§ 24. The highest and best of all the moral conditions for conversation
is what we call _tact_. I say a condition, for it is very doubtful
whether it can be called a single and separate quality; more probably it
is a combination of intellectual quickness with lively sympathy. But so
clearly is it an intellectual quality, that of all others it can be
greatly improved, if not actually acquired, by long experience in
society. Like all social excellences it is almost given as a present to
some people, while others with all possible labour never acquire it. As
in billiard-playing, shooting, cricket, and all these other facilities
which are partly mental and partly physical, many never can pass a
certain point of mediocrity; but still even those who have the talent
must practise it, and only become really distinguished after hard work.
So it is in art. Music and painting are not to be attained by the crowd.
Not even the just criticism of these arts is attainable without certain
natural gifts; but a great deal of practice in good galleries and at
good concerts, and years spent among artists, will do much to make even
moderately-endowed people sound judges of excellence.
Tact, which is the sure and quick judgment of what is suitable and
agreeable in society, is likewise one of those delicate and subtle
qualities or a combination of qualities which is not very easily
defined, and therefore not teachable by fixed precepts; but we can
easily see that it is based on all the conditions we have already
discussed. Some people attain it through sympathy; others through
natural intelligence; others through a calm temper; others again by
observing closely the mistakes of their neighbours. As its name implies,
it is a sensitive touch in social matters, which feels small changes of
temperature, and so guesses at changes of temper; which sees the passing
cloud on the expression of one face, or the eagerness of another that
desires to bring out something personal for others to enjoy. This
quality of tact is of course applicable far beyond mere actual
conversation. In nothing is it more useful than in preparing the right
conditions for a pleasant society, in choosing the people who will be in
mutual sympathy, in thinking over pleasant subjects of talk and
suggesting them, in seeing that all disturbing conditions are kept out,
and that the members who are to converse should be all without those
small inconveniences which damage society so vastly out of proportion to
their intrinsic importance.
§ 25. This social skill is generally supposed to be congenital,
especially in some women, and no one thinks of laying down rules for it,
as its application is so constant, various, and often sudden. Yet it is
certain that any one may improve himself by reflection on the matter,
and so avoid those shocking mistakes which arise from social stupidity.
Thus in the company of a woman who is a man’s third wife, most people
will instinctively avoid jokes about Blue Beard, or anecdotes of
comparison between a man’s several wives, of which so many are current
in Ireland. But quite apart from instinct, an experienced man who is
going to tell a story which may have too much point for some of those
present, will look round and consider each member of the party, and if
there be a single stranger there whose views are not familiar to him, he
will forego the pleasure of telling the story rather than make the
social mistake of hurting even one of the guests. On the other hand,
this very example shows how a single stranger may spoil a whole
conversation by inducing caution in the speakers and imposing upon them
such reserve as is inconsistent with a perfectly easy flow of talk.
Another evidence of tact is the perception that a topic has been
sufficiently discussed, and that it is on the point of becoming tedious.
There is nothing which elderly people should watch more carefully in
themselves, for even those once gay and brilliant are almost certain to
become prosy with age, and to dwell upon their favourite topics as if
this preference were shared by all society. But even the young must be
here perpetually upon the watch, and show their tact by refraining from
too many questions or too much argument upon any single subject, which
becomes a bore to others.[6] Every host and hostess should make it their
first duty to watch this human weakness, and should lead away the
conversation when it threatens to stay in the same groove. It is better
to do this bluntly and confessedly than to refrain from doing it. But
the quality of tact, as it quickly perceives the growing mischief, is
also quick of resource in devising such interruptions as may seem
natural or unavoidable, so as to beguile the company into new paths, and
even make the too persistent members lay aside their threadbare
discussion without regret.
Footnote 6:
Even too careful an attention to grammar, and the careful rounding of
periods in easy intercourse, is apt to be tedious, and should be
avoided. The instant the company has grasped your idea, you should
pass to something else without regard to the form of your sentence.
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