advantageous Parts of it to the _Cormorants_, which perhaps might be
brought about by several that were _Cormorants_ by Birth, who found
Means of working themselves into the Management of their publick
Affairs. They seem to endeavour all they can, (for what Policy I know
not) to encourage the young _Cacklogallinian_ Nobility and Gentry, in
a Contempt of Religion, and in all Debauchery, perhaps to render them
supine and thoughtless; and bringing them up without Principle, they may
be fit Tools to work the enslaving their Country.
They are extremely severe in their military Discipline: A Soldier, for a
trifling Fault, shall have all the Feathers stripp'd off his Back, and a
corroding Plaister clapp'd on, which will eat to the Bones in a small
Space of Time. For a capital Crime, every one in the Regiment is ordered
to peck him as he's ty'd to a Post, till he dies. I have seen one who
was condemn'd to this Death have Part of his Entrails torn out of his
Side in a few Pecks.
Whoever speaks against the Ministry, is purged or vomited so severely,
that he sometimes dies. Even Want of Complaisance to any menial Servant
of a Minister, is esteem'd an Affront to his Master, and punish'd by a
Year's Imprisonment; but a Slight put on any of the _Squabbaws_, is so
heinous, that the Offender is punish'd, as for the highest Scandal.
Sometimes it has happened, that Persons Question'd and Convicted for
Fraud, Bribery, or other Crimes, by some Turn of Fortune having better'd
their Circumstances, have afterwards been raised to Posts of Honour and
Trust, and afterwards growing more wealthy, have been look'd upon with
the same Esteem as the most worthy. I've known a Sharper, who could
neither write nor read, made a _Battano_, in _English_, a Judge
Advocate; and what rais'd him was his Dexterity at _Gestaro_, which
is like the Play our School-boys divert themselves with, call'd
_Hussle-cap_.
Tho' they have a Standing Army, yet the _Cacklogallinians_ are all
inlisted, and obliged to serve (in case of an Invasion) without Pay.
They have no fortify'd Places, they being look'd upon as a Refuge for
Malecontents, except only the imperial Palace. The Reader may wonder how
any Place can be fortified against those who can fly over the highest
Walls; I must therefore inform him, that their strong Holds have all the
open Places cover'd with Canvass stretch'd from Side to Side; upon which
is strew'd an Herb so venemous, that, in six Hours after it has been
expos'd to the Sun, it emits so pestiferous a Stench, that no Fowl can
approach it by many Yards, but what will fall dead; and this Stench, by
the Effluvia mounting, is no way offensive to those below. This is the
Reason their Sieges are rather Blockades, and no fortify'd Town was ever
taken but by starving. For tho' I have said, the _Cacklogallinians_ have
no such, yet their Neighbours have this Canvass, and Plenty of the Herb
in and about most of their Towns, and can, in Twenty four Hours, put
them in a Posture of Defence.
Upon the Decease of any Party, his Estate goes to the eldest of his
Children, whether Male or Female; for the others, the Cocks are put into
the Army, or to Trades; the Hens are married to the next Relations, who
are obliged to take them, or allow them a Pension for Life, according to
their Quality. Polygamy is forbid, tho' universally practised among the
better Sort. There were publick Colleges erected for the Education and
Provision of poor Chickens; but as there is a strong Party, which takes
them to be of ill Consequence; they are discountenanc'd so much, that it
is thought they must fall some time or other.
The Customs, Manners, Dress, and Diversions of the _Cacklogallinians_.
The _Cacklogallinians_ value themselves on being a polite Nation; and
indeed those amongst them who have travell'd, are very complaisant, full
of their Professions of Friendship, and Offers of Service, tho' it's the
first time they ever set Eyes on the Party to whom they make them; but
if he takes this for any more than the Effects of good Breeding, and
reminds a Courtier of his Promise, he is look'd upon as one who wants
Education, and treated as a Peasant.
They are not at all sociable, tho' they frequently visit each other,
which is with much Ceremony amongst the better Sort; for he who makes
the Visit, sends before him a Servant to give Notice, that he intends to
do himself the Honour to kiss the Spur of the Master of the House. If he
is, or will be at home, Answer is made, that he returns Thanks for the
Honour intended him, which he will expect with Impatience. When the
Visiter arrives, Notice is given to the Family by one of his Servants,
who strikes a brass Pan (hung at the Doors of all Persons of
Distinction) so long, and with such Violence, that were it in _England_,
he'd be indicted for a common Disturber. After this Peal, the Door is
opened, and the Visiter received according to his Quality, either at the
Street Door, Parlour Door, or in the Hall. He's led in, and seated on a
Carpet, enquires after the Welfare of the Family, after which he takes
Notice of the Weather, and then with great Ceremony takes his Leave,
conducted as he was received.
