she said to him, "You're nothing but a great big boy," so that Father
chuckled, his cheek against hers and his eyes shining. That was the way
with Father. Six days he found quite long enough to be a man; so on
Sunday he became a boy.
The gate clicked behind you, Father in the middle and you and Lizbeth
holding each a hand, and keeping step with him when you could, running a
little now and then to catch up again. Your steps were always longest
on Sunday when you walked with Father, and even Lizbeth knew you then
for a little man, and peeked around Father's legs to see you as you
strode along. Father was proud of you, too, though he did not tell you.
He just told other people when he thought you could not hear.
"Little pitchers have big ears," Mother would warn him then, but you
heard quite plainly out of one ear, and it was small at that.
Everybody looked as you three went down the shady street together, and
the nice young ladies gave you smiles and the nice old ladies gave you
flowers, handing them out to you over their garden walls.
"Thank you. My name is Harry," you said.
"And I'm Lizbeth," said little sister. And as you passed on your stride
grew longer and your voice sank bigger and deeper in your throat, like
Father's.
But it wasn't the town you liked best to walk in with Father in the
long, warm Sunday afternoons. It was the river-side, where the willows
drooped over the running waters, and the grass was deepest and greenest
and waved in the sun. On the meadow-bank at the water's silver edge you
sat down together.
"Who can hear the most?" asked Father.
You listened.
"I hear the river running over the log," you said, softly.
"And the birds," whispered Lizbeth.
"And the wind in the willows," said Father.
"And the cow-bells tinkling way, way off," you added, breathlessly.
"Oh, and I hear the grass whispering," said Lizbeth.
"And oh, a bee," you cried.
"And something else," said Father.
You held your breath and listened. From the distant village the wind
blew you faintly the sound of--
"Church-bells," cried you and Lizbeth together.
You fell to playing in the long grass. Lizbeth gathered daisies for
Mother. You lay with your face just over the river-bank, humming a
little song and gazing down into the mirror of the waters. You wondered
how it would feel to be a little boy-fish, darting in and out among the
river grasses.
By-and-by you went back to Father and sat beside him with your cheek
against his arm.
"Father."
"Yes."
"What do you think when you don't say anything, but just look?"
[Illustration: "'FATHER, WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING,
BUT JUST LOOK?'"]
"When I just look?"
"Yes. Do you think what I do?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"Why, I think I'd like to be a big man like you and wear a long coat,
and take my little boy and girl out walking. Did you think that,
Father?"
"No. I was thinking how nice it would be just to be a little boy again
like you and go out walking by the river with my father."
"Oh, Father, how funny! I wanted to be you and you wanted to be me. I
guess people always want to be somebody else when they just look and
don't say anything."
"What makes you think that, my boy?"
"Well, there's Grandmother. _She_ sits by the window all day long and
just looks and looks, and wishes she was an angel with Grandfather up in
the sky."
"And Lizbeth?"
"Oh, Lizbeth wishes she was Mother."
"And how about Mother? Does she wish she were somebody else, do you
think?"
"Oh no, Father, _she_ doesn't, 'cause then she wouldn't have me and
Lizbeth. Besides, she don't have time to just sit and look, Mother
don't."
Your eyes were big and shining. Father just looked and looked a long
time.
"And what do you think _now_, Father?"
"I was thinking of Mother waiting for you and Lizbeth and Father, and
wondering why we don't come home."
And almost always after that, when you went out walking with Father,
Sundays, Mother went with you. It seemed strange at first, but fine, to
have her sit with you on the river-bank and just look and look and look,
smiling but never saying a word; and though you asked her many times
what she thought about as she sat there dreaming, she was never once
caught wishing that she were anybody but her own self. She was happy,
she told you; but while it was you she told, she would be looking at
Father.
Oh, it was golden in the morning glow, when you were a little boy. But
clouds skurried across the sky--black clouds, storm clouds--casting
their chill and shadow for a while over all Our Yard, darkening Our
House, so that a little boy playing on the hearth-rug left his toy
soldier prostrate there to wander, wondering, from room to room.
"Mother, why doesn't Father play with us like he used to?"
"Mother, why do you sew and sew and sew all the time? Hm, Mother?"
All through the long evenings till bed-time came, and long afterwards,
Father and Mother talked low together before the fire. The murmur of
their voices downstairs was the last thing you heard before you fell
asleep. It sounded like the brook in the meadow where the little green
frogs lived, hopping through water-rings.
Of those secret conferences by the fire you could make nothing at all.
