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The
Mania of the Nations
on the Planet Mars
and its Terrific Consequences
A Combination of Fun and Wisdom
by
A. CALMADENKER
Published in the Year 55 E.D. on Mars
(1915 A.D. on Earth)
BY THE DENKER PUBLISHERS, INC.
30 CHURCH STREET, NEW YORK
Copyright, 1915
by THE DENKER PUBLISHERS, INC.
THE MANIA OF THE NATIONS ON THE PLANET MARS
Many millions of centuries ago, when the celestial globe on which
we live and struggle started to emerge from the hot-air habit and
commenced to cool down and come to its senses, a huge mass of
syrup-like material sagged down toward the lower end of the cooling
ball and, upon further cooling, formed a high promontory at what we
to-day call the South Pole. As a consequence we now find there a
plateau of an elevation far exceeding in height the highest mountains
found elsewhere on our venerable globe.
You may imagine if you can how cold it must be there. The North Pole
is supposed to be cool enough for anybody who hates to go to sleep in
an overheated bedroom; but it has been shown to be a depression in
the earth’s crust filled with ice, and it therefore does not mount
far above sea level, while the South Pole, aside from lacking the
sun’s comforting perpendicular rays, reaches besides so high up in the
atmospheric layers as to preclude all possibility of the prevalence of
hot birds. Cold bottles are about the only means of enjoyment which the
tourists, thirsting for amusement, find there at their disposal.
Professor FANSEE of the Dreemo University was a courageous man. He may
have been afflicted with a creepy feeling in the still, mysterious
shadows of the night; he may have had a constant fear of spooks and all
sorts of ferocious beasts; he may have stood in perpetual awe of his
innocent-looking wife; but it must be said to his everlasting glory
that he was not at all afraid of the cold. It is being whispered that
after many years of married life his affectionate spouse had at last
succeeded in more or less accustoming him to frigidity.
Professor FANSEE, moreover, was an expert in astronomy, chemistry and
electricity. With a smile of derision he had watched for years the
futile efforts on the part of certain scientists to communicate with
the planet Mars. Long ago an idea had ripened in his fertile brain
that he knew would ultimately lead to the desired end. The highest
plateau on earth having been shown to be located at the South Pole,
he decided to direct his Zee-rays from this cool and calm promontory.
For this purpose he caused an enormous hollow globe to be built of
non-conducting material, so arranged that the inner chambers would
retain an upright position while the ball would be merrily rolling
along. By means of powerful storage batteries within this potent
structure the apparatus was made self-propelling. With this rolling
vehicle at his beck and call, he needed no ships to cross the Antarctic
ocean, no derricks to hoist his globular observatory to the highest
peak; and without notifying the press, unostentatiously as befits a
serious-minded scientist, he arrived one fine morning at the highest
point of that celestial conveyance which we call the earth.
From this elevation he industriously worked his ingenious device. For
six months he shot his Zee-rays day and night at the unsuspecting
Martians. For six months his endeavors seemed utterly fruitless. Then,
of a sudden, in the middle of the night, a faint wail was heard in
the Professor’s receiving apparatus; a manifestation of the first
indication that his brain-child had actually come into healthful
being. For two weeks, at intervals of twenty minutes, Professor FANSEE
cautiously manipulated his quivering wires. Then, at last, to his
unbounded joy and satisfaction, the first communication from Mars
became intelligible. From that moment on, it took but a few days to
come to an understanding with the mystic inhabitants of our misty
neighbor; and an interesting narrative was thus obtained of conditions
prevailing on the presumably canal-infested planet.
Professor FANSEE unfortunately breathed his last before returning to
his native land. But I had had the honor of acting as his assistant and
confidant. And although to my keen disappointment the globe in which we
traveled was wrecked on the rocks while making a landing on the shores
of New Zealand, I had the good fortune of safely swimming ashore and of
saving the papers containing the interesting revelations. So, with due
credit to Professor FANSEE, and with fond recollections of his erudite
personality, I believe myself justified in revealing the Martian
episode to my terrestrial fellowmen.
The marked similarity with events on our own celestial empire may
strike my readers as a singular coincidence. But according to
prehistoric astrologers, all events are controlled by the position of
the stars. And, if they do control the course of events on our earth,
it seems but natural that they should similarly affect some of the
other members of our solar system.
First of all, as Professor FANSEE had always been profoundly interested
in questions of religion, and as his first inquiries consequently
dealt with this highly important subject, it should be stated that for
eighteen centuries and a half the ruling religion on the planet Mars
had been the religion of NAZARRO. NAZARRO was a God who, according
to the Martians, materialized in human form on the planet Mars. This
God preached a gospel of peace, of the curbing of passions, and of
equal division of wealth. So the Roamani and the Heebrons, among whom
he dwelt, sought to punish His revolutionary agitations by hanging
Him on the gallows. Thus the sign of the gallows became a sign of
sanctity revered by NAZARRO’S followers, and the emblem of a new faith.