None visit the Minister of State, neither is there any thing like the
_English_ Hospitality seen in the Visits of private Persons; for they
never present you any Refreshment, not even that of cold Water, except
at a formal Invitation, or a Wedding. At the latter they are very
profuse. When a young Couple is married, for a Week they are never seen
asunder; but after that, it is look'd upon indecent to be seen with a
Wife in any publick Company; and one would think they married to be
reveng'd on each other for some former Injuries; for the Wife takes Care
to shew her Contempt of her Husband, and he his Aversion to his Wife.
They are great Admirers of Puppet-shews and other Spectacles, and will
let their Families at Home want Necessaries, rather than not be seen at
the Booth. What they most delight in is bloody Spectacles. There are
poor _Cacklogallinians_, who fight on Stages for Money; if they cut one
another to Pieces, the Spectators go away highly satisfied; but if their
Art prevents their shedding much Blood, the Combatants are poorly
rewarded, and look'd upon as a Couple of Cheats or Cowards.
A Goat had (as Tradition says) done formerly great Damage to the Corn of
_Danafalio_, a Saint in great Veneration amongst them, who lived about
Twelve Hundred Years ago; for which Reason, every Family, on a certain
Day, diverts it self by breaking the Legs and Ribs of a Goat, and
flaying it alive.
Their Burial of the Dead is so expensive, that it often ruines the Heir.
When the Corpse is carried out of the House, a Herald goes before, who
proclaims the Titles of the Deceas'd: If he has none, he has Three Days
Notice to make a Genealogy for him. I saw the Burial of a _quondam_
Taylor, who was nearly ally'd to a first Minister, and heard the
Herald's Oration, which was as near as I remember, in these Words.
See, Fellow-Citizens, the Vanity of all sublunary Things! and lament
your own hard Fate in the Loss of the Illustrious _Evanosmador_. If
Virtue, if Art, if Nobility of Blood, could any way have influenc'd
the Tyrant Death, who could boast a greater Soul! Who exceed him in
the Mysteries of his Art! Or lastly, Whose Veins were fill'd with a
more noble Blood!
Here he repeated his Genealogy, which spoke him descended from a Number
of Sovereign Princes, Grandees, _Caja_'s, &c.
When the Corpse arrives at the great Market-place, where all the Dead
are burnt, a Priest makes a Funeral Oration; which done, a great Number
of Mourners, hired for that purpose, begin their Lamentations, which
last till the Body is entirely consum'd. The Fire is made with Billets,
on which the Arms of the Deceased are either carv'd or painted, which
cannot cost less than an _English_ Crown each. Every one of the Company
is presented with two of these Billets; one he lays on the Pile, the
other he carries home, and hangs up in his House. After the Consumption
of the Corpse, the Picture of the Deceas'd is hung over the Door for the
Space of Twelve Moons. Their Ceremonies in marshalling the Company are
tedious, and therefore I shall not mention them; I shall only take
Notice, that the Dead are drawn by Six, or Eight Ostriches, cover'd
with Cloath of Gold, upon an open Chariot.
When any begins to sicken, a Physician is sent for, who, after having
examin'd the Patient, sends for a _Venenugallpotior_, something like
our Apothecary, and gives him his Direction, takes his Fee, which is
extravagant enough, and goes into his _Palanquin_; for a Physician, let
him be a Second _Hermes_, or _Galen_, will never get Bread, if he does
not make a Figure. He's sure to repeat his Visits, Morning and Even,
if the Patient as often repeats his Fees; but whenever he finds any
Symptoms of a weak Purse, he sets a Mark on that House, and no
Intreaties will prevail with him to go under that Roof.
When the Relations of the Sick perceive him past Hopes of Recovery, they
fall to plundering his House, neglect him entirely, and very often fall
together by the Ears, begin with Blows, and end with a Law-suit, which
seldom fails ruining both Plaintiff and Defendant; for their Lawyers
rarely bring a Suit to Issue, till their Clients are brought to Beggary;
and tho' they all know this to be the Consequence of their Litigation,
yet is there no Nation so fond of going to Law.
