CHAPTER LV.

Conclusion

A WORD OF INTRODUCTION.

"Story! God bless you; I have none to tell, sir."

It is now many--do not ask me to say how many--years since I received

from the Horse Guards the welcome intelligence that I was gazetted to an

insigncy in his Majesty's __th Foot, and that my name, which had figured

so long in the "Duke's" list, with the words "a very hard case" appended,

should at length appear in the monthly record of promotions and

appointments.

Since then my life has been passed in all the vicissitudes of war and

peace. The camp and the bivouac--the reckless gaiety of the mess-table

--the comfortless solitude of a French prison--the exciting turmoils of

active service--the wearisome monotony of garrison duty, I have alike

partaken of, and experienced. A career of this kind, with a temperament

ever ready to go with the humour of those about him will always be sure

of its meed of adventure. Such has mine been; and with no greater

pretension than to chronicle a few of the scenes in which I have borne a

part, and revive the memory of the other actors in them--some, alas! Now

no more--I have ventured upon these "Confessions."

If I have not here selected that portion of my life which most abounded

in striking events and incidents most worthy of recording, my excuse is

simply, because being my first appearance upon the boards, I preferred

accustoming myself to the look of the house, while performing the "Cock,"

to coming before the audience in the more difficult part of Hamlet.

As there are unhappily impracticable people in the world, who, as Curran

expressed it, are never content to know "who killed the gauger, if you

can't inform them who wore his corduroys"--to all such I would, in deep

humility, say, that with my "Confessions" they have nothing to do--I have

neither story nor moral--my only pretension to the one, is the detail of

a passion which marked some years of my life; my only attempt at the

other, the effort to show how prolific in hair-breadth 'scapes may a

man's career become, who, with a warm imagination and easy temper,

believes too much, and rarely can feign a part without forgetting that he

is acting. Having said thus much, I must once more bespeak the

indulgence never withheld from a true penitent, and at once begin my

"Confessions."

CHAPTER I.

ARRIVAL IN CORK--CIVIC FESTIVITIES--PRIVATE THEATRICALS.

It was on a splendid morning in the autumn of the year 181_ that the

Howard transport, with four hundred of his Majesty's 4_th Regt., dropped

anchor in the beautiful harbour of Cove; the sea shone under the purple

light of the rising sun with a rich rosy hue, beautifully in contrast

with the different tints of the foliage of the deep woods already tinged

with the brown of autumn. Spike Island lay "sleeping upon its broad

shadow," and the large ensign which crowns the battery was wrapped around

the flag-staff, there not being even air enough to stir it. It was still

so early, that but few persons were abroad; and as we leaned over the

bulwarks, and looked now, for the first time for eight long years, upon

British ground, many an eye filled, and many a heaving breast told how

full of recollections that short moment was, and how different our

feelings from the gay buoyancy with which we had sailed from that same

harbour for the Peninsula; many of our best and bravest had we left

behind us, and more than one native to the land we were approaching had

found his last rest in the soil of the stranger. It was, then, with a

mingled sense of pain and pleasure, we gazed upon that peaceful little

village, whose white cottages lay dotted along the edge of the harbour.

The moody silence our thoughts had shed over us was soon broken: the

preparations for disembarking had begun, and I recollect well to this

hour how, shaking off the load that oppressed my heart, I descended the

gangway, humming poor Wolfe's well-known song--

"Why, soldiers, why

Should we be melancholy, boys?"

And to this elasticity of spirits--whether the result of my profession,

or the gift of God--as Dogberry has it--I know not--I owe the greater

portion of the happiness I have enjoyed in a life, whose changes and

vicissitudes have equalled most men's.

Drawn up in a line along the shore, I could scarce refrain from a smile

at our appearance. Four weeks on board a transport will certainly not

contribute much to the "personnel" of any unfortunate therein confined;

but when, in addition to this, you take into account that we had not

received new clothes for three years--if I except caps for our

grenadiers, originally intended for a Scotch regiment, but found to be

all too small for the long-headed generation. Many a patch of brown and

grey, variegated the faded scarlet, "of our uniform," and scarcely a pair

of knees in the entire regiment did not confess their obligations to a

blanket. But with all this, we shewed a stout, weather-beaten front,

that, disposed as the passer-by might feel to laugh at our expense, very

little caution would teach him it was fully as safe to indulge it in his

sleeve.

The bells from every steeple and tower rung gaily out a peal of welcome

as we marched into "that beautiful city called Cork," our band playing

"Garryowen"--for we had been originally raised in Ireland, and still

among our officers maintained a strong majority from that land of punch,

priests, and potatoes--the tattered flag of the regiment proudly waving

over our heads, and not a man amongst us whose warm heart did not bound

behind a Waterloo medal. Well--well! I am now--alas, that I should say

it--somewhat in the "sear and yellow;" and I confess, after the

experience of some moments of high, triumphant feeling, that I never

before felt within me, the same animating, spirit-filling glow of

delight, as rose within my heart that day, as I marched at the head

of my company down George's-street.

We were soon settled in barracks; and then began a series of

entertainments on the side of the civic dignities of Cork, which soon led

most of us to believe that we had only escaped shot and shell to fall

less gloriously beneath champagne and claret. I do not believe there is

a coroner in the island who would have pronounced but the one verdict

over the regiment--"Killed by the mayor and corporation," had we so

fallen.

First of all, we were dined by the citizens of Cork--and, to do them

justice, a harder drinking set of gentlemen no city need boast; then we

were feasted by the corporation; then by the sheriffs; then came the

mayor, solus; then an address, with a cold collation, that left eight of

us on the sick-list for a fortnight; but the climax of all was a grand

entertainment given in the mansion-house, and to which upwards of two

thousand were invited. It was a species of fancy ball, beginning by a

dejeune at three o'clock in the afternoon, and ending--I never yet met

the man who could tell when it ended; as for myself, my finale partook a

little of the adventurous, and I may as well relate it.

After waltzing for about an hour with one of the prettiest girls I ever

set eyes upon, and getting a tender squeeze of the hand, as I restored

her to a most affable-looking old lady in a blue turban and a red velvet

gown who smiled most benignly on me, and called me "Meejor," I retired to

recruit for a new attack, to a small table, where three of ours were

quaffing "ponche a la Romaine," with a crowd of Corkagians about them,

eagerly inquiring after some heroes of their own city, whose deeds of

arms they were surprised did not obtain special mention from "the Duke."

I soon ingratiated myself into this well-occupied clique, and dosed them

with glory to their hearts' content. I resolved at once to enter into

their humour; and as the "ponche" mounted up to my brain I gradually

found my acquaintanceship extend to every family and connexion in the

country.

"Did ye know Phil Beamish of the 3_th, sir?" said a tall, red-faced,

red-whiskered, well-looking gentleman, who bore no slight resemblance

to Feargus O'Connor.

"Phil Beamish!" said I. "Indeed I did, sir, and do still; and there is

not a man in the British army I am prouder of knowing." Here, by the

way, I may mention that I never heard the name till that moment.

"You don't say so, sir?" said Feargus--for so I must call him, for

shortness sake. "Has he any chance of the company yet, sir?"

"Company!" said I, in astonishment. "He obtained his majority three

months since. You cannot possibly have heard from lately, or you would

have known that?"

"That's true, sir. I never heard since he quitted the 3_th to go to

Versailles, I think they call it, for his health. But how did he get the

step, sir?"

"Why, as to the company, that was remarkable enough!" said I, quaffing

off a tumbler of champagne, to assist my invention. "You know it was

about four o'clock in the afternoon of the 18th that Napoleon ordered

Grouchy to advance with the first and second brigade of the Old Guard and

two regiments of chasseurs, and attack the position occupied by Picton

and the regiments under his command. Well, sir, on they came, masked by

the smoke of a terrific discharge of artillery, stationed on a small

eminence to our left, and which did tremendous execution among our poor

fellows--on they came, Sir; and as the smoke cleared partially away we

got a glimpse of them, and a more dangerous looking set I should not

desire to see: grizzle-bearded, hard-featured, bronzed fellows, about

five-and-thirty or forty years of age; their beauty not a whit improved

by the red glare thrown upon their faces and along the whole line by each

flash of the long twenty-fours that were playing away to the right. Just

at this moment Picton rode down the line with his staff, and stopping

within a few paces of me, said, 'They're coming up; steady, boys; steady

now: we shall have something to do soon.' And then, turning sharply

round, he looked in the direction of the French battery, that was

thundering away again in full force, 'Ah, that must be silenced,' said

he, 'Where's Beamish?'--"Says Picton!" interrupted Feargus, his eyes

starting from their sockets, and his mouth growing wider every moment, as

he listed with the most intense interest. "Yes," said I, slowly; and

then, with all the provoking nonchalance of an Italian improvisatore, who

always halts at the most exciting point of his narrative, I begged a

listener near me to fill my glass from the iced punch beside him. Not a

sound was heard as I lifted the bumper to my lips; all were breathless in

their wound-up anxiety to hear of their countryman who had been selected

by Picton--for what, too, they knew not yet, and, indeed, at this instant

I did not know myself, and nearly laughed outright, for the two of our

men who had remained at the table had so well employed their interval of

ease as to become very pleasantly drunk, and were listening to my

confounded story with all the gravity and seriousness in the world.

"'Where's Beamish?' said Picton. 'Here, sir,' said Phil stepping out

from the line and touching his cap to the general, who, taking him apart

for a few minutes, spoke to him with great animation. We did not know

what he said; but before five minutes were over, there was Phil with

three companies of light-bobs drawn up at our left; their muskets at the

charge, they set off at a round trot down the little steep which closed

our flank. We had not much time to follow their movements, for our own

amusement began soon; but I well remember, after repelling the French

attack, and standing in square against two heavy charges of cuirassiers,

the first thing I saw where the French battery had stood, was Phil

Beamish and about a handful of brave fellows, all that remained from the

skirmish. He captured two of the enemy's field-pieces, and was 'Captain

Beamish' on the day after."

"Long life to him," said at least a dozen voices behind and about me,

while a general clinking of decanters and smacking of lips betokened that

Phil's health with all the honours was being celebrated. For myself, I

was really so engrossed by my narrative, and so excited by the "ponche,"

that I saw or heard very little of what was passing around, and have only

a kind of dim recollection of being seized by the hand by "Feargus," who

was Beamish's brother, and who, in the fullness of his heart, would have

hugged me to his breast, if I had not opportunely been so overpowered as

to fall senseless under the table.

When I first returned to consciousness, I found myself lying exactly

where I had fallen. Around me lay heaps of slain--the two of "ours"

amongst the number. One of them--I remember he was the adjutant--held in

his hand a wax candle (three to the pound). Whether he had himself

seized it in the enthusiasm of my narrative of flood and field, or it had

been put there by another, I know not, but he certainly cut a droll

figure. The room we were in was a small one off the great saloon, and

through the half open folding-door I could clearly perceive that the

festivities were still continued. The crash of fiddles and French horns,

and the tramp of feet, which had lost much of their elasticity since the

entertainments began, rang through my ears, mingled with the sounds "down

the middle," "hands across," "here's your partner, Captain." What hour

of the night or morning it then was, I could not guess; but certainly the

vigor of the party seemed little abated, if I might judge from the

specimens before me, and the testimony of a short plethoric gentleman,

who stood wiping his bald head, after conducting his partner down

twenty-eight couple, and who, turning to his friend, said, "Oh, the

distance is nothing, but it is the pace that kills."

The first evidence I shewed of any return to reason, was a strong

anxiety to be at my quarters; but how to get there I knew not. The faint

glimmering of sense I possessed told me that "to stand was to fall," and

I was ashamed to go on all-fours, which prudence suggested.

At this moment I remembered I had brought with me my cane, which, from a

perhaps pardonable vanity, I was fond of parading. It was a present from

the officers of my regiment--many of them, alas, since dead--and had a

most splendid gold head, with a stag at the top--the arms of the

regiment. This I would not have lost for any consideration I can

mention; and this now was gone! I looked around me on every side; I

groped beneath the table; I turned the sleeping sots who lay about in no

very gentle fashion; but, alas, it was gone. I sprang to my feet and

only then remembered how unfit I was to follow up the search, as tables,

chairs, lights, and people seemed all rocking and waving before me.

