, as it will be perfectly free from
sin. Christ shall be our bond of union, and we shall be fully under
the influence of it.
"Let me then gird up the loins of my mind, and set forward to
serve my day and generation, to finish my course. The Lord will
perfect what concerns me; and when it shall please him, he will
unclothe me, break down these prison-walls, and admit me into the
happy society of his redeemed and glorified members: then 'shall he
wipe away all tears from my eyes,' and I shall taste the joys which
are at his right hand, and be satisfied for evermore."
Mrs. Graham made it a rule to appropriate _a tenth_ part of
her earnings to be expended for pious and charitable purposes. She had
taken a lease of two lots of ground on Greenwich-street from the
corporation of Trinity church, with a view of building a house on them
for her own accommodation; the building, however, she never commenced.
By a sale of the lease, which her son Mr. Bethune made for her in
1795, she got an advance of one thousand pounds. So large a profit was
new to her. "Quick, quick," said she, "let me appropriate the tenth
before my heart grows hard." What fidelity in duty; what distrust of
herself. Fifty pounds of this money she sent to Mr. Mason in aid of
the funds he was collecting for the establishment of a Theological
Seminary. Her own version of this matter we have in a letter to her
familiar friend Mrs. Walker, of Edinburgh:
"1795.
"MY DEAR MRS. WALKER--My last informed you that we had been
made to taste of the Lord's visitation--the yellow-fever--but in
great mercy had been spared in the midst of much apparent danger. I
have now in my house a girl who lost both father and mother, and
many whole families were cut off; my house was emptied; my school
broken up; we confined to town, and heavy duty laid upon us at the
same time. I trembled again for fear of debt; but 'the Lord brought
meat out of the eater.'
"Three years ago, when tried by having one house taken over my
head, another bought, and obliged to move three times in as many
years, some speculating genius brought me under the influence of the
madness of the times, and persuaded me I might build without money. It
is quite common here to build by contract. I could not purchase
ground, but I leased two lots of church land, got a plan made out, and
worried myself for six months, trying to hatch chickens without eggs.
I had asked the Lord to build me a house, to give success to the
means, still keeping in view covenant provision, 'what is good the
Lord will give.' After many disappointments I said, Well; I have
asked--I am refused--it is not good--the Lord will not give it: he
will provide, but in his own way, not mine.
"Of course I had to pay ground-rent, which in three years
amounted to two hundred and twenty dollars. I think I hear you say, I
never could have believed that Mrs. Graham could be guilty of such
folly--nor I; but seeing and hearing of many such things, I fancied
myself very clever. Last year a basin was formed, and wharves around
it, opposite to the said lots; the epidemic raging on the other side
of the city brought all the vessels that came in round to them, and
great expectations were formed for this new basin; houses and stores
sprung up like mushrooms, and Mr. Bethune sold my lease for one
thousand pounds. Lo, and behold, part of it is already spent. All my
provision through this wilderness has been so strongly marked by
peculiar providences, my mind seems habituated to a sense of
certainty. I feel my portion of earthly good safer and better in my
Lord's hand than in my own."
In the ensuing year we find the following outbreathings of her
rich Christian experience:
"JANUARY 3, 1796.
"'Rejoice in the Lord alway, and again I say, rejoice. Let
your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.'
Philippians 4:4-7.
"'Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and
supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto
God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep
your hearts and minds, through Christ Jesus.'
"Christ Jesus! what does not this name comprehend? He is mine,
and all is mine. I do rejoice in the Lord, yea, more or less, I
rejoice always. This heart of mine is sensible to every human
affliction; my tears flow often and fast: I weep for myself, and still
more for others; but in these very moments of heart-wringing
bitterness, there is a secret joy that Jesus is near; that he sees,
knows, and pities. He is Jehovah as well as Jesus, and could have
prevented the affliction under which I groan; but for my good, and the
good of those near and dear to me, he suffered it, or prepared it. The
good of his people is connected with his glory; they cannot be
separated: therefore, Father, glorify thy name; I rejoice, and will
rejoice. The Lord can remove, and will remove the affliction the
moment it has answered the gracious purpose for which it was sent. I
would not wish it one moment sooner. While it lies heavy, he is my
almighty friend, my rest, my staff of support.
"'In the time of trouble, he shall hide me in his pavilion; in
the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon
a rock." Psalm 27:5.
"'The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in
him, and I am helped, therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; with my
song I will praise him,' and in his strength and by his grace, let
my 'moderation be known unto all men.' My Lord is at hand--at hand
to support, at hand to overrule, at hand to deliver. Therefore I
rejoice always.