When any one falls into Poverty, he's look'd upon as infected; for all
his Acquaintance shun him; nay, very often his own Children will not own
him, if in happier Circumstances: And what will seem wonderful to a
_Briton_, who esteems Merit in Rags, and contemns the Vicious, tho'
encompass'd with a Crowd of Servants, and distinguish'd by the glaring
Titles of his Family; no sooner does a _Cacklogollinian_ grow rich, but
all the World courts him, tho' sprung from a Dunghill: And even those
who can never hope any thing from him, shew him a profound Respect. Ask
who such a one is, and they never tell you, that he is such a Fowl of
Honour, or of such good Qualities, but answer, he is worth so much:
Nay, Riches give a Man such Superiority, that a Merchant, the Son of a
Butcher, presum'd so much upon the immense Sums he possess'd, that he
had the Boldness to tell the Emperor to his Face, if he did not prohibit
the Importation of Corn (which was then very much wanted) he having a
great Quantity by him, would draw his Money out of the publick Treasury,
and then his Majesty might see who was able to supply him. The Emperor
was advised to lay him by the Heels for his Sawciness, but the good
Prince forgave him.
Their Dress is a close Doublet, and a a loose Mantle, which is either
rich or plain, fine or coarse, not according to the Quality, but
according to the Ability of the Wearer; for very often you can't
distinguish, in respect of Dress, the Grandee from the Merchant, or the
_Squabbaw_ from her Attendant; for the meaner Sort lay all on their
Backs. Their Necks are adorned with Ribbons, Bells, Medals, _&c._
and their Tail-feathers are beautify'd with additional ones from the
Peacock, or Figures painted with various Colours, which must be by the
Emperor's Permission, as has been before observ'd.
Their Exercises are pretty violent, and they are great Lovers of a Play
for which I can find no Name in _English_. They begin with giving their
next Neighbour a great Bang with the Wing, which is return'd by a Kick
or Peck, or Stroke with the Spur; you would imagine they were so many
engaged in a Battle, for they strike without Fear or Wit, and never mind
on whom the Strokes light; for every one deals them about promiscuously,
and as thick as he can lay them on. They will continue this Diversion,
till they are not able to stand, or till some of the Company gets a
Wing, a Leg, or a Head broke, or some other Damage, which the Party hurt
never takes ill. This Play is indeed practised only among the younger,
or the meaner Sort.
They are mighty fond of the _Cuckoo_, and will sit two Hours upon a
Stretch to hear a Set of them exercise their natural Talent, for which
they are paid and caress'd. I knew a Lady of Quality who gave a Pension
of Five Thousand _Spasma_'s, each _Spasma_ worth Two Shillings Sterling,
to one of these Birds to sing her to Sleep every Night. The Air of this
Country is too cold for these _Cuckoo_'s, who come from a more southern
Clime, which is the Reason they stay not above three Years before they
wing their Flight home, where they build Palaces with the Profits of
their Journey: But as those who return send others in their stead, the
_Cacklogallinians_ are never long deprived of the Entertainment these
Birds afford 'em.
Another Diversion they have, is the making the Ostriches run Races: The
Feeding, Training, and Betting upon these Birds, have ruined many of the
noblest Families. They are also mightily addicted to Dice, and will set
and lose their Wives and Children, which they sometimes see eaten by the
Winner, if he is of Quality.
This small Sketch of the _Cacklogallinians_ I thought necessary, that
the Reader might have some Idea of them. I happen'd to be cast on their
Coast, just after they had made a Peace with the _Magpyes_, a puissant
and neighbouring Nation, after a long, sanguine, and expensive War,
which had well nigh exhausted the Forces and Treasure of both Parties,
occasioned by the _Cacklogallinians_ pretending they had a Right to
nominate a Successor to the Emperor _Chuctinio_, who was in an advanced
Age, and without issue; and the _Magpyes_ pretended their King, as a
Relation to that Emperor, had a Right to succeed to the Throne of the
_Bubohibonians_, which is the Nation of _Owls_.
All the neighbouring States join'd the _Cacklogallinians_, in
endeavouring to prevent this vast Increase of Power to the _Magpyes_,
since it must necessarily destroy the Balance of Power; and as their
prince was both powerful and ambitious, they apprehended he would
aim at an universal Monarchy: But then they would not allow the
_Cacklogallinians_ had any more Right than their Neighbours, to name
a Successor; and if that Monarchy were to fall to the Share of any
powerful Prince, it might be as dangerous to the common Good, as if
yielded to the _Magpyes_; they therefore would have it divided.
