Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Emmy and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This
book was produced from scanned images of public domain
material from the Google Print project.)
THE STRANGE ADVENTURES
OF
CAPTAIN DANGEROUS:
WHO WAS A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A MERCHANT, A SPY, A SLAVE
AMONG THE MOORS, A BASHAW IN THE SERVICE
OF THE GRAND TURK,
AND
=Died at last in his own House in Hanover Square.=
A NARRATIVE IN OLD-FASHIONED ENGLISH.
ATTEMPTED BY
GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA.
IN THREE VOLUMES.
VOL. III.
LONDON:
TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND.
1863.
[_The right of Translation is reserved._]
LONDON:
SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET,
COVENT GARDEN.
CONTENTS OF VOL. III.
CHAPTER THE FIRST. PAGE
I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO
RIGHT ROUND IT 1
CHAPTER THE SECOND.
MERCATOR, HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT 44
CHAPTER THE THIRD.
THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO
EUROPE 71
CHAPTER THE FOURTH.
OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND 115
CHAPTER THE FIFTH.
OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS,
WHICH WAS NEARLY MY UNDOING 154
CHAPTER THE SIXTH.
OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE
CARDINAL DE ---- 181
CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.
I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM
REDUCED TO A STATE OF MISERABLE SLAVERY 196
CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.
AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS
BECOMES BESTUSCHID BASHAW 230
CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST.
OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF
MY ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND
OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY GRANDMOTHER'S
HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE. 272
* * * * *
THE STRANGE ADVENTURES
OF
CAPTAIN DANGEROUS.
=A Narrative in Old fashioned English.=
CHAPTER THE FIRST.
I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO RIGHT ROUND IT.
1748. I was not yet Forty years of age, Hale and Stout, Comely
enough,--so said Mistress Prue and many other damsels,--with a Military
Education, an approved reputation for Valour, and very little else
besides. A gentleman at large, with a purse well-nigh as slender as an
ell-wand, and as wobegone as a dried eel-skin. But I was never one that
wanted many Superfluities; and having no Friends in the world, was of a
most Contented Disposition.
Some trouble, indeed, must I have with that luckless Mistress Prue, the
Waiting-Maid--sure, I did the girl no Harm, beyond whispering a little
soft nonsense in her ear now and then. But she must needs have a
succession of Hysterical Fits after my departure from the Tower, and
write me many scores of Letters couched in the most Lamentable
Rigmarole, threatening to throw herself into Rosamond's Pond in St.
James's Park (then a favourite Drowning-Place for Disconsolate Lovers),
with many other nonsensical Menaces. But I was firm to my Determination
to do her no harm, and therefore carefully abstained from answering any
of her letters. She did not break her heart; but (being resolved to wed
one that wore the King's cloth) she married Miles Bandolier about three
months after my Departure, and broke his head, ere the Honeymoon was
over, with a Bed-staff. A most frivolous Quean this, and I well rid of
her.
Coming out of the Tower, I took lodgings for a season in Great Ryder
Street, St. James's, and set up for a Person of Pleasure. There were
many Military Officers of my Acquaintance who honoured me with their
company over a Bottle, for even as a Tower Warder I had been a kind of a
Gentleman, and there was no treating me as one of base Degree. They
laughed somewhat at my Brevet rank of Captain, and sometimes twitted me
as to what Regiment I was in; but I let them laugh, so long as they did
not go too far, when I would most assuredly have shown them, by the
length of my Blade, not only what Regiment I belonged to, but what
Mettle I was of. By favour of some of my Martial Friends, I was
introduced to a favourite Coffee-House, the "Ramilies," in Jermyn Street
('tis Slaughter's, in St. Martin's Lane, now, that the Soldier-Officers
do most use); and there we had many a pleasant Carouse, and, moreover,
many a good game at cards; at the which, thanks to the tuition of Mr.
Hodge, when I was in Mr. Pinchin's service, I was a passable adept,
being able to hold my own and More, in almost every Game that is to be
found in Hoyle. And so our card-playing did result, not only to mutual
pleasure, but to my especial Profit; for I was very lucky. But I declare
that I always played fair; and if any man doubted the strict probity of
my proceeding, there was then, as there is now, my Sword to vindicate my
Honour.
'Tis ill-living, however, on Gambling. Somehow or another the Money you
win at Cards--I would never touch Dice, which are too chancy, liable to
be Sophisticated, and, besides, sure to lead to Brawling, Stabbing, and
cracking of Crowns--this Money, gotten over Old Nick's back, I say,
never seems to do a Man any Good. 'Tis light come, and light go; and the
Store of Gold Pieces that glitter so bravely when you sweep them off the
green cloth seems, in a couple of days afterwards, to have turned to dry
leaves, like the Magician's in the Fairy Tale. Excepting Major Panton,
who built the Street and the Square which bear his name out of One
Night's Profit at the Pharoah table, can you tell me of one habitual
Gambler who has been able to realise anything substantial out of his
Winnings? No, no; a Hand at Cards is all very well, and 'tis pleasant to
win enough to pay one's Reckoning, give a Supper to the Loser, and have
a Frisk upon Town afterwards; but I do abhor your steady, systematic
Gamblers, with their restless eyes, quivering lips, hair bristling under
their wigs, and twitching fingers, as they watch the Game. Of course,
when Cards are played, you must play for Money. As to playing for Love,
I would as soon play for nutshells or cheese-parings. But the whole
business is too feverish and exciting for a Man of warm temperament.
