taken by Justice, the which narrowly concerned me. As he would denounce
no Accomplices, real or imaginary, the Police did their best to find out
his Confederates for themselves, and by diligent Inquiry made themselves
acquainted with all Damiens' movements for days before he committed his
Crime. They found out the Wine-shop where he had refused to pay his
Reckoning and made a Disturbance; and learning from the people of the
House what manner of Man had paid for him and taken him away, they were
soon on _my_ track. One night, just before the Ballet began, I was taken
by two Exempts; and, in the very play-acting dress as Cerberus that I
wore, was forced into a Sedan, and taken, surrounded by Guards, to the
Prison of the Chatelet. I thought of appealing to our Ambassador in
Paris, and proving that I was a faithful Subject of King George; but, as
it happened, I owed my safety to one who disowned that Monarch, and kept
all his Allegiance for King James. For old Mr. Lovell, hearing of my
Arrest, and importuned by poor Pretty Miss Lilias, who was kind enough
to shed many Tears on the occasion, hurried off to his Eminence the
Cardinal de ----, who was all but supreme at Court, and with whom he had
great Influence. The Cardinal listens to him very graciously, and by and
by comes down the President Pasquier to interrogate me, to whom I told a
plain Tale, setting forth how I had been unfortunate in Business in
Holland and Flanders, and was earning an honest Livelihood by playing a
Dog in a Pantomime. The people in the Wine-shop could not but bear me
out in stating that I had come across the Red-faced Man by pure
Accident, and was no Friend of his. It was moreover established by the
Police, that I had not been seen in Damiens' company after the Night I
first met him, and that I had a legitimate call to be at Versailles on
the day of the Assassination; so that after about a fortnight's
detention I was set at Liberty, to my own great joy and that of my good
and kind Mistress Lilias, who had now repaid ten-thousand-fold whatever
paltry Service I had been fortunate enough to render her. Nay, this
seeming Misadventure was of present service to me; for his Eminence was
pleased to say that he should be glad to hear something more concerning
me, for that I seemed a Bold Fellow; and at an Interview with him, which
lasted more than an Hour, I told him my whole Life and Adventures, which
caused him to elevate his Eyebrows not a little.
"_Cospetto!_ Signor Dangerous," says he (for though he spoke French like
a Native he was by Birth an Italian, and sometimes swore in that
Language), "if all be true what you say,--and you do not look like a
Man who tells Lies,--you have led a strange Life. When a Boy, you were
nearly Hanged; and now at the _mezzo cammin_ of Life you have been on
the point of having your Limbs broken on a St. Andrew's Cross. However,
we must see what we can do for you. Strength, Valour, Experience, and
Discretion do not often go together; but I give you credit for
possessing a fair show of all Four. I suppose, now, that you are tired
of squatting at the Wicket of the Infernal Regions at the Opera House?"
I bowed in acknowledgment of his Eminence's compliments, and said that I
should be glad of any Employment.
"Well, well," continued his Eminence, "we will see. At present, as you
say you are a fair Scholar, my Secretary will find you some work in
copying Letters. And here, Signor Dangerous, take these ten Louis, and
furnish yourself with some more Clerkly Attire than your present trim.
It would never do for a Prince of the Church to have a Flavour of the
Opera Side-Scenes about his house."
Unless Rumour lied, there hung sometimes about his Eminence's sumptuous
hotel a Flavour, not alone of the Opera Side-Scenes, but of the
Ballet-Dancers' Tiring-room. However, let that pass. I took the ten
Louis with many Thanks, and six hours afterwards was strutting about in
a suit of Black, full trimmed, with a little short Cloak, for all the
world like a Notary's Clerk.
I had been in the Employ of his Eminence--who showed me daily more and
more favour--about a month, when all Paris was agog with the News that
the Monster Parricide and Hell-Hound (as they called him from the
Pulpit), Robert Francois Damiens, was to suffer the last Penalty of his
Crime. I know not what strange horrible fascination I yielded to, but I
could not resist the desire to see the End of the Red-faced Man. I went.
The Tragedy took place on the Place de Greve; but ere he came on to his
last Scene, Damiens had gone through other Woes well-nigh unutterable.