However, I succeeded in making my way, through one room into another,

sometimes guiding my steps along the walls; and once, as I recollect,

seeking the diagonal of a room, I bisected a quadrille with such

ill-directed speed, as to run foul of a Cork dandy and his partner who

were just performing the "en avant:" but though I saw them lie tumbled

in the dust by the shock of my encounter--for I had upset them--I still

held on the even tenor of my way. In fact, I had feeling for but one

loss; and, still in pursuit of my cane, I reached the hall-door. Now,

be it known that the architecture of the Cork Mansion House has but one

fault, but that fault is a grand one, and a strong evidence of how

unsuited English architects are to provide buildings for a people whose

tastes and habits they but imperfectly understand--be it known, then,

that the descent from the hall-door to the street was by a flight of

twelve stone steps. How I should ever get down these was now my

difficulty. If Falstaff deplored "eight yards of uneven ground as being

three score and ten miles a foot," with equal truth did I feel that

these twelve awful steps were worse to me than would be M'Gillicuddy

Reeks in the day-light, and with a head clear from champagne.

While I yet hesitated, the problem resolved itself; for, gazing down upon

the bright gravel, brilliantly lighted by the surrounding lamps, I lost

my balance, and came tumbling and rolling from top to bottom, where I

fell upon a large mass of some soft substance, to which, in all

probability, I owe my life. In a few seconds I recovered my senses, and

what was my surprise to find that the downy cushion beneath, snored most

audibly! I moved a little to one side, and then discovered that in

reality it was nothing less than an alderman of Cork, who, from his

position, I concluded had shared the same fate with myself; there he lay,

"like a warrior taking his rest," but not with his "martial cloak around

him," but a much more comfortable and far more costly robe--a scarlet

gown of office--with huge velvet cuffs and a great cape of the same

material. True courage consists in presence of mind; and here mine came

to my aid at once: recollecting the loss I had just sustained, and

perceiving that all was still about me, with that right Peninsular maxim,

that reprisals are fair in an enemy's camp, I proceeded to strip the

slain; and with some little difficulty--partly, indeed, owing to my

unsteadiness on my legs--I succeeded in denuding the worthy alderman, who

gave no other sign of life during the operation than an abortive effort

to "hip, hip, hurra," in which I left him, having put on the spoil, and

set out on my way the the barrack with as much dignity of manner as I

could assume in honour of my costume. And here I may mention (en

parenthese) that a more comfortable morning gown no man ever possessed,

and in its wide luxuriant folds I revel, while I write these lines.

When I awoke on the following day I had considerable difficulty in

tracing the events of the past evening. The great scarlet cloak,

however, unravelled much of the mystery, and gradually the whole of my

career became clear before me, with the single exception of the episode

of Phil Beamish, about which my memory was subsequently refreshed--but I

anticipate. Only five appeared that day at mess; and, Lord! What

spectres they were!--yellow as guineas; they called for soda water

without ceasing, and scarcely spoke a word to each other. It was plain

that the corporation of Cork was committing more havoc among us than

Corunna or Waterloo, and that if we did not change our quarters, there

would be quick promotion in the corps for such as were "seasoned

gentlemen." After a day or two we met again together, and then what

adventures were told--each man had his own story to narrate; and from the

occurrences detailed, one would have supposed years had been passing,

instead of the short hours of an evening party. Mine were indeed among

the least remarkable; but I confess that the air of vraisemblance

produced by my production of the aldermanic gown gave me the palm above

all competitors.

Such was our life in Cork--dining, drinking, dancing, riding steeple

chases, pigeon shooting, and tandem driving--filling up any little

interval that was found to exist between a late breakfast, and the time

to dress for dinner; and here I hope I shall not be accused of a tendency

to boasting, while I add, that among all ranks and degrees of men, and

women too, there never was a regiment more highly in estimation than the

4_th. We felt the full value of all the attentions we were receiving;

and we endeavoured, as best we might, to repay them. We got up Garrison

Balls and Garrison Plays, and usually performed one or twice a week

during the winter. Here I shone conspicuously; in the morning I was

employed painting scenery and arranging the properties; as it grew later,

I regulated the lamps, and looked after the foot-lights, mediating

occasionally between angry litigants, whose jealousies abound to the full

as much, in private theatricals, as in the regular corps dramatique.

Then, I was also leader in the orchestra; and had scarcely to speak the

prologues. Such are the cares of greatness: to do myself justice, I did

not dislike them; though, to be sure, my taste for the drama did cost me

a little dear, as will be seen in the sequel.

We were then in the full career of popularity. Our balls pronounced the

very pleasantest; our plays far superior to any regular corps that had

ever honoured Cork with their talents; when an event occurred which threw

a gloom over all our proceedings, and finally put a stop to every project

for amusement, we had so completely given ourselves up to. This was no

less than the removal of our Lieutenant-Colonel. After thirty years of

active service in the regiment he then commanded, his age and

infirmities, increased by some severe wounds, demanded ease and repose;

he retired from us, bearing along with him the love and regard of every

man in the regiment. To the old officers he was endeared by long

companionship, and undeviating friendship; to the young, he was in every

respect as a father, assisting by his advice, and guiding by his counsel;

while to the men, the best estimate of his worth appeared in the fact,

that corporeal punishment was unknown in the corps. Such was the man we

lost; and it may well be supposed, that his successor, who, or whatever

he might be, came under circumstances of no common difficulty amongst us;

but, when I tell, that our new Lieutenant-Colonel was in every respect

his opposite, it may be believed how little cordiality he met with.

Lieutenant-Colonel Carden--for so I shall call him, although not his real

name--had not been a month at quarters, when he proved himself a regular

martinet; everlasting drills, continual reports, fatigue parties, and

ball practice, and heaven knows what besides, superseded our former

morning's occupation; and, at the end of the time I have metioned, we,

who had fought our way from Albuera to Waterloo, under some of the

severest generals of division, were pronounced a most disorderly and

ill-disciplined regiment, by a Colonel, who had never seen a shot fired

but at a review in Hounslow, or a sham-battle in the Fifteen Acres. The

winter was now drawing to a close--already some little touch of spring

was appearing; as our last play for the season was announced, every

effort to close with some little additional effort was made; and each

performer in the expected piece was nerving himself for an effort beyond

his wont. The Colonel had most unequivocally condemned these plays; but

that mattered not; they came not within his jurisdiction; and we took no

notice of his displeasure, further than sending him tickets, which were

as immediately returned as received. From being the chief offender, I

had become particularly obnoxious; and he had upon more than one

occasion expressed his desire for an opportunity to visit me with his

vengeance; but being aware of his kind intentions towards me, I took

particular care to let no such opportunity occur.

On the morning in question, then, I had scarcely left my quarters, when

one of my brother officers informed me that the Colonel had made a great

uproar, that one of the bills of the play had been put up on his door

--which, with his avowed dislike to such representations, he considered as

intended to insult him: he added, too, that the Colonel attributed it to

me. In this, however, he was wrong--and, to this hour, I never knew who

did it. I had little time, and still less inclination, to meditate upon

the Colonel's wrath--the theatre had all my thoughts; and indeed it was a

day of no common exertion, for our amusements were to conclude with a

grand supper on the stage, to which all the elite of Cork were invited.

Wherever I went through the city--and many were my peregrinations--the

great placard of the play stared me in the fact; and every gate and

shuttered window in Cork, proclaimed, "THE PART OF OTHELLO, BY MR.

LORREQUER."

As evening drew near, my cares and occupations were redoubled. My Iago

I had fears for--'tis true he was an admirable Lord Grizzle in Tom Thumb

--but then--then I had to paint the whole company, and bear all their

abuse besides, for not making some of the most ill-looking wretches,

perfect Apollos; but, last of all, I was sent for, at a quarter to

seven, to lace Desdemona's stays. Start not, gentle reader--my fair

Desdemona--she "who might lie by an emperor's side, and command him

tasks"--was no other than the senior lieutenant of the regiment, and who

was a great a votary of the jolly god as honest Cassio himself. But I

must hasten on--I cannot delay to recount our successes in detail. Let

it suffice to say, that, by universal consent, I was preferred to Kean;

and the only fault the most critical observer could find to the

representative of Desdemona, was a rather unlady-like fondness for

snuff. But, whatever little demerits our acting might have displayed,

were speedily forgotten in a champagne supper. There I took the head of

the table; and, in the costume of the noble Moor, toasted, made

speeches, returned thanks, and sung songs, till I might have exclaimed

with Othello himself, "Chaos was come again;"--and I believe I owe my

ever reaching the barrack that night to the kind offices of Desdemona,

who carried me the greater part of the way on her back.

The first waking thoughts of him who has indulged over-night, was not

among the most blissful of existence, and certainly the pleasure is not

increased by the consciousness that he is called on to the discharge of

duties to which a fevered pulse and throbbing temples are but ill-suited.

My sleep was suddenly broken in upon the morning after the play, but a

"row-dow-dow" beat beneath my window. I jumped hastily from my bed, and

looked out, and there, to my horror, perceived the regiment under arms.

It was one of our confounded colonel's morning drills; and there he stood

himself with the poor adjutant, who had been up all night, shivering

beside him. Some two or three of the officers had descended; and the

drum was now summoning the others as it beat round the barrack-square.

I saw there was not a moment to lose, and proceeded to dress with all

despatch; but, to my misery, I discovered every where nothing but

theatrical robes and decorations--there lay a splendid turban, here a

pair of buskins--a spangled jacket glittered on one table, and a jewelled

scimitar on the other. At last I detected my "regimental small-clothes,"

&c. Most ignominiously thrust into a corner, in my ardour for my Moorish

robes the preceding evening.

I dressed myself with the speed of lightning; but as I proceeded in my

occupation-guess my annoyance to find that the toilet-table and glass,

ay, and even the basin-stand, had been removed to the dressing-room of

the theatre; and my servant, I suppose, following his master's example,

was too tipsy to remember to bring them back; so that I was unable to

procure the luxury of cold water--for now not a moment more remained--the

drum had ceased, and the men had all fallen in. Hastily drawing on my

coat, I put on my shako, and buckling on my belt as dandy-like as might

be, hurried down the stairs to the barrack-yard. By the time I got down,

the men were all drawn up in line along the square; while the adjutant

was proceeding to examine their accoutrements, &c. as he passed down.

The colonel and the officers were standing in a group, but no conversing.

The anger of the commanding officer appeared still to continue, and there

was a dead silence maintained on both sides. To reach the spot where

they stood, I had to pass along part of the line. In doing so, how shall

I convey my amazement at the faces that met me--a general titter ran

along the entire rank, which not even their fears for consequences seemed

able to repress--for an effort, on the part of many, to stifle the laugh,

only ended in a still louder burst of merriment. I looked to the far

side of the yard for an explanation, but there was nothing there to

account for it. I now crossed over to where the officers were standing,

determining in my own mind to investigate the occurrence thoroughly, when

free from the presence of the colonel, to whom any representation of ill

conduct always brought a punishment far exceeding the merits of the case.

Scarcely had I formed this resolve, when I reached the group of officers;

but the moment I came near, one general roar of laughter saluted me,--the

like of which I never before heard--I looked down at my costume,

expecting to discover that, in my hurry to dress, I had put on some of

the garments of Othello--No: all was perfectly correct. I waited for a

moment, till the first burst of their merriment over, I should obtain a

clue to the jest. But their mirth appeared to increase. Indeed poor

G----, the senior major, one of the gravest men in Europe, laughed till

the tears ran down his cheeks; and such was the effect upon me, that I

was induced to laugh too--as men will sometimes, from the infectious

nature of that strange emotion; but, no sooner did I do this, than their

fun knew no bounds, and some almost screamed aloud, in the excess of

their merriment; just at this instant the Colonel, who had been examining

some of the men, approached our group, advancing with an air of evident

displeasure, as the shouts of loud laughter continued. As he came up,

I turned hastily round, and touching my cap, wished him good morning.

Never shall I forget the look he gave me. If a glance could have

annihilated any man, his would have finished me. For a moment his face

became purple with rage, his eye was almost hid beneath his bent brow,

and he absolutely shook with passion.

"Go, Sir," said he at length, as soon as he was able to find utterance

for his words; "Go, sir, to your quarters; and before you leave them, a

court-martial shall decide, if such continued insult to your commanding

officer, warrants your name being in the Army List."

"What the devil can all this mean?" I said, in a half-whisper, turning to

the others. But there they stood, their handkerchiefs to their mouths,

and evidently choking with suppressed laughter.