"Blessed be God for the heart-easing, heart-soothing privilege of
casting all my cares upon him, and for the blessed assurance that he
careth for me and mine: that he allows, invites, yea, commands me to
be careful for nothing, but in all things, by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, to let my requests be made known unto him, who is
man, and touched with the feeling of our infirmities--Jesus wept--and
God, the almighty God, to support, overrule, deliver. Therefore my
heart rejoiceth always."
"MAY 16, 1796.
"'If his children forsake my law, and walk not in my judgments,
if they break my statutes and keep not my commandments, then will I
visit their transgression with the rod, and their iniquity with
stripes: nevertheless, my loving-kindness will I not utterly take from
him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail; my covenant will I not break,
nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips.' Psalm 89: 30. Amen;
blessed promise. Oh, it is a well-ordered covenant, and it is sure. Of
all the provisions of the covenant, this has been to my soul among the
most comfortable. Thanks be to God for the discipline of the covenant;
often has it been administered: thou knowest, and I know in part, how
necessarily, although I shall not know nor understand all, until that
blessed rod shall have perfected its correction, and shall never more
be lifted up.
"Many ups and downs has thy servant experienced in this vale of
tears; many tears have watered these now aged cheeks; in a variety of
ways hast thou stricken, and at times stripe has followed stripe, but
mercy and love accompanied every one of them. I bless thee, Oh, I
praise thee, that I have seldom received a stripe but I had with it a
token of love. Sin was imbittered, a Saviour endeared, and grace given
to kiss the rod, and cleave to him that had appointed it. And now I
can read in legible characters where, in many instances, thy check met
my wandering steps, stopt me short of huge precipices, and preserved
me from destroying even my worldly comfort. In some instances--I thank
thee they have not been many--thou hast been pleased to let me alone,
to let me pursue my own way, ways so wise in my own eyes that I have
either not sought counsel at all, or sought it as Balaam did, with my
heart set on my own will.
"In some cases thou hast let me eat of the fruit of my own
doings, and let me weary myself in my own way, until I found it not
only vanity and vexation of spirit, but sometimes a labyrinth from
which I could find no escape: then did I cry unto the Lord; then did I
remember my backslidings; then did I seek unto the cleansing fountain
and to the appointed Mediator, the maker up of the breach: then did I
experience afresh the Lord's power to save.
"In how many instances has he given a sudden turn to providences,
which have been made means of my deliverance; not only so, but brought
good out of my evil, so that I have been made to wonder, and to say,'
Surely this is the finger of God.'
"I destroy myself, but in thee is my help found. O let these
wanderings end; fix it deep on my mind, that in the Lord only have I
wisdom as well as strength: that 'it is not in man that walketh, to
direct his steps.' When shall I learn to live simply on Christ, by
the light of his pure unerring word, and the Spirit coinciding; and
have done with these carnal reasonings, the wisdom of men. 'Search
me, O Lord, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts, and
see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way
everlasting.' Amen."
"MAY 28, 1796.
"This is the anniversary of my dear Jessie's birth, no more to
call us together here; but I yet remember it as a day in which our God
Was merciful to me, and made me the mother of an heir of salvation. I
bless, I praise my covenant God, who enabled me to dedicate her to him
before she was born, and to ask only one thing for her as for myself,
even an interest in his great salvation, leaving it to him to order
the means, time, and manner, as of her natural birth and ripening age,
so of her spiritual birth and ripening for glory; he accepted the
charge, and he has finished the work, to his own glory, to her eternal
happiness, and my joy and comfort. I have witnessed remaining
corruption fighting hard against her, and bringing her again and again
into captivity to the law of sin and death warring against her. I have
seen the rod of God lie heavy upon her, according to the tenor of the
covenant, when she forsook his laws and went astray: when she walked
not in his judgments, but wandered from his way, he visited her faults
with rods and her sins with chastisements, but his loving-kindness he
never took from her, though he often hid it, nor altered the word
which he had spoken, that he would never leave her, never forsake her;
that in due time he would deliver her from all her enemies. I
perceived her desires to be delivered from the world and the body, and
taken home to the bosom of her God, since that appeared at times the
only way she could be delivered from sin. I heard her lament her
unfruitfulness, her unsteadiness: I heard her exclaim, 'Oh, what a
sinner, what a great sinner;' and, 'Oh, what a Saviour; O the goodness
of God in hedging me in, and saving me from myself; his covenant
stands fast, it is established, it is sure.' I witnessed a God
pardoning sin, yet taking vengeance on inventions. I witnessed the
sinner, after being sixteen years in the school of Christ, taught by
his ministers, and most effectually by his rod, taking shelter in 'the
city of refuge,' in the atonement of God's providing, and in 'a surety
righteousness,' and finishing her struggles with, 'All is well.' My
heart echoed, and does echo, and will to all eternity, 'All is well.'
