Newspaper Item, Athens, Pa., July 29: The archaeologists who
are traversing the Susquehanna River Valley, visiting sites of
Indian villages and digging up aborigines and other relics, are
said to have made a most astounding discovery on the Murray
farm, near here, in finding the bones of sixty-eight
pre-historic men. The average height of these men when their
skeletons were assembled was seven feet, while many were much
taller. Additional evidence of their gigantic size is found in
the massive stone battle axes in their graves. The average age
of these men is said to have been from thirty to forty. Another
amazing point of this discovery is the allegation that
"perfectly formed skulls were found from which horns grew
straight out from the head."
The Homestead of Satan, they say, has been found
Near Athens, P. A., in a hole in the ground;
And people are flocking from Athens and Sayre
To view the remains of their ancestors there.
When Satan established himself in this zone
He found it distasteful to live all alone;
So he went to Towanda in quest of a bride,
And then tilled the soil till his seed multiplied.
So scores of young Devils at Murray's were born
That measured five cubits between hoof and horn.
Each one was equipped with a tail and two wings,
And _asbestos garments_ at Nick's Sulphur Springs.
And that's why you find all their skeletons here
In good preservation: but isn't it queer
That Devils at Athens, the place of their birth,
Were the sole legatees of Hell upon Earth?
But Devils, like men, reach the ends of their ropes,
And have disappointments and unfulfilled hopes,--
So Satan discovered, too late we are told,
The climate at Murray's was too beastly cold.
His imps all contracted pneumonia and died;
So he buried them here in the Pit, side by side,
Near Athens, P. A., by the River Chemung,
Where they've been unmolested till now, and unsung.
And there their bones bleached, in the Sulphuric Pits,
Until Archæologists came with their kits
And made excavations, not thinking of harm,
But raising the devil at Rube Murray's Farm.
Now Satan's _exposed_ and his ossified get,
(A few yet remain in the flesh, I regret!)
And Murray of Athens is living, I wot
On skeletons dug from this Hell-enic spot.