The members of the religious sect so created and which for fifteen
centuries continued to grow in power were known as the Nazarranos.
About the end of the fifteenth century E.N. (the Era of NAZARRO) the
trend of civilization commenced to take a somewhat different direction.
If the Nazarranos had limited themselves to spreading the precepts of
NAZARRO unchanged, our Martian informer thought, all of the inhabitants
of Mars would unswervingly have recognized their excellence. But only
a few among the Martians were mentally as lofty as had been the
Great Nazarrano Teacher. Consequently, when the Nazarranos organized
a Nazarrano corporation under the personal direction of certain lower
and higher functionaries, these functionaries, supposedly for the honor
of NAZARRO, often resorted to methods of which NAZARRO Himself would
never have approved. The unavoidable result was that certain Martians
seriously began to doubt the superiority of the whole Nazarrano faith.
Meanwhile, from remote antiquity down to this interesting era,
the minds of the Martians had gradually developed to ever greater
efficiency; and it so happened that at this time they commenced to
investigate the phenomena of Nature far more systematically than they
had ever done before. In connection with the Nazarrano faith a mystic
story had been preached of the creation of the Universe, gathered from
the Heebron manuscripts, and which made the Martians believe that Mars
was a flat slice of land floating on water, around which the remainder
of the Universe majestically rotated. So when a Martian by the name
of GALELIAH discovered that Mars was a globe, and that Mars rotated
round the Sun, and not the Sun around Mars, the Nazarrano corporation
officials strenuously objected, for they saw in his suggestion the
first signs of disbelief. Notwithstanding the opposition of the
Nazarrano officials, various sciences began to develop in other
directions, until the Nazarranos were forced, little by little, to
change their views of creation. In every instance the Nazarrano
dignitaries registered their objections in vain with greater or lesser
vehemence. At last, in the year 1859 E.N., a new prophet arose, bearing
the euphonic name of DARVINO. In the country of the Frank-Aulians,
otherwise known as the Fringe, a book had previously been published by
LAMARCKEESO, suggesting that the development of the Universe was due
to a process of evolution; and the intrepid DARVINO rigged a ship to
search for proofs, and published these proofs convincingly in the said
memorable year 1859 E.N.
From that time on, a new faith began to conquer the minds of the
Martians. To a numerous group of scientists the year 1861 E.N. became
the year 1 E.D. (Era of DARVINO). A new religious sect came into
being known as the Darvinianos. And although a large majority of
the Nazarranos continued to profess their older faith, their views
of the Universe as well as their conceptions of proper living were,
nevertheless, ever more definitely influenced by the Darviniano
conclusions.
Now the belief in personal Gods, of which the Nazarrano faith had been
the latest outgrowth, had prevailed on the planet Mars for innumerable
centuries. The Martian idea of morality had for an almost unlimited era
been taught to the young in so close a connection with the faith in
personal and semi-human Deities, that it seemed to the Martians that
this faith was the rock on which moral conduct was necessarily to be
founded. The faith in personally supervising Divinities had penetrated
the customs and moral conceptions not only of the Nazarranos, but well
nigh of all the Martian nations and religious sects. It had grown to be
to all appearances inseparable from the Martians’ way of giving vent
to their emotional longings and inclinations. On the other hand, the
Darviniano conclusions contained nothing of an emotional nature. They
sprang from the intellect, and appealed to the intellect only.
As the year 1859 E.N. on Mars corresponds exactly with the year 1859
A.D. on earth, it may readily be seen that at the time of Professor
FANSEE’S intercourse with our neighboring planet, the Darviniano faith
had prevailed only for a little over half a century. Of course, new
faiths, new religions, new philosophies, cannot ripen to completeness
in so short a lapse of time. Hence, in order to satisfy their emotional
longings and moral desires, the Martians continued to resort to the
Nazarrano manuscripts, adopting meanwhile the intellectual views
of the Darvinianos, and trying as best they could to harmonize the
two systems of thought. But try as they might, they were ever and
again confronted by disturbing contradictions. This inevitably gave
rise to an unsettled emotional condition, which our Martian informer
indeed seemed deeply to deplore, but which--in his clearly expressed
opinion--would beyond doubt make way for a renewed era of moral
stability and mental ease, so soon as the Darviniano faith had been
made more nearly complete--and hence more satisfactory--by an infusion
of the emotional element.
Having in this way concisely explained the religious situation on the
whirling Canal-globe, our informant, who evidently was an erudite
philosopher delegated for this purpose, suddenly changed the subject
in order that he might acquaint us with the principal international
political events that had occurred on Mars during the Nazarrano era.