I speak not of his performing the _amende honorable_, bare-footed, in
his Shirt, a Halter round his Neck, and a lighted Taper of six pounds'
weight in his Hand, at the Church-door, confessing his Crime, and asking
Pardon of God, the King, and all Christian Men. Ah! no; he had suffered
more than this. Part of his Sentence was that, prior to Execution, he
was to undergo the Question Ordinary and Extraordinary; and so at the
Conciergerie, in the presence of Presidents, Counsellors of the
Parliament, Great Noblemen of the Court, and other Dignitaries, the Poor
Thing was put into the _Brodequins_, or Boots, and wedge after wedge
driven in between his Legs--already raw and inflamed with the Devilries
of the President Michault--and the Iron Incasement. He rent the air with
his Screams, until the Surgeons declared that he could hold out no
longer. But he confessed nothing; for what had he to confess?
Then came the last awful Day, when all this Agony was to end. I saw it
all. The Greve was densely packed; and although the space is not a third
so large as Tower Hill, there seemed to be Thousands more persons
present than at the beheading of my Lord Lovat. A sorrier Sight was it
to see the windows of the Hotel de Ville thronged with Great Ladies of
the Court, many of them Young and Beautiful, and all bravely Dressed,
who laughed and chattered and ate Sweetmeats while the Terrible Show was
going on. The Sentence ran that the Assassin's Hand, holding the Knife
which he had used, should be Burnt in a Slow-fire of Sulphur. Then that
his Flesh should be torn on the Breast, Arms, Stomach, Thighs, and
Calves of the Legs with Pincers; and then that into the gaping Wounds
there should be poured Melted Lead, Rosin, Pitch, Wax, and Boiling Oil.
And finally, that by the Four Extremities he should be attached to Four
Horses, and rent Asunder; his Body then to be Burnt, and his Ashes
scattered to the Winds. There was nothing said about the Lord having
mercy upon his Soul; but careful injunction was made that he was to be
condemned in the Costs of the Prosecution.
All this was done, although I sicken to record it; but in the most
Blundering Butcherly manner. The Chief-Executioner of the Parliament was
Sick, and so the task was deputed to his Nephew, Gabriel Sanson, who
being, notwithstanding his Sanguinary Office (which is hereditary), a
Humane kind of Young Man, was all in a Shiver at what he had to perform,
and quite lost his Head. Both his Valets, or Under-Hangmen, were Drunk.
They had forgotten the Pitch, Oil, Rosin, and other things; and at the
last moment they had to be sent for to the neighbouring Grocers'. But
these Shopkeepers declared, out of humanity, that they had them not;
whereupon Guards and Exempts were sent, who searched their Stores, and
seized what was wanted in the King's Name. Then the Fiendish Show began.
I can hear the miserable man's Shrieks as I sit writing this now.--But
no more.
So strong is our Human Frame, that the great strong Brewer's Horses,
although Dragged and Whipped this way and t'other, could not pull his
limbs Asunder. So the Surgeons were obliged to sever the great Sinews
with Knives, and then the Horses managed it, somehow.
_Note._--When the Horses were Lashed, to make 'em pull Lustily, the Fine
Ladies at the windows fluttered their Fans, and, in their sweet little
Court Lingo, cried out compassionately, "_Oh, les pauv' Zevaux!_"--"Oh,
the poor Dobbins!" They didn't say any thing about a poor Damiens.
_Note._--Also, that when they took his Head, to cram it into the
Brazier, and burn it with the rest of his Members, they found that his
Hair, which when he was arrested was of a Dark Brown, had turned quite
White.
This Story is Naked Truth, and it was done in the Christian country of
France, and in the Year of our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Fifty-Seven.
It all fell out because a poor, ignorant, half-crazy Serving-Man chose
to muddle his Head about the Archbishop of Paris and his Billets of
Confession, and because he would not go to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood
when Jack Dangerous bade him.
A week after this his Eminence was pleased to send for me into his
Cabinet, and told me that he had heard great Accounts from his Secretary
of my Parts, Application, and Capacity, and that he designed to restore
me to the position of a Gentleman. He asked me if I had a mind for a
particular Employment and a Secret Mission; and on my signifying my
willingness to embark in such an Undertaking, bade me hold myself in
readiness to travel forthwith into Italy.
FOOTNOTE:
[B] "'Tis the Blood, the Blood mounting to my Head! 'Tis the
Archbishop's fault, and that of his Charge. I shall perish; but the
Mighty Ones of the Earth shall perish with me."
I have, contrary to my practice, given these Words as they were spoken,
in the French Tongue: for they sunk into my Mind, so as never to be
forgotten.--J. D.
CHAPTER THE SIXTH.
OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE CARDINAL DE ----.
PARIS was now clearly no place for me; so bidding adieu to my kind
Protectress, I made what haste I could to quit the city where I had
witnessed, and in some sense been implicated in, so Frightful a Tragedy.