Glory to God; sing, not unto her, not unto me, not unto any creature,
but 'to God be the glory,' that she is now delivered from 'a body of
sin and death, and made meet to be a partaker with the saints in
light.' HALLELUJAH."
"JUNE, 1796.
"'I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of
the Lord.' Psalm 122.
"'The house of the Lord, whither the tribes go up, the tribes
of the Lord, unto the testimony of Israel, to give thanks unto the
name of the Lord,' to seek his face, to learn his will, to taste his
love, to behold his' glory, to enjoy God as their own God and
reconciled Father.
"Lord, let my heart be warmed more towards thy house; I have
sought and found thee in thy sanctuary, read thy providences, and been
taught thy will; I have tasted thy love and beheld thy glory; I have
enjoyed thy presence as my own reconciled Father in Christ Jesus; I
have been satisfied with thy goodness, as with marrow and fatness; and
yet how cold and languid at times, how little desire to return, how
small my expectations, how wandering my imagination. How do I sit
before thee as thy people, and my heart with the fool's eyes at the
ends of the earth. Lord, I should blush and be ashamed were a
fellow-mortal to see my heart at times. I may hide my eyes from
viewing vanity, but the evil lies within. O Lord, thou knowest the
cause. After all I have heard, seen, tasted, and handled of the word
of life, I am still of myself an empty vessel, unable to speak a good
word, or think a good thought. Great are thy tender mercies, O Lord.
'Quicken me according to thy word; turn thou away my eyes from
beholding vanity, and quicken me in thy way: then shall I run in the
way of thy commandments when thou hast enlarged my heart.'
"The house of God; the owner, the builder, and maker is God,
and it is his peculiar treasure. Christ is the foundation and chief
corner-stone, and his house are we, built upon him, cemented
together, a spiritual building; the foundation cannot fail, the
corner-stone can never give way; neither can we fall to pieces, or
be separated from him.
"The house of God; 'Jerusalem, Zion, the rest of God, where he
delights to dwell,' where he will for ever stay; the house of God, the
church, yea, the body of Christ: Christ the head, his people the
church, his members whose life is in him, and derived from him; and
because he lives we shall live also. Lord, enlarge my understanding to
comprehend more and more of the height and depth, length and breadth
of the love of Christ, which passeth all understanding. Open my eyes
to behold wondrous things in thy law and gospel. I am as yet but a
babe; glory to God that I am what I am, a babe in Christ. I shall be
nourished with life and strength from my divine Head; educated and
nurtured by the blessings of the new covenant. I shall arrive at the
perfection of stature appointed, and stand in my lot at the latter
day. Amen."
"AUGUST 4, 1796.
"A day to be remembered. Rose at four, not to mourn--no, but to
repeat my grateful thanks to my covenant God for the work he finished
this day last year, in delivering my weak, feeble, tossed, and tried
Jessie from a body of sin and death, and giving her 'the victory
through Jesus Christ, who loved her and gave himself for her.' To thee
she was dedicated ere she saw the light; to thee a thousand times I
repeated the dedication, begging that thou mightest bring her within
the bond of thy covenant; this was the sum and substance of all my
askings for her. I witnessed the time of her second birth, saw the
tears of conviction and remorse. I witnessed thy loosing her bonds,
and tuning her heart and tongue to praise redeeming love. I witnessed
the teaching of thy Spirit, and the enlightening of her eyes, and the
taste thou gavest her of thy salvation; I thought her mountain stood
strong, and she would not be easily moved; but who can tell the
deceitfulness of the human heart? Too soon did we all turn aside like
a deceitful bow, forsook the fountain of living waters, and hewed out
broken cisterns that could hold no water. Glory to God for the
discipline of the covenant, that he did not cast us off, but chastened
and corrected. He repeated the discipline stripe upon stripe: I stood
by and saw it, and though my heart melted at times, I said, 'She is in
her Father's hand, let him do his pleasure.'
