You see, Ladies, [whispering,] what an unhappy man I am! You see what a
spirit this dear creature has!--All, all owing to her implacable
relations, and to her father's curse.--A curse upon them all! they have
turned the head of the most charming woman in the world!
Ah! Sir, Sir, replied Miss Rawlins, whatever be the fault of her
relations, all is not as it should be between you and her. 'Tis plain
she does not think herself married: 'tis plain she does not: and if you
have any value for the poor lady, and would not totally deprive her of
her senses, you had better withdraw, and leave to time and cooler
consideration the event in your favour.
She will compel me to this at last, I fear, Miss Rawlins; I fear she
will; and then we are both undone: for I cannot live without her; she
knows it too well: and she has not a friend who will look upon her: this
also she knows. Our marriage, when her uncle's friend comes, will be
proved incontestably. But I am ashamed to think I have given her room
to believe it no marriage: that's what she harps upon!
Well, 'tis a strange case, a very strange one, said Miss Rawlins; and was
going to say further, when the angry beauty, coming towards the door,
said, Mrs. Moore, I beg a word with you. And they both stepped into the
dining-room.
I saw her just before put a parcel into her pocket; and followed them
out, for fear she should slip away; and stepping to the stairs, that she
might not go by me, Will., cried I, aloud [though I knew he was not near]
--Pray, child, to a maid, who answered, call either of my servants to me.
She then came up to me with a wrathful countenance: do you call your
servant, Sir, to hinder me, between you, from going where I please?
Don't, my dearest life, misinterpret every thing I do. Can you think me
so mean and unworthy as to employ a servant to constrain you?--I call him
to send to the public-houses, or inns in this town, to inquire after
Captain Tomlinson, who may have alighted at some one of them, and be now,
perhaps, needlessly adjusting his dress; and I would have him come, were
he to be without clothes, God forgive me! for I am stabbed to the heart
by your cruelty.
Answer was returned, that neither of my servants was in the way.
Not in the way, said I!--Whither can the dogs be gone?
O Sir! with a scornful air; not far, I'll warrant. One of them was under
the window just now; according to order, I suppose, to watch my steps--
but I will do what I please, and go where I please; and that to your
face.
God forbid, that I should hinder you in any thing that you may do with
safety to yourself!
Now I verily believe that her design was to slip out, in pursuance of the
closet-whispering between her and Miss Rawlins; perhaps to Miss Rawlins's
house.
She then stept back to Mrs. Moore, and gave her something, which proved
to be a diamond ring, and desired her [not whisperingly, but with an air
of defiance to me] that that might be a pledge for her, till she defrayed
her demands; which she should soon find means to do; having no more money
about her than she might have occasion for before she came to an
acquaintance's.
Mrs. Moore would have declined taking it; but she would not be denied;
and then, wiping her eyes, she put on her gloves--nobody has a right to
stop me, said she!--I will go!--Whom should I be afraid of?--Her very
question, charming creature! testifying her fear.
I beg pardon, Madam, [turning to Mrs. Moore, and courtesying,] for the
trouble I have given you.--I beg pardon, Madam, to Miss Rawlins,
[courtesying likewise to her,]--you may both hear of me in a happier
hour, if such a one fall to my lot--and God bless you both!--struggling
with her tears till she sobbed--and away was tripping.
I stepped to the door: I put it to; and setting my back against it, took
her struggling hand--My dearest life! my angel! said I, why will you thus
distress me?--Is this the forgiveness which you so solemnly promised?--
Unhand me, Sir!--You have no business with me! You have no right over
me! You know you have not.
But whither, whither, my dearest love, would you go!--Think you not that
I will follow you, were it to the world's end!--Whither would you go?
Well do you ask me, whither I would go, who have been the occasion that I
have not a friend left!--But God, who knows my innocence, and my upright
intentions, will not wholly abandon me when I am out of your power; but
while I am in it, I cannot expect a gleam of the divine grace or favour
to reach me.
How severe is this!--How shockingly severe!--Out of your presence, my
angry fair-one, I can neither hope for the one nor the other. As my
cousin Montague, in the letter you have read, observes, You are my polar
star and my guide, and if ever I am to be happy, either here or
hereafter, it must be in and by you.
She would then have opened the door. But I, respectfully opposing her,
Begone, man! Begone, Mr. Lovelace! said she, stop not in my way. If you
would not that I should attempt the window, give me passage by the door;
for, once more, you have no right to detain me.
Your resentments, my dearest life, I will own to be well grounded. I
will acknowledge that I have been all in fault. On my knee, [and down I
dropt,] I ask your pardon. And can you refuse to ratify your own
promise? Look forward to the happy prospect before us. See you not my
Lord M. and Lady Sarah longing to bless you, for blessing me, and their
whole family? Can you take no pleasure in the promised visit of Lady
Betty and my cousin Montague? And in the protection they offer you, if
you are dissatisfied with mine? Have you no wish to see your uncle's
friend? Stay only till Captain Tomlinson comes. Receive from him the
news of your uncle's compliance with the wishes of both.
She seemed altogether distressed; was ready to sink; and forced to lean
against the wainscot, as I kneeled at her feet. A stream of tears at
last burst from her less indignant eyes. Good heaven! said she, lifting
up her lovely face, and clasped hands, what is at last to be my destiny?
Deliver me from this dangerous man; and direct me--I know not what to do,
what I can do, nor what I ought to do!
The women, as I had owned our marriage to be but half completed, heard
nothing in this whole scene to contradict (not flagrantly to contradict)
what I had asserted. They believed they saw in her returning temper, and
staggered resolution, a love for me, which her indignation had before
suppressed; and they joined to persuade her to tarry till the Captain
came, and to hear his proposals; representing the dangers to which she
would be exposed; the fatigues she might endure; a lady of her
appearance, unguarded, unprotected. On the other hand they dwelt upon my
declared contrition, and on my promises; for the performance of which
they offered to be bound. So much had my kneeling humility affected
them.
Women, Jack, tacitly acknowledge the inferiority of their sex, in the
pride they take to behold a kneeling lover at their feet.
She turned from me, and threw herself into a chair.
I arose and approached her with reverence. My dearest creature, said I,
and was proceeding, but, with a face glowing with conscious dignity, she
interrupted me--Ungenerous, ungrateful Lovelace! You know not the value
of the heart you have insulted! Nor can you conceive how much my soul
despises your meanness. But meanness must ever be the portion of the
man, who can act vilely!
The women believing we were likely to be on better terms, retired. The
dear perverse opposed their going; but they saw I was desirous of their
absence; and when they had withdrawn, I once more threw myself at her
feet, and acknowledged my offences; implored her forgiveness for this one
time, and promised the most exact circumspection for the future.
It was impossible for her she said to keep her memory and forgive me.
What hadst thou seen in the conduct of Clarissa Harlowe, that should
encourage such an insult upon her as thou didst dare to make? How meanly
must thou think of her, that thou couldst presume to be so guilty, and
expect her to be so weak as to forgive thee?
I besought her to let me read over to her Captain Tomlinson's letter. I
was sure it was impossible she could have given it the requisite
attention.
I have given it the requisite attention, said she; and the other letters
too. So that what I say is upon deliberation. And what have I to fear
from my brother and sister? They can but complete the ruin of my
fortunes with my father and uncles. Let them and welcome. You, Sir, I
thank you, have lowered my fortunes; but, I bless God, that my mind is
not sunk with my fortunes. It is, on the contrary, raised above fortune,
and above you; and for half a word they shall have the estate they envied
me for, and an acquittal from me of all the expectations from my family
that may make them uneasy.