To our astonishment we received the unmistakable impression that
the social conditions on the earthlike planet are as yet extremely
primitive. It seems that, in ancient times, those groups of Martians
who inhabited territories surrounded by mountains and forests or
bordered by oceans and rivers, were forced to consider these natural
boundaries as insurmountable barriers, and that these barriers made
their communication with other groups of Martians almost impossible.
Each of these groups was thus for many long centuries constrained to
lead an isolated existence. The tribes that occupied one valley never
came in contact with the inhabitants of other valleys. One group of
Martians would dwell at one side of some large forest; on the other
side some other group would be struggling along; but the two groups
never met to interchange their views or to learn in what way the other
had increased the comforts of life. Naturally, therefore, each group
developed a language and crude civilization of its own, and the result
was the division of the inhabitants of Mars into separate nations, each
with its own peculiar customs and ideals.
As science advanced, the communication between these isolated nations
was ever more facilitated, and their mutual relations became ever more
intimate. At the time at which Professor FANSEE received his remarkable
message, perfect intercommunication had been established by means of
railroads, steamship lines, telegraphs and telephones. The Martians
had even commenced to travel through the air from one country to
another. In this manner all the nations were enabled to benefit by the
scientific progress made by any one of them.
Now if each nation had been sufficient unto itself, if each country
had from its own resources provided all the ingredients it needed
under its more progressive form of civilization, it might to an extent
have been sensible for the various groups of Martians to say to one
another: “We are mighty glad to come in contact with you, and we are
deeply interested in your customs and ideals, which seem at first sight
so very much at variance with our own, and which are nevertheless at
bottom so very similar to ours; but as we do not see the slightest
benefit in changing the conditions that be, we prefer not to destroy
our national individuality. For our national pride has grown to be a
sacred idol among us, with which no higher ideals of a more expanded
brotherhood should be permitted to interfere.” But our Martian informer
stated that in actuality none of the Martian nations really _is_
sufficient unto itself. With the broadened requirements of life which
inevitably followed in the wake of scientific development and mental
expansion, it was found that each nation produces articles of some
special type, of which all the other nations are keenly and continually
in need. The soil of one country is rich in certain products not found
in other countries, even though these other countries require them as
well. In fact, it was soon disclosed that all civilized nations are
utterly dependent upon each other, both mentally and physically.
Under these circumstances, the unprejudiced observer would naturally
expect the nations to form some sort of an alliance or federation
for mutual protection, and with a view to a sensible combination of
interests. Yet so short-sighted have been the evidently narrow-minded
Martians until now, that they have utterly failed to take any such
step. Nay, instead of cooperating with each other, the nations
actually antagonize one another with blind stupidity. Small-minded
jealousies and hatreds, expressing themselves especially in a peculiar
international science which the Martians call dip-low-macy, keep the
nations aloof from one another, and make sworn hereditary enemies of
nations that should entertain naught but friendly and cooperative
relations. Even those nations which have acquired the same faith, the
same hopes, the same aspirations, continue to lead their isolated
national existence, carefully nursing their mutual petty hatreds
and malice against other nationalities. Inasmuch as pretty nearly
all the Martian nations seem to be afflicted with this malicious
nationality-mania, the planet Mars, as seen from the earth, inevitably
makes the impression of one vast lunatic asylum, nationality-mania
being the dreadful malady from which the Mars-bound patients are
unfortunately suffering. Their minds seem to be as much in a whirl as
is the rolling planet which they inhabit.
This most unfortunate mental disease even disrupts and destroys the
much vaunted bonds of a common religious faith.
On the planet Mars, aside from the Nazarranos, another religious
sect flourishes, founded by a prophet whose name, as far as we could
decipher, was MOE HAMID. This MOE HAMID strictly prohibited the
use of the mussel as an article of nourishment. And by the law of
contradiction or by the irony of fate, the sect has ever since been
known as the Musselmen. Now these Musselmen, although dispersed among
different nationalities, have really formed a sort of brotherhood
founded on their faith. Whenever a holy war is declared in earnest, all
Musselmen stand together. That the members of this sect should refer
to the Nazarrano-Darvinianos as dogs, may be deplorably one-sided,
but can readily be understood. At any rate the Musselmen are known to
stick together. Among the Darvinized Nazarranos, however, cooperative
brotherhood is totally lacking. One of the Nazarrano-Darviniano nations
looks upon another such nation as a contemptible pack of dogs; one
nation considers the other to be an aggregate of low barbarians; and
every single nation among them envies all the others any political
power or industrial prosperity which by long-continued effort they may
have attained.