"I too was unfaithful to her, thou knowest, and often entered
into the same vanity of mind, which stifled the love of God in our
hearts, instead of guarding her and warning her; still, still the
Shepherd of Israel followed after both, and with the precious rod
restored both, time after time, till it pleased thee to finish her
warfare, and deliver her from both body and sin. Lord, I thank thee
for all the circumstances, for the privilege of attending her in her
warfare, for the cheerfulness of her spirits, for the rich support we
all experienced, for the view we all had of thy faithfulness and
fatherly dealing, and for her last words, 'All is well.' O yes, every
thing thou doest is well, and this was peculiarly well. I resigned her
to thee with joy and thankfulness, and I still acquiesce. Her thou
hast taken, me thou hast left, to be yet exercised with further
discipline. It is well; thy will be done. O help me to profit by every
pang. Let sin be mortified and my soul be purified; enlarge my heart
to run the ways of thy commandments. Now may I lay aside every weight,
and that vanity of mind which doth so easily beset me, and hath been
the secret spring of much backsliding both to myself and to my
children. Lord, destroy it.. O let me now live to God, closely and
consistently; down with my will, with self in every form. O purify my
motives, and let my whole heart, soul, body, substance, and influence
in the world be devoted to thee. Empty me of every thing that is my
own, and let 'Christ live in me the hope of glory,' and let the glory
of thy workmanship in my soul redound to thee, and thee alone. Amen."
"AUGUST 13, 1796.
"'As ye have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him,
rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, as ye have
been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.' Colossians 2:6.
"O Lord, this is what I pant after. I would fain have done with
wandering, Lord, thou knowest, for the work is thine. I have
received the Lord Jesus as thy gift to a lost world, as thy gift to
me an individual of that world, as having made peace by the blood of
the cross. I account it a faithful saying, worthy of all
acceptation, that 'Christ came into the world to save sinners, of
whom I am chief,' I have received thee as the Lord my righteousness,
crediting thy own word, that 'Christ is the end of the law for
righteousness,' and that 'there is no condemnation to them that are
in Christ Jesus.' I have received thee as 'the covenant given of the
people.' In all the relations by which thou art held out to me in
this Bible, so far as I know or understand, I have received thee. I
have no hope in myself, no trust in myself, nor any views of
communication from God of any kind, but through the one 'mediator
between God and man, the man Christ Jesus.'
"O my God, what is my life, what is my happiness but a continual
receiving? Thou art 'the bread of life' that must keep alive the
living principle in my soul. In thee 'dwelleth all the fulness of the
Godhead bodily.' Thy people are complete in thee; thou art their head,
they are thy body, and by joints and bands have nourishment ministered
to them, and are knit together, and increase with the increase of God.
"This, O this is what my soul pants after, closer and more
intimate union and communion. I would be transformed into thine image;
I would be thy temple; I would have thee live in me, walk in me, make
me one with thee; I would be delivered from self-will, self-wisdom,
self-seeking; I would be delivered from that philosophy and vain
deceit which spoils souls and leads them off from their head: then,
and not till then, shall I cease to wander, shall 'run and not be
weary, walk and not faint.' Then shall 'I run in the way of thy
commandments,' and no longer turn aside to crooked ways. Then shall I
eat and drink, work and recreate, all to thy glory. Lord, send thy
Spirit into my heart, that he may continually take of the things of
Christ and show them unto me; that I may grow and be no longer a babe,
but arrive at the fulness of stature in Christ Jesus, and more
steadily, and more purely, and more zealously, and O, more humbly live
to God, and glorify him in the world. Amen."
The following extracts of letters to her friend Mrs. Walker, show
how ardently the true missionary spirit burned in the heart of Mrs.
Graham, and how efficiently it was exemplified, not only in her
pecuniary donations, but her active and self-denying efforts to
diffuse information and enlist others in so worthy a cause. The
efforts alluded to in the first extract evidently gave rise to the
event recorded in the second, _the formation of the first Missionary
Society in New York._ It is delightful also to notice her
attachment to Christians of other denominations, and the gratitude
with which she remembered kindness received by herself when Providence
had cast her lot on what was truly missionary ground.
"Do you remember how much I used to say about our dear Methodist
Society in Antigua? and the three holy, harmless, zealous Moravian
brethren? and how the preachers gave each other the right hand of
fellowship, forgetting their differences, in that land of open
hostilities, on the kingdom of their common Lord? Thither the Lord
brought me from a land of entire barrenness, where, as far as I know,
a gospel sermon was never preached. Here I was brought into great
affliction, and to pass through the severest trial that I ever
experienced before or since.