'Tis killing work when your Bed and Raiment, your Dinner and your Flask,
depend on the turn up of a card. And so I very speedily abandoned this
line of life.
'Twas necessary, nevertheless, for something to be done to bring Grist
to the Mill. About this time it was a very common practice for Great
Noblemen--notably those who were in any way addicted to pleasure, and
ours was a mighty Gay Nobility thirty or forty years since--to entertain
Men of Honour, Daring, and Ability, cunning in the use of their Swords,
and exceedingly discreet in their conversations, to attend them upon
their private affairs, and render to them Services of a kind that
required Secrecy as well as Courage. One or two Duels in Hyde Park and
behind Montagu House, in which I had the honour to be concerned as
Second,--and in one of which I engaged the Second of my Patron's
Adversary, and succeeded, by two dexterous side slices, in Quincing his
face as neatly as a housewife would slice Fruit for a Devonshire Squab
Pie,--gained me the notice of some of the Highest Nobility, to whom I
was otherwise recommended by the easiness of my Manners, and the amenity
of my Language. The young Earl of Modesley did in particular affect me,
and I was of Service to his Lordship on many most momentous and delicate
Occasions. For upwards of Six Months I was sumptuously entertained in
his Lordship's Mansion in Red Lion Square;--a Kind of Hospitality,
indeed, which he was most profuse in the dispensation of:--there being
at the same time in the House a French Dancing-Master, an Italian
Singer, a Newmarket Horse-Jockey, and a Domestic Chaplain, that had been
unfrocked for too much fighting of Cocks and drinking of Cider with
clowns at his Vicarage; but to whom the Earl of Modesley was always a
fast friend. Unfortunate Young Nobleman! He died of a malignant Fever at
Avignon, just before attaining his Thirtieth Year! His intentions
towards me were of the most Bounteous Description; and he even, being
pleased to say that I was a good-looking Fellow enough, and come to an
Age when it behoved me to be settled in Life, proposed that I should
enter in the bonds of Wedlock with one Miss Jenny Lightfoot, that had
formerly been a Milliner in Liquorpond Street, but who, when his
Lordship introduced me to her, lived in most splendid Lodgings under the
Piazza, Covent Garden, and gave the handsomest Chocolate Parties to the
Young Nobility that ever were seen. So Boundless was his Lordship's
generosity that he offered to bestow a portion of Five Hundred Pounds on
Miss Lightfoot if she would become Madame Dangerous--said portion to be
at my absolute disposal--and to give me besides a long Lease at a
Peppercorn Rent of a Farm of his in Wiltshire. The Match, however, came
to nothing. I was not yet disposed to surrender my Liberty; and, indeed,
the Behaviour of Miss Lightfoot, while the Treaty of Alliance between us
was being discussed, did not augur very favourably for our felicity in
the Matrimonial State. Indeed, she was pleased to call me Rogue,
Gambler, Bully, Led Captain, and many other uncivil names. She snapped
off the silver hilt of my dress-sword (presented to me after I had
fought the Second in Hyde Park), and obstinately refused to restore that
gewgaw to me, telling me that she had given it to her Landlady (one
Mother Bishopsbib, a monstrous Fat Woman, that was afterwards Carted,
and stood in the Pillory in Spring Gardens, for evil practices) in part
payment for rent-owing. Moreover, she wilfully spoilt my best periwig by
overturning a Chocolate Mill thereupon; and otherwise so misconducted
herself that I bade her a respectful Farewell,--she leaving the marks of
her Nails on my face as a parting Gift,--and told my Lord Modesley that
I would as lief wed a Roaring Dragon as this Termagant of the Piazza.
This Refusal brought about a Rupture between myself and my Lord. He was
imprudent enough to talk about my Ingratitude, to tell me that the very
coat on my back was bought and paid for with his Money, and to threaten
to have me kicked out of doors by two of his Tall Lacqueys. But I
speedily let him have a piece of my Mind. "My Lord," says I, going up to
him, and thrusting my face full in his, "you will be pleased to know
that I am a Gentleman, whose ancestors were ennobled centuries before
your rascally grandfather got his peerage for turning against the true
King."
He began to murmur something (as many have done before when my blood
was up, and I have mentioned Royalty) about my being "a Jacobite."
"I'll Jacobite your jacket for you, you Jackadandy!" I retorted. "You
have most foully insulted me. I know your Lordship's ways well. If I
sent you a cartel, you and your whippersnapper Friends would sneer at
it, because I am poor, and fling Led Captain in my teeth. You won't
fight with a poor Gentleman of the Sword. I am too much of a Man of
Honour to waylay you at night, and give you the private Stab, as you
deserve; but so sure as you are your father's son, if you don't make me
this instant a Handsome Apology, I will cudgel you till there is not a
whole bone in your body."
The young Ruffian--he was not such a coward as Squire Pinchin, but
rather murderous--makes no more do, but draws upon me. I caught up a
quarter-staff that lay handy (for we were always exercising ourselves at
athletic amusements), struck the weapon from his grasp, and hit him a
sounding thwack across the shins that brought him down upon his
marrow-bones.
"Below the Belt!" he cries out, holding up his hands. "Foul! foul!"
"Foul be hanged!" I answered. "I'm not going to fight, but to Beat You;"
and I rushed upon him, shortening the Staff, and would have belaboured
him Soundly, but that he saw it was no use contending against John
Dangerous, and very humbly craved a parley. He Apologised as I had
Demanded, and lent me Twenty Guineas, and we parted on the most friendly
terms.