Even though both NAZARRO and DARVINO were fervent advocates of peace
and tolerance, the nations which are supposed to follow these two
Masters direct their best intelligence and scientific accomplishments
toward the invention of infernal devices with which to maim and
destroy one another. Every new discovery made by scientific searchers
is at once seized upon for the purpose of making these engines of
torture ever more deadly, ever more maliciously destructive. As he
deciphered these words one dreary night, Professor FANSEE whispered to
me in confidence that he had absolutely lost his belief in the actual
existence of Hell; but that this revelation was making him reconsider
his non-belief. And, he added, if there is such a place, I am fully
convinced that, then, I have beyond doubt located it on the planet
Mars. Think of this insensate chaos of low emotions, of this ceaseless
courting of suffering, death and devastation among nations which should
have formed a solid bond of friendship and mutual respect, and which,
had they done so, might all have peaceably enjoyed all the wealth of
the Universe. And when you behold their primitive lack of all kindly
feeling, reflect that these nationality-maniacs are so utterly deluded
as to bluntly call themselves Nazarranos and to pray to the God of
NAZARRO for success in their wantonly destructive pursuits!
Stirred to the depth by this display of unutterable stupidity or
seemingly hopeless irrationality, we anxiously waited for further
details. Little by little, we subsequently succeeded in deciphering
them. It seems that among the antagonistic Nazarrano-Darviniano nations
there were two to whom our Martian informer referred with particular
emphasis.
One of these, inhabiting a country called Two-Tonia, seems to be known
to the Martians as the TWO-TONS. Upon inquiry it was found that on Mars
the names by which the nations are known are in some instances derived
from their mental characteristics. The Two-Tons have the reputation of
being mentally heavy. Each Two-Ton is supposed to carry two tons of
brain matter; and in many individual cases this weight unfortunately
becomes so oppressive as to make them apparently incapable of acquiring
or developing the amiable and pliable mental graces that adorn the
minds of a few other nationalities.
The Two-Tons excel many other nations in depth and scientific
thoroughness. They have increased their depth by digging very deep
into any subject to which they devote their attention. That in their
arguments in connection with the Darviniano philosophy, aside from
empirical pursuits, they are apt to dig in the wrong direction, our
Martian informer promised to demonstrate. Digging as deep as they do,
one may easily understand, if they really start digging in the wrong
direction, how very far from their philosophic object they are likely
to wind up in the end.
Among those nationalities whose national pride stands in the way of
an appreciation of the merits of other nations, the Two-Tons must be
counted foremost. To them all other Nazarrano-Darviniano nations seem
utterly worthless and absurdly inferior. For this reason they prefer
occasional association or alliance with the Musselmen, although they
are supposed to be praying to the Nazarrano God, placing meanwhile
their faith in the Darviniano philosophy. Their contempt for other
Nazarrano nations knows no limit. They consider themselves the creators
and guardians of a special form of civilization, endlessly superior to
the degree of mental growth reached in other countries. However absurd
and conceited this may seem, it must at the same time be acknowledged
that the brain-weight of the Two-Tons has led to some remarkably
constructive results. In the short lapse of time of forty years, making
use of the material gathered in earlier periods, they have succeeded
in erecting a palatial edifice of science and industry far exceeding
in excellence and unity of construction the many isolated buildings
erected for the same purpose in the course of a few centuries in other
countries. How great and rich this nation could therefore have grown,
had they quietly fostered in their own hearts their elation at their
wonderful progress, and had they not permitted contradictory delusions
to mar the solidity of their accomplishments!
It should be mentioned that among the products which this nation was
preparing with scientific care was a dangerous explosive that was
placed upon the national market under the name of Militarism. Every
able-bodied male citizen was compelled to devote a certain number
of years to the manufacture of this highly explosive product. As a
consequence there was such a superabundance of the stuff in their
country, that they decided to store barrels upon barrels of it in the
basement of their wonderfully constructed edifice. Moreover, they
placed a fuse in every room and hall of the well-constructed building,
so that they might be in a position to blow the whole structure up at a
moment’s notice, apparently just for spite, in case of a quarrel with
some other nation. Great engines were constructed of precious metal
from which this explosive was to hurl huge balls, scientific stinkpots
and other malicious missiles into the ranks of the contemplated enemy.
And as these engines were wont to cough up their deadly projectiles
with an earsplitting noise, the factory where the engines were produced
was facetiously referred to as the CROUP-factory. The time indeed came
when an explosion did occur, of which the terrific results are as yet
incapable of compilation.
Another product of a very different kind, manufactured by the Two-Tons,
was mentioned by our Martian informer, the real character of which
Professor FANSEE had some difficulty in deciphering. At first the
Professor translated its name as Koaltar, but as the word was repeated,
it proved to be some sort of national talisman to which they give the
name of Kooltoor. The real meaning of this word is still wrapped in
mystery. It would seem, however, that just as our word Culture refers
to the mental development of the individual, so is the word Kooltoor
used to denote the mental and physical development of the Two-Ton
nation as a whole. I expect that Two-Tonia will be mentioned later in
Professor FANSEE’S manuscript in connection with further international
Martian events.