"May I beg, Colonel C_____," said I----

"To your quarters, sir," roared the little man, in the voice of a lion.

And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented all further attempt on my

part to seek explanation.

"They're all mad, every man of them," I muttered, as I betook byself

slowly back to my rooms, amid the same evidences of mirth my first

appearance had excited--which even the Colonel's presence, feared as

he was, could not entirely subdue.

With the air of a martyr I trod heavily up the stairs, and entered my

quarters, meditating within myself, awful schemes for vengeance, on the

now open tyranny of my Colonel; upon whom, I too, in my honest rectitude

of heart, vowed to have "a court-martial." I threw myself upon a chair,

and endeavoured to recollect what circumstance of the past evening could

have possibly suggested all the mirth in which both officers and men

seemed to participate equally; but nothing could I remember, capable of

solving the mystery,--surely the cruel wrongs of the manly Othello were

no laughter-moving subject.

I rang the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened.

"Stubbes," said I, "are you aware"----

I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one of the most

discreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned away towards the door to

hide his face.

"What the devil does this mean?" said I, stamping with passion; "he is as

bad as the rest. Stubbes," and this I spoke with the most grave and

severe tone, "what is the meaning of the insolence?"

"Oh, sir," said the man; "Oh, sir, surely you did not appear on parade

with that face?" and then he burst into a fit of the most uncontrollable

laughter.

Like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind. I sprung over to the

dressing-glass, which had been replaced, and oh: horror of horrors!

There I stood as black as the king of Ashantee. The cursed dye which I

had put on for Othello, I had never washed off,--and there with a huge

bear-skin shako, and a pair of black, bushy whiskers, shone my huge,

black, and polished visage, glowering at itself in the looking-glass.

My first impulse, after amazement had a little subsided, was to laugh

immoderately; in this I was joined by Stubbes, who, feeling that his

mirth was participated in, gave full vent to his risibility. And,

indeed, as I stood before the glass, grinning from ear to ear, I felt

very little surprise that my joining in the laughter of my brother

officers, a short time before, had caused an increase of their merriment.

I threw myself upon a sofa, and absolutely laughed till my sides ached,

when, the door opening, the adjutant made his appearance. He looked for

a moment at me, then at Stubbes, and then burst out himself, as loud as

either of us. When he had at length recovered himself, he wiped his face

with his handkerchief, and said, with a tone of much gravity:--

"But, my dear Lorrequer, this will be a serious--a devilish serious

affair. You know what kind of man Colonel C____ is; and you are aware,

too, you are not one of his prime favourites. He is firmly convinced

that you intended to insult him, and nothing will convince him to the

contrary. We told him how it must have occurred, but he will listen to

no explanation."

I thought for one second before I replied, my mind, with the practised

rapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the pros and cons of the case;

I saw at a glance, it were better to brave the anger of the Colonel, come

in what shape it might, than be the laughing-stock of the mess for life,

and with a face of the greatest gravity and self-possession, said,

"Well, adjutant, the Colonel is right. It was no mistake! You know I

sent him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, he returned them; this

did not annoy me, but on one account, I had made a wager with Alderman

Gullable, that the Colonel should see me in Othello--what was to be done?

Don't you see, now, there was only one course, and I took it, old boy,

and have won my bet!"

"And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I suppose," said the

adjutant.

"Never mind, my dear fellow," I repled; "I shall get out of this scrape,

as I have done many others."

"But what do you intend doing?"

"Oh, as to that," said I, "I shall, of course, wait on the Colonel

immediately; pretend to him that it was a mere blunder, from the

inattention of my servant--hand over Stubbes to the powers that punish,

(here the poor fellow winced a little,) and make my peace as well as I

can. But, adjutant, mind," said I, "and give the real version to all our

fellows, and tell them to make it public as much as they please."

"Never fear," said he, as he left the room still laughing, "they shall

all know the true story; but I wish with all my heart you were well out

of it."

I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented myself at the

Colonel's quarters. It is no pleasure for me to recount these passages

in my life, in which I have had to hear the "proud man's contumely." I

shall therefore merely observe, that after a very long interview, the

Colonel accepted my apologies, and we parted.

Before a week elapsed, the story had gone far and near; every

dinner-table in Cork had laughed at it. As for me, I attained immortal

honour for my tact and courage. Poor Gullable readily agreed to favour

the story, and gave us a dinner as the lost wager, and the Colonel was

so unmercifully quizzed on the subject, and such broad allusions to his

being humbugged were given in the Cork papers, that he was obliged to

negociate a change of quarters with another regiment, to get out of the

continual jesting, and in less than a month we marched to Limerick, to

relieve, as it was reported, the 9th, ordered for foreign service, but,

in reality, only to relieve Lieut.-Colonel C____, quizzed beyond

endurance.

However, if the Colonel had seemed to forgive, he did not forget, for the

very second week after our arrival in Limerick, I received one morning at

my breakfast-table, the following brief note from our adjutant:--

"My Dear Lorrequer--The Colonel has received orders to despatch two

companies to some remote part of the county Clare; as you have 'done

the state some service,' you are selected for the beautiful town of

Kilrush, where, to use the eulogistic language of the geography

books, 'there is a good harbour, and a market plentifully supplied

with fish.' I have just heard of the kind intention in store for

you, and lose no time in letting you know.

"God give you a good deliverance from the 'garcons lances,' as the

Moniteur calls the Whiteboys, and believe me ever your's, Charles

Curzon."

I had scarcely twice read over the adjutant's epistle, when I received

an official notification from the Colonel, directing me to proceed to

Kilrush, then and there to afford all aid and assistance in suppressing

illicit distillation, when called on for that purpose; and other similar

duties too agreeable to recapitulate. Alas! Alas! Othello's

occupation: was indeed gone! The next morning at sun-rise saw me on my

march, with what appearance of gaiety I could muster, but in reality very

much chopfallen at my banishment, and invoking sundry things upon the

devoted head of the Colonel, which he would by no means consider as

"blessings."

How short-sighted are we mortals, whether enjoying all the pump and state

of royalty, or marching like myself at the head of a company of his

Majesty's 4_th.

Little, indeed, did I anticipate that the Siberia to which I fancied I

was condemned should turn out the happiest quarters my fate ever threw me

into. But this, including as it does, one of the most important events

of my life, I reserve for another chapter.--

"What is that place called, Sergeant?"--"Bunratty Castle, sir,"

"Where do we breakfast?"--"At Clare Island, sir."

"March away, boys!"

CHAPTER II.

DETACHMENT DUTY--THE BURTON ARMS--CALLONBY.

For a week after my arrival at Kilrush, my life was one of the most

dreary monotony. The rain, which had begun to fall as I left Limerick,

continued to descend in torrents, and I found myself a close prisoner in

the sanded parlour of "mine inn." At no time would such "durance vile"

have been agreeable; but now, when I contrasted it with all I had left

behind at head quarters, it was absolutely maddening. The pleasant

lounge in the morning, the social mess, and the agreeable evening party,

were all exchanged for a short promenade of fourteen feet in one

direction, and twelve in the other, such being the accurate measurement

of my "salle a manger." A chicken, with legs as blue as a Highlander's

in winter, for my dinner; and the hours that all Christian mankind were

devoting to pleasant intercourse, and agreeable chit-chat, spent in

beating that dead-march to time, "the Devil's Tattoo," upon my ricketty

table, and forming, between whiles, sundry valorous resolutions to reform

my life, and "eschew sack and loose company."

My front-window looked out upon a long, straggling, ill-paved street,

with its due proportion of mud-heaps, and duck pools; the houses on

either side were, for the most part, dingy-looking edifices, with

half-doors, and such pretension to being shops as a quart of meal, or

salt, displayed in the window, confers; or sometimes two tobacco-pipes,

placed "saltier-wise," would appear the only vendible article in the

establishment. A more wretched, gloomy-looking picture of woe-begone

poverty, I never beheld.

If I turned for consolation to the back of the house, my eyes fell upon

the dirty yard of a dirty inn; the half-thatched cow-shed, where two

famished animals mourned their hard fate,--"chewing the cud of sweet and

bitter fancy;" the chaise, the yellow post-chaise, once the pride and

glory of the establishment, now stood reduced from its wheels, and

ignominiously degraded to a hen-house; on the grass-grown roof a cock had

taken his stand, with an air of protective patronage to the feathered

inhabitants beneath:

"To what base uses must we come at last."

That chaise, which once had conveyed the blooming bride, all blushes and

tenderness, and the happy groom, on their honeymoon visit to Ballybunion

and its romantic caves, or to the gigantic cliffs and sea-girt shores of

Moher--or with more steady pace and becoming gravity had borne along the

"going judge of assize,"--was now become a lying-in hospital for fowl,

and a nursery for chickens. Fallen as I was myself from my high estate,

it afforded me a species of malicious satisfaction to contemplate these

sad reverses of fortune; and I verily believe--for on such slight

foundation our greatest resolves are built--that if the rain had

continued a week longer, I should have become a misanthropist for life.

I made many inquiries from my landlady as to the society of the place,

but the answers I received only led to greater despondence. My

predecessor here, it seemed, had been an officer of a veteran battalion,

with a wife, and that amount of children which is algebraically expressed

by an X (meaning an unknown quantity). He, good man, in his two years'

sojourn here, had been much more solicitous about his own affairs, than

making acquaintance with his neighbours; and at last, the few persons who

had been in the habit of calling on "the officer," gave up the practice;

and as there were no young ladies to refresh Pa's memory on the matter,

they soon forgot completely that such a person existed--and to this happy

oblivion I, Harry Lorrequer, succeeded, and was thus left without benefit

of clergy to the tender mercies of Mrs. Healy of the Burton arms.

As during the inundation which deluged the whole country around I was

unable to stir from the house, I enjoyed abundant opportunity of

cultivating the acquaintance of my hostess, and it is but fair that my

reader, who has journeyed so far with me, should have an introduction.

Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the "Burton Arms," was of some five

and fifty--"or by'r lady," three score years, of a rubicund and hale

complexion; and though her short neck and corpulent figure might have set

her down as "doubly hazardous," she looked a good life for many years to

come. In height and breadth she most nearly resembled a sugar-hogshead,

whose rolling, pitching motion, when trundled along on edge, she emulated

in her gait. To the ungainliness of her figure her mode of dressing not

a little contributed. She usually wore a thick linsey-wolsey gown, with

enormous pockets on either side, and, like Nora Creina's, it certainly

inflicted no undue restrictions upon her charms, but left

"Every beauty free,

To sink or swell as heaven pleases."

Her feet--ye gods! Such feet--were apparelled in listing slippers, over

which the upholstery of her ancles descended, and completely relieved the

mind of the spectator as to the superincumbent weight being

disproportioned to the support; I remember well my first impression on

seeing those feet and ancles reposing upon a straw footstool, while she

took her afternoon dose, and I wondered within myself if elephants were

liable to the gout. There are few countenances in the world, that if

wishing to convey an idea of, we cannot refer to some well-known

standard; and thus nothing is more common than to hear comparisons with

"Vulcan--Venus--Nicodemus," and the like; but in the present case, I am

totally at a loss for any thing resembling the face of the worth Mrs.

Healy, except it be, perhaps, that most ancient and sour visage we used

to see upon old circular iron rappers formerly--they make none of them

now--the only difference being, that Mrs. Healy's nose had no ring

through it; I am almost tempted to add, "more's the pity."

Such was she in "the flesh;" would that I could say, she was more

fascinating in the "spirit!" but alas, truth, from which I never may

depart in these "my confessions," constrains me to acknowledge the

reverse. Most persons in this miserable world of ours, have some

prevailing, predominating characteristic, which usually gives the tone

and colour to all their thoughts and actions, forming what we denominate

temperament; this we see actuating them, now more, now less; but rarely,

however, is this great spring of action without its moments of repose.

Not so with her of whom I have been speaking. She had but one passion

--but, like Aaron's rod, it had a most consuming tendency--and that was to

scold, and abuse, all whom hard fate had brought within the unfortunate

limits of her tyranny. The English language, comprehensive as it is,

afforded not epithets strong enough for her wrath, and she sought among

the more classic beauties of her native Irish, such additional ones as

served her need, and with this holy alliance of tongues, she had been for

years long, the dread and terror of the entire village.