This Lord essayed, notwithstanding, to do me much harm in Town, saying
that I had used him with black Cruelty, had re-requited his many favours
with gross Treachery, and the like Falsehoods, until I was obliged to
send him a Message to this purport: that unless he desisted, I should be
obliged to keep my promise as to the Cudgel. Upon which he presently
surceased. So much meanness had he, even, as to fudge up a pretended
debt of nineteen guineas against me as for money lent, for the which I
was arrested by bailiffs and conveyed--being taken at Jonathan's--to a
vile spunging-house in Little Bell Alley, Moorfields; but the keeper of
the House stood my friend, and procured a Bail for me in the shape of an
Honest Gentleman, who was to be seen every day about Westminster Hall
with a straw in his shoe, and for a crown and a dinner at the
eating-house would suddenly become worth five hundred a year, or at
least swear himself black in the face that such was his estate:--which
was all that was required. And when it came to justifying of Bail before
the Judges, what so easy as to hire a suit of clothes in Monmouth
Street, and send him into court fully equipped as a reputable gentleman?
However, there was no occasion for this, for on the very night of my
enlargement I won fifty guineas at the tables; and walking very Bold to
my Lord's House, sends up the nineteen guineas to my Lord with a note,
asking to what lawyer I should pay the cost of suit, and whether I
should wait upon him at his Levee for a receipt. On the which he, still
with the fear of a cudgelling before his eyes, sends me down a Receipt
in Full, _and the Money back to boot_, begging me to trouble myself in
no way about the lawyer; which, I promise you, I did not. And so an end
of this troublesome acquaintance,--a profitable one enough to me while
it lasted. As for Miss Jenny, her Behaviour soon became as light as her
name. I have heard that she got into trouble about a Spanish Merchant
that was flung down stairs and nigh killed, and that but for the Favour
of Justice Cogwell, who had a hankering for her, 'twould have been a
Court-Job. Afterwards I learnt that she had been seen beating Hemp in
Bridewell in a satin sack laced with silver; and I warrant that she was
fain to cry, "Knock! oh, good Sir Robert, knock!" many a time before the
Blue-coated Beadles on court day had done swingeing of her.
There are certain periods in the life even of the most fortunate man
when his Luck is at a desperately low ebb,--when everything seems to go
amiss with him,--when nothing that he can turn his hand to prospers,--when
friends desert him, and the companions of his sunshiny days chide him
for not having made better use of his opportunities,--when, Do what he
will, he cannot avert the Black Storm,--when Ruin seems impending, and
Catastrophe is on the cards,--when he is Down, in a word, and the
despiteful are getting ready to gibe at him in his Misfortune, and to
administer unto him the last Kick. These times of Trial and Bitter
Travail ofttimes strike one who has just attained Middle age,--the
Halfway-House of Life; and then, 'tis the merest chance in the world
whether he will be enabled to pick himself up again, or be condemned for
evermore to poverty and contumely,--to the portion of weeds and out-worn
faces. I do confess that about this period of my career things went very
badly with me, and that I was grievously hard-driven, not alone to make
both ends meet, but to discover anything that could have its ending in a
Meal of Victuals. I have heard that some of the greatest Prelates,
Statesmen, Painters, Captains, and Merchants--I speak not of Poets, for
it is their eternal portion, seemingly, to be born, to live, and to Die
Poor--have suffered the like straits at some time or another of their
lives. Many times, however, have I put it on record in these pages, that
Despair and I were never Bedfellows. As for Suicide, I do condemn it,
and abhor it utterly, as the most cowardly, Dishonest, and unworthy
Method to which a Man can resort that he may rid himself of his
Difficulties. To make a loathsome unhandsome corpse of yourself, and
deny yourself Christian Burial, nay, run the risk of crowner's quest,
and interment at the meeting of four cross-roads with a Stake driven
through your Heart. Oh, 'tis shameful! Hang yourself, forsooth! why
should you spend money in threepenny cord, when Jack Ketch, if you
deserve it, will hang you for nothing, and the County find the rope?
Take poison! why, you are squeamish at accepting physic from the doctor,
which may possibly do you good. Why, then, should you swallow a vile
mess which you are _certain_ must do you harm? Fall upon your sword, as
Tully--I mean Brutus--or some of those old Romans, were wont to do when
the Game was up! In the first place, I should like to see the man,
howsoever expert a fencer, who could so tumble on his own blade and kill
himself. 'Tis easier to swallow a sword than to fall upon one, and the
first is quite as much a Mountebank's Trick as t'other. Blow your brains
out! A mighty fine climax truly, to make a Horrible Mess all over the
floor, and frighten the neighbours out of their wits, besides, as a
waggish friend of mine has it, rendering yourself stone-deaf for life.
If it comes to powder and ball, why, a Man of courage would much sooner
blow out somebody else's Brains instead of his own.
I did not, I am thankful to say, want Bread during this my time of ill
luck; and I never parted with my sword; but sure it is that Jack
Dangerous was woundily pushed, and had to adopt many extraordinary
shifts for a livelihood. _Item:_ I engaged myself to one Mr. O'Teague,
an Irishman, that had been a pupil of the famous Mr. Figg, Master of the
Noble Art of Self-Defence, at his Theatre of Arms, on the right hand
side of the Oxford Road, near Adam and Eve Court. Mr. Figg was, as is
well known, the very Atlas of the Sword; and Mr. O'Teague's body was a
very Mass of Scars and Cicatrices gotten in hand-to-hand conflicts with
the broadsword on the public stage. He had once presumed to rival Mr.