The other nation most frequently mentioned by our unseen communicant on
Mars seems to be known on that planet by the name of ANGLERS-AXSONS,
and was at other times referred to under the name of BRITS. There is
no doubt but that the two names refer to the same nation, for in one
instance the word Axsons was left out, and our kind Martian spoke
distinctly of the Anglers or Brits. They dwell apparently on a group of
islands called Anglia or Brittia. It further seems that one of these
islands is specifically known as the Ire-island, because the ire of
its inhabitants is so very easily aroused. According to a legend, the
nation of the Brits was founded by a fisherman who drove the snakes
off the islands for the permanent protection of the angleworms. This
fisherman having been a prehistoric patriarch, whose name has failed to
come down the sky-reaching slope of the centuries, the nation is simply
known as the Anglers. The ocean has been the field of their conquests
and the means toward their development, which took about three
centuries, so that their national efforts commenced some two centuries
and a half before the Two-Tons started theirs.
They are so wholeheartedly devoted to fishing, it is said that during
all this stretch of time they continually have had their baited hooks
ready to grab and appropriate anything to be found in, on or near the
ocean. They have not been unsuccessful in their fishing enterprise.
Sometimes they catch fish. At other times they catch islands, coaling
stations, countries occupied by so-called inferior tribes, a canal here
and there built by the laborious efforts of other nations; in fact they
have gathered all sorts of oceanic treasures whenever the other nations
failed to see them first. The surname Ax-sons is probably derived from
the fact that but a few hundred years ago they were mere Skandalnavying
savages whose only weapon of offense and defense was the battle-ax.
As to the name Brits, by which they seem in fact to be most commonly
known, it must be confessed that Professor FANSEE had never succeeded
in discovering its intrinsic meaning. When I returned to civilization,
however, I decided to investigate; and by carefully scanning all
the dictionaries contained in all the famous libraries of the Fidji
Islands, I discovered that the word Brit applies to a young herring,
once thought to be a distinct species. I furthermore found that this
word denotes the food of the whalebone whales, consisting of small
crustaceans, pteropods (whatever that is), and other minute surface
swimming animals whose mammas have cursed them with fancy names. It is
possible that the Brits made at one time the fishing of brit their
national industry, and that they thus became known by the name of
the fish they sold, dished up, and in other ways used for their own
sel-fish purposes. On the other hand it is equally plausible that the
name refers to their propensity of grabbing little islands and coaling
stations from the ocean, just small enough to escape the attention of
others and to pass through the elastic dip-low-matic rake, yet in the
aggregate of sufficient bulk considerably to increase their national
weight and importance.
Speaking of dip-low-macy, the Brits are great adepts at this
low-dipping effort. It should be known that in this peculiar Martian
pursuit the facial muscles are not permitted to betray the schemes that
are hatching in the brain. You think and mean one thing, you say and
appear to mean something else. The heavy bulk of brain that burdens
the Two-Tons prevents these scientific people from dissimulating their
mental activity. They are forced by nature to be blunt and candid,
except when they have caused some calamity and foxily try to throw the
blame on somebody else, as curiously may be shown by subsequent events.
But the brains of the Brits are not quite so heavy. By means of rowing,
swimming, football, polo, golf, tennis, cricket and other strenuous
outdoor sports, they have acquired perfect control over their muscles.
Especially is this ability apparent in their clever manipulation of the
muscles of the face.
At frequent occasions the Brits have covered their angling activities
with a veneer of apparently noble purposes, so beautifully polished
you could almost use the veneer as a curved looking-glass. For
instance, when they were spreading their own nationality all over
the hilly surface of good old Mars, their facial expression was
extremely innocent and noble while pretending merely to be spreading
the Nazarrano faith. While they did do their share toward Nazarrizing
the globe on which they live, they did not, in accordance with the
Nazarrano precepts, look for their reward in heaven, but they sold
their virtues for cash and took their reward by force of arms and
dip-low-macy right on Mars itself. Their plan was very simple. They
would send a missionary to spread the faith; subsequently they would
send him plenty of assistants. Then they would start trading, always
looking out--as tradesmen should--for their own interests. This
inevitably led to disagreement with the natives. And as the engines of
destruction used by the unobtrusive natives had not reached as high
a phase of physical civilization as had those of the Brits, all the
latter had to do at this phase of the game was to send some of their
own little destruction-machines to the nation involved, and, after a
little fighting, to make the territory their own. They would then start
to colonize to clinch the one-sided deal.
To the development of science and industry they also have contributed
a very important share. But as they believed in Culture and failed to
develop that national unity brought about by the Two-Ton Kooltoor,
their scientific and industrial buildings have never as yet been
combined into one great edifice, such as so skilfully erected in
Two-Tonia. It is possible that the greater development of animal
spirits among the Brits _versus_ the greater mental momentum of the
Two-Tons had something to do with this difference in type of growth.