The Peacock, who pretends to be the High-Priest of all Nations, and
exacts on that Account Tributes from them, and calls himself the
Disposer of Kingdoms, had his Tributes stopp'd by the _Magpyes_, about
the same time; and complaining of this Injury, he invited _Bigoteasy_ to
declare War against _Gripeallyominte_, King of the _Magpyes_, which, on
account of former Friendship, he absolutely refused. This so enraged the
good High Priest, that he raised a Rebellion against him; he was
dethron'd, taken Prisoner by his Subjects, and died in Confinement,
and his Kingdom given by the Peacock, and the unanimous Consent of the
People, to the greatest Prince that History ever mention'd, either for
Wisdom or Bravery.
These Wars lasted Sixty and Seven Years, and the _Cacklogallinians_ bore
the greatest Share of the Expence; which had so far indebted them, that
every Brain was at Work to project Methods for raising Money to pay the
Interest.
These Schemes, which were every Day presented to the Minister, grew so
numerous, that, had he applied himself to nothing else but their
Examination, it would have taken up a great Part of his Time: And,
indeed, I must own, that my Friend, the first Minister, gave himself but
very little Trouble in things of this Nature, for all his Schemes, and
all his Thoughts center'd in himself; and when I have gone to carry him
Intelligence in a Morning, and all the great Fowl that came to pay their
Levee, have been answer'd, that he was busy in his Closet upon Affairs
of Importance to the State, and saw no Company, I have found him (for
there were Orders for admitting me) either writing Directions concerning
his Ostriches, or his Country Sports, or his Buildings, or examining his
private Accounts; and tho' I often thought but meanly of my own Species,
yet I began to think, from the Conduct of this great Minister, that a
Cock was a far more selfish, and more worthless Animal than Man;
insomuch, that I have so despised them ever since, as to think them good
for nothing but the Spit.
The Schemes which he put in Practice were all the Invention of others,
tho' he assum'd the Credit of them; and I will be bold to say, that,
before my Time, amongst Numbers that were offer'd to him, he generally
chose the worst.
I was therefore order'd, after I had been two Years at Court, to take
this Business upon me, with the Title of _Castleairiano_, or Project
Examiner, and a Salary of Thirty Thousand _Spasma_'s. The first Project
offer'd me, was the laying a Tax on Cloath, and all manner of Stuffs.
This I rejected, because it being the chief Manufacture of the Country,
it would, by raising the Price abroad, be a Hindrance to the Commerce of
the Nation, and give the _Cormorants_ who made it, tho' nothing so fine
as the _Cacklogallinians_, an Opportunity, by under-selling them, to
become the chief Merchants in this Branch of Trade. But it would be
tedious to mention the many Offers, with my Reasons for accepting or
rejecting them, which I once a Week gave a List of to the Minister, who
was often so good as to approve my Judgment.
There were Projects for taxing Soot, Corn, Ribbons, for coining all the
Plate of the Nobility, for prohibiting the wearing of Gold or Silver.
Some were for the Government's taking all the Torchtrees (which gave a
Light, and are used like our Candles) and dispose of them, by which
great Sums might be raised. Some were for laying a Tax on all who kept
Coaches; others upon all who wore Silver or Gold Spurs: But these
touching only the Rich, the Minister would not listen to. The Tax which
he approved of most, was on the Light of the Sun, according to the Hours
it was enjoy'd; so that the poor Peasant, who rose with it, paid for
Twelve Hours Day-light, and the Nobility and Gentry, who kept their Beds
till Noon, paid only for Six.
Another Tax was laid upon those who drank only Spring Water. This fell
altogether on the Poor, for the better Sort drank the Juice of a certain
Tree imported from the _Bubohibonians_.
Whoever had not an Estate in Land of an Hundred _Spasma_'s was also
tax'd Ten _Spasma_'s a Year, to be paid out of their Day Labour. He
who deliver'd a Project of fetching Gold from the Moon, was caress'd
prodigiously, and his way of reasoning approved; tho' I gave it in with
a [+] as rejected by me, yet he was rewarded, and Preparation order'd
for the Journey, in which I was commanded to accompany him: For, he
insinuated to the Minister, that it was possible the Inhabitants might
be of my Species; nay, that I myself might have dropp'd out of that
World, which was more reasonable than to believe the Story I told, of
having pass'd so great a Sea; and that I very likely had form'd this
Story out of a Tenderness to my Country lest his Imperial Majesty should
attempt its Conquest.