"The dawning of morn, the day-light sinking," ay, and even the "night's

dull hours," it was said, too, found her labouring in her congenial

occupation; and while thus she continued to "scold and grow fat," her

inn, once a popular and frequented one, became gradually less and less

frequented, and the dragon of the Rhine-fells did not more effectually

lay waste the territory about him, than did the evil influence of her

tongue spread desolation and ruin around her. Her inn, at the time of my

visit, had not been troubled with even a passing traveller for many

months; and, indeed, if I had any, even the least foreknowledge of the

character of my hostess, its privacy should have still remained uninvaded

for some time longer.

I had not been many hours installed, when I got a specimen of her powers;

and before the first week was over, so constant and unremitting were her

labours in this way, that I have upon the occasion of a slight lull in

the storm, occasioned by her falling asleep, actually left my room to

inquire if anything had gone wrong, in the same was as the miller is said

to awake, if the mill stops. I trust I have said enough, to move the

reader's pity and compassion for my situation--one more miserable it is

difficult to conceive. It may be though that much might be done by

management, and that a slight exercise of the favourite Whig plan of

concilliation, might avail. Nothing of the kind. She was proof against

all such arts; and what was still worse, there was no subject, no

possible circumstance, no matter, past, present, or to come, that she

could not wind by her diabolical ingenuity, into some cause of offence;

and then came the quick transition to instant punishment. Thus, my

apparently harmless inquiry as to the society of the neighbourhood,

suggested to her--a wish on my part to make acquaintance--therefore to

dine out--therefore not to dine at home--consequently to escape paying

half-a-crown and devouring a chicken--therefore to defraud her, and

behave, as she would herself observe, "like a beggarly scullion, with his

four shillings a day, setting up for a gentleman," &c.

By a quiet and Job-like endurance of all manner of taunting suspicions,

and unmerited sarcasms, to which I daily became more reconciled, I

absolutely rose into something like favour; and before the first month of

my banishment expired, had got the length of an invitation to tea, in her

own snuggery--an honour never known to be bestowed on any before, with

the exception of Father Malachi Brennan, her ghostly adviser; and even

he, it is said, never ventured on such an approximation to intimacy,

until he was, in Kilrush phrase, "half screwed," thereby meaning more

than half tipsy. From time to time thus, I learned from my hostess such

particulars of the country and its inhabitants as I was desirous of

hearing; and among other matters, she gave me an account of the great

landed proprietor himself, Lord Callonby, who was daily expected at his

seat, within some miles of Kilrush, at the same time assuring me that I

need not be looking so "pleased and curling out my whiskers;" "that

they'd never take the trouble of asking even the name of me." This,

though neither very courteous, nor altogether flattering to listen to,

was no more than I had already learned from some brother officers who

knew this quarter, and who informed me that the Earl of Callonby, though

only visiting his Irish estates every three or four years, never took the

slightest notice of any of the military in his neighbourhood; nor, indeed

did he mix with the country gentry, confining himself to his own familyl,

or the guests, who usually accompanied him from England, and remained

during his few weeks' stay. My impression of his lordship was therefore

not calculated to cheer my solitude by any prospect of his rendering ti

lighter.

The Earl's family consisted of her ladyship, an only son, nearly of age,

and two daughters; the eldest, Lady Jane, had the reputation of being

extremely beautiful; and I remembered when she came out in London, only

the year before, hearing nothing but praises of the grace and elegance of

her manner, united to the most classic beauty of her face and figure.

The second daughter was some years younger, and said to be also very

handsome; but as yet she had not been brought into society. Of the son,

Lord Kilkee, I only heard that he had been a very gay fellow at Oxford,

where he was much liked, and although not particularly studious, had

given evidence of talent.

Such were the few particulars I obtained of my neighbours, and thus

little did I know of those who were so soon to exercise a most important

influence upon my future life.

After some weeks' close confinement, which, judging from my feelings

alone, I should have counted as many years, I eagerly seized the

opportunity of the first glimpse of sunshine to make a short excursion

along the coast; I started early in the morning, and after a long stroll

along the bold headlands of Kilkee, was returning late in the evening to

my lodgings. My path lay across a wild, bleak moor, dotted with low

clumps of furze, and not presenting on any side the least trace of

habitation. In wading through the tangled bushes, my dog "Mouche"

started a hare; and after a run "sharp, short, and decisive," killed it

at the bottom of a little glen some hundred yards off.

I was just patting my dog, and examining the prize, when I heard a

crackling among the low bushes near me; and on looking up, perceived,

about twenty paces distant, a short, thick-set man, whose fustian jacket

and leathern gaiters at once pronounced him the gamekeeper; he stood

leaning upon his gun, quietly awaiting, as it seemed, for any movement on

my part, before he interfered. With one glance I detected how matters

stood, and immediately adopting my usual policy of "taking the bull by

the horns," called out, in a tone of very sufficient authority,

"I say, my man, are you his lordship's gamekeeper?"

Taking off his hat, the man approached me, and very respectfully informed

me that he was.

"Well then," said I, "present this hare to his lordship with my respects;

here is my card, and say I shall be most happy to wait on him in the

morning, and explain the circumstance."

The man took the card, and seemed for some moments undecided how to act;

he seemed to think that probably he might be ill-treating a friend of his

lordship's if he refused; and on the other hand might be merely

"jockeyed" by some bold-faced poacher. Meanwhile I whistled my dog close

up, and humming an air, with great appearance of indifference, stepped

out homeward. By this piece of presence of mind I saved poor "Mouche;"

for I saw at a glance, that, with true gamekeeper's law, he had been

destined to death the moment he had committed the offence.

The following morning, as I sat at breakfast, meditating upon the events

of the preceding day, and not exactly determined how to act, whether to

write to his lordship explaining how the matter occurred, or call

personally, a loud rattling on the pavement drew me to the window. As

the house stood at the end of a street, I could not see in the direction

the noise came; but as I listened, a very handsome tandem turned the

corner of the narrow street, and came along towards the hotel at a long,

sling trot; the horses were dark chestnuts, well matched, and shewing a

deal of blood. The carriage was a dark drab, with black wheels; the

harness all of the same colour. The whole turn-out--and I was an amateur

of that sort of thing--was perfect; the driver, for I come to him last,

as he was the last I looked at, was a fashionable looking young fellow,

plainly, but knowingly, dressed, and evidently handling the "ribbon,"

like an experienced whip.

After bringing his nags up to the inndoor in very pretty style, he gave

the reins to his servant, and got down. Before I was well aware of it,

the door of my room opened, and the gentleman entered with a certain easy

air of good breeding, and saying,

"Mr. Lorrequer, I presume--" introduced himself as Lord Kilkee.

I immediately opened the conversation by an apology for my dog's

misconduct on the day before, and assured his lordship that I knew the

value of a hare in a hunting country, and was really sorry for the

circumstance.

"Then I must say," replied his lordship, "Mr. Lorrequer is the only

person who regrets the matter; for had it not been for this, it is more

than probable we should never have known we were so near neighbours; in

fact, nothing could equal our amazement at hearing were playing the

'Solitaire' down here. You must have found it dreadfully heavy, 'ad have

thought us downright savages.' But then I must explain to you, that my

father has made some 'rule absolute' about visiting when down here. And

though I know you'll not consider it a compliment, yet I can assure you

there is not another man I know of he would pay attention to, but

yourself. He made two efforts to get here this morning, but the gout

'would not be denied,' and so he deputed a most inferior 'diplomate;' and

now will you let me return with some character from my first mission, and

inform my friends that you will dine with us to-day at seven--a mere

family party; but make your arrangements to stop all night and to-morrow:

we shall find some work for my friend there on the hearth; what do you

call him, Mr. Lorrequer?"

"'Mouche'--come here, 'Mouche.'"

"Ah 'Mouche,' come here, my fine fellow--a splendid dog, indeed; very

tall for a thorough-bred; and now you'll not forget, seven, 'temps

militaire,' and so, sans adieu."

And with these words his lordship shook me heartily by the hand; and

before two minutes had elapsed, had wrapped his box-coat once more across

him, and was round the corner.

I looked for a few moments on the again silent street, and was almost

tempted to believe I was in a dream, so rapidly had the preceding moments

passed over; and so surprised was I to find that the proud Earl of

Callonby, who never did the "civil thing" any where, should think proper

to pay attention to a poor sub in a marching regiment, whose only claim

on his acquaintance was the suspicion of poaching on his manor. I

repeated over and over all his lordship's most polite speeches, trying to

solve the mystery of them; but in vain: a thousand explanations occurred,

but none of them I felt at all satisfactory; that there was some mystery

somewhere, I had no doubt; for I remarked all through that Lord Kilkee

laid some stress upon my identity, and even seemed surprised at my being

is such banishment. "Oh," thought I at last, "his lordship is about to

get up private theatricals, and has seen my Captain Absolute, or perhaps

my Hamlet"--I could not say "Othello" even to myself--"and is anxious to

get 'such unrivalled talent' even 'for one night only.'"

After many guesses this seemed the nearest I could think of; and by the

time I had finished my dressing for dinner, it was quite clear to me I

had solved all the secret of his lordship's attentions.

The road to "Callonby" was beautiful beyond any thing I had ever seen in

Ireland. For upwards of two miles it led along the margin of the lofty

cliffs of Moher, now jutting out into bold promontories, and again

retreating, and forming small bays and mimic harbours, into which the

heavy swell of the broad Atlantic was rolling its deep blue tide. The

evening was perfectly calm, and at a little distance from the shore the

surface of the sea was without a ripple. The only sound breaking the

solemn stillness of the hour, was the heavy plash of the waves, as in

minute peals they rolled in upon the pebbly beach, and brought back with

them at each retreat, some of the larger and smoother stones, whose

noise, as they fell back into old ocean's bed, mingled with the din of

the breaking surf. In one of the many little bays I passed, lay three or

four fishing smacks. The sails were drying, and flapped lazily against

the mast. I could see the figures of the men as they passed backwards ad

forwards upon the decks, and although the height was nearly eight hundred

feet, could hear their voices quite distinctly. Upon the golden strand,

which was still marked with a deeper tint, where the tide had washed,

stood a little white cottage of some fisherman--at least, so the net

before the door bespoke it. Around it, stood some children, whose merry

voices and laughing tones sometimes reached me where I was standing. I

could not but think, as I looked down from my lofty eyrie, upon that

little group of boats, and that lone hut, how much of the "world" to the

humble dweller beneath, lay in that secluded and narrow bay. There, the

deep sea, where their days were passed in "storm or sunshine,"--there,

the humble home, where at night they rested, and around whose hearth lay

all their cares and all their joys. How far, how very far removed from

the busy haunts of men, and all the struggles and contentions of the

ambitious world; and yet, how short-sighted to suppose that even they had

not their griefs and sorrows, and that their humble lot was devoid of the

inheritance of those woes, which all are heirs to.

I turned reluctantly, from the sea-shore to enter the gate of the park,

and my path in a few moments was as completely screened from all prospect

of the sea, as though it had lain miles inland. An avenue of tall and

ancient lime trees, so dense in their shadows as nearly to conceal the

road beneath, led for above a mile through a beautiful lawn, whose

surface, gently undulating, and studded with young clumps, was dotted

over with sheep. At length, descending by a very steep road, I reached a

beautiful little stream, over which a rustic bridge was thrown. As I

looked down upon the rippling stream beneath, on the surface of which the

dusky evening flies were dipping, I made a resolve, if I prospered in his

lordship's good graces, to devote a day to the "angle" there, before I

left the country. It was now growing late, and remember Lord Kilkee's

intimation of "sharp seven," I threw my reins over my cob, "Sir Roger's"

neck, (for I had hitherto been walking,) and cantered up the steep hill

before me. When I reached the top, I found myself upon a broad table

land, encircled by old and well-grown timber, and at a distance, most

tastefully half concealed by ornamental planting, I could catch some

glimpse of Callonby. Before, however, I had time to look about me, I

heard the tramp of horses' feet behind, and in another moment two ladies

dashed up the steep behind, and came towards me, at a smart gallop,

followed by a groom, who, neither himself nor his horse, seemed to relish

the pace of his fair mistresses. I moved off the road into the grass to

permit them to pass; but no sooner had they got abreast of me, than Sir

Roger, anxious for a fair start, flung up both heels at once, pricked up

his ears, and with a plunge that very nearly threw me from the saddle,

set off at top speed. My first thought was for the ladies beside me,

and, to my utter horror, I now saw them coming alongin full gallop; their

horses had got off the road, and were, to my thinking, become quite

unmanageable. I endeavoured to pull up, but all in vain. Sir Roger had

got the bit between his teeth, a favourite trick of his, and I was

perfectly powerless to hold him by this time, they being mounted on

thoroughbreds, got a full neck before me, and the pace was not

tremendous, on we all came, each horse at his utmost stretch; they were

evidently gaining from the better stride of their cattle, and will it be

believed, or shall I venture to acknowledge it in these my confessions,

that I, who a moment before, would have given my best chance of

promotion, to be able to pull in my horse, would now have "pledged my

dukedom" to be able to give Sir Roger one cut of the whip unobserved. I

leave it to the wise to decipher the rationale, but such is the fact. It

was complete steeple-chasing, and my blood was up.