"'The Lord brought me into this fold, a poor straggling lamb, who
had for five years herded among the goats; and little difference was
there between them and me, except that my soul longed after green
pastures and rejoiced to hear the shepherd's voice, and when I heard
it I knew it, though from one who did not belong to my original fold;
these good people nourished me with tenderness, bore with patience my
carnality. When my dear husband was taken ill, they wrestled for him
in prayer; Mr. Gilbert was every day with him; the Lord heard and gave
a joyful parting; yes, joyful, never did I experience such joy; then
they sympathized with and soothed the widowed heart, fed her with
promises, and in a measure established her: thus they wrought with God
in calling in one, and restoring another; never, never shall I forget
the labors of love of that dear little society.
"How many such stragglers as I may be wandering in both East and
West Indies, and may be restored by these precious missionaries. I owe
them, of my labors, more than others. I send you a bill for _fifty
pounds._ I have received eighteen copies of the Missionary
Magazine, as far as No. 9. I have got subscribers for them all, who
will continue; pay these, and send me what more numbers have been
published by the return of the Edinburgh packet, also eighteen
complete sets from the beginning. I hope to be successful in disposing
of them also. I suppose the sermons go to the same fund; send me a
hundred sermons, I will see to get them disposed of; send them single,
not bound, and of the best; perhaps they may pave the way for more to
follow; every little helps; drops make up the ocean. We cannot yet
produce anything; we are gathering intelligence, and endeavoring to
collect money; but I grudge that what we can spare should be idle in
the meantime; the cause is one; pay the magazines at once, and the
sermons if you have enough of my money. I hope to remit again in
September. I have a great wish to have a finger in your pie in some
way; if I must not subscribe past our own society, I may sell books
for yours.
"Ever, my dear friend, yours,
"I. GRAHAM."
To the same.
"1796-7.
"I thank my friend for her letter. I rejoice with you, and
bless the widow's God. He has indeed been so to us, to the full
amount of the promise. I have now much to sing of, little to
complain of; my dear girls and Mr. B---- go forward steadily, having
laid aside the weights of amusements and gayety, and seem determined
to follow the Lord fully through good and through evil report. Bless
the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. We have a full
school, and a very comfortable set of girls. The Lord has delivered
from all heavy burthens.
"Last week a considerable number of ministers and lay Christians
met for the third time, and established a society for sending
missionaries among the Indians, and also among the poor scattered
settlers on the frontiers. A sermon was preached in the evening in one
of the Dutch churches, 'The liberal deviseth liberal things,' etc.,
after which an address was read by the Secretary--our dear Mr.
Mason--which, when printed, I will send you.
"The society is to keep up a correspondence with your and the
other societies. If they can effect anything themselves, apart here in
America, well; if not, they will throw their subscriptions into the
common funds and get help from you. This view is very pleasant to us.
There is great need of itinerant preachers in our back settlements;
they are scattered, and no churches of any kind; even in some thick
settled counties they will not pay a minister. These are 'the highways
and hedges;' O that the Lord may compel them to come in.
"I. GRAHAM."
We next find Mrs. Graham administering consolation and imparting
instruction to a lady residing near Boston, Mrs. C----. With this lady
Mrs. Graham formed an acquaintance in New York, shortly after her
arrival in America. She was then a gay young widow; but having a
strong and cultivated mind, was delighted with Mrs. Graham and family;
and a friendship was formed between them, which ceased only with
their lives.
As a proof of her friendship, Mrs. C---- wished to introduce her
young female friends into gay fashionable society. This Mrs. Graham
opposed; and while she stated her reasons she endeavored to persuade
her young friend to come out from the world and cast in her lot with
the people of God.
"A word spoken in due season, how good it is." This was verified
in the case of Mrs. C----, who, like her friend, was destined to enter
the heavenly kingdom "through much tribulation." She afterwards
entered the marriage state, and became a second time a widow while her
children were still young; and though not destitute, her income was
considerably reduced; which circumstances may throw light on parts of
Mrs. Graham's letters. Unhappily there was no evangelical minister
near her place of residence, which, with the want of early religious
training, may account for so much darkness as to her spiritual state.
Mrs. Graham often visited her, and it pleased God in due time to
scatter the darkness. Mrs. C---- for many years fully enjoyed the
consolations of religion. She trained up her children according to the
maxims of her friend, and had the happiness of seeing them following
in her steps. One, Mrs. J.W., she saw depart in peace; and her own
dying-bed was soothed by the prayers and attentions of her son, an
esteemed and highly useful clergyman in one of our populous cities. As
Mrs. C---- adopted the signature of _Pilgrim,_ the letters to her
inserted in the former editions of this memoir, are noticed as
addressed to P----.
To Mrs. C----, a Lady near Boston.
