A certain evening, after animated discussions about the transmigration
of souls, they remained alone on the terrace, from which the view was
toward the sea. Cinna, taking Timon's hand, declared openly what the
great torment of his life was, and why he had striven to approach the
scholars and philosophers of the Serapeum.
"I have gained this much at least," said he; "I have learned to know
you, O Timon, and I understand now that if you cannot solve my life's
riddle, no other man can."
Timon gazed for a time at the smooth surface of the sea, in which the
new moon was reflected; then he said,--
"Hast thou seen those flocks of birds, Cinna, which fly past here in
winter from northern glooms? Dost thou know what they seek in Egypt?"
"I do. Warmth and light."
"Souls of men also seek warmth, which is love, and light, which means
truth. The birds know whither they are flying for their good; but souls
are flying over roadless places, in wandering, in sadness, and
disquiet."
"Why can they not find the road, noble Timon?"
"Once man's repose was in the gods; to-day, faith in the gods is burnt
out, like oil in a lamp. Men thought that to souls philosophy would be
the light of truth; to-day, as thou knowest best of all, on its ruins
in Rome and in the Academy in Athens, and here, sit Sceptics, to whom it
seemed that it was bringing in peace, but it brought in disquiet. For to
renounce light and heat is to leave the soul in darkness, which is
disquiet. Hence, stretching out our hands before us, we seek an exit in
groping."
"Hast thou not found it?"
"I have sought, and I have not found it. Thou hast sought it in
pleasure, I in thought; and the same mist encircles us. Know then that
not thou alone art suffering, but in thee the soul of the world is
tortured. Is it long since thou hast ceased to believe in the gods?"
"At Rome they are honored publicly yet, and even new ones are brought
from Asia and Egypt; but no one believes in them sincerely, except
dealers in vegetables, who come in the morning from the country to the
city."
"And these are the only people who live in peace."
"They are like those who bow down here to cats and onions."
"Just like those, who, in the manner of beasts, ask for nothing beyond
sleep after eating."
"But is life worth the living in view of this?"
"Do I know what death will bring?"
"What is the difference, then, between thee and the Sceptics?"
"Sceptics are satisfied with darkness, or feign that they are satisfied,
but I suffer in it."
"And thou seest no salvation?"
Timon was silent for a moment, and then answered slowly, as if with
hesitation,--
"I wait for it."
"Whence?"
"I know not."
Then he rested his head on the palm of his hand; and as if under the
influence of that silence which had settled down on the terrace, he
began to speak in a low and measured voice,--
"A wonderful thing; but at times it seems to me that if the world
contained nothing beyond that which we know, and if we could be nothing
more than we are, this disquiet would not exist in us. So in this
sickness I find hope of health. Faith in Olympus and philosophy are
dead, but health may be some new truth which I know not."
Beyond expectation, that talk brought great solace to Cinna. When he
heard that the whole world was sick, and not he alone, he felt as if
some one had taken a great weight from him and distributed it on a
thousand shoulders.