It is possible that it was simply due to the fact that the minds of
the great Brit thinkers and scientists had developed in one direction,
while those among the Two-Tons had developed in a very different
direction. Yet there can be but little doubt but that one of the most
important causes of this divergency is to be found in the circumstance
that the Two-Tons started to build their unified nation at a time when
the sciences had reached a high state of advancement, and after a new
philosophic sect had arisen among the Two-Tons, who were popularly
known as the Social-Mists, and who laid particular stress on the
advantages of cooperation; while, on the contrary, the foundation
of the Brit institutions had been laid during a period, when the
development of modern science had not given even its first signs of
life.
In regard to the science of dip-low-macy, previously referred to, it
may here be stated that this facial endeavor is by no means limited
to the Brits alone. It seems that this quasi-scientific deception
is practised with similar skill by other Martian nations. And even
allowing for the deplorable fact that most of these nations are
suffering from a pitiable mental malady, it still is astounding to the
terrestrial onlooker that this ability to manipulate the facial muscles
is among the Martians regarded as a highly meritorious attainment.
Many dignitaries of the Nazarrano corporation occupy high places of
honor on the strength of it. Nay, among most of the Martian nations
even the making and the interpretation of the country’s laws is almost
exclusively entrusted to those who excel in this deceitful pursuit. For
the attainment to high political office it seems to be an absolutely
essential accomplishment. Our Martian informer expressed the fervent
belief that, were it not for this irrational and habitual deception,
much of the petty malice between nation and nation could have been
avoided or allayed.
We have heretofore found occasion to mention that the national activity
of the Brits covered a period of some three hundred years, while that
of the Two-Tons was limited to a span of forty years. This apparent
difference in national duration is due to the fact that for many years
up to the year 11 E.D. (1871 E.N.) the Two-Tons had been divided into a
number of small principalities, each leading a semi-national existence
of its own. In the year mentioned, after a destruction-chief by the
name of MOULD-KEY had conquered the Frank-Aulians popularly known as
the Fringe, a Two-Ton leader called BEES’MARK, because he left the
mark of a very busy bee upon Two-Tonia, united the principalities into
one great Two-Ton empire. Two chiefs reigned for a short time over
the new-born nation, and then were succeeded by another ruler, a man
of strenuous activity, bearing the high-sounding name of WILMOSTASH.
This man seems to have had a prominent influence on the Two-Tonian
growth; and the Two-Tons are convinced that their natural development
is in essence due to the tireless efforts of this ruler, whose facial
adornments indeed reach up toward the distant heavens.
The industrial preparations among the Two-Ton principalities previous
to their federation, were now by the Two-Tons regarded as of but little
consequence. Especially the younger generations saw naught but the
growth of the united nation since the year 11 E.D. (1871 E.N.). And
when they realized that they occupied an industrial position on the
planet Mars at least as important as that of any other nation, they
were impressed with the idea that in three, four decades they had
accomplished what had taken other nations three, four centuries to
reach. This impression could not but vastly increase their national
pride, so that the nationality-mania, so common among the deluded
Martians, was in Two-Tonia brought to an acute phase, overshadowing in
depth and seriousness the similar mental malady prevalent among other
nations.
As a consequence, as they gradually attained their important industrial
position, they aspired at a political position of similar importance.
But being--as a consequence of their brain-weight--less nimble and more
blunt than many of the other races, they frequently assumed in the
counsel of nations a high-toned attitude which the others looked upon
as arrogant, and by force of which they frequently attempted to dictate
the final decisions on international problems.
Had the nations not been deluded by their antagonistic and ever
suspicious nationality-mania, they would have reasoned with the
Two-Tons, they would have endeavored better to understand their ideals
and their motives, and they might have learned much from them, just as
the Two-Tons themselves in earlier years had learned a great deal from
the others. But as a consequence of the deplorable Martian delusion,
this attitude on the part of the Two-Tons had the effect of emphasizing
all the more the malice that one nation bore another, and even resulted
in a combination of the ill-will of various otherwise mutually
unfriendly nations, in aggregate directed against the Two-Tons. As the
neighboring nations watched with anxiety the profuse production of the
militaristic explosive in the Two-Tonian empire, and as they scented
an imminent danger of an explosion, they--by means of combinations and
alliances--commenced to take measures to protect themselves against the
Two-Tonian aggression which, they thought, was bound sooner or later to
change from a merely mental attitude into a series of acts of physical
violence. Among the nations so combined, special mention should be made
of the FRANK-AULIANS or FRINGE, who, besides watching with suspicion
the growing militaristic activity of their neighbor, were moreover
animated by their desire to obtain redress for the damage done them
in 1871 E.N., when they lost the territories of All-Sass and Low-Rain
to the Two-Tons. Indeed, though this desire--at first vehemently
proclaimed--had largely diminished in fervor as time wore on, still it
was one of the undercurrents conscientiously to be taken into account
in the judgment one might attempt to pass upon later developments.
