Many different emotions surged up in me at the sight of this
announcement. My heart was painfully contracted by all kinds of fears
and repressions from my former life and the reality I had left behind.
With trembling hand I opened the door and found myself in the booth
of a Fair with an iron rail separating me from a wretched stage.
On the stage I saw an animal-tamer--a cheap-jack gentleman with a
pompous air--who in spite of a large moustache, exuberantly muscular
biceps and his absurd circus get-up had a malicious and decidedly
unpleasant resemblance to myself. The strong man led on a leash like
a dog--lamentable sight--a large, beautiful but terribly emaciated
wolf, whose eyes were cowed and furtive; and it was as disgusting
as it was intriguing, as horrible as it was all the same secretly
entertaining, to see this brutal tamer of animals put the noble and yet
so ignominiously obedient beast of prey through a series of tricks and
sensational turns.
At any rate, the man, my diabolically distorted double, had his wolf
marvellously broken. The wolf was obediently attentive to every command
and responded like a dog to every call and every crack of the whip. He
went down on his knees, lay for dead, and, aping the lord of creation,
carried a loaf, an egg, a piece of meat, a basket in his mouth with
cheerful obedience; and he even had to pick up the whip that the tamer
had let fall and carry it after him in his teeth while he wagged his
tail with an unbearable submissiveness. A rabbit was put in front of
him and then a white lamb. He bared his teeth, it is true, and the
saliva dropped from his mouth while he trembled with desire, but he did
not touch either of the animals; and at the word of command he jumped
over them with a graceful leap, as they cowered trembling on the floor.
More--he laid himself down between the rabbit and the lamb and embraced
them with his foremost paws to form a touching family group, at the
same time eating a stick of chocolate from the man’s hand. It was an
agony to witness the fantastic extent to which the wolf had learnt to
belie his nature; and I stood there with my hair on end.
There was some compensation, however, both for the horrified spectator
and for the wolf himself, in the second part of the programme. For
after this refined exhibition of animal-taming and when the man with a
winning smile had made his triumphant bow over the group of the wolf
and the lamb, the rôles were reversed. My engaging double suddenly
with a low reverence laid his whip at the wolf’s feet and became as
agitated, as shrunken and wretched, as the wolf had been before.
The wolf, however, licked his chops with a grin, his constraint and
dissimulation erased. His eyes kindled. His whole body was taut and
showed the joy he felt at recovering his wild nature.
And now the wolf commanded and the man obeyed. At the word of command
the man sank on his knees, let his tongue loll out and tore his clothes
off with his filed teeth. He went on two feet or all-fours just as the
wolf ordered him, played the human being, lay for dead, let the wolf
ride on his back and carried the whip after him. With the aptness of
a dog he submitted gladly to every humiliation and perversion of his
nature. A lovely girl came on to the stage and went up to the tamed
man. She stroked his chin and rubbed her cheek against his; but he
remained on all-fours, remained a beast. He shook his head and began to
show his teeth at the charming creature--so menacingly and wolfishly
at last, that she ran away. Chocolate was put before him, but with a
contemptuous sniff he thrust it from him with his snout. Finally the
white lamb and the fat piebald rabbit were brought on again and the
docile man gave his last turn and played the wolf most amusingly. He
seized the shrieking creatures in his fingers and teeth, tore them limb
from limb, grinningly chewed the living flesh and rapturously drank
their warm blood while his eyes closed in a dreamy delight.
I made for the door in horror and dashed out. This Magic Theatre was
clearly no paradise. All hell lay beneath its charming surface. O God,
was there even here no release?
In fear I hurried this way and that. I had the taste of blood and
chocolate in my mouth, the one as hateful as the other. I desired
nothing but to be beyond this wave of disgust. I wrestled with
myself for more bearable, friendlier pictures. “O Friend, not these
notes!” sang in my head, and with horror I remembered those terrible
photographs from the Front that one saw occasionally during the
war--those heaps of bodies entangled with each other, whose faces were
changed to grinning ghouls by their gas-masks. How silly and childish
of me, a humanely minded opponent of war though I was, to have been
horrified by those pictures. To-day I knew that no tamer of beasts, no
General, no insane person could hatch a thought or a picture in his
brain that I could not match myself with one every bit as frightful,
every bit as savage and wicked, as crude and stupid.
With an immense relief I remembered the notice I had seen on first
entering the theatre, the one that the nice boy had stormed so
furiously--