On we came, and I now perceived that about two hundred yards before me

stood an iron gate and piers, without any hedge or wall on either side;

before I could conjecture the meaning of so strange a thing in the midst

of a large lawn, I saw the foremost horse, now two or three lengths

before the other, still in advance of me, take two or three short

strides, and fly about eight feet over a sunk fence--the second followed

in the same style, the riders sitting as steadily as in the gallop. It

was now my turn, and I confess, as I neared the dyke, I heartily wished

myself well over it, for the very possibility of a "mistake" was

maddening. Sir Roger came on at a slapping pace, and when within two

yards of the brink, rose to it, and cleared it like a deer. By the time

I had accomplished this feat, not the less to my satisfaction, that both

ladies had turned in the saddles to watch me, they were already far in

advance; they held on still at the same pace, round a small copse which

concealed them an instant from my view, and which, when I passed, I

perceived that they had just reached the hall door, and were dismounting.

On the steps stood a tall, elderly-looking, gentleman-like person, who I

rightly conjectured was his lordship. I heard him laughing heartily as I

came up. I at last succeeded in getting Sir Roger to a canter, and when

about twenty yards from where the group were standing, sprung off, and

hastened up to make my apologies as I best might, for my unfortunate

runaway. I was fortunately spared this awkwardness of an explanation,

for his lordship, approaching me with his hand extended, said--

"Mr. Lorrequer is most welcome at Callonby. I cannot be mistaken, I am

sure--I have the pleasure of addressing the nephew of my old friend, Sir

Guy Lorrequer of Elton. I am indeed most happy to see you, and not the

less so, that you are safe and sound, which, five minutes since, I assure

you I had my fears for--"

Before I could assure his lordship that my fears were all for my

competitors in the race--for such in reality they were--he introduced me

to the two ladies, who were still standing beside him--"Lady Jane

Callonby; Mr. Lorrequer; Lady Catherine."

"Which of you, young ladies, may I ask, planned this escapade, for I see

by your looks, it was no accident?"

"I think, papa," said Lady Jane, "you must question Mr. Lorrequer on that

head; he certainly started first."

"I confess, indeed," said I, "such was the case."

"Well, you must confess, too, you were distanced," said Lady Jane, at the

same time, most terribly provoked, to be quizzed on such a matter; that

I, a steeple-chase horseman of the first water, should be twitted by a

couple of young ladies, on the score of a most manly exercise. "But

come," said his lordship, "the first bell has rung long since, and I am

longing to ask Mr. Lorrequer all about my old college friend of forty

years ago. So, ladies, hasten your toilet, I beseech you."

With these words, his lordship, taking my arm, led me into the

drawing-room, where we had not been many minutes till we were joined

by her ladyship, a tall stately handsome woman, of a certain age;

resolutely bent upon being both young and beautiful, in spite of time

and wrinkles; her reception of me, though not possessing the frankness

of his lordship, was still very polite, and intended to be even

gracious. I now found by the reiterated inquiries for my old uncle, Sir

Guy, that he it was, and not Hamlet, to whom I owed my present notice,

and I must include it among my confessions, that it was about the first

advantage I ever derived from the relationship. After half an hour's

agreeable chatting, the ladies entered, and then I had time to remark

the extreme beauty of their appearance; they were both wonderfully like,

and except that Lady Jane was taller and more womanly, it would have

been almost impossible to discriminate between them.

Lady Jane Callonby was then about twenty years of age, rather above the

middle size, and slightly disposed towards embonpoint; her eye was of the

deepest and most liquid blue, and rendered apparently darker, by long

lashes of the blackest jet--for such was the colour of her hair; her nose

slightly, but slightly, deviated from the straightness of the Greek, and

her upper lip was faultless, as were her mouth and chin; the whole lower

part of the face, from the perfect "chiselling," and from the character

of her head, had certainly a great air of hauteur, but the extreme

melting softness of her eyes took from this, and when she spoke, there

was a quiet earnestness in her mild and musical voice, that disarmed you

at once of connecting the idea of self with the speaker; the word

"fascinating," more than any other I know of, conveys the effect of her

appearance, and to produce it, she had more than any other woman I ever

met, that wonderful gift, the "l'art de plaire."

I was roused from my perhaps too earnest, because unconscious gaze, at

the lovely figure before me, by his Lordship saying, "Mr. Lorrequer, her

Ladyship is waiting for you." I accordingly bowed, and, offering my arm,

led her into the dinner-room. And here I draw rein for the present,

reserving for my next chapter--My Adventure at Callonby.

CHAPTER III.

LIFE AT CALLONBY--LOVE-MAKING--MISS O'DOWD'S ADVENTURE.

My first evening at Callonby passed off as nearly all first evenings do

every where. His lordship was most agreeable, talked much of my uncle,

Sir Guy, whose fag he had been at Eton half a century before, promised me

some capital shooting in his preserves, discussed the state of politics;

and, as the second decanter of port "waned apace," grew wondrous

confidential, and told me of his intention to start his son for the

county at the next general election, such being the object which had

now conferred the honour of his presence on his Irish estates.

Her ladyship was most condescendingly civil, vouchsafed much tender

commiseration for my "exile," as she termed my quarters in Kilrush;

wondered how I could possibly exist in a marching regiment, (who had

never been in the cavalry in my life!) Spoke quite feelingly on my

kindness in joining their stupid family party, for they were living, to

use her own phrase, "like hermits;" and wound up all by a playful

assurance that as she perceived, from all my answers, that I was bent on

preserving a strict incognito, she would tell no tales about me on her

return to "Town." Now, it may readily be believed, that all this, and

many more of her ladyship's allusions, were a "Chaldee manuscript" to me;

that she knew certain facts of my family and relations, was certain; but

that she had interwoven in the humble web of my history, a very pretty

embroidery of fiction was equally so; and while she thus ran on, with

innumerable allusions to Lady Marys and Lord Johns, who she pretended to

suppose were dying to hear from me, I could not help muttering to myself

with good Christopher Sly, "And all this be true--then Lord be thanked

for my good amends;" for up to that moment I was an ungrateful man for

all this high and noble solicitude. One dark doubt shot for an instant

across my brain. Maybe her ladyship had "registered a vow" never to

syllable a name unchronicled by Debrett, or was actually only mystifying

me for mere amusement. A minute's consideration dispelled this fear;

for I found myself treated "en Seigneur" by the whole family. As for

the daughters of the house, nothing could possibly be more engaging than

their manner. The eldest, Lady Jane, was pleased from my near

relationship to her father's oldest friend to receive me, "from the

first," on the most friendly footing; while, with the younger, Lady

Catherine, from her being less 'maniere' than her sister, my progress was

even greater; and thus, before we separated for the night, I contrived to

"take up my position" in such a fashion, as to be already looked upon as

one of the family party, to which object, Lord and indeed Lady Callonby

seemed most willing to contribute, and made me promise to spend the

entire of the following day at Callonby, and as many of the succeeding

ones as my military duties would permit.

As his lordship was wishing me "good night" at the door of the

drawing-room, he said, in a half whisper,

"We were ignorant yesterday, Mr. Lorrequer, how soon we should have had

the pleasure of seeing you here; and you are therefore condemned to a

small room off the library, it being the only one we can insure you as

being well aired. I must therefore apprize you that you are not to be

shocked at finding yourself surrounded by every member of my family,

hung up in frames around you. But as the room is usually my own

snuggery, I have resigned it without any alteration whatever."

The apartment for which his lordship had so strongly apologized, stood in

very pleasing contrast to my late one in Kilrush. The soft Persian

carpet, on which one's feet sank to the very ankles; the brightly

polished dogs, upon which a blazing wood fire burned; the well

upholstered fauteuils which seemed to invite sleep without the trouble of

lying down for it; and last of all, the ample and luxurious bed, upon

whose rich purple hangings the ruddy glare of the fire threw a most

mellow light, was all a pleasing exchange for the "garniture" of the

"Hotel Healy."

"Certes, Harry Lorrequer," said I, as I threw myself upon a small ottoman

before the fire in all the slippered case, and abandon of a man who has

changed a dress-coat for a morning-gown; "Certes, thou art destined for

great things; even here, where fate had seemed 'to do its worst' to thee,

a little paradise opens, and what, to ordinary mortals had proved but a

'flat, stale, and most unprofitable' quarter, presents to thee all the

accumulated delight of a hospitable mansion, a kind, almost friendly,

host, a condescending Madame Mere, and daughters too! Ah ye Gods! But

what is this;" and here, for the first time, lifting up my eyes, I

perceived a beautiful water-colour drawing in the style of "Chalon,"

which was placed above the chimney-piece. I rose at once, and taking a

candle, proceeded to examine it more minutely. It was a portrait of Lady

Jane, a full-length too, and wonderfully like; there was more complexion,

and perhaps more roundness in the figure than her present appearance

would justify; but if any thing was gained in brilliancy, it was

certainly lost in point of expression; and I infinitely preferred her

pale, but beautifully fair countenance, to the rosy cheek of the picture;

the figure was faultless; the same easy grace, the result of perfect

symmetry and refinement together, which only one in a thousand of even

handsome girls possess, was pourtrayed to the life. The more I looked,

the more I felt charmed with it. Never had I seen any thing so truly

characteristic as this sketch, for it was scarcely more. It was after

nearly an hour's quiet contemplation, that I began to remember the

lateness of the night; an hour, in which my thoughts had rambled from the

lovely object before me, to wonder at the situation in which I found

myself placed; for there was so much of "empressement" towards me, in the

manner of every member of the family, coupled with certain mistakes as to

my habits and acquaintances, as left me perfectly unable to unravel the

mystery which so evidently surrounded me. "Perhaps," thought I, "Sir Guy

has written in my behalf to his lordship. Oh, he would never do any

thing half so civil. Well, to be sure, I shall astonish them at head

quarters; they'll not believe this. I wonder if Lady Jane saw my

'Hamlet;' for they landed in Cork from Bristol about that time. She is

indeed a most beautiful girl. I wish I were a marquis, if it were only

for her sake. Well, my Lord Callonby, you may be a very wise man in the

House of Lords; but, I would just ask, is it exactly prudent to introduce

into your family on terms of such perfect intimacy, a young, fascinating,

well-looking fellow, of four-and-twenty, albeit only a subaltern, with

two such daughters as you have? Peut etre! One thing is certain--I have

no cause of complaint; and so, good night, Lady Jane"--and with those

words I fell asleep, to dream of the deepest blue eyes, and the most

melting tones that ever reduced a poor lieutenant in a marching regiment

to curse his fate, that he could not call the Commander of the Forces his

father.

When I descended to the breakfast-room, I found the whole family

assembled in a group around Lord Kilkee, who had just returned from a

distant part of the county, where he had been canvassing the electors,

and spouting patriotism the day before. He was giving an account of his

progress with much spirit and humour as I entered, but, on seeing me,

immediately came forward, and shook hands with me like an old

acquaintance. By Lord Callonby and the ladies I was welcomed also

with much courtesy and kindness, ad some slight badinage passed upon my

sleeping, in what Lord Kilkee called the "Picture Gallery," which, for

all I knew to the contrary, contained but one fair portrait. I am not a

believer in Mesmer; but certainly there must have been some influence at

work--very like what we hear of "magnetism"--for before the breakfast was

concluded, there seemed at once to spring up a perfect understanding

between this family and myself, which made me feel as much 'chez moi',

as I had ever done in my life; and from that hour I may date an intimacy

which every succeeding day but served to increase.