In the anti-Two-Tonian protective combinations, the Fringe no doubt
figured prominently.
It is characteristic of the primitive condition of Martian civilization
that a nation’s political influence is determined, not by the wisdom it
displays in international counsel, but by the size of the territory it
controls, and partly, therefore, by the extent of its colonies. Now,
during three long centuries various nations had explored the oceans
and snapped up all the territories fit for colonization; and owing to
the successful angling of the Brits, many of these colonies had in the
end fallen into their hands. Next in colonial possessions came the
Fringe, and another nation known as the Whole-landers also controlled
considerable outlying territory. But as all these nations had been
engaged in this accumulation-process for so long a span of time, the
Two-Tons, when they commenced to search for similar far-off fields of
expansion, found but little left over. And not being as perfect in
dip-low-matic attainments as other nations, the Two-Tons, as other
nations had feared all along, came to the conclusion that the only way
in which they could attain to the same type of political influence,
was by force of arms, in other words, by a free and very inconsiderate
use of their national explosive on other nations’ territories. I am
here tempted to call attention to the marked influence which political
conditions exert over the mental activity of a nation’s philosophic
authors.
This temptation is so great that I shall overcome my reluctance, and
reveal what our Martian communicant secretly confided to Professor
FANSEE one memorable night, when both were looking for relaxation
from the strain of their protracted labor. On this indeed very rare
occasion our Martian philosopher confided to Professor FANSEE some of
his own personal earlier experiences. From these it appeared that the
Martian--I picture him in my imagination as a tall, lean man with a
long white beard--had originally been a fervent follower of the faith
of NAZARRO, and that afterwards he had been converted to Darvinianoism.
And so profoundly had the Darviniano conclusions obtained a hold on
his mentality, that he finally refused to look upon the Heebron and
Nazarrano manuscripts as in any way authoritative in regard to what did
and what did not constitute morality. With my deeper understanding of
Nature, he then had said to himself, let me go back to her, and Nature
herself shall teach me the laws of proper conduct. But when he had
commenced conscientiously to observe the methods of Nature with this
purpose in view, he soon discovered that the conduct of Nature as a
whole greatly differs from the conduct deemed just and proper by the
Martians. He found that Nature may at any time produce an upheaval of
the soil, by which libraries, printing-presses, art museums, temples,
churches, factories, institutes of industry and learning, would in a
few hours be wantonly destroyed, without the slightest discrimination
between the criminal and the virtuous, between things evil and things
beneficial to the Martians. In this then, he mused, we cannot follow
Nature.
Then, seeking for better guidance, he had bethought himself of the
law of the survival of the fittest. This law, he reflected, we may be
able consciously to apply to our conduct. But how? It is evident that
this law refers essentially to physical impediments and obstructions,
to physical conditions only. An icy blast may sweep the top of a high
hill and wipe out the tribe that inhabits it, and those living in the
valley may survive. Yet, had those in the valley been at the pinnacle,
they would have perished, and had those at the pinnacle lived in the
valley, they would in turn have survived. And if one were to ask what
would have happened had the blast struck both tribes at the same time,
we answer, those physically the fittest would have survived, absolutely
independent of their virtues or vices or of the degree of their
intelligence.
Has intelligence then been of no consequence whatever in the activity
of this law? Does not the fact that an intelligent race has survived
races of animals physically far more ferocious furnish proof positive
of the influence of intelligence on the operation of the great law?
No, had the Martian concluded, it furnishes no such proof whatever. An
intelligent race has survived, not in consequence of the physical law
of survival, but in opposition to it. It survived because it devised
means of protection wherewith to oppose the indiscriminating physical
forces by which survival had theretofore been determined. And when
one compares the individual members of that intelligent race with one
another, one soon discovers that those of superior intelligence are
often physically far more frail than are the dull-minded specimens,
and hence frequently far less fit to withstand the onslaught of
antagonistic physical forces.
Do we seek to apply this much quoted law of survival to morality,
we find to our dismay that not infrequently the unscrupulous thief
and deceiver and the blunt bully grow and prosper, while the honest
and virtuous thinker, less tricky or less self-assertive, is the
unfortunate and suffering underdog. Of course, if this law of survival
were indeed to be applied to our international views, we could only
praise and admire those who have acquired power: we certainly would
have no good cause to hate them.
We shall soon discover that the Martian spoke in detail on this subject
to Professor FANSEE, because it had an important bearing upon the
further political events on Mars. And it may therefore be proper for
me, also to quote to what conclusion the Martian philosopher came at
the end of his revelations.