Mother stopped you whenever you drew near.
"Run away, dear, and play."
You frowned and sidled off as far as the door, lingering wistfully.
"Father, the Jones boy made fun of me to-day. He called me
Patchy-pants."
"Never mind what the Jones boy says," Mother broke in; but Father said,
"He ought to have a new pair, Mother." You brightened at that.
"The Jones boy's got awful nice pants," you said; "all striped like a
zebra."
Father smiled a little at that. Mother looked down at her sewing,
saying never a word. That night you dreamed you had new pants, all
spotted like a leopard, and you were proud, for every one knows that a
leopard could whip a zebra, once he jumped upon his back.
Leaning on the garden fence, the Jones boy watched you as you sprinkled
the geraniums with your little green watering-can.
"Where'd you get it?" he asked.
"Down at my father's store," you replied, loftily, for the Jones boy had
no watering-can.
"Your father hasn't got a store any more."
"He has, too," you replied.
"He hasn't, either, 'cause my pa says he hasn't."
"I don't care what your pa says. My father has, too, got a store."
"He hasn't."
"He has."
"He hasn't, either."
"He has, teether."
"I say he hasn't."
"And I say he has," you screamed, and threw the watering-can straight at
the Jones boy. It struck the fence and the water splashed all over him
so that he retreated to the road. There in a rage he hurled stones at
you.
"Your--father--hasn't--got--any-- store--any--more--old--Patchy-pants--
old--Patchy-pants--old--"
And then suddenly the Jones boy fled, and when you looked around there
was Father standing behind you by the geraniums.
"Never mind what the Jones boy says," he told you, and he was not angry
with you for throwing the watering-can. The little green spout of it
was broken when you picked it up, but Father said he would buy you a new
one.
"To-morrow, Father?"
"No, not to-morrow--some day."
You and Lizbeth, tumbling down-stairs to breakfast, found Father sitting
before the fire.
"Father!" you cried, astonished, for it was not Sunday, and though you
ran to him he did not hear you till you pounced upon him in his chair.
"Oh, Father," you said, joyfully, "are you going to stay home and play
with us all day?"
"_Fa_-ther!" cried Lizbeth. "Will you play house with us?"
"Oh no, Father. Play _store_ with us," you cried.
"Don't bother Father," Mother said, but Father just held you both in his
arms and would not let you go.
"No--let them stay," he said, and Mother slipped away.
"Mother's got an awful cold," said Lizbeth. "Her eyes--"
"So has Father; only Father's cold is in his voice," you said.
You scarcely waited to eat your breakfast before you were back again to
Father by the fire, telling him of the beautiful games just three could
play. But while you were telling him the door-bell rang, and there were
two men with books under their arms, come to see Father. They stayed
with him all day long--you could hear them muttering in the library--and
all day you looked wistfully at the closed door, lingering there lest
Father should come out to play and find you gone.
He did not come out till dinner-time. After dinner he walked in the
garden alone. He held a cigar in his clinched teeth.
"Why don't you smoke the cigar, Father?"
He did not hear you. He just walked up and down, up and down, with his
eyes on the ground and his hands thrust hard into the pockets of his
coat.
Mother watched him for a moment through the window. Then with her own
hands she built a fire in the grate, for the night was chill. Before it
she drew an easy-chair, and put Father's smoking-jacket on the back of
it and set his slippers to warm against the fender. On a reading-table
near by she laid the little blue china ash-tray you had given Father for
Christmas, and beside it a box of matches ready for his hand. Then she
called him in.
He came and sat there before the fire, saying nothing, but looking into
the flames--looking, looking, till your mind ran back to a Sunday
afternoon in summer by the river-side.
"I know what you are thinking, Father."
Slowly he turned his head to you, so that you knew he was listening
though he did not speak.
"You're thinking how nice it would be, Father, if you were a little boy
like me."
He made no answer. Mother came and sat on one of the arms of his chair,
her cheek against his hair. Lizbeth undressed her dolls for the night,
crooning a lullaby. One by one you dropped your marbles into their
little box. Then you rose and sat like Mother on an arm of Father's
chair. For a while you dreamed there, drowsy, in the glow.
"Mother," you said, softly.
[Illustration: "'MOTHER, YOU SAID, SOFTLY'"]
"Yes," she whispered back to you.
"Mother, isn't it _fine_?" you said.
"Fine, dearie?"
"Yes, Mother, everything ... 'specially--"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"--'specially just having Father."
Father gave a little jump; seized you; crushed you in his arms, stars
shining in his brimming eyes.