"FEBRUARY 10, 1797.
"MY EVER DEAR FRIEND--The desire of waiting you a long letter has
occasioned too much delay on my part. One thing I can assure you of,
you have been much on my mind, and the subject of all our prayers.
"Tears of joy ran down my cheeks when J---- told me the state
of your mind, and I thank our good and gracious God for opening your
eyes to see the vanity of this world, the corruption of your own
heart, your need of atoning blood, and of a better righteousness
than your own. Hail, my sister in Jesus; flesh and blood hath not
taught you this, but your Father who is in heaven: the work is his,
evidently his; and being begun, he will carry it on, and finish it
too. Commit your soul then into his hand; he 'came not to call the
righteous, but _sinners_ to repentance;' his errand to our world was
to seek and to save the _lost_. Trusting in his mercy, through
Christ, your soul is as safe as his word is true; for none perish
that trust in him.
"'Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not to thine own
understanding;' be not discouraged because of deadness, darkness,
wandering, want of love, want of spirituality, want of any kind. Who
told you of these evils and wants? the Sun of righteousness shining
into your soul has shown you many of the evils there, but the half you
know not yet. The more you learn of the holiness and purity of the
divine nature and the spirituality of his law, the more you will be
dissatisfied with every thing yours. Even a holy apostle said, 'In me,
that is, in my flesh,' or natural mind, dwelleth no good thing. The
flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; so
that the things that I would, I do not; and the things that I would
not, those I do. Yet it is not I,' not my new nature, 'but sin that
dwelleth in me; for to will is present with me, but how to perform
that which is good I find not.'
"If this was the case with the apostle, who sealed his testimony
with his life, is it strange that you and I should have hearts full of
all abominable things? These realities are cause of deep humility
before God, but none of despair or doubt. All are alike guilty and
vile, the whole head is sick, and the whole heart unsound; therefore
we need a whole Christ to atone for our sin, to cover our naked souls
with his imputed righteousness, and to be surety for us; to sanctify
us by his Spirit, and prepare us for the purchased inheritance. O try
to rest in him: believe it, you are complete in him; give up, my dear
friend, poring over and diving into your own heart and frames, and try
to trust in an almighty Saviour to save you from foes without and foes
within. Read Romaine's Walk and Life of Faith: he himself attained to
a high degree of holiness by getting out of himself, and trusting,
resting, believing from day to day, for grace, for every duty, as it
occurred. The promise runs, 'As thy days so shall thy strength be.'
"I cannot at this distance, and knowing nothing of characters,
offer you any advice with respect to outward means; but if you know
any truly pious, spiritual minister, I should think it your duty to
lay open your mind to him. You may find in books matter as good as any
man living can speak; but it is the Lord's appointed way, and he often
honors his servants, his ministers, by making them messengers of peace
and comfort to his children. 'Are any sick, let them call for the
elders of the church, and let them pray over them.' See how the
Christians of old associated with one another. I am now doubly
yours, etc.,
"I.G."
"APRIL 14, 1797.
"Eternity seems very near. I have often thought so without any
visible cause. Well, it will come; a few more rolling years, months,
weeks, or days will assuredly land me on Canaan's happy shore. Then
shall I know and enjoy what ear hath not heard, eye seen, nor heart
conceived, even the blessedness that is at God's right hand. I have
desired, though I know not that I have asked, to glorify God on my
death-bed, and to leave my testimony at the threshold of eternity,
that not one word of all that my God has promised has failed. He has
been--O what has he not been?--in all my trials, all my afflictions,
all my temptations, all my wanderings, all my backslidings, he has
been all that the well-ordered covenant has said. Let this Bible tell
what God in Christ, by his Spirit and his providence, has been to me;
and let the same Bible say what he will be to me 'when flesh and heart
fails;' yea, when 'the place that now knows me shall know me no more.'
Perhaps when the messenger does come I shall not know him, but depart
in silence. Well, as the Lord wills; he knows best how to glorify
himself. Jesus shall trim my lamp and perfect his image on my soul,
sensible or insensible. I shall enter into his presence, washed in his
blood, clothed in his righteousness, and my sanctification perfected.
I shall 'see him as he is,' and be like him.
"Mourn not, my children, but rejoice; gird up the loins of your
mind,' and set forward on your heavenly journey through this
wilderness. So far as I have followed Christ, so far follow my
example; still living on Christ, depending on him for all that is
promised in the well-ordered covenant. O stumble not into the world
except when duty calls; at best it is a deadly weight, a great
hinderance to spiritual-mindedness, and in as far as it gets a footing
in your heart, it will not only mar your progress, but your comfort.