After breakfast Lord Callonby consigned me to the guidance of his son,

and we sallied forth to deal destruction amongst the pheasants, with

which the preserves were stocked; and here I may observe, 'en passant',

that with the single exception of fox-hunting, which was ever a passion

with me, I never could understand that inveterate pursuit of game to

which some men devote themselves--thus, grouse-shooting, and its

attendant pleasures, of stumping over a boggy mountain from day-light

till dark, never had much attraction for me; and, as to the delights of

widgeon and wild-duck shooting, when purchased by sitting up all night in

a barrel, with your eye to the bung, I'll none of it--no, no! Give me

shooting or angling merely as a divertimento, a pleasant interlude

between breakfast and luncheon-time, when, consigning your Manton to a

corner, and the game keeper "to the dogs," you once more humanize your

costume to take a canter with the daughters of the house; or, if the day

look loweringly, a match of billiards with the men.

I have ever found that the happiest portions of existence are the most

difficult to chronicle. We may--nay, we must, impart our miseries and

annoyances to our many "dear friends," whose forte is sympathy or

consolation--and all men are eloquent on the subject of their woes; not

so with their joys: some have a miser-like pleasure in hoarding them up

for their own private gratification; others--and they are prudent--feel

that the narrative is scarcely agreeable even to their best friends; and

a few, of whom I confess myself one, are content to be happy without

knowing why, and to have pleasant souvenirs, without being able to

explain them.

Such must be my apology for not more minutely entering upon an account of

my life at Callonby. A fortnight had now seen me 'enfonce', the daily

companion of two beautiful girls in all their walks and rides, through a

romantic, unfrequented country, seeing but little of the other members of

the family; the gentlemen being entirely occupied by their election

tactics, and Lady Callonby being a late riser, seldom appeared before the

dinner hour. There was not a cliff upon the bold and rocky coast we did

not climb, not a cave upon the pebbly beach unvisited; sometimes my fair

companions would bring a volume of Metastasio down to the little river

where I used to angle; and the "gentle craft" was often abandoned for the

heart-thrilling verses of that delightful poet. Yes, many years have

passed over, and these scenes are still as fresh in my memory as though

they had been of yesterday. In my memory, I say, as for thee

"Qui sa si te

Ti sovrerai di me."

At the end of three weeks the house became full of company, from the

garret to the cellar. Country gentlemen and their wives and daughters

came pouring in, on every species of conveyance known since the flood;

family coaches, which, but for their yellow panels, might have been

mistaken for hearses, and high barouches, the "entree" to which was

accomplished by a step-ladder, followed each other in what appeared a

never-ending succession; and here I may note an instance of the anomalous

character of the conveyances, from an incident to which I was a witness

at the time.

Among the visitors on the second day came a maiden lady from the

neighbourhood of Ennistimon, Miss Elizabeth O'Dowd, the last of a very

old and highly respectable family in the county, and whose extensive

property, thickly studded with freeholders, was a strong reason for her

being paid every attention in Lord Callonby's power to bestow; Miss Betty

O'Dowd--for so she was generally styled--was the very personification of

an old maid; stiff as a ramrod, and so rigid in observance of the

proprieties of female conduct, that in the estimation of the Clare

gentry, Diana was a hoyden compared to her.

Miss Betty lived, as I have said, near Ennistimon, and the road from

thence to Callonby at the time I speak of--it was before Mr. Nimmo--was a

like the bed of a mountain torrent as a respectable highway; there were

holes that would have made a grave for any maiden lady within fifty

miles; and rocks thickly scattered, enough to prove fatal to the

strongest wheels that ever issued from "Hutton's." Miss O'Dowd knew this

well; she had upon one occasion been upset in travelling it--and a

slate-coloured silk dress bore the dye of every species of mud and mire

to be found there, for many a year after, to remind her of her

misfortune, and keep open the wound of her sorrow. When, therefore, the

invitation to Callonby arrived, a grave council of war was summoned, to

deliberate upon the mode of transit, for the honour could not be

declined, "coute qui coute." The chariot was out of the question;

Nicholas declared it would never reach the "Moraan Beg," as the first

precipice was called; the inside car was long since pronounced unfit for

hazardous enterprise; and the only resource left, was what is called in

Hibernian parlance, a "low-backed car," that is, a car without any back

whatever; it being neither more nor less than the common agricultural

conveyance of the country, upon which, a feather bed being laid, the

farmers' wives and daughters are generally conveyed to fairs, wakes, and

stations, &c. Putting her dignity, if not in her pocket, at least

wherever it could be most easily accommodated, Miss O'Dowd placed her

fair self, in all the plenitude of her charms and the grandeur of a

"bran new green silk," a "little off the grass, and on the bottle,"

(I love to be particular,) upon this humble voiture, and set out on her

way, if not "rejoicing," at least consoled by Nicholas, that "It 'id be

black dark when they reached the house, and the devil a one 'id be the

wiser than if she came in a coach and four." Nicholas was right; it was

perfectly dark on their arrival at Callonby, and Miss O'Dowd having

dismounted, and shook her plumage, a little crumpled by her

half-recumbent position for eight miles, appeared in the drawing-room,

to receive the most courteous attentions from Lady Callonby, and from

his lordship the most flattering speeches for her kindness in risking

herself and bringing her horses on such a dreadful road, and assured her

of his getting a presentment the very next assizes to repair it; "For we

intend, Miss O'Dowd," said he, "to be most troublesome neighbours to you

in future."

The evening passed off most happily. Miss O'Dowd was delighted with her

hosts, whose character she resolved to maintain in spite of their

reputation for pride and haughtiness. Lady Jane sang an Irish melody for

her, Lady Callonby gave her slips of a rose geranium she got from the

Princess Augusta, and Lord Kilkee won her heart by the performance of

that most graceful step 'yclept "cover the buckle" in an Irish jig. But,

alas! how short-lived is human bliss, for while this estimable lady

revelled in the full enjoyment of the hour, the sword of Damocles hung

suspended above her head; in plain English, she had, on arriving at

Callonby, to prevent any unnecessary scrutiny into the nature of her

conveyance, ordered Nicholas to be at the door punctually at eleven; and

then to take an opportunity of quietly slipping open the drawing-room

door, and giving her an intimation of it, that she might take her leave

at once. Nicholas was up to time, and having disposed the conveyance

under the shadow of the porch, made his way to the door of the

drawing-room unseen and unobserved. He opened it gently and

noiselessly, merely sufficient to take a survey of the apartment, in

which, from the glare of the lights, and the busy hum of voices, he was

so bewildered that it was some minutes before he recognized his

mistress. At last he perceived her; she was seated at a card-table,

playing whist with Lord Callonby for her partner. Who the other players

were, he knew not. A proud man was Nicholas, as he saw his mistress

thus placed, actually sitting, as he afterwards expressed it, "forenint

the Lord," but his thoughts were bent on other matters, and it was no

time to indulge his vauntings.

He strove for some time patiently, to catch her eye, for she was so

situated as to permit of this, but without success. He then made a

slight attempt to attract her attention by beckoning with his finger; all

in vain. "Oh murther," said he, "what is this for? I'll have to spake

afther all."

"Four by honours," said his lordship, "and the odd trick. Another

double, I believe, Miss O'Dowd."

Miss O'Dowd nodded a graceful assent, while a sharp-looking old dowager

at the side of the table called out, "a rubber of four on, my Lord;" and

now began an explanation from the whole party at once. Nicholas saw this

was his time, and thought that in the melee, his hint might reach his

mistress unobserved by the remainder of the company. He accordingly

protruded his head into the room, and placing his finger upon the side of

his nose, and shutting one eye knowingly, with an air of great secrecy,

whispered out, "Miss Betty--Miss Betty, alanah!" For some minutes the

hum of the voices drowned his admonitions--but as, by degrees waxing

warmer in the cause, he called out more loudly,--every eye was turned to

the spot from whence these extraordinary sounds proceeded; and certainly

the appearance of Nicholas at the moment was well calculated to astonish

the "elegans" of a drawing room. With his one eye fixed eagerly in the

direction of his mistress, his red scratch wig pushed back off his

forehead, in the eagerness of his endeavour to be heard, there he stood,

perfectly unmindful of all around, save Miss O'Dowd herself. It may well

be believed, that such an apparition could not be witnessed with gravity,

and, accordingly a general titter ran through the room, the whist party

still contending about odd tricks and honours, being the only persons

insensible to the mirth around them--"Miss Betty, arrah, Miss Betty,"

said Nicholas with a sigh that converted the subdued laughter of the

guests into a perfect burst of mirth.

"Eh," said his lordship, turning round; "what is this? We are losing

something excellent, I fear."

At this moment, he caught a glimpse of Nicholas, and, throwing himself

back in this chair, laughed immoderately. It was now Miss Betty's turn;

she was about to rise from the table, when the well-known accents of

Nicholas fell upon her ear. She fell back in her seat--there he was: the

messenger of the foul fiend himself would have been more welcome at that

moment. Her blood rushed to her face and temples; her hands tingled; she

closed her eyes, and when she opened them, there stood the accursed

Nicholas glowering at her still.

"Man--man!" said she at length; "what do you mean, what do you want

here?"

Poor Nicholas, little guessing that the question was intended to throw a

doubt upon her acquaintance with him, and conceiving that the hour for

the announcement had come, hesitated for an instant how he should

designate the conveyance. He could not call it a coach! It certainly

was not a buggy--neither was it a jaunting car--what should he say--he

looked earnestly, and even imploringly at his mistress, as if to convey

some sense of his difficulty, and then, as it were, catching a sudden

inspiration, winked once more--as he said:--

"Miss Betty--the--the--the--," and here he looked indescribably droll;

"the thing, you know, is at the door."

All his Lordship's politeness was too little for the occasion, and Miss

O'Dowd's tenantry were lost to the Callonby interest for ever.

CHAPTER IV.

BOTANICAL STUDIES--THE NATURAL SYSTEM PREFERABLE TO THE LINNEAN.

"The carriage is at the door, my lord," said a servant, entering the

luncheon-room where we were all assembled.

"Now then, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lord Callonby, "allons, take another

glass of wine, and let us away. I expect you to make a most brilliant

speech, remember!"

His lordship here alluded to our intention of visiting a remote barony,

where a meeting of the freeholders was that day to be held, and at which

I was pledged for a "neat and appropriate" oration in abuse of the corn

laws and the holy alliance.

"I beg pardon, my lord," said her ladyship in a most languishing tone;

"but Mr. Lorrequer is pre-engaged; he has for the last week been

promising and deterring his visit to the new conservatory with me; where

he is to find out four or five of the Swiss shrubs that Collins cannot

make out--and which I am dying to know all about."

"Mr. Lorrequer is a false man then," said Lady Catherine, "for he said at

breakfast, that we should devote this afternoon to the chalk caves--as

the tide will be so far out, we can see them all perfectly."

"And I," said Lord Kilkee, "must put in my plea, that the aforesaid Mr.

Lorrequer is booked for a coursing match--'Mouche versus Jessie.'--Guilty

or not guilty?"

Lady Jane alone of all said not a word.

"Guilty on every count of the indictment," said I; "I throw myself on the

mercy of the court."

"Let his sentence then be banishment," said Lady Catherine with affected

anger, "and let him go with papa."

"I rather think," said Lord Kilkee, "the better plan is to let him visit

the conservatory, for I'd wager a fifty he finds it more difficult to

invent botany, than canvass freeholders; eh?"

"I am sure," said Lady Jane, for the first time breaking silence, "that

mamma is infinitely flattered by the proposal that Mr. Lorrequer's

company is to be conferred upon her for his sins."

"I am not to be affronted, nor quizzed out of my chaperon; here, Mr.

Lorrequer," said Lady Callonby rising, "get Smith's book there, and let

me have your arm; and now, young ladies, come along, and learn something,

if you can."

"An admirable proviso," said Lord Kilkee, laughing; "if his botany be

only as authentic as the autographs he gave Mrs. MacDermot, and all of

which he wrote himself, in my dressing-room, in half an hour. Napoleon

was the only difficult one in the number."

Most fortunately this unfair disclosure did not reach her ladyship's

ears, as she was busily engaged putting on her bonnet, and I was yet

unassailed in reputation to her.

"Good bye, then," said Lord Callonby; "we meet at seven;" and in a few

moments the little party were scattered to their several destinations.

"How very hot you have this place, Collins," said Lady Callonby as we

entered the conservatory.