"Little chap--little chap," he cried, but could get no further, till
by-and-by--
"Mother," he said--and his voice was clear and strong--"Mother, with a
little chap like that and two girls like you and Lizbeth--"
His voice caught, but he shook it free again.
"--_any_ man could begin--all over again--and _win_," he said.
*Mother*
A," you said.
"And what's that?"
"B."
"And that?"
You sat on Mother's lap. The wolf-wind howled at the door, and you
shuddered, cuddling down in Mother's arms and the glow. The wilder the
wolf-wind howled, the softer was the lamp-light, the redder were the
apples on the table, the warmer was the fire.
On your knees lay the picture-book with its sad, sad little tale.
Mother read it to you--she had read it fifty times before--her face
grave, her voice low and tragic, while you listened with bated breath:
"Who killed Cock Robin?
'I,' said the Sparrow,
'With my bow and arrow--
I killed Cock Robin.'"
[Illustration: "THE PICTURE-BOOK"]
It was the first murder you had ever heard about. You saw it all, the
hideous spectacle--a beautiful, warm, red breast pierced by that fatal
dart--a poor, soft little birdie, dead, by an assassin's hand. A lump
rose in your throat. A tear rose in your eye--two tears, three tears.
They rolled down your cheek. They dropped, hot and sad, on the fish
with his little dish, on the owl with his spade and trowel, on the rook
with his little book.
"P-poor Cock R-robin!"
"There, there, dear. Don't cry."
"But, M-mother--the Sparrow--he k-killed him."
Alas, yes! The Sparrow had killed him, for the book said so, but had
you heard?
"N-no, w-what?"
The book, it seems, like other books, had told but half the story.
Mother knew the other half. Cock Robin was murdered, murdered in cold
blood, it was true, but--O merciful, death-winged arrow!--he had gone
where the good birds go. And there--O joy!--he had met his robin wife
and his little robin boy, who had gone before.
"And I expect they are all there now, dear," she told you, kissing your
tear-stained cheek, "the happiest robins that ever were."
Dry and wide were your eyes. In the place where the good birds go, you
saw Cock Robin. His eyes and his fat, red breast were bright again. He
chirped. He sang. He hopped from bough to bough, with his robin wife
and his little robin boy. For in the mending of little stories or the
mending of little hearts, like the mending of little stockings, Mother
was wonderful.
In those times there were knees to your stockings, knees with holes in
them at the end of the day, with the soiled skin showing through.
"Just look!" Mother would cry. "Just look there! And I'd only just
mended them."
"Well, you see, Mother, when you play Black Bear--"
"I see," she said, and before you went to bed you would be sitting on
the edge of a tub, paddling your feet in the water.
[Illustration: "BEFORE YOU WENT TO BED"]
"You dirty boy," she would be saying, scrubbing at the scratched, black
knees; but when you were shining again she would be saying--
"You darling!"
And though your stockings were whole in the clean of morning when you
scampered out into the sun, in the dirt of night when you scampered back
again--O skein, where is thy yarn? O darning-needle, where is thy
victory?
Summer mornings, in the arbor-seat of the garden, Mother would be
sewing, her lap brimming, her work-basket at her feet, the sun falling
golden through the trellised green. In the nap of the afternoon, when
even the birds drowsed and the winds slept, she would be sewing, ever
sewing. And when night fell and the dishes were put away, she would be
sewing still, in the lamp-light's yellow glow.
"Mother, why do you sew and sew?"
"To make my little boy blue sailor suits and my little girl white
frocks, and to stop the holes."
"Do you like to sew, Mother?"
"I don't mind it."
"But doesn't it make you tired, Mother?"
"Oh, now and then."
"But I should think you'd rest sometimes, Mother."
"Should you, dear?"
"Yes, I would. Oh, I'd sew a _little_--just enough--and then I'd play."
"But Mother does sew _just enough_, and it takes all day, my dear. What
do you say to that?"
You pondered.
"Well," you said, and stopped.
"Well?" she said, and laughed. Then you laughed, too.
"A mother," you told them afterwards, "is a person what takes care of
you, and loves you, and sews and sews--just enough--all day."
Since mothers take care of little boys, they told you, little boys
should take care of their mothers, too. So right in front of her you
stood, bravely, your fists clinched, your lips trembling, your eyes
flashing with rage and tears.
"You sha'n't touch my mother!"
But Mother's arms stole swiftly around you, pinning your own to your
side.
"Father was only fooling, dear," she said, kneeling behind you and
folding you to her breast. "See, he's laughing at us."