Lord, feed my children constantly with 'thy flesh and thy blood,' that
they may never hunger nor thirst for this world, but grow in the
divine life, and in the joy and comfort of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
"OCTOBER 20, 1797.
"How condescending is our covenant God. All we have or enjoy is
from his hand; he gave us our being; our lives, although forfeited a
thousand times, have been preserved. 'Our bread has been given us, and
our water sure;' and not only these necessaries, but many comforts and
good temporal things have fallen to our lot; 'thou hast furnished our
table,' hast provided medicines and cordials when sick. Lord, I thank
thee for all these mercies, but above all, that we can call thee our
reconciled Father; that we have them not as the world have them, who
are far from thee, and have no portion among thy children, nor
interest in thy well-ordered covenant; but that we have them as thy
redeemed, as part of covenant provision, and with a covenant blessing,
and among the _all things_ that work together for our good. Lord,
enable us to be rich in good works. How condescending, that thou
acceptest a part of thine own as freewill-offerings, and hast annexed
promised blessings to those who consider the poor; hast said, 'He who
giveth to the poor, lendeth to the Lord.'
"I thank thee that thou hast laid to hand a sufficiency to enable
me and mine to eat our own bread; even that which, according to the
regulations of society, men call our own. Thou only hast a right to
call it not so, for we are thine, and all that thou hast given us; but
of thy free bounty and kind providence, 'thou hast enabled us to
provide things honest and of good report in the sight of all men,' and
to give a portion to them who need.
"I trust thy Spirit has directed my judgment in the determination
I have taken to set apart, from time to time, this portion, according
as thou prosperest us in business, and preservest us in health and
ability to pursue it. I bless thee for indulgent, encouraging
appearances, that since I began the practice thou hast added to my
stock, and that which I have given has never straitened, but thou hast
prospered me more and more. My poor's purse has never been empty when
called for, neither has my family purse. Of thine own I give thee, and
bless thy name for the privilege.
"Grant direction with respect to whom, and how much to give."
The following meditations will afford refreshment to every
Christian heart:
"1797.
"'As ye have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him,
rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, as ye have
been taught, abounding there in with thanksgiving.'
"Yes, just so, and no other way shall any poor corrupted creature
attain holiness, in the very same manner that he received the Lord
Jesus at first. He is' the Alpha; and Omega, the first and the last,
the beginning and the end.'
"O Lord, my Saviour, my complete Saviour, and in whom I am
complete, I received thee as my expiatory sacrifice, by whom atonement
was made for my sins; by whom reconciliation was made; I reconciled to
God, and God to me. I was then delivered from the power of darkness
and translated into the kingdom of God's dear Son, and have redemption
through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins. This same blood must
cleanse my daily spots, must cleanse my very best services; this same
blood must cleanse my conscience daily, and give me confidence in God,
as my reconciled Father. By this same peace-speaking blood I daily
present myself in his presence, and know that he sees no iniquity in
me so as to condemn me.
"O Lord, I receive thee as my justifying righteousness,
disclaiming all confidence in my own works, throwing them aside as
filthy rags. I place my sole dependence upon an imputed righteousness,
_that_ righteousness wrought out by thee as my surety, in thy
holy, meritorious life and death; believing thy testimony, that 'the
wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life, through
Jesus Christ our Lord.' Just so must I go on, trusting in, resting
upon, rejoicing in the Lord my righteousness. By one man's offence
many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many, and I
among others, be made righteous. 'Christ is the end of the law for
righteousness,' therefore I walk at liberty, free from all dread of
condemnation. Not as a slave, not as a servant, not as a hireling, not
as a probationer; but as a child and heir of God, to whom the
inheritance is made sure. I have received the seal of the testament,
ratified and made sure by the death of the testator. All the blessings
contained in this Bible, the records of the well-ordered covenant, are
mine; and, Oh glorious truth, the testator died to ratify and insure
this testament; but he lives again, the glorious executor.
"O Lord, I received thee as my king: depending upon promised
strength, I swore allegiance to thee, and to thy government. Just so,
my dear sovereign Master, must I go on: rejoicing in its privileges,
subjecting myself cheerfully to its restrictions; studying with care
its positive commands, and setting myself to obey; submitting with
meekness to its discipline; claiming thy kingly power to subdue the
corruptions of my heart, to defend from foes within and foes without;
and when thou callest me to fight, to arm me for battle, and lead me
on to victory.