There had always been mingled with my Adventurous Temperament a turn for
sober Reflection; and I did not fail to Reflect with much seriousness
upon the appalling perils from which I had just, by the Mercy of
Providence, escaped. Setting altogether on one side the Pretty Sight I
should have presented had I been subject to the Hellish Tortures which
this poor crazy Wretch Damiens underwent, I justly conceived an extreme
Horror for this Fiendish yet frivolous People, who could mingle the
twirling of Fans and the sucking of Sugarplums, with the most
excruciating Torments ever inflicted upon a Human Being. At least, so I
reasoned to myself; if we English hang and disembowel a Traitor, at
least we strangle him first; and though the sentence is Bloodthirsty,
the mob would rend 'Squire Ketch in pieces were it known that a Spark of
Life remained in the Body of the Patient when the Hangman's Knife
touched his Breast; but these Frenchmen have neither Humanity nor
Decency, and positively pet and pamper up their Victim in order that he
may be the better able to endure the full effects of their infernal
Spite.
Not without considerable Misgivings did I undertake my new Employment,
the more so as I was both forbidden and ashamed to impart any inkling of
its nature to my dear Mistress. Say what you will, no man that has a
spark of Honesty remaining in him can have much relish for the calling
of a Spy. I tried hard to persuade myself that this was a kind of
Diplomatic Employment; that I was intrusted with Secrets of State; and
that by faithfully carrying out my Instructions, I was serving the cause
of Civilisation, and in my humble way helping to maintain the Peace of
Europe. For in all ages there have been, and in all to come there must
be, sober and discreet Persons to act as Emissaries, to inquire into the
conditions of the People, and bring back Tidings of the Nakedness or
Fertility of the Land. It would never have been known that there was
Corn in Egypt, but for the sagacious Investigations of Messengers sent
to quest about in the interest of a Famished Community. Nevertheless I
admit that, although I spread much such Balsam upon my galled and chafed
Conscience, I could not avoid a dismal Distrust that all these Arguments
were vain and Sophistical. The words, "Spy, Spy, Spy," haunted me both
by day and by night. I saw, in imagination, the Finger of Derision
pointed at me, and heard, in spirit, the wagging of the Tongues of
Evil-minded Men. The worst of it was, that the occult nature of my
Mission prevented me from loudly proclaiming my Honesty in order to
vindicate it against all comers, and glued my Sword to its Scabbard,
whence it would otherwise furiously have leapt to avenge the merest
Slight put upon me.
His Eminence the Cardinal de ---- was pleased to equip me for my Journey
in the most munificent Manner. First he directed me to procure a
plentiful stock of Clothes both for travelling and for gala Occasions,
not forgetting a couple of good serviceable Rapiers, as well as a
Walking-sword, a Dress-foil, and a Hanger, with a pair of Holster
Pistols, and two smaller ones of Steel in case of Emergencies. Also, by
his advice, within the lining of my Coat, by the nape of my Neck, just
where the bag of my Wig hung, I secreted a neat little Poniard or
Dagger. In a small Emerald Ring, of which he made me a Present, was
compactly stowed a quantity of very subtle and potent Poison, sufficient
to kill Two Men. "One never knows what may happen, dear Captain," says
his Eminence to me, with his unctuous Smile. "Your Profession is one of
sudden Risks, leading sometimes to prospects of painful Inconvenience.
If you are brought to such a pass that all your Ingenuity will not
enable you to extricate yourself from it, and if you have any rational
Objection, say, to being Burnt Alive, or Broken on the Wheel, 'tis
always as well to have the means at hand of executing oneself with
genteel Tranquillity. Such means you will always carry with you on your
Little Finger; and I can see, by the circumference of the Ring, that
'tis only by Sawing off that it can be got from off your Digit. Poison
yourself then, _mio caro_, if you see no other way of getting out of the
Scrape; but pray remember this; That he who has poison about him, and
only enough for one, is an Ass. _Always carry enough for Two._ The
immersion of that little finger in a Glass of Wine, and the pressure of
a little Spring, would make Hercules so much cold chicken in a Moment.
There are times, dear Captain, when you may have to save Half your
Potion to kill yourself, but when you may safely lay out the other Half
with the view of killing somebody else." A mighty pleasant Way had his
Eminence with him; and his conversation was a kind of Borgia Brocade
shot with Machiavelism.
My Despatches and other Secret Documents I was to carry neatly folded
and moulded within a Ball of Wax not much larger than a Pill. This again
was put into a Comfit-box of Gold, and suspended by a minute but strong
Chain of Steel round my Neck.