"Why, little chap," he said, "Father was only playing."
Mother wiped away your tears, smiling at them, but proudly. You looked
doubtfully at Father, who held out his arms to you; then slowly you went
to him, urged by Mother's hand.
"You must always take care of Mother like that," he said, "and never let
any one hurt her, or bother her, when Father's away."
"Mother's little knight," she said, kissing your brow. And ever
afterwards she was safe when you were near.
"Oh, that Mrs. Waddles. I wish she wouldn't bother me."
Under her breath Mother said it, but you heard, and you hated Mrs.
Waddles with all your soul, and her day of reckoning came. Mother was
in the garden and did not hear. You answered the knock yourself.
"Little darling, how--"
"You can't see my mother to-day," you said, stiffly.
"That's very strange," said Mrs. Waddles, with a forward step.
"No," you said, a little louder, throwing yourself into the breach and
holding the door-knob with all your might. "No! You mustn't come in!"
"You impertinent little child!" cried Mrs. Waddles, threateningly, but
you faced her down, raising your voice again:
"You can't see my mother any more," you repeated, firmly.
"And why not, I'd like to know?" demanded the old lady, swelling
visibly. "Why not, I'd like to know?"
"'Cause I'm to take care of my mother when my father's away, and he said
not to let anybody bother her that she don't want to see."
It was a long explanation and took all your breath.
"Oh, is _that_ it?" cackled Mrs. Waddles, with withering scorn. "And
how do you _know_ that your mother doesn't want to see me--_hey_?"
"'Cause--she--said--so!"
You separated your words like the ABC book, that Mrs. Waddles might
understand. It was a master-stroke. Gasping, her face on fire,
gathering her skirts together with hands that trembled in their black
silk mitts, Mrs. Waddles turned and swept away.
"I never!" she managed to utter as she slammed the gate.
You shut the door softly, the battle won, and went back to the garden.
"Well, _that's_ over," you said, with a sigh, as Mother herself would
have said it.
"What's over, dear?"
"Mrs. Waddles," you replied.
So you took care of Mother so well that she loved you more and more as
the days of your knighthood passed; and she took care of you so well
that your cheeks grew rosier and your eyes brighter and your legs
stronger, and you loved her more and more with the days of her
motherhood.
Even being sick was fine in those days, for she brought you little
things in bowls with big spoons in them, and you ate till you wanted
more--a sign that you would not die. And so you lay in the soft of the
pillows, with the patchwork coverlet that Mother made with her own
hands. There was the white silk triangle from her wedding-gown, and a
blue one from a sash that was her Sunday best, long ago, when she was a
little girl. There was a soft-gray piece from a dress of Grandmother's,
and a bright-pink one that was once Lizbeth's, and a striped one, blue
and yellow, that was once Father's necktie in the gay plumage of his
youth.
As you lay there, sick and drowsy, the bridal triangle turned to snow,
cold and white and pure, and you heard sleighbells and saw the Christmas
cards with the little church in the corner, its steeple icy, but its
windows warm and red with the Christmas glow. That was the white
triangle. But the blue one, next, was sky, and when you saw it you
thought of birds and stars and May; and if it so happened that your eyes
turned to the gray piece that was Grandmother's, and the sky that was
blue darkened and the rain fell, you had only to look at the pink piece
that was Lizbeth's, or the blue and yellow that was Father's, to find
the flowers and the sun again. Then the colors blended. Dandelions
jingled, sleigh-bells and violets blossomed in the snow, and you
slept--the sleep that makes little boys well.
The bees and the wind were humming in the cherry-trees, for it was May.
You were all alone, you and Mother, in the garden, where the white
petals were falling, silently, like snow-flakes, and the birds were
singing in the morning glow.
Your feet scampered down the paths. Your curls bobbed among the budding
shrubs and vines. You leaped. You laughed. You sang. In your wide
eyes blue of the great sky, green of the grasses. On your flushed cheeks
sunshine and breeze. In your beating heart childhood and spring--a
childhood too big, a spring too wonderful, for the smallness of one
little, brimming boy.
"Look, Mother! See me jump."
"My!" she said.
"And see me almost stand on my head."
"Wonderful!"
"I know what I'll be when I grow to be a man, Mother."
"What will you be?"
"A circus-rider."
"Gracious!" said she.
"On a big, white horse, Mother."
"Dear me!"
"And we'll jump 'way over the moon, Mother."
"The moon?"
"Yes, the moon. See!"