Figg, whence arose a cant saying of the time, "A fig for the Irish;" but
having been honourably vanquished by him, even to the slicing of his
nose in two pieces, the cracking of his crown in sundry places, and the
scoring of his body as though it had been a Loin of Pork for the
Bakehouse, he was taken into his service, and became a principal figure
in all the grand gladiatorial encounters, at wages of forty shillings a
week and his meat. As for Mr. Figg himself, who was as good at backsword
as at broadsword, at quarter-staff as at foil, and at fisticuffs as any
one of them,--to say nothing of his Cornish wrestling,--I saw him once,
and shall never forget him. There was a Majesty blazed in his
countenance and shone in all his actions beyond all I ever beheld. His
right leg bold and firm; and his Left, which could hardly ever be
disturbed, gave him the surprising advantages he so often proved, and
struck his Adversary with Despair and Panic. He had that peculiar way of
stepping in, in a Parry, which belongs to the Grand School alone; he
knew his arm, and its just time of moving; put a firm faith in that, and
never let his foe escape a parry. He was just as much as great a master
as any I ever saw, as he was a greater judge of time and Measure. It was
his method, when he fought in his Amphitheatre, to send round to a
select number of his scholars to borrow a shirt for the ensuing combat,
and seldom failed of half-a-dozen of superfine Holland from his prime
Pupils. Most of the young Nobility and Gentry made it a part of their
education to march under his warlike banner. Most of his Scholars were
at every battle, and were sure to exult at their great master's
victories; every person supposing he saw the wounds his shirt received.
Then Mr. Figg would take an opportunity to inform his Lenders of the
charm their Linen had received, with an offer to send the garments home;
but he seldom received any other answer than "Hang you, keep it." A most
ingenious and courageous person, and immeasurably beyond all his
competitors, such as O'Teague, Will Holmes, Felix Maguire, Broughton,
Sutton, and the like.
Many good bouts with all kinds of weapons did we have at Mr. O'Teague's
theatre, which was down a Stable-yard behind Newport Market, not far
from Orator Henley's chapel. The shirt manoeuvre we tried over and
over again with varying success; but we found it in the end impossible
to preserve order among our Patrons, the greater part of whom were
Butchers; and I am fain to admit that many of these unctuous sky-blue
jerkins could fight as well as we. Then Mr. O'Teague was much given to
drinking, and in his potations quarrelsome. 'Twas all very well
fighting on a stage for profit, and with the chance of applause, a clean
shirt, and perchance a Right Good Supper given to us by our admirers
afterwards at some neighbouring Tavern; but I never could see the humour
of Swashbuckling for nothing, and without occasion; and as my Employer
was somewhat too prompt to call in cold iron when his Head was so Hot, I
shook hands with him, and bade him find another assistant. This was the
Mr. O'Teague that was afterwards so unfortunate as to be hanged at
Tyburn for devalising a gentleman at Roehampton. Great interest was made
to save him, his very prosecutor (who knew not at the first his
assailant, or that he had been driven to the road by hard times) heading
the signatures to a petition for him. But 'twas all in vain. He made a
beautiful end of it in a fine white nightcap fringed; and his funeral
was attended by some of the most eminent swordsmen in town, who had a
gallant set-to afterwards for the benefit of his widow. 'Tis sad to
think of the numbers of brave men that I have known, and how many of
them are Hanged.
About this time I was much with the Players, but misliked them
exceedingly; and although numbers of brilliant offers were made to me, I
could not be persuaded to try the sock and buskin. Hard as were the
names by which my enemies would sometimes call me, I could never abide
that of Rogue and Vagabond, and such, by Act of Parliament, was the
player at that time. No, I said, whatever straits I am driven to, I will
be a Soldier of Fortune, and Captain Dangerous to the last.
Of my Adventure with Madam Taffetas the Widow, I am not disposed to say
much. Indeed, until my being finally settled, and made the Happiest Man
upon earth by my union with the departed Saint who was the mother of my
Lilias, it must be admitted that my commerce with the Sex was mostly of
the unluckiest description. I have been used most shamefully by women;
but it behoves me not to complain, seeing how much felicity I was
permitted to enjoy in my latter days. This much, however, I will
discreetly set down. That meeting Madam Taffetas in a side box at Drury
Lane play-house, She was pleased to accept my Addresses, and to inform
me that my conversation was in the highest degree tasteful to her. I
entertained her very handsomely--indeed much beyond my means, for I was
very heavily in debt for necessaries, and I could scarcely walk the
streets without apprehensions of the grim Sergeant with his capias.
Madam Taffetas was an exceedingly comely person, amazingly well dressed,
and, as I was given to understand, in very prosperous circumstances. She
kept an Italian Warehouse by the Sign of The two Olive Posts, in the
broad part of the Strand, almost opposite to Exeter Change, and sold all
sorts of Italian Silks, Lustrings, Satins, Paduasoys, Velvets, Damasks,
Fans, Leghorn Hats, Flowers, Violin Strings, Books of Essences, Venice
Treacle, Balsams, Florence Cordials, Oil, Olives, Anchovies, Capers,
Vermicelli, Bologna Sausages, Parmesan Cheese, Naples Soap, and similar
delicate cates from foreign parts. All her friends put her down as a
forty-thousand-pounder. In Brief, she professed to be satisfied with my
gentility and Ancient Lineage, though worldly goods I had none to offer
her. All congratulated me on my Good Fortune; and not wanting to make
any unnecessary bustle about the affair, we took coach one fine Monday
morning down to Fleet Market, and were married by a Fleet parson--none
other, indeed, than my old friend Chaplain Hodge, who had taken to this
way of life and found it very profitable, marrying his twenty or thirty
couple a week, when Business was brisk, at fees varying from five
guineas to seven-and-sixpence, and from a dozen of Burgundy to half a
pint of Geneva. But 'twas a rascally business, the venerable man said,
and he sorely longed for the good old days when he, and I, and Squire
Pinchin, made the Grand Tour together. Alas, for that poor little man!
