§ 6. There are no physical conditions absolutely necessary for becoming
a good talker. I have known a man with a painful impediment in his
speech far more agreeable than all the fluent people in the room. But
when a man comes to consider by what conditions conversation can be
improved, and turns first of all to his own side, to see what he can do
for himself in that direction, he will find that certain natural gifts
which he may possess, or the absence of which he may regret, are of no
small importance in making him more agreeable to those whom he meets in
society. It seems desirable to mention these at the outset for
completeness’ sake, and also that educators may lay their foundations in
children for after use in the world.
The old Greeks set it down as an axiom that a loud or harsh voice
betokened bad breeding, and any one who hears the lower classes
discussing any topic at the corners of the streets, may notice not
merely their coarseness and rudeness in expression, but also the
loudness and harshness of their voices, in support of this observation.
The habit of wrangling with people who will not listen without
interruption, and who try to shout down their company, nay even the
habit of losing one’s temper, engenders a noisy and harsh way of
speaking, which naturally causes a prejudice against the talker in good
society. Even the dogmatic or over-confident temper which asserts
opinions loudly, and looks round to command approval or challenge
contradiction, chills good conversation by setting people against the
speaker, whom they presume to be a social bully and wanting in sympathy.
Contrariwise, nothing attracts more at first hearing than a soft and
sweet tone of voice. It generally suggests a deeper well of feeling than
the speaker possesses, and certainly prejudices people as much in his
favour as a grating or loud utterance repels them. It is to be classed
with personal beauty, which disposes every one to favour the speaker,
and listen to him or her with sympathy and attention. This sweetness in
the tone of the voice is chiefly a natural gift, but it may also be
improved, if not acquired, by constant and careful training in early
years. It can certainly be marred by constant straining and shouting. It
should therefore be carefully cultivated or protected in youth as a
valuable vantage-ground in social intercourse.
Similarly the presence of a strong local accent, though there are cases
where it gives raciness to wit and pungency to satire, is usually a
hindrance in conversation, especially at its outset, and among
strangers.[2] It marks a man as provincial, and hence is akin to
vulgarity and narrowness of mind. It suggests too that the speaker has
not moved much about the world, or even in the best society of his
native country, in which such provincialism is carefully avoided, and
set down as an index of mind and manners below the highest level. Hence
all careful educators endeavour to eradicate peculiarities of accent or
pronunciation in children, and justly, though we have all met great
talkers whose Scotch burr or Irish brogue seemed an essential feature of
their charm. If this be so, no education can eradicate it. In lesser
people to be provincial is distinctly an obstacle in the way, even
though a great mind may turn it into a stepping-stone.
Footnote 2:
It has been suggested to me that a slight impediment or stammer often
gives peculiar zest to conversation. But this is hardly the case at
first hearing; it is only appreciated when we have discovered that
what the speaker is hesitating to utter is worth waiting for. It then
produces the same kind of surprise that irony does, which is often
deliberate mental stammering.
§ 7. There is yet another almost physical disability or damage to
conversation, which is akin to provincialism, and which consists in
disagreeable tricks in conversation, such as the constant and
meaningless repetition of catchwords and phrases, such as the unmeaning
oaths of our grandfathers, such as inarticulate sounds of assent, such
as contortions of the face, which so annoy the hearer by their very want
of meaning and triviality as to excite quite a disproportionate dislike
to the speaker, and to require great and sterling qualities to
counterbalance it. However apt a man’s internal furniture may be for
conversation, he may make it useless by being externally disagreeable,
and how often when we praise a friend as a good talker do we hear the
reply: I should like him well enough if he did not worry me with his
_don’t you know_, or his _what_, or his _exactly so_, or something else
so childishly small, that we shudder to think how easily a man may
forfeit his position or popularity among civilised men in their daily
intercourse. But modern society, which ought to be of all things in
human life the most easy and unconstrained, is growing every day more
tyrannical and only to be kept in good humour by careful attention to
its unwritten behests, unless indeed we have the power to bend it to our
will, and force it to follow our lead instead of driving us along like
slaves.
No more need be said concerning these physical conditions, which are
rather negative conditions, or favourable starting points, than real
aids for our purpose. The handsomest man or woman, even with the
sweetest tones of human voice, will soon be found out, if dull or
unsympathetic, and then these advantages all go for nothing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------