He had so possess'd the Minister with this Notion, that my arguing
against it was to no purpose. He told me one Day, That all the
Philosophers allow'd, nay, maintain'd, that both Animals, Vegetables,
and Minerals, were generated, grew, and were nourished, by the Spirit of
the World: A Quintessence partaking of all the Four Elements, tho' it
was no One, might be called Air, and was not; Fire, and was not Fire,
_&c._ That this Spirit was assisted by the Influence of the Planets,
and tended to the highest Perfection of Purity. That all Metals were
generated by the said Spirit, and differ'd from one another, but
according to the Purity or Impurity of the _Matrices_ which receiv'd it.
That as the Planets Influence was necessary, that of the Moon must,
as the nearest to the Earth, be the most efficacious: That as it was
visible to the Eye, the Moon was more depurated than the Earth; was
surrounded by a thinner Air, in which the Spirit of the World is more
abundant, and was nearer to the other Planets, he naturally concluded,
that it must abound in Gold Mines; and this Conclusion was strengthened
by the Mountains discernible in the Moon; and Mountains being mostly
rocky, afforded the purest _Matrice_ for the Universal Spirit; so that
it seem'd to him impossible, that any other Metal, less pure, could be
generated in that World. That such Metals, for their Use, were often
preferable to Gold, and that in denying my Descent from thence, I was in
Fact, doing an Injury to those I wish'd to serve, since by Intercourse
with those Inhabitants, both Worlds might find their Advantage.
I answered his Excellency, That I wished he might ever find his and
his Country's Good, in all his Undertakings, since I had so great
Obligations to both; but that what I had told him of my self was every
way consonant to Truth; that I was so far from being an Inhabitant of
the Moon, that I did not believe it habitable; and if it were, I did not
think a Voyage thither practicable, for Reasons I wou'd give the
Projector, whenever his Excellency would condescend to hear my
Objections and his Answers: That if he, after that, would persist in
the Undertaking, she should find me ready to sacrifice that Life in the
Attempt, which I held from his Goodness.
Well, _return'd he_, to morrow I will have him at my House, don't
fail being there at Dinner; I will be denied to every one else, and
hope his Reasons will convince you; for I have, I own, a greater
Opinion of your Veracity, in what relates to this Affair, than of
your Judgment.
The next Day I waited on his Excellency, where I found the Projector
mention'd. He began the Discourse, addressing himself to me, after the
usual Ceremonies.
"I am sorry, _said he_, to find what I propos'd meet with any
Objection from one whose Penetration makes me fear some Obstacle
considerable, which has escaped my Scrutiny. However, if I have
the Mortification to have my Views baffled, yet shall I reap
the Advantage of being instructed in what I am ignorant of. His
Excellency has commanded me to lay before you what my Reasons are,
for supposing the Moon an inhabited Globe. I shall therefore, with
all possible Brevity, obey his Excellency's Commands. I shall not
name the ancient Sages, both of this and the neighbouring Nations,
who have been of the same Opinion, because I have already cited them
in my Memorial; but shall first offer you some Principles on which I
have, beside the Authorities mention'd, founded my own.
"First, I esteem the Moon an opaque solid Body, as is our Earth, and
consequently adapted for the Entertainment and Nourishment of its
Inhabitants. Now, that it is a solid Body, is evident by the
Repercussion of the Light which it receives from the Sun."
"Sir, _said I_, you are here begging the Question; for it is
possible, that the Moon of itself is a luminous Body; and I am
apt to believe it such for this Reason: Its Light is seen in more
than one Place at a time, whereas a Body which gives a Light by
Reflection only, that Light is perceivable in that Point alone,
where the Angle of Reflection is equal to that of Incidence."
He answer'd,
My Objection did not hold good in regard to a Body whose Surface is
rugged and uneven, as is that of the Moon. That it is an opaque and
solid Body, is visible by the Eclipses of the Sun; for a pellucid
Body could not deprive us of the Light of that glorious Planet. That
the Moon does eclipse the Sun in the same manner as our Earth
eclipses the Moon (as all know it does) makes me conclude these two
Bodies of a Nature, since the like Interposition produces the like
Effect. When I say they are of a Nature, I mean opaque, which to
prove, I argue thus: If this Planet be of it self luminous, it must
appear much brighter when eclips'd in its _perigée_, or nearest
Distance from the Earth, and its Light must be less consequently
when in its _Apogée_, or greatest Distance from it; for the nearer a
luminous Body approaches the Eye, the stronger Impression it makes
upon the Sight. Beside, the Shadow of the Earth, had the Moon any
innate and peculiar Light, cou'd not obscure it, but, on the
contrary, would render it more conspicuous, as is evident to Reason.