"I received thee as my divine Saviour, as the covenant of the
people: the covenant arranged, ratified, and fulfilled; to me a
covenant of free gift. Receiving thee, I received all the promises in
their fullest extent, as legally made over and confirmed to me by the
irrevocable gift of Deity: and in thee, as my Saviour, dwelleth all
the fulness of the Godhead bodily; yes, dwelleth in him for his
people, his ransomed; dwelleth in him as our head; we are united to
him, one with him, as he and the Father are one, and being one with
him, we are complete in him. He is the head, we the members; he is the
vine, we the branches; he is the foundation and chief corner-stone, we
the building. Thus let us walk in him; rooted and built up in him;
filled with the knowledge of his will, in all wisdom and spiritual
understanding; walking worthy of the Lord, unto all pleasing--being
fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;
strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power; unto all
patience and long-suffering, with joyfulness; for it is he who worketh
in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure; and although of
ourselves we can do nothing, yet we can do all things through Christ
strengthening us; and he has promised, that 'as our days so shall our
strength be.'
"It is well, Lord, it is well. Thou art mine, and I am thine:
thou art mine with all thy fulness, what can I want besides? Nothing,
Lord. Thou hast given me 'the heritage of those that fear thy name;' I
am satisfied with my portion. Amen. Be my God and the God of my seed,
and glorify thy name in us."
"OCTOBER, 1797.
"'Remove far from me vanity and lies,' Psa. 119. Every deviation
from rectitude and truth is sin. Who that knows any thing of the
corruption of the human heart, and its strange tendency to stray, to
err, yea, even to pervert the plainest, simplest, and most obvious
truths, but must see the propriety of his joining the psalmist, and
crying out, Lord, remove far from me the way of lies.
"The way of lies as it respects our judgment and sentiments, as
it respects our motives of action, and as it respects our conduct.
"As it respects our judgment: how does every species of error
abound; even the serious and earnest seekers of truth differ in many
things, which, although they may not prevent their final salvation,
mar their progress in knowledge, in holiness, and in comfort. Lord,
remove far from us the way of lies. Lead us to the pure, unmixed,
unerring word of truth, as it respects our sentiments, and as it
respects our conduct. O how many deceive themselves by resting on a
speculative knowledge of the truth, or what they esteem such, while
their hearts remain unaffected, their tempers unsanctified, and their
lives unfruitful. Passionate, stubborn, relentless, unmerciful,
implacable tempers indulged and unmortified, must be a way of lies.
'Learn of me,' says the Saviour, 'for I am meek and lowly in heart,
and ye shall find rest to your souls.' 'The meek will he guide in
judgment,' the meek will he teach his way.
"'Remove far from me the way of lies, and teach me thy law
graciously.'
"'Teach me thy law graciously,' not the ceremonial and the moral
law alone, but the whole of God's revealed will. The psalmist knew the
law ceremonial and moral, but he wants more and more of the teaching
of the Spirit of God. 'He,' the Spirit of truth, 'shall take of mine,
and show it unto you.' The word of God is ever the same; it contains
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; every thing necessary to
safety, to holiness, and happiness: but O, the difference between him
who reads with a mind enlightened by the Spirit of God, and him who
reads with no other assistance than his own poor blinded, darkened
reason. Teach me then thy law graciously. I will praise thee with
uprightness of heart, when I shall have learned thy judgments. 'Open
thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law.' The
psalmist thirsted after more and more extensive views of the word of
God, and still as his views were enlarged he desired more. 'The earth
is full of thy mercy,' verse 64; this was one lesson, but still he
cries, 'Teach me thy statutes. Thou hast dealt bountifully with me, O
Lord, according to thy word.' Still he cries, 'Teach me good judgment
and knowledge. It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I
might learn thy statutes.'"
"OCTOBER, 1797.
"I love to feel the kindlings of repentance, self-loathing under
a sense of ingratitude, heart-melting with the view of pardoning
grace. I love to feel the sprinkling of my Redeemer's blood on my
conscience, drawing forth the tears of joy and gratitude in the view
of a free pardon. I love to dwell on the seal of reconciliation, while
my heart, glowing with gratitude, sinks into the arms of my redeeming
Lord, in full confidence of his love and my safety for ever. I love to
feel longings after closer communion, after more conformity to his
image, more usefulness to my fellow-members of the body of Christ, and
to all his creatures. I love to feel deeply interested in the success
of the gospel, in the declarative glory of Jehovah, as manifested in
his works of creation and providence, but chiefly in the
superexcellent work of redemption: for 'thou hast magnified thy word
above all thy name.'"