His Reverence told me that he had gone from bad to worse; that his Mamma
had married a knavish lawyer, who so bewildered Mr. Pinchin with
Mortgages, and Deeds of Gift, and Loans at usurious interest, that he
got at last the whole of his property from him, brought him in many
thousands in debt besides, and, after keeping him for three years locked
up and half-starved in the Compter, was only forced to consent to his
enlargement when the unhappy little man--whose head was never of the
strongest, and his wits always going a wool-gathering--went
stark-staring mad, and was, by the City charity, removed to Bedlam
Hospital in Moorfields. There he raved for a time, imagining himself to
be the Pope of Rome, with a paper-cap for a tiara, an ell-wand for a
crosier, a blanket for a rochet, and bestowing his blessings on the
other Maniacs with much force and vehemence; and there, poor demented
creature, he died in the year 1740.
Much better would it have been for me, had I gone straight off my Head
and had been sent to howl in Bedlam, than that I should have married
that same thievish catamaran, Madam Taffetas. Surely never Madman
deserved a Dark House and a Whip more than I did for that most foolishly
contracted union. I defy Calumny to prove that I ever used anything
approaching false Representations in this matter. I told her plainly
that my Hand, Sword, and Deep Devotion were all I had to offer, and that
for mere vile pounds, shillings, and pence, and other Mercantile
Arrangements, I must look to her. Absolutely I borrowed ten pieces,
although I was then at a very Low Ebb, to defray the expenses of the
wedding Treat, which was done most handsomely at the Bible and Crown, in
Pope's Head Alley, Cornhill. "Now then," I said to myself, as we came
home towards the Strand (for we were resolved to have no foolish
honeymooning in the Country, but to remain in town and keep an eye to
Business)--"now then, Jack Dangerous, thou art at last Married and
Settled, and need trouble thyself no more about the cares and anxieties
of money-grubbing and bread-getting. Thou art tiled-in handsomely, Jack;
thatched and fenced, and girt about with Comfort and Respectability.
Thy hat is on, and thy house is covered." Alas, poor fool! alas, triply
distilled zany and egregiously doting idiot! No sooner did a Hackney
coach set us down at the Leghorn Warehouse in the broad part of the
Strand, than we found Margery the maid and Tom the shopboy in a great
confusion of tears on the threshold; and immediately afterwards we heard
that during our absence to get married, Bailiffs had made their
entrance, and seized all the Merchandise for a bill owing by Madam
Taffetas to her Factor of Seven Hundred Pounds. The false Quean that I
was wedded to was hopelessly bankrupt, and with the greatest impudence
in the world she calls upon me to pay the Money; the Bailiffs adding,
with a grin, that to their knowledge she owed much more than their
Execution stood for, and that no doubt, so soon as it was bruited abroad
that I was her Husband, the Sheriff of Middlesex would have something to
say to me in the way of a capias against my person. In vain did I Rave
and Swear, and endeavour to show that I could in no way be held liable
for Debts which I had never contracted. Such, I was told, was the Law;
and such it remains to this day, to the Great Scandal of justice, and
the detriment of Gentlemen cavalieros who may be entrapped into marrying
vulgar Adventuresses whom they deem Gentlewomen of Property, and who
turn out instead to be not worth two-pence-halfpenny in the world. Nor
were words wanting to add dire Insult to this astounding Injury; for
Madam Taffetas, now Dangerous, as I groaningly remembered, must needs
call me Mercenary Rascal, Shuffling Pickthank, Low-minded
Fortune-hunter, and the like unkind names.
Madam Dangerous indeed! But I am thankful to Providence that the title
she assumed very soon fell away from her, and that I was once more left
free and Independent. For whilst we were in the very midst of Hot
Dispute and violent Recrimination comes a great noise at the door as
though some one were striving to Batter it down. And then Margery the
maid and Tom the shop-lad began to howl and yelp again, crying out
Murder and thieves, and that they were undone, the Bailiffs smoking
their Pipes and drinking their Beer meanwhile, as though they enjoyed
the Humours of the Scene hugely, and my wicked wife now pretending to
faint, and now making at me with the avowed Design of tearing my eyes
out. Presently comes lurching and staggering into the room a Great
Hulking Brute of a Man that was attired like a Sea Captain; and this
Roystering Tarpaulin makes up without more ado to my Precious Partner,
gives her two sounding Busses on either side of her cheeks, and salutes
her as his wife.
"Your wife!" I cried, starting up; "why, she's my wife! I married her
this very morning, and to my sorrow, before Parson Hodge, the
Couple-Beggar, at the Fleet."
"That may be, Brother," answers the Sea Captain, with drunken gravity;
"but she's my wife, for all that. You married her this morning, you say.
I married her five years ago, at Horsleydown, and in the Parish church.
I've got the 'Stifficate to prove it; and though I say it that
shouldn't, there's not a Finer woman, with a neater ankle and such a
Devil of a temper, to be found 'twixt Beachy Head and Cape Horn."
