(_April_ 1887.)
MY DEAR LOW,—The fares to London may be found in any continental Bradshaw
or sich; from London to Bournemouth impoverished parties who can stoop to
the third class get their ticket for the matter of 10s., or, as my wife
loves to phrase it, ‘a half a pound.’ You will also be involved in a 3s.
fare to get to Skerryvore; but this, I dare say, friends could help you
in on your arrival; so that you may reserve your energies for the two
tickets—costing the matter of a pound—and the usual gratuities to
porters. This does not seem to me much: considering the intellectual
pleasures that await you here, I call it dirt cheap. I _believe_ the
third class from Paris to London (_viâ_ Dover) is _about_ forty francs,
but I cannot swear. Suppose it to be fifty.
50 × 2=100 100
The expense of spirit or spontaneous lapse of coin 10
on the journey, at 5 frcs. a head, 5 × 2=10
Victuals on ditto, at 5 frcs. a head, 5 × 2 = 10 10
Gratuity to stewardess, in case of severe 3
prostration, at 3 francs
One night in London, on a modest footing, say 20 20
Two tickets to Bournemouth at 12.50, 12.50 × 2=25 25
Porters and general devilment, say 5 5
Cabs in London, say 2 shillings, and in 6.25
Bournemouth, 3 shillings=5 shillings, 6 frcs. 25
frcs. 179.25
Or, the same in pounds, £7, 3s. 6½d.
Or, the same in dollars, $35.45
if there be any arithmetical virtue in me. I have left out dinner in
London in case you want to blow out, which would come extry, and with the
aid of _vangs fangs_ might easily double the whole amount—above all if
you have a few friends to meet you.
In making this valuable project, or budget, I discovered for the first
time a reason (frequently overlooked) for the singular costliness of
travelling with your wife. Anybody would count the tickets double; but
how few would have remembered—or indeed has any one ever remembered?—to
count the spontaneous lapse of coin double also? Yet there are two of
you, each must do his daily leakage, and it must be done out of your
travelling fund. You will tell me, perhaps, that you carry the coin
yourself: my dear sir, do you think you can fool your Maker? Your wife
has to lose her quota; and by God she will—if you kept the coin in a
belt. One thing I have omitted: you will lose a certain amount on the
exchange, but this even I cannot foresee, as it is one of the few things
that vary with the way a man has.—I am, dear sir, yours financially,