[Illustration: _New Assistant_ (_after hair-cutting, to Jones, who has
been away for a couple of weeks_). “Your ’Air is very thin be’ind, Sir.
Try Singeing!”
_Jones_ (_after a pause_). “Yes, I think I will.”
_N.A._ (_after singeing_). “Shampoo, Sir? Good for the ’Air, Sir.”
_Jones_. “Thank you. Yes.”
_N.A._ “Your Moustaches curled?”
_Jones_. “Please.”
_N.A._ “May I give you a Friction?”
_Jones_. “Thank you.”
_N.A._ “Will you try some of our----”
_Manager_ (_who has just sighted his man, in Stage whisper_). “You
Idiot! _He’s_ a Subscriber!!”]
[Illustration: _Youngster_ (_who has just had a Penny given to him_).
“’Ow much is them Grapes, Mister?”
_Shopkeeper_ (_amused_). “They are Four Shillings and Sixpence a Pound,
my Lad.”
_Youngster_. “Well, then, give us a ’A’porth o’ _Carrots_. I’m a _Demon_
for _Fruit_!”]
[Illustration: _Ragged Urchin_ (_who has just picked up very short and
dirty end of a Cigarette_). “Hi, Billy! Look ’ere! See what you’ve
missed!”]
[Illustration: “_Perfeck Lidy_” (_who has just been ejected_). “Well,
_next_ time I goes into a Publickouse, I’ll go somewhere where I’ll be
_respected_!”]
[Illustration: A YORKSHIRE GOSSIP.
_First Gossip_. “So you was nivver axed tut Funeral?”
_Second Gossip_. “Nivver as much as inside t’house. But nobbut wait till
_we_ hev’ a Funeral of us own, an’ _we_’ll show ’em!”]
[Illustration: SO THAT DOESN’T COUNT.
“Are you sure they’re quite Fresh?” “Wot a Question to arst! Can’t yer
see they’re Alive?”
“Yes; but you’re _Alive_, you know!”]
[Illustration: A SUNDAY DINNER.
_Father of Family_ (_who has accidentally shot the leg of a Fowl under
the table_). “Mind t’Dog doesn’t get it!”
_Young Hopeful_ (_triumphantly_). “All right, Feyther! I’ve gotten me
Foot on it!”]
[Illustration: _Workman_ (_politely, to old Lady, who has accidentally
got into the Smoking Compartment_). “You don’ object to my Pipe, I ’ope
Mum?”
_Old Lady_. “Yes, I _do_ object, very strongly!”
_Workman_. “Oh! Then out you get!!”]
[Illustration: REASSURING.
“Lor’ bless yer, Sir, that’s all right, Sir! _That_ ain’t a Fly, Sir!
_That’s_ a bit of Dirt!”]
[Illustration: PICKINGS FROM PICARDY.