"A fig for both of you," bellows Madam Taffetas, who had gone into one
of her Sham Faints in the arm-chair, but was now conveniently recovered
again. "If I'm married to both of you--to you, you pitiless Grampus"
(this was to the Sea Captain), "and to you, Ruffian, Bully, and
Stabster" (this was to _me_), "I'm married to somebody else, and my real
Husband is a Gentleman, who, if he were here, would quoit the pair of
you into the street from Exeter Change to the Fox under the Hill."
She said this in one Scream, and then Fainted, or pretended to Faint
again.
"Brother," said the Sea Captain to me, staggering a little (for he
confessed to having much mixed punch under hatches), but still very
grave,--"brother, I think as how it's clear that we're both of us d--d
fools, and d--d lucky fellows at the same time."
"Amen!" cries one of the Bailiffs, with a guffaw.
"_You_ belay," remarked the Captain, turning towards the vermin of Law
with profound disdain. "Brother" (turning to me), "is the Press out?"
"What do you mean?" I inquired. "You know that there's no warrant for
press-gangs in this part of the Liberties of Westminster."
"Liberty be Hanged!" quoth the Sea Captain. "If there was any liberty,
there couldn't be a press, for which I don't care a groat, for I'm a
master mariner. This is what I mean. Is them landlubbers there part of a
press-gang? Are you trapped, brother? Are you in the bilboes? Are you in
any danger of being put under hatches?"
"Why," upspoke one of the Bailiffs, answering for me, "the truth is that
we are Sheriff's Sergeants, and have made seizure, according to due writ
of _fi. fa._ of this worthy lady's goods. We've nothing at all against
the gentleman who says that he married her this morning; but as you
said that you married her five years ago, it's very likely that we, or
some of our mates, shall have something to say to you, in the form of
parchment, between this and noon to-morrow."
"Very well," answers the Strange Seaman. "You speak like a Man o' War's
chaplain, some Lies and some Lingo, but all of it d--d Larned. Have you
got ere a drop of rum, brother?"
"There's nothing here but some Three-Thread Swipes," responds Mr.
Bailiff; "and, indeed, we were waiting until the gentleman treated us to
something better."
"Then," continues the Captain, "you shall have some rum. Younker, go and
fetch these gentlemen some liquor;" and he flings a crown to the
shop-lad. "You may drink your grog and blow your baccy," he went on, "as
long as ever you like, and much good may it do you. And as for you,
Pig-faced Nan,"--in this uncivil manner did he address the false Madam
Taffetas,--"you may go to bed, or to the Devil, 'zactly as you choose,
and settle your Business with the Bailiffs in the morning 'zactly as you
like. And you and I, brother," he wound up, taking me by the arm in
quite a friendly manner, "will just go and take our grog and blow our
baccy in peace and quietness, and thank the Lord for it."
All this he said with great thickness and indistinctness of utterance,
but with an immovable gravity of countenance. I never saw a Man who was
manifestly so Drunk speak so sensibly, and behave himself in such a
proper manner in my life.
As he turned on his heel to leave the parlour where all this took place,
I saw one of the Bailiffs rise stealthily as if to follow us.
"Belay there!" the Captain cried, advancing his mahogany paw in a
warning manner. "Hold hard, shipmates. I'm a peaceable man, and aboard
they call me Billy the Lamb; but, by the Lord Harry, if I catch you
sneaking about, or trying to find out where I and this noble gentleman
be agoing, I'm blest if I don't split your skull in two with this here
speaking-trumpet." And so saying the Captain produced a very long tin
tube, such as Mariners carry to make their voices heard at a distance at
sea, but which they generally have aboard, and do not carry with them in
their walks.
The Bailiffs were sensible men, and forbore to intermeddle with us any
more. So we marched out of the House, it being now about nine o'clock at
night; and, upon my word, from that moment to this, I never set eyes
upon Madam Taffetas, or Dangerous, or Blokes,--for the Sea Captain's
name, he afterwards told me, was Blokes,--or whatever her real name was.
It is very certain that she used me most scandalously, and cruelly
betrayed the trusting confidence of one that was not only a Bachelor,
but an Orphan.
Captain Blokes was a strange character. We had a grand Carouse that
night, he paying the Shot like a gentleman; and over our flowing Bowls,
he told me that he had long had suspicions of his wife's real
character; and was, indeed, in possession of evidence (though he had
kept it secret) to prove that she had given herself in marriage to
another man before she had wedded him. And then, through the
serving-lad, he had heard that very morning, on his coming into the Pool
from Gravesend and Foreign Parts, that Madam, who thought him in China
at least, and hoped him Dead, was about to enter into Wedlock once
again; so that, determined to have Sport, he had well Primed himself
with Punch, and lurked about the neighbourhood until Monsieur Tomfool
and his Spouse (by which I mean myself, although no other man should
call me so) had come home from the Fleet. And so all the Crying, and
Lord ha' Mercies, of the Wench and the Boy, were all subterfuges; and
they knew very well, the sly rogues, that the Sea Captain would soon be
to the Fore.
Nothing would suit him after this but that we should have Supper at the
King of Prussia's Head, in the Savoy, and, as I had given up my Lodgings
as not Grand enough for me on the eve of my wedding, and the Vessel of
which he was Commander was lying in the Pool, that we should have
Beds--at his charges--at the same Tavern; and, indeed, your Seafaring
Men, although rough enough, and smelling woundily of tar and
bilge-water, are the most Hospitable Creatures breathing; and that makes
Me so free with my Money when there is a treat afoot; albeit I can,
without Vanity, declare myself Amphibious, for I have seen as much
service by Sea as by Land, and have always approved myself a Gentleman
of Courage, Honour, and Discretion, on both Elements.