"Only seventy-five, my lady, and the Magnolias require heat."

I here dropped a little behind, as if to examine a plant, and in a

half-whisper said to Lady Jane--

"How came it that you alone, Lady Jane, should forget I had made another

appointment? I thought you wished to make a sketch of Craigmoran Abbey

--did you forget that we were to ride there to-day?"

Before she could reply, Lady Callonby called out--"Oh, here it is, Mr.

Lorrequer. Is this a heath? that is the question."

Here her ladyship pointed to a little scrubby thing, that looked very

like a birch rod. I proceeded to examine it most minutely, while Collins

waited with all the intense anxiety of a man whose character depended on

the sentence.

"Collins will have it a jungermania," said she.

"And Collins is right," said I, not trusting myself with the

pronunciation of the awful word her ladyship uttered.

Collins looked ridiculously happy.

"Now that is so delightful," said Lady Callonby, as she stopped to look

for another puzzle.

"What a wretch it is," said Lady Catherine, covering her face with a

handkerchief.

"What a beautiful little flower," said Lady Jane, lifting up the bell of

a "lobelia splendens."

"You know, of course," said I, "what they call that flower in France

--L'amour tendre."

"Indeed!"

"True, I assure you; may I present you with this sprig of it," cutting

off a small twig, and presenting it at the same instant unseen by the

others.

She hesitated for an instant, and then extending her fair and taper hand

took it. I dared not look at her as she did so, but a proud swelling

triumph at my heart nearly choked me.

"Now Collins," said Lady Callonby, "I cannot find the Alpen tree I

brought home from the Grundenwald."

Collins hurried forward to her ladyship's side.

Lady Catherine was also called to assist in the search.

I was alone with Lady Jane.

"Now or never," thought I; I hesitated--I stammered--my voice faltered.

She saw my agitation; she participated in, and increased it. At last I

summoned up courage to touch her hand; she gently withdrew it--but so

gently, it was not a repulse.

"If Lady Jane," said I at length, "if the devoted--"

"Holloa, there," said a deep voice without; "is Mr. Lorrequer there?"

It was Lord Kilkee, returned from his coursing match. None but he who

has felt such an interruption, can feel for me. I shame to say that his

brotherhood to her, for whom I would have perilled my life, restrained me

not from something very like a hearty commendation of him to the powers

that burn--

"Down, dogs, there--down," continued he, and in a moment after entered

the conservatory flushed and heated with the chace.

"Mouche is the winner--two to one--and so, Master Shallow, I owe you a

thousand pounds."

Would to heaven that I had lost the wager, had it only taken a little

longer to decide it! I of course appeared overjoyed at my dog's success,

and listened with great pretence of interest to the narrative of the

"run;" the more so, because that though perhaps more my friend than the

older members of the family, Lord Kilkee evidently liked less than them,

my growing intimacy with his sister; and I was anxious to blind him on

the present occasion, when, but for his recent excitement, very little

penetration would have enabled him to detect that something unusual had

taken place.

It was now so nearly dark, that her ladyship's further search for the

alpine treasure became impossible, and so we turned our steps towards the

garden, where we continued to walk till joined by Lord Callonby. And now

began a most active discussion upon agriculture, rents, tithes, and

toryism, in which the ladies took but little part; and I had the

mortification to perceive that Lady Jane was excessively 'ennuyee', and

seized the first opportunity to leave the party and return to the house;

while her sister gave me from time to time certain knowing glances, as if

intimating that my knowledge of farming and political economy was pretty

much on a par with my proficiency in botany.

One has discovered me at least, thought I; but the bell had rung to dress

for dinner, and I hastened to my room to think over future plans, and

once more wonder at the singular position into which fate and the "rules

of the service" had thrown me.

CHAPTER V.

PUZZLED--EXPLANATION--MAKES BAD WORSE--THE DEED

"Any letters?" said her ladyship to a servant, as she crossed the hall.

"Only one, my lady--for Mr. Lorrequer, I believe."

"For me!" thought I; "how is this?" My letters had been hitherto always

left in Kilrush. Why was this forwarded here? I hurried to the

drawing-room, where I found a double letter awaiting me. The writing was

Curzon's and contained the words "to be forwarded with haste" on the

direction. I opened and read as follows:--

"Dear Lorrequer,--Have you any recollection, among your numerous

'escapades' at Cork, of having grievously insulted a certain Mr. Giles

Beamish, in thought, word, or deed? If you have, I say, let me know with

all convenient despatch, whether the offence be one admitting of apology

--for if not, the Lord have mercy on your soul--a more wrothy gentleman

than the aforesaid, it having rarely been my evil fortune to foregather

with. He called here yesterday to inquire your address, and at my

suggestion wrote a note, which I now enclose. I write in great haste,

and am ever yours faithfully, C. Curzon.

"N.B.--I have not seen his note, so explain all and every thing."

The inclosed letter ran thus:

"Sir,--It can scarcely have escaped your memory, though now nearly two

months since, that at the Mayor's 'dejeune' in Cork, you were pleased to

make merry at my expense, and expose me and my family for your amusement.

This is to demand an immediate apology, or that satisfaction which, as an

officer, you will not refuse your most obedient servant, Giles Beamish,

Swinburne's Hotel."

"Giles Beamish! Giles Beamish!" said I, repeating the name in every

variety of emphasis, hoping to obtain some clue to the writer. Had I

been appointed the umpire between Dr. Wall and his reviewers, in the late

controversy about "phonetic signs," I could not have been more completely

puzzled than by the contents of this note. "Make merry at his expense!"

a great offence truly--I suppose I have laughed at better men than ever

he was; and I can only say of such innocent amusement, as Falstaff did of

sack and sugar, if such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked." But I

wish I knew who he is, or what he alludes to, provided he is not mad,

which I begin to think not improbable. "By the bye, my Lord, do you know

any such person in the south as a Mr. Beamish--Giles Beamish?"

"To be sure," said Lord Callonby, looking up from his newspaper, "there

are several of the name of the highest respectability. One is an

alderman of Cork--a very rich man, too--but I don't remember his

Christian name."

"An alderman, did you say?"

"Yes. Alderman Beamish is very well known. I have seen him frequently

--a short florid, little man."

"Oh, it must be him," said I, musingly, "it must have been this worthy

alderman, from whose worshipful person I tore the robe of office on the

night of the fete. But what does he mean by 'my exposing him and his

family?' Why, zounds, his wife and children were not with him on the

pavement. Oh, I see it; it is the mansion-house school of eloquence; did

not Sir William Curtis apologise for not appearing at court, from having

lost an eye, which he designated as an awful 'domestic calamity.'"

It being now settled to my satisfaction, that Mr. Beamish and the great

uncloaked were "convertible terms," I set about making the 'amende' in

the most handsome manner possible. I wrote to the alderman a most

pacific epistle, regretting that my departure from Cork deprived me of

making reparation before, and expressing a most anxious hope that "he

caught no cold," and a fervent wish that "he would live many years to

grace and ornament the dignity of which his becoming costume was the

emblem." This I enclosed in a note to Curzon, telling him how the matter

occurred, and requesting that he would send it by his servant, together

with the scarlet vestment which he would find in my dressing-room.

Having folded and sealed this despatch, I turned to give Lord Callonby an

account of the business, and showed him Beamish's note, at which he was

greatly amused: and, indeed, it furnished food for mirth for the whole

party during the evening. The next morning I set out with Lord Callonby

on the long-threatened canvassing expedition--with the details of which I

need not burden my "Confessions." Suffice it to say, that when Lord

Kilkee was advocating Toryism in the west, I, his accredited ambassador,

was devoting to the infernal gods the prelacy, the peerage, and the

pension list--a mode of canvass well worthy of imitation in these

troublesome times; for, not to speak of the great prospect of success

from having friends on both sides of the question, the principal can

always divest himself of any unpleasant consequences as regards

inconsistency, by throing the blame on this friend, "who went too far,"

as the appropriate phrase is.

Nothing could be more successful than our mission. Lord Callonby was

delighted beyond bounds with the prospect, and so completely carried away

by high spirits, and so perfectly assured that much of it was owing to my

exertions, that on the second morning of our tour--for we proceeded

through the county for three days--he came laughing into my

dressing-room, with a newspaper in his hand.

"Here, Lorrequer," said he, "here's news for you. You certainly must

read this," and he handed me a copy of the "Clare Herald," with an

account of our meeting the evening before.

After glancing my eye rapidly over the routine usual in such cases

--Humph, ha--nearly two hundred people--most respectable farmers--room

appropriately decorated--"Callonby Arms"--"after the usual loyal toasts,

the chairman rose"--Well, no matter. Ah! here it is: "Mr. Lorrequer here

addressed the meeting with a flow of eloquence it has rarely, if ever,

been our privilege to hear equalled. He began by"--humph--

"Ah," said his lordship, impatiently, "you will never find it out--look

here--'Mr. Lorrequer, whom we have mentioned as having made the highly

exciting speech, to be found in our first page, is, we understand, the

son of Sir Guy Lorrequer, of Elton, in Shropshire--one of the wealthiest

baronets in England. If rumour speak truly, there is a very near

prospect of an alliance between this talented and promising young

gentleman, and the beautiful and accomplished daughter of a certain

noble earl, with whom he has been for some time domesticated."

"Eh, what think you? Son of Sir Guy Lorrequer. I always thought my old

friend a bachelor, but you see the 'Clare Herald' knows better. Not to

speak of the last piece of intelligence, it is very good, is it not?"

"Capital, indeed," said I, trying to laugh, and at the same time blushing

confoundedly, and looking as ridiculously as need be.

It now struck me forcibly that there was something extremely odd in his

lordship's mention of this paragraph, particularly when coupled with his

and Lady Callonby's manner to me for the last two months. They knew

enough of my family, evidently, to be aware of my station and prospects

--or rather my want of both--and yet, in the face of this, they not only

encouraged me to prolong a most delightful visit, but by a thousand daily

and dangerous opportunities, absolutely threw me in the way of one of the

loveliest of her sex, seemingly without fear on their parts. "'Eh bien,'"

thought I, with my old philosophy, "Time, that 'pregnant old gentleman,'

will disclose all, and so 'laisse, aller.'"

My reveries on my good and evil fortune were suddenly interrupted by a

letter which reached me that evening, having been forwarded from Callonby

by a special messenger. "What! Another epistle from Curzon," said I, as

my eye caught the address, and wondering not a little what pressing

emergency had called forth the words on the cover--"to be forwarded with

haste." I eagerly broke the seal and read the following:

"My Dear Harry,--I received yours on the 11th, and immediately despatched

your note and the raiment to Mr. Beamish. He was from home at the time,

but at eight o'clock I was sent for from the mess to see two gentlemen on

most pressing business. I hurried to my quarters, and there found the

aforesaid Mr. B. accompanied by a friend, whom he introduced as Dr. De

Courcy Finucane, of the North Cork Militia--as warlike looking a

gentleman, of his inches, some five feet three, as you would wish to see.

The moment I appeared, both rose, and commenced a narrative, for such I

judge it to be, but so energetically and so completely together, that I

could only bow politely, and at last request that one, or the other,

would inform me of the object of their visit. Here began the tug of war,

the Doctor saying, 'Arrah, now Giles'--Mr. Beamish interrupting by

'Whisht, I tell ye--now, can't you let me! Ye see, Mr. Curzoin'--for so

they both agreed to designate me. At last, completely worn out, I said,

'Perhaps you have not received my friend's note?' At this Mr. Beamish

reddened to the eyes, and with the greatest volubility poured forth a

flood of indignant eloquence, that I thought it necessary to check; but

in this I failed, for after informing me pretty clearly, that he knew

nothing of your story of the alderman, or his cloak, added, that he

firmly believed your pretended reparation was only a renewed insult, and

that--but in a word, he used such language, that I was compelled to take

him short; and the finale is, that I agreed you should meet him, though

still ignorant of what he calls the 'original offence.'--But heaven

knows, his conduct here last night demands a reprimand, and I hope you

may give it; and if you shoot him, we may worm out the secret from his

executors. Nothing could exceed the politeness of the parties on my

consenting to this arrangement. Dr. Finucane proposed Carrigaholt, as

the rendezvous, about 12 miles, I believe, from Kilrush, and Tuesday

evening at six as the time, which will be the very earliest moment we can

arrive there. So, pray be up to time, and believe me yours, C. Curzon,

Saturday Evening."