"In difficult Circumstances," says his Eminence, "you will open that
Comfit-box and swallow that little Ball of Wax. I have often thought,"
he pursued, "that Spies, to be perfect in their Vocation, should first
of all be apprenticed to Mountebanks. At the Fair of St. Germain, I have
gazed with admiration on the grotesquely bedizened fellows who swallow
Swords, Redhot Pokers, and Yards of Ribbon without number, and thought
of what invaluable service their Powers of Gullet would be in the rapid
and effectual concealment of Documents the which it is expedient to
conceal from the eyes of the Vulgar."
Again, in the folds of a silken belt, in the which I was to keep my
Letters of Credit and a large unset Diamond, in case I should be pressed
for Money in places where there were no Bankers,--for Diamonds are
convertible into Cash from one end of the World to the other, except
among the Cannibals,--in this Belt was a little Scrap of Parchment
secured between two squares of Glass, and bearing an Inscription in
minute characters, which I was unable to decipher. I have the Scrap of
Parchment by me yet, and have shown it to Doctor Dubiety, who is a very
learned man; but even he is puzzled with it; and beyond opining that the
characters are either Arabic or Sanscrit, cannot give me any information
regarding their Purport.
"This Parchment," observed the Cardinal when he delivered it to me,
"will be of no service to you with Civil or Military Governors, and it
will be well for you not to show it to carnal-minded Men; but if ever
you get into difficulties with Holy Mother Church--I speak not of
Heretic Communions--you may produce it at once, and it will be sure to
deliver you from those Fiery Furnaces and the Jaws of those Devouring
Dragons of whom the said Holy Mother Church is sometimes forced (through
the perversity of Mankind) to make use."
Finally, this same Belt contained a curious Contrivance, by means of a
piece of Vellum perforated in divers places, for deciphering the Letters
I might receive from his Eminence or his agents. On placing the Vellum
over the Letter sent, the words intended to meet the eyes of the
recipient, and none other, would appear through the incisions made;
while, the Vellum removed, the body of the Epistle would read like the
veriest Balderdash. This the French call a _chiffre a grille_, and 'tis
much used in their secret Diplomatic Affairs. The best of it is, that
when the two Parties who wish to correspond have once settled where the
incisions are to be, and have each gotten their _grille_, or Peephole
Vellum, no human being can, under ten thousand combinations of letters,
and years of toilsome labour, decipher what is meant to be expressed, or
Weed out the few Words of Meaning from the mass of surrounding Rubbish.
I bade his Eminence farewell, having the honour to be admitted to his
_petit lever_, the felicity to kiss his hand and receive his
Benediction, and the distinction of being conducted down the Back Stairs
by his Maitre d'Hotel, and let out by a Side Door in the Garden-wall of
his Mansion. A close Chariot took me one morning in the Spring of '58 to
the Barriere de Lyon, and there I found a Chaise and Post-horses, and
was soon on my road to the South, with three hundred Louis in Gold in my
Valise, and a Letter of Credit for any sum under five hundred at a time,
I liked to draw, in my Waist-belt. I was Richer in Purse and more
bravely Dressed than ever I had been in my life, and travelled under the
name of the Chevalier Escarbotin; but I was a Spy, and in mine own eyes
I was the Meanest of the Mean.
A happy Mercurial Temper and cheerful Flow of Spirits soon, however,
revived within me; and, ere Ten Leagues of my Journey were over, the
Chevalier Escarbotin became once more to himself Jack Dangerous. "I will
work the Mine of my Manhood," I cried out in the Chaise, "to the last
Vein of the Ore. _Vive la Joie!_" Yet in my innermost heart did I wish
myself once more with Captain Blokes as the daring Supercargo of the
dear old _Marquis_, or else a Peaceful Merchant at Amsterdam, giving
good advice to the Rogues and Sluts in the Rasphuys. O Mr.
Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom!
Six days after my departure from Paris, I embarked from Marseille on
board a Tartane bound for Genoa. We had fine sailing for about three
days, till by contrary winds we were driven into San Remo, a pretty
Seaport belonging to the Genoese. This abounds so much with Oranges,
Lemons, and other Delicious Fruit, that it is called the Paradise of
Italy. So on to Genoa, where the Beggars live in Palaces cheek by jowl
with the Nobles, who are well-nigh as beggarly as they; and the Houses
are as lofty as any in Europe, and the Streets between them as dark and
narrow as Adam and Eve Court in the Strand. The Suburb called San Pietro
d'Arena very pretty, and full of commodious Villas. There are thirty
Parish Churches, and at San Lorenzo they show a large Dish made out of
One Emerald, which they say was given to King Solomon by the Queen of
Sheba. The Genoese are a cunning and industrious People, with a great
gusto for the Arts, but terrible Thieves. The Government a Republic,
headed by a Doge, that is chosen every two years from among the
Nobility, and must be a Genoese, at least Fifty years of age, and no
Byblow. He cannot so much as lie One Night out of the City, without
leave had from the Senate. When he is elected, they place a Crown of
Gold on his Head, and a Sceptre in his Hand. His Robes are of Crimson
Velvet, and he has the title of Serenity.