The next morning, after a Nip of Aquavitae, to clear the Cobwebs out of
our throats, we went down to Billingsgate, where we saw my old humorous
acquaintances, Brandy Sall, the fishwife, and the humorous porter, the
Duke of Puddledock; likewise a merry Wag that did porterage work for the
Fish Factors in the Market, and thereby seemed to have caught somewhat
of the form of the fish beneath which his shoulders were continually
groaning, so that all who could take that liberty with him called him
Cod's Head and Shoulders. Here we breakfasted on new Oysters and Fried
Flounders, with a lappet of Kippered Salmon, for Goodman Thirst's sake,
and a rare bowl of hot Coffee, which made us relish a Jug of Punch
afterwards in a highly jocund manner. And then we fell to conversation;
and I, who had nothing to Conceal, and nothing to be Ashamed of, did
recount those of my Adventures which I deemed would be most diverting
(for I forbore to tell him those which were tedious and uneventful) to
Captain Blokes. And he, not to be behindhand in frank confidence, told
me how many years he had been at sea; how many merchant vessels he had
commanded; and what Luck he had had in his divers Trading Adventures.
Likewise, that he was now under engagement with some very worthy
Merchants of Bristol, to man, equip, and command a vessel called the
_Marquis_, which, in company with two others, the _Hope_ and the
_Delight_, were about to undertake a Cruising Voyage round the World.
Finding from my speech that I was not wholly unaccustomed to the Sea,
and being made acquainted with what I had done in the West Indies and
elsewhere, Captain Blokes was pleased to say that I was the very man for
him, if I would join him. And at this time, in verity, it seemed as
though nothing could suit me better; for my Resources were quite
exhausted, and I was brought very Low. So, after some further parley,
and a good Beefsteak and Onions, and a bottle of Portugee Wine for
dinner, we went to the Scrivener's in Thames Street, by the name of
Pritchett, that was Agent for the Company of Merchant Adventurers at
Bristol; and an Agreement was drawn up, by which, for Fifty Shillings a
month pay, all due rations and allowances, and a certain proportion of
the profits to be divided among the Ship's Company at the termination of
our Adventure, I bound myself to serve Captain Blokes as Secretary and
Purser of the ship _Marquis_.
"Which means," says he, when we had taken a Dram and shaken hands on
signing articles, "that you are to Write, Fight, Drink, and keep
Accompts, play put with me in the Cabin, assist me in preserving the
Discipline of the Ship, sing a good song when you are called upon, help
the Doctor to take care of the sick, and see that the Steward don't
steal the Grog and Tobacco; and if you'll stick to me, by the Lord
Harry, Billy Blokes will stick to you. I like you because you were such
a d--d fool as to go and marry that old woman."
The next day we took Coach at the Swan, by Paddington Church, for
Bristol, and two days afterwards arrived at that great and flourishing
Mercantile city. Nothing worthy of note on the road; the Highwaymen,
that were wont to be so troublesome, being mostly put down, owing to
Justice Fielding and De Vit's stringent measures. We were much beset
with gangs of wild Irish coming over from their own country a-harvesting
in our fertile fields; and those gentry were like to have bred a riot,
quarrelling with the English husbandmen at Stow. Being at Bristol,
comfortably housed at the Bible and Crown in Wine Street,--the landlord
much given to swearing, but one of the best hands at making of Mum that
ever I knew,--Captain Blokes had great work in settling business with
the Company of Merchant Adventurers and Alderman Quarterbutt, their
President. As it seems we were at war with the French and Spaniards, the
_Marquis_ (burden about 320 tons) was to carry twenty-six guns and a
complement of 108 men, letters of marque being granted to us by private
Commission, with secret instruction as to Prizes and Plunder, so that
the disposal of both should redound to the advantage of the Mariners,
the Profit of our Employers, and the honour of His Majesty's arms. We
had nigh double the usual complement of officers usual in private ships,
to prevent Mutinies, which ofttimes happen in long voyages, and that we
might have a large provision for a succession of officers in case of
Mortality. In the _Marquis_ we had Captain Blokes, commander-in-chief of
the whole Armament, a Mariner; a Second Captain, who was a Dr. of
Physick, and also acted as President of our Committee (having much
book-learning), and Commander of the Marines; two Leftenants; a Sailing
Master; a Pilot that was well acquainted with the South Seas, having
been in those latitudes twice before; a Surgeon and his Mate, or
Loblolly Boy; Self as Secretary and Purser; two young lawyers, designed
to act as Midshipmen; Giles Cash, as Reformado,--that was the title of
courtesy given to those who were sent to sea in lieu of being hanged; a
Gunner and his crew; a Boatswain, cooper, carpenter, sailmaker, smith,
and armourer, ship's corporal, Sergeant of Marines, cook; a Negro that
could shave and play the fiddle; and the Ship's company as aforesaid,
one-third of whom were foreigners of every nation under the Sun; and of
those that were His Majesty's subjects, many Tinkers, Tailors,
Haymakers, Pedlars, &c.--a terribly mixed Gang, requiring much
three-strand cord to keep 'em in order.