It was late on Monday evening when this letter reached me, and there was

no time to be lost, as I was then about 40 Irish miles from the place

mentioned by Curzon; so after briefly acquainting Lord Callonby that I

was called off by duty, I hurried to my room to pack my clothes, and

again read over this extraordinary epistle.

I confess it did appear something droll, how completely Curzon seemed to

imbibe the passion for fighting from these "blood-thirsty Irishmen."

For by his own showing he was utterly ignorant of my ever having offended

this Mr. Beamish, of whom I recollected nothing whatever. Yet when the

gentleman waxes wrothy, rather than inconvenience him, or perhaps anxious

to get back to the mess, he coolly says, "Oh, my friend shall meet you,"

and then his pleasant jest, "find out the cause of quarrel from his

executors!"

Truly, thought I, there is no equanimity like his who acts as your second

in a duel. The gentlemanlike urbanity with which he waits on the

opposite friend--the conciliating tone with which he proffers implacable

enmity--the killing kindness with which he refuses all accommodation--the

Talleyrand air of his short notes, dated from the "Travellers," or

"Brookes," with the words 3 o'clock or 5 o'clock on the cover, all

indicative of the friendly precipitancy of the negociation. Then, when

all is settled, the social style with which he asks you to take a

"cutlet" with him at the "Clarendon," not to go home--are only to be

equalled by the admirable tact on the ground--the studiously elegant

salute to the adverse party, half a la Napoleon, and half Beau Brummell

--the politely offered snuff-box--the coquetting raillery about 10 paces

or 12--are certainly the beau ideal of the stoicism which preludes

sending your friend out of the world like a gentleman.

How very often is the face of external nature at variance with the

thoughts and actions--"the sayings and doings" we may be most intent upon

at the moment. How many a gay and brilliant bridal party has wended its

way to St. George's, Hanover-square, amid a downpour of rain, one would

suppose sufficient to quench the torch of Hymen, though it burned as

brightly as Capt. Drummond's oxygen light; and on the other hand, how

frequently are the bluest azure of heaven and the most balmy airs shed

upon the heart bursting with affliction, or the head bowed with grief;

and without any desire to impugn, as a much high authority has done, the

moral character of the moon, how many a scene of blood and rapine has its

mild radiance illumined. Such reflections as these came thronging to my

mind, as on the afternoon of Tuesday I neared the little village of our

rendezvous.

The scene which in all its peaceful beauty lay before me, was truly a

bitter contrast to the occasion that led me thither. I stood upon a

little peninsula which separates the Shannon from the wide Atlantic. On

one side the placed river flowed on its course, between fields of waving

corn, or rich pasturage--the beautiful island of Scattery, with its

picturesque ruins reflected in the unrippled tide--the cheerful voices of

the reapers, and the merry laugh of the children were mingled with the

seaman's cry of the sailors, who were "heaving short" on their anchor,

to take the evening tide. The village, which consisted of merely a few

small cabins, was still from its situation a pleasing object in the

picture, and the blue smoke that rose in slender columns from the humble

dwellings, took from the scene its character of loneliness, and suggested

feelings of home and homely enjoyments, which human habitations, however,

lowly, never fail to do.

"At any other time," thought I, "and how I could have enjoyed all this,

but now--and, ha, I find it is already past five o'clock, and if I am

rightly informed I am still above a mile from 'Carrigaholt,' where we

were to meet."

I had dismissed my conveyance when nearing the village, to avoid

observation, and now took a foot-path over the hills. Before I had

proceeded half a mile, the scene changed completely. I found myself

traversing a small glen, grown over with a low oak scrub, and not

presenting, on any side, the slightest trace of habitation. I saw that

the ground had been selected by an adept. The glen, which grew narrow as

I advanced, suddenly disclosed to my view a glimpse of the Atlantic, upon

which the declining sun was pouring a flood of purple glory. I had

scarcely turned from the contemplation of this beautiful object, when a

long low whistle attracted my attention. I looked in the direction from

whence it proceeded, and discovered at some distance from me three

figures standing beside the ruin of an old Abbey, which I now for the

first time perceived.

If I had entertained any doubt as to who they were, it had been speedily

resolved, for I now saw one of the party waving his hat to me, whom, I

soon recognized to be Curzon; he came forward to meet me, and, in the few

hundred yards that intervened before our reaching the others, told me as

much as he knew of the opposite party; which, after all, was but little.

Mr. Beamish, my adversary, he described as a morose, fire-eating

southern, that evidently longed for an "affair" with a military man, then

considered a circumstance of some eclat in the south; his second, the

doctor, on the contrary, was by far "the best of the cut-throats," a most

amusing little personage, full of his own importance, and profuse in his

legends of his own doings in love and war, and evidently disposed to take

the pleasing side of every occurrence in life; they both agreed in but

one point--a firm and fixed resolve to give no explanation of the quarrel

with me. "So then," said I, as Curzon hurried over the preceding

account, "you absolutely know nothing whatever of the reason for which I

am about to give this man a meeting."

"No more than you," said Curzon, with imperturbable gravity; "but one

thing I am certain of--had I not at once promised him such, he would have

posted you in Limerick the next morning; and as you know our mess rule in

the 4_th, I thought it best--"

"Oh, certainly, quite right; but now are you quite certain I am the man

who offended him? For I solemnly assure you, I have not the most remote

recollection of having ever heard of him."

"That point," said Curzon, "there can be no doubt of, for he not only

designated you as Mr. Harry Lorrequer, but the gentleman that made all

Cork laugh so heartily, by his representation of Othello."

"Stop!" said I, "say not a word more; I'm his man."

By this time we had reached the ruins, and turning a corner came in full

contact with the enemy; they had been resting themselves on a tombstone

as we approached.

"Allow me," said Curzon, stepping a little in advance of me; "allow me to

introduce my friend Mr. Lorrequer, Dr. Finicane,--Dr. Finicane, Mr.

Lorrequer."

"Finucane, if quite agreeable to you; Finucane," said the little

gentleman, as he lifted his hat straight off his head, and replaced it

most accurately, by way of salute. "Mr. Lorrequer, it is with sincere

pleasure I make your acquaintance." Here Mr. Beamish bowed stiffly, in

return to my salutation, and at the instant a kind of vague sensation

crossed my mind, that those red whiskers, and that fiery face were not

seen for the first time; but the thumbscrews of the holy office would

have been powerless to refresh my memory as to when.

"Captain," said the doctor, "may I request the favour of your company

this way, one minute;" they both walked aside; the only words which

reached me as I moved off, to permit their conference, being an assurance

on the part of the doctor, "that it was a sweet spot he picked out, for,

by having them placed north and south, neither need have a patch of sky

behind him." Very few minutes sufficed for preliminaries, and they both

advanced, smirking and smiling, as if they had just arranged a new plan

for the amelioration of the poor, or the benefit of the manufacturing

classes, instead of making preparations for sending a gentleman out of

the world.

"Then if I understand you, captain," said the doctor, "you step the

distance, and I give the word."

"Exactly," said Curzon.

After a joking allusion to my friend's length of limb, at which we all

laughed heartily, we were placed, Curzon and the doctor standing and

breaking the line between us; the pistols were then put into our hands,

the doctor saying--"Now, gentlemen, I'll just retire six paces, and turn

round, which will be quite time enough to prepare, and at the word

'fire,' ye'll blaze away; mind now." With a knowing wink, the doctor

delivered this direction, and immediately moved off; the word "fire"

followed, and both pistols went off together. My hat was struck near the

top, and, as the smoke cleared away, I perceived that my ball had taken

effect upon my adversary; he was wounded a little below the knee and

appeared to steady himself with the greatest difficulty. "You friend is

hit," said Curzon, to the doctor, who now came forward with another

pistol. "You friend is hit."

"So I perceive," said he, placing his finger on the spot; "but it is no

harm in life; so we proceed, if you please."

"You don't mean to demand another shot?" said Curzon.

"Faith, do I," said the doctor coolly.

"Then," said Curzon, "I must tell you most unequivocally, I refuse, and

shall now withdraw my friend; and had it not been for a regulation

peculiar to our regiment, but never intended to include cases of this

nature, we had not been here now; for up to this hour my principal and

myself are in utter ignorance of any cause of offence ever having been

offered by him to Mr. Beamish."

"Giles, do you hear this?" said the doctor.

But Giles did not hear it, for the rapid loss of blood from his wound had

so weakened him, that he had fainted, and now lay peaceably on the grass.

Etiquette was now at an end, and we all ran forward to assist the wounded

man; for some minutes he lay apparently quite senseless, and when he at

last rallied and looked wildly about him, it appeared to be with

difficulty that he recalled any recollection of the place, and the people

around him; for a few seconds he fixed his eyes steadily upon the doctor,

and with a lip pale and bloodless, and a voice quivering from weakness,

said,

"Fin! Didn't I tell ye, that pistol always threw high--oh!" and this he

said with a sigh that nearly overpowered him, "Oh, Fin, if you had only

given me the saw-handled one, that I AM USED TO; but it is no good

talking now."

In my inmost heart I was grateful to the little doctor for his mistake,

for I plainly perceived what "the saw-handled one he was used to" might

have done for me, and could not help muttering to myself with good Sir

Andrew--"If I had known he was so cunning of fence, I'd have seen him

damned before that I fought with him."

Our first duty was now to remove the wounded man to the high road, about

which both he himself and his second seemed disposed to make some

difficulty; they spoke together for a few moments in a low tone of voice,

and then the doctor addressed us--"We feel, gentlemen, this is not a

time for any concealment; but the truth is, we have need of great

circumspection here, for I must inform you, we are both of us bound

over in heavy recognizances to keep the peace."

"Bound over to keep the peace!" said Curzon and myself together.

"Nothing less; and although there is nobody hereabout would tell, yet if

the affair got into the papers by any means, why there are some people in

Cork would like to press my friend there, for he is a very neat shot when

he has the saw-handle," and here the doctor winked.

We had little time permitted us, to think upon the oddity of meeting a

man in such circumstances, for we were now obliged to contribute our aid

in conveying him to the road, where some means might be procured for his

transfer to Kilrush, or some other town in the neighbourhood, for he was

by this time totally unable to walk.

After half an hour's toiling, we at last did reach the highway, by which

time I had ample opportunity, short as the space was, to see something of

the character of our two opponents. It appeared the doctor exercised the

most absolute control over his large friend, dictating and commanding in

a tone which the other never ventured to resist; for a moment or two Mr.

Beamish expressed a great desire to be conveyed by night to Kilrush,

where he might find means to cross the Shannon into Kerry; this, however,

the doctor opposed strenuously, from the risque of publicity; and finally

settled that we should all go in a body to his friend, Father Malachi

Brennan's house, only two miles off, where the sick man would have the

most tender care, and what the doctor considered equally indispensable,

we ourselves a most excellent supper, and a hearty welcome.

"You know Father Malachi, of course, Mr. Lorrequer?"

"I am ashamed to say I do not."

"Not know Malachi Brennan and live in Clare! Well, well, that is

strange; sure he is the priest of this country for twelve miles in every

direction of you, and a better man, and a pleasanter, there does not live

in the diocese; though I'm his cousin that says it."

After professing all the possible pleasure it would afford my friend and

myself to make the acquaintance of Father Malachi, we proceeded to place

Mr. Beamish in a car that was passing at the time, and started for the

residence of the good priest. The whole of the way thither I was

occupied but by one thought, a burning anxiety to know the cause of our

quarrel, and I longed for the moment when I might get the doctor apart

from his friend, to make the inquiry.

"There--look down to your left, where you see the lights shining so

brightly, that is Father Malachi's house; as sure as my name is

De Courcy Finucane, there's fun going on there this night."

"Why, there certainly does seem a great illumination in the valley

there," said I.

"May I never," said the doctor, "if it isn't a station--"

"A station!--pray may I ask--"

"You need not ask a word on the subject; for, if I am a true prophet,

you'll know what it means before morning."

A little more chatting together, brought us to a narrow road, flanked on

either side by high hedges of hawthorn, and, in a few minutes more, we

stood before the priest's residence, a long, white-washed, thatched

house, having great appearance of comfort and convenience. Arrived here,

the doctor seemed at once to take on him the arrangement of the whole

party; for, after raising the latch and entering the house, he returned

to us in a few minutes, and said,