§ 40. Hitherto we have regarded the company merely from the point of
quantity, and considered them as so many units, grouped in larger and
smaller masses. We shall now adopt a totally different principle, and
regard their _quality_ in relation to the speaker. It is obvious that
for our purpose this element must receive careful consideration.
I remember years ago occupying myself in constructing from the epitaphs
in a country church the genealogy of the great squire who owned the
parish. Among the stereotyped and hardly varied eulogies of his
ancestors one stood out as peculiar and original. It was said of this
magnate, who died about the year 1830, that to express his virtues among
those that knew him would be impertinent, ‘but to strangers and to
posterity let this monument declare, that in him were combined _the
generous Patron, the affable Superior, the polished Equal_, the
uncompromising Patriot, and the Honest Man’ The sequel was commonplace.
Nor is the social description complete, for the dignity of the subject
would not allow the epitaphist to suggest the virtues of his hero in the
guise of an inferior. _The supple courtier_ would, from what I have
heard about him, have been the truest addition to the picture. But what
interests us here is not only the importance given to social talents
over morals and religion,—a truly Irish feature,—but the accurate
perception the writer had of the various talents required according to
the quality of the people around us.
If he had thought more upon the subject, or if he had been allowed to
give us the results of his thinking, he might have told us that the
secret in all cases, and the _sine qua non_ of good conversation, is to
establish equality, at least momentary, if you like fictitious, but at
all costs _equality_, among the members of the company who make up the
party. The man who keeps asserting his superiority, or confessing his
inferiority, is never agreeable. Nay even, if the superiority is very
marked, as in the case of royal persons, it is almost impossible to
converse with them in the better sense, and one of the most melancholy
penalties of this kind of greatness is, that except within the narrow
circle of their families and equals they can never enjoy the fresh
breeze of unconstrained society. Any truth they can learn from their
surroundings is confined to the very poor category of pleasant truths.
All vigorous intellectual buffeting, all wholesome contradiction which
would open their minds, is carefully avoided by courtiers, because it is
the assertion of this very equality which is the backbone of
conversation. It requires peculiar earnestness and honesty on the part
of a prince to break through this crust of assentation, and discover the
real opinions of the men around him; nor can he incur any bitterer loss
than the removal of those rare advisers, who have the gift of combining
real liberty with formal obsequiousness, and without violating the
etiquette of the courtier, can assume the character of the independent
critic and just adviser.
But this little book is not meant for the advice or criticism of kings,
who by their position are almost completely excluded from conversation.
The question before us is how we ordinary people should modify the tone
of our talk according as our company consists of people socially or
intellectually above us, of our equals, or lastly, of our inferiors. It
is evident that in the first and last cases there is difficulty; the
second is the normal atmosphere of conversation.
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