Would anyone think, he exclaimed, of trying to advocate the law of
gravitation as a guide to proper conduct? No one would, because it
would be utterly absurd. For no Martian can add one iota to its power
or take away one iota from its everlasting activity by conscious
effort. We can add to or subtract from it no more than we could add
to or subtract from the material of which our Universe is composed.
And just as little good or bad as our conscious scheming can do to the
law of gravitation, just as little can it aid or hamper the law of the
survival of the fittest, except in so far as we may be able to protect
ourselves against its indiscriminate lack of consideration. That law
has ruled long before there was any self-consciousness, long before
there was intelligence in the living entities, long before one group of
specimens of a deluded species envied another group its industrial or
political importance. If life were to be ruled by this law, it would be
absurd to devise remedies against epidemics. In that case, we should
allow the disease to ravage the nation all it wants to. Nature would
thus render the Martians a special favor by destroying those unfit to
survive that particular disease. And after epidemic Number One had
passed, we might allow some new epidemic to destroy all the survivors,
even though among those killed by the first disease there might have
been many who could successfully have survived epidemic Number Two, had
they only still been alive to face it.
The absurdity of the proposition of being guided by this automatic law
had, therefore, become plainly apparent to our Martian philosopher.
And then it was, he told Professor FANSEE, that he began to realize
the truth of what had been said by others, that the moral precepts
contained in the Heebron and Nazarrano manuscripts had sprung from
the verdicts of human reason, after many centuries of experience and
observation of social requirements; and that they had become obnoxious
to certain Darvinianos, not because they were in themselves wrong or
misleading, but because they had until now always been imparted as if
inseparably founded on a devoted faith in personal semi-human Deities.
Separate them from that ancient faith, and they are strong enough in
themselves to remain standing, fastened deep into the rock of human
experience, as efficient guide-posts on the road that leads through the
labyrinth of life. As experience erected them, experience may perhaps
later still further improve them. Not your experience alone, or my
experience alone, but the experience of all the Martians combined,
scientifically founded on the decrees of further advanced logic.
After this relaxation by way of a heart-to-heart confession, our noble
Martian returned to his narrative of the struggling nations, and here
he showed at once in what way his confession was connected with his
interesting little chapter of political history.
The Two-Ton philosophers, he said, like himself profoundly impressed
with the Darviniano faith, had commenced to look to the laws of Nature
for moral guidance. And having started to dig in this direction, the
momentum of their brain-weight prevented them from changing their
course. Thus it came about that NEETCH-UR, a philosopher of note in
Two-Tonia, utterly cast aside all Nazarrano precepts. Why cure,
protect or aid the weak? Let the strong survive as Nature naturally
would let them. Will they be less intelligent? Blame Nature. Will they
be less considerate of their brothers’ well-being? It’s the fault of
Nature who then apparently wanted it that way. What NEETCH-UR taught,
therefore, was the moral excellence of physical and mental power,
inconsiderately overriding all those whose powers are less mighty, even
if this “moral” attitude should lead the Martians to a condition of
total im-morality.
NEETCH-UR was an oratorical author productive of high-sounding maxims,
who never endeavored to test their efficiency by the road of logic.
Though his ideals were evidently floating in the wrong direction,
he nevertheless had some of the marks of the genius. Nationality
was to him a minor consideration. He addressed his advocacy of the
rule of the powerful to all the inhabitants of Mars, and if a Brit
or a Skandalnavying were more powerful than a Two-Ton, he would have
witnessed with satisfaction the Two-Ton’s overthrow by the Brit or the
sturdy Skandalnavying.
To the Two-Tons, influenced as they were by the Martian
nationality-mania, this view of life was a bit too broad. The
correctness of the nature-view was not questioned. Especially not since
one of their most renowned empirical scientists, known as Professor
HECKLER, had boldly toddled from his empirical laboratory into the
field of philosophy, and had strenuously emphasized the nature-view,
with utter neglect of the emotional side of the Martian character. But
though the nature-view was held to be perfectly in order, NEETCH-UR’S
international broadness did not coincide with the Two-Tonian national
mental tendencies. No wonder, therefore, that another author soon
arose, named TRITE-SHKUR, who adopted NEETCH-UR’S views, but applied
them exclusively to the glory of the Two-Tons. If any one nation
was to survive by its power to conquer, that one nation must be the
nation of the Two-Tonians. The Brits with their propensity toward
territorial expansion had ruled the misty planet long enough. We, the
Two-Tons, have a greater quantity of explosives than have the Brits.
Our Kooltoor is far greater than their culture. The God of NAZARRO, no
matter what precepts NAZARRO himself may have proclaimed, will take
joy in seeing us conquer. We must go for the Brits, use our explosives
indiscriminately, and thus capture all the territory we can, in order
to force the law of survival to make its decision in our favor.