Then you jumped over the rake-handle. You were practising for the moon,
you said.
"But maybe I _won't_ be a circus-rider, Mother, after all."
"Maybe not," said she.
"Maybe I'll be President, like George Washington. Father said I could.
Could I, Mother?"
"Yes--you might--some day."
"But the Jones boy couldn't, Mother."
"Why couldn't the Jones boy?"
"Because he swears and tells lies. _I_ don't. And George Washington
didn't, Mother. I guess I won't be a circus-rider, after all."
"Oh, I'm glad of that, dear."
"No, I guess I'll keep right on, Mother--as long as I've started--and
just be President."
"Oh, that will be fine," said she. She was sewing in the arbor, her lap
filled with linen, her work-basket at her feet.
"Mother."
"Yes."
"I think I'd like to sing a song now."
Straight and proper you stood in the little path, your heels together,
your hands at your side, and so you sang to her the song of the little
duck:
"'Quack, quack,' said the Duck,
'Quack, quack.'
'Quack, quack,' said--"
You stopped.
"Try it a little lower, dear."
"'Quack, quack,' said--"
"No, that's _too_ low," you said. You tried again and started right
that time and sang it through, the song of the little duck who
"'... wouldn't be a girl,
With only a curl,
I wouldn't be a girl, would you?'"
"Oh, it's beautiful," Mother said.
"Now it's your turn, Mother, to tell a story."
"A story?"
"Yes. About the violets."
"The violets?" she said, poising her needle, musingly. "The blue, blue
violets--"
"As blue as the sky, Mother," you said, softly, for it is always in the
hush of the garden that the stories grow.
"As blue as the sky," she said. "Ah, yes. Well, once there wasn't a
violet in the whole world."
"Nor a single star," you said, awesomely, helping her. And as you sat
there listening the world grew wider and wider--for when you are a
little boy the world is always just as wide as your eyes.
"Not a violet or a single star in the whole world," Mother went on.
"And what do you think? They just took little bits of the blue sky and
sprinkled them all over the green world, and they were the first
violets."
"And the stars, Mother?"
"Why, don't you see? The stars are the little holes they left in the
blue sky, with the light of heaven shining through."
"Oh!" you said, softly. "Oh, Mother!"
And then, in the hush of the garden, you looked at her, and lo! her eyes
were blue like the violets, and bright like the stars, for the light of
heaven was shining through.
She was the most wonderful person in the whole world--who never did
anything wrong, who knew everything, even who God was, watching, night
and day, over little boys. Even the hairs of your head were numbered,
she told you, and not a little bird died but He knew.
"And did He know when Cock Robin died, Mother?"
"Yes. He knew."
"And when I hurt my finger, Mother? Did He know then?"
"Yes, He knows everything."
"And was He sorry, Mother, when I hurt my finger?"
"Very sorry, dear."
"Then why did He _let_ me hurt my finger--why?"
For a moment she did not speak.
"Dearie," she said at last, "I don't know. There are many things that
nobody knows but God."
Hushed and wondering you sat in Mother's lap, for His eye was upon you.
Somewhere up in the sky, above the clouds, you knew He was sitting, on a
great, bright throne, with a gold crown upon His head and a sceptre in
His hand--King of Kings and Lord of All. Down below Him on the green
earth little birds were falling, little boys were hurting their fingers
and crying in their Mothers' arms, and He saw them all, every one,
little birds and little boys, but did not help them. You crept closer to
Mother's bosom, flinging your arms about her neck.
"Don't let Him get me, Mother!"
"Why, darling, He loves you."
"Oh no, Mother--not like you do; not like you."
The bees and the wind were in the apple trees, for it was May. You were
all alone, you and Mother, in the garden, where the white petals were
falling, like snowflakes, silently. In the swing Grandfather built for
you, you sat swaying, to and fro, in the shadows; and the shadows
swayed, to and fro, in the gale; and to and fro your thoughts swayed in
your dreaming.
The wind sang in the apple-boughs, the flowering branches filled and
bent, and all about you were the tossing, shimmering grasses, and all
above you birds singing and flitting in the sky. And so you swayed, to
and fro, till you were a sailor, in a blue suit, sailing the blue sea.
The wind sang in the rigging. The white sails filled and bent. Your
ship scudded through the tossing, shimmering foam. Gulls screamed and
circled in the sky, ... and so you sailed and sailed with the sea-breeze
in your curls...
The ship anchored.
The swing stopped.
You were only a little boy.
"Mother," you said, softly, for your voice was drowsy with your dream.