Here I did business with several Persons of Consideration; the Senators
B--c--i and Delia G----, the rich Banker L----, and Monsignore the
Archprelate X----. So by Cortona, where there is a strong Castle on a
Hill, to Pavia, an old decaying City on the River Tessin, which is so
rapid that Bishop Burnet says he ran down the Stream thirty miles in
three hours by the help of one Rower only. This may be, or t'other way;
but I own to placing very little faith in the veracity of these
Cat-in-Pan Revolution Bishops. Here (at Pavy) is a Brass Statue of
Marcus Antoninus on Horseback; though the Pavians will have it to be
Charles the Fifth, and others declare it to be Constantine the Great.
After two days here, waiting for Despatches from his Eminence, which
came at last in the False Bottom of a Jar of Narbonne Honey, and I
answering by a Billet discreetly buried in the recesses of a large
Bologna Sausage, I posted to Milan, through a fertile and delicious
country, which some call the Garden of Italy. A broad, clean place, with
spacious Streets; but the Wine and Maccaroni not half so good as at
Genoa. The Cathedral full of Relics, some of which run up as high as
Abraham. In the Ambrosian Library are a power of Books, and, what is
more curious, the Dried _Heads_ of several Learned Men--amongst others,
that of our Bishop Fisher, whom King Harry the Eighth put to death for
not acknowledging his Supremacy. About two miles from hence is a
Curiosity, in the shape of a Building, where, if you fire off a Pistol;
the Sound returns about Fifty times. 'Tis done, they told me, by two
Parallel Walls of a considerable length, which reverberate the Sound to
each other till the undulation is quite spent. The which, being so
informed, I was as wise concerning the Echo as I had been before.
It was my Design to have proceeded from Milan either to Venice or to the
famous Capital City of Rome; but Instructions from his Eminence forced
me to retrace my steps, and at Genoa I embarked for Naples. This is a
very handsome place, but villanously Dirty, and governed in a most
Despotic Manner. Nearly all the Corn Country round about belongs to the
Jesuits, who make a pretty Penny by it. The taxes very high, and laid on
Wine, Meat, Oil, and other Necessaries of Life; indeed on every thing
eatable except Fruit and Fowls, which you may buy for a Song. All
Foreigners who have here purchased Estates are loaded with Extraordinary
Taxes and Impositions. The City is remarkable for its Silk Stockings,
Waistcoats, Breeches, and Caps; Soap, Perfume, and Snuff-boxes. They
cool their Wine with Snow, which they get out of pits dug in the
Mountain-sides. Near here, too, is a Burning Mountain they call Vesuvio.
It may be mighty curious, but 'tis as great a Nuisance and Perpetual
Alarm to the peaceable Inhabitants of Naples as a Powder Magazine. Very
often this Vesuvio gives itself up to hideous Bellowing, causing the
Windows, nay the very Houses, in Naples to Shake, and then it vomits
forth vast Quantities of melted Stuff, which streams down the
Mountain-sides like a pot boiling over. Sometimes it darkens the Sun
with Smoke, causing a kind of Eclipse; then a Pillar of Black Smoke will
start up to a prodigious Height in the air, and the next morning you
will find the Court and Terrace of your House, be it ten miles away, all
strewn with Fine Ashes from Vesuvio.
CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.
I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM SEDUCED TO A STATE OF
MISERABLE SLAVERY.
I THINK I should have been much better off, if, stopping at Naples, I
had fallen into the blazing Crater of Vesuvio, and have cast up again
into the air in the shape of Red-Hot Ashes. I think it would have been
better for me to be Bitten by the Tarantula Spider (which is about the
size of a small Nutmeg, and when it bites a person throws him into all
kinds of Tumblings, Anger, Fear, Weeping, Crazy Talk, and Wild Actions,
accompanied by a kind of Bedlam Gambado), than to have gone upon the
pretty Dance I was destined to Lead. However, there was no disobeying
the commands of his Eminence, who, in his Smooth Italian way, told me at
Paris that those of his Servants who did not attend to his Behests,
were much subject to dying Suddenly after Supper; and so, Willy-nilly, I
sped upon my Dark Errand.