On the 2nd August, 1748, we weighed from King's Road, by Bristol, and at
ten at night, having very little wind, anchored between the Holms and
Minehead. Coming on a fresh gale at S.E. and E.S.E., we ran by Minehead
at six in the morning. Next day the wind veered to N.E. and E.N.E.; on
the 4th there was but little wind, and smooth water; on the 5th we saw
Land; and finding that we had overshot our port, which was Cork, came to
an anchor at noon off the two rocks near Kinsale. At eight at night we
weighed, having a Kinsale Pilot on board, who was like to have
endangered our safety, the night being dark and foggy, and the Pilot not
understanding his Business; so that he nearly turned us into the next
Bay to the westward of Cork, which provoked Captain Blokes to chastise
him publicly on the quarter-deck. Our two consorts got into Cork before
us, and we did not anchor in the Cove until the 7th August, at three in
the afternoon. We stayed here until the 28th of the month, getting in
stores and provisions, and replacing as many of our tailors and
haymakers as we could with real Sailors that could work the Ship. Our
crew, however, were continually Marrying while we were at Cork, to the
great Merriment of Self and Captain Blokes, who had seen enough and to
spare of that Game; but they _would_ be Spliced, although they expected
to sail immediately; among others, there was a Danish man coupled by a
Romish Priest to an Irish woman, without understanding a word of each
other's language, so that they were forced to use an Interpreter; yet I
perceived this pair seemed more afflicted at separation than any of the
rest. The Fellow continued melancholy for many days after we were at
Sea. The rest, understanding each other and the world better, drank
their cans of Flip till the very last Minute, concluded with a health to
our good voyage and their next Happy Meeting, and then Departed, quite
unconcerned.
We took sailing orders on the 1st of September; and then Captain Blokes
discovered to the crew whither we were bound,--that is to say, on a four
years' voyage,--in order that, if any Disorders should arise among us,
we might exchange our Malcontents while in company with one of His
Majesty's ships. But no complaint was found on board the _Marquis_,
except from one fellow who was expected to have been Tithing man that
year in his Parish, and said his wife would be obliged to pay Forty
shillings in his absence; but seeing all hands satisfied, he was easily
quieted, and drank with the rest to a prosperous voyage. On the 2nd
September we, having cleaned and tallowed our ship's five streaks below
the Water-line, the fiddler struck up "Lumps o' Pudding," and to follow
that "Cold and Raw," the Ship's company joining chorus with a will, and
so fell down to the Spit End by the _Culloden_ Man of War, as our two
Consorts had done the Night before. When we came to the Spit End,
Captain Blokes saluted the _Culloden_ with seven Guns, to which they
returned Five in courtesy, and then we again Three for thanks. And so
commenced my Journey round the World.
CHAPTER THE SECOND.
MERCATOR HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT.
MEANING simply this, that I have often and often, as a little Lad, gazed
upon the Great Map--very yellow, and shiny, and cracked on its canvas
mounting it was--of the World, upon Mercator's Projection, and devoutly
longed for the day to arrive when it might be my fortune to make a
Voyage of Circumnavigation. Such a Map, I remember, hung in the
Schoolroom at Gnawbit's; and I have often been cruelly beaten for gazing
at it and pondering over it, instead of endeavouring to commit to memory
a quantity of Words, the meaning of which I could not for the life of me
understand.
Now, indeed, I had got my Desire, and was going round the World in a
Ship well found with Men and Stores, occupying myself a responsible
position, and one giving me some Authority, and enjoying the full
Confidence of my Commander, who was, both when sober and inebriated (and
he was mostly the latter), one of the most sagacious men I ever knew. He
spoke seldom, and then generally with a Hiccup; but what he said was
always to the Purpose. I doubt not, if Captain Blokes had been in the
Royal Navy, he would by this time be flying his pendant as Admiral.
'Twould fill a volume to give you a Narrative, however brief, of our
Voyage. One does not go round the World quite so easily as a Cit taking
a Wherry from Lambeth Walk to Chelsea Reach. No, no, my Masters; there
are Perils to encounter, Obstacles to overcome, Difficulties to
surmount; and I flatter myself that Jack Dangerous was not found wanting
when a Stout Heart, a Strong Hand, and a Clear Head were needed. I
repeat that 'tis impossible for me to give you an exact Log of so
lengthy a Cruise; and you must needs be content if I set down a few
bare Items of the most notable Things that befell us.
On 11th September we chased a strange Sail, and after three hours came
up with her. She proved to be a Swedishman. After firing a couple of
shots at full Random at her, to show that we meant Mischief if provoked,
and one of which Shots, I believe, passed over her Taffrail, and killed
a Black Servant and the Captain's Monkey, Captain Blokes boarded her in
his Yall; examined the Master, and searched the Ship for Contraband of
War; but not finding any save a suspicious quantity of salted Reindeer's
Tongues, our Committee agreed that she could not be considered a lawful
Prize; and not being willing to hinder time by carrying her into any
Harbour for further Examination, we let her go without the least
Embezzlement. The Master gave us a dozen of his Reindeer Tongues, and a
piece of dry Rufft Beef; and we presented him with a dozen bottles of
Red-streak Cider. But while Captain Blokes and the Doctor of Physic and
Self were aboard the Swede taking a social Glass with him, our rascally
crew took it into their heads to Mutiny, their Grievance being that the
vessel was a Contraband, and ought to be made a Prize of. The plain
truth was, that the Rogues thirsted for Plunder. The Boatswain was one
of the Mutineers. Him we caused to receive Four Dozen from the hands of
his own Mates, and well laid on; about a dozen of the rest we put in
Irons, after having Drubbed 'em soundly, and fed 'em upon
Bread-and-Water; but at the end of a few days they begged Pardon, and,
on promising Amendment, were allowed to return to their Duty.