Your servant, Madam--but you must excuse me; I cannot well stand--I find
by the bill at the door, that you have lodgings to let [mumbling my words
as if, like my man Will., I had lost some of my fore-teeth]: be pleased
to inform me what they are; for I like your situation--and I will tell
you my family--I have a wife, a good old woman--older than myself, by the
way, a pretty deal. She is in a bad state of health, and is advised into
the Hampstead air. She will have two maid servants and a footman. The
coach or chariot (I shall not have them put up both together) we can put
up any where, and the coachman will be with his horses.
When, Sir, shall you want to come in?
I will take them from this very day; and, if convenient, will bring my
wife in the afternoon.
Perhaps, Sir, you would board, as well as lodge?
That as you please. It will save me the trouble of bringing my cook, if
we do. And I suppose you have servants who know how to dress a couple of
dishes. My wife must eat plain food, and I don't love kickshaws.
We have a single lady, who will be gone in two or three days. She has
one of the best apartments: that will then be at liberty.
You have one or two good ones mean time, I presume, Madam, just to
receive my wife; for we have lost time--these damn'd physicians--excuse
me, Madam, I am not used to curse; but it is owing to the love I have for
my wife--they have kept her in hand, till they are ashamed to take more
fees, and now advise her to the air. I wish we had sent her hither at
first. But we must now make the best of it.
Excuse me, Madam, [for she looked hard at me,] that I am muffled up in
this warm weather. I am but too sensible that I have left my chamber
sooner that I ought, and perhaps shall have a return of my gout for it.
I came out thus muffled up with a dreadful pain in my jaws; an ague in
them, I believe. But my poor dear will not be satisfied with any body's
care but mine. And, as I told thee, we have lost time.
You shall see what accommodations I have, if you please, Sir. But I
doubt you are too lame to walk up stairs.
I can make shift to hobble up now I have rested a little. I'll just look
upon the apartment my wife is to have. Any thing may do for the
servants: and as you seem to be a good sort of gentlewoman, I shan't
stand for a price, and will pay well besides for the trouble I shall
give.
She led the way; and I, helping myself by the banisters, made shift to
get up with less fatigue than I expected from ancles so weak. But oh!
Jack, what was Sixtus the Vth.'s artful depression of his natural powers
to mine, when, as this half-dead Montalto, he gaped for the pretendedly
unsought pontificate, and the moment he was chosen leapt upon the
prancing beast, which it was thought by the amazed conclave he was not
able to mount, without help of chairs and men? Never was there a more
joyful heart and lighter heels than mine joined together; yet both denied
their functions; the one fluttering in secret, ready to burst its bars
for relief-ful expression, the others obliged to an hobbling motion;
when, unrestrained, they would, in their master's imagination, have
mounted him to the lunar world without the help of a ladder.
There were three rooms on a floor: two of them handsome; and the third,
she said, still handsomer; but the lady was in it.
I saw, I saw she was! for as I hobbled up, crying out upon my weak
ancles, in the hoarse mumbling voice I had assumed, I beheld a little
piece of her as she just cast an eye (with the door a-jar, as they call
it) to observe who was coming up; and, seeing such an old clumsy fellow,
great coated in weather so warm, slouched and muffled up, she withdrew,
shutting the door without any emotion. But it was not so with me; for
thou canst not imagine how my heart danced to my mouth, at the very
glimpse of her; so that I was afraid the thump, thump, thumping villain,
which had so lately thumped as much to no purpose, would have choked me.
I liked the lodging well; and the more as she said the third room was
still handsomer. I must sit down, Madam, [and chose the darkest part of
the room]: Won't you take a seat yourself?--No price shall part us--but I
will leave the terms to you and my wife, if you please. And also whether
for board or not. Only please to take this for earnest, putting a guinea
into her hand--and one thing I will say; my poor wife loves money; but is
not an ill-natured woman. She was a great fortune to me: but, as the real
estate goes away at her death, I would fain preserve her for that reason,
as well as for the love I bear her as an honest man. But if she makes
too close a bargain with you, tell me; and, unknown to her, I will make
it up. This is my constant way: she loves to have her pen'orths; and I
would not have her vexed or made uneasy on any account.
She said, I was a very considerate gentleman; and, upon the condition I
had mentioned, she was content to leave the terms to my lady.
But, Madam, cannot a body just peep into the other apartment; that I may
be more particular to my wife in the furniture of it?
The lady desires to be private, Sir--but--and was going to ask her leave.
I caught hold of her arm--However, stay, stay, Madam: it mayn't be
proper, if the lady loves to be private. Don't let me intrude upon the
lady--
No intrusion, Sir, I dare say: the lady is good-humoured. She will be so
kind as to step down into the parlour, I dare say. As she stays so
little a while, I am sure she will not wish to stand in my way.
No, Madam, that's true, if she be good-humoured, as you say--Has she been
with you long, Madam?