SCENE XI.--_The Drawing-room._ Mrs. GILWATTLE _is still unable to
express her feelings by more than a contemptuous glare._
_Uncle Gabriel._ My--ah--love, you didn't hear me. I was saying I've almost
prevailed on his Lordship----
_Mrs. Gilwattle_ (_becoming articulate_). His Lordship, indeed! If _that's_
a Lord, I don't wonder you're such a Radical!
_Uncle Gab._ Why--why--what's _come_ to you, JOANNA? My Lord, I hope you'll
excuse her--she's a little----
_Mrs. Gil._ Fiddlesticks! You've been made a fool of, GABRIEL! Can't you
see for yourself that he's neither the manners nor yet the appearance of a
_real_ nobleman--or anything but what he _is_?
_Uncle Gab._ (_dropping_ Lord S.'s _arm_). Eh? If you're not a Lord, Sir,
what else _are_ you?
_Lord Strath._ (_wavering between wrath and amusement_). Afraid I can't
enlighten you--I'm extremely curious to know myself.
_Mrs. Tid._ (_distractedly_). Oh, Aunt, it wasn't my fault, really!
MONTAGUE _would_ have him! And--and we _sent_ round to say he wouldn't be
required--we did indeed! Please, _please_ don't tell anybody!
_Mrs. Gil._ (_rigidly_). It is my _duty_ to let everyone here know how
disgracefully we have been insulted to-night, MARIA, and might have gone
away in ignorance, but for that innocent child--who has done nothing, that
_I_ can see, to deserve being shaken like that! _I_'m not going to sit by
in silence and see a man passed off as a Lord who is nothing more nor less
than one of the assistants out of BLANKLEY'S shop, hired to come and fill a
vacant seat! Yes, GABRIEL, if you doubt my word, look at MARIA--and _now_
ask that young man to dine!
[_Profound sensation among the company._
_Uncle Gab._ I--ah--withdraw the invitation, of course--it is cancelled,
Sir, cancelled!
_Feminine Murmur._ I had a feeling, the moment he came in, as if--so
thankful now I didn't commit myself by so much as--ah, my dear, it all
comes from a desire to make a show!--&c., &c.
_Uncle Gab._ It's the bare-faced impudence of coming here on false
pretences, that _I_ can't get over. Come, Mr. SHOPWALKER, COUNTERJUMPER, or
whatever you really are, what have _you_ got to say for yourself?
_Lord Strath._ Say? Why----
[_He struggles to control his countenance for a moment, until he is
convulsed at last by irrepressible laughter._
_All_ (_except the_ TIDMARSHES). He's laughing--positively _laughing_ at
Us! The brazenness of it!
_Lord Strath._ (_regaining composure_). I--I'm awfully sorry, but it struck
me suddenly as so----After all, the joke is only against myself. (_To
himself._) Must try and get my unfortunate hostess out of this fix--not
that she deserves it! (_Aloud._) If you will kindly let me explain, I think
I can----
_Mr. Tid._ (_suddenly_). Oh, hang explaining! It's all out now, and you'd
better leave it there!
_Lord Strath._ I can't, indeed. I must make you all understand that this
well-meaning lady with the highly-developed sense of duty has done our host
and hostess a grave injustice, besides paying me a compliment I don't
deserve. I'm sorry to say I can't claim to be half as useful a member of
the community as any of the very obliging and attentive gentlemen in Mr.
BLANKLEY'S employment. If I'm anything, I'm a--an Egyptologist, in an
amateur sort of way, you know. A--in fact, I'm writing a book on Ancient
Egypt.
_The Others._ A _literary_ man! As if _that_ made it any better!
_Lord Strath._ I merely mention it because it led me to write to Mr.
CARTOUCHE--whom I happened to hear of as a famous collector--and ask to be
allowed to call and inspect his collection. Mr. CARTOUCHE (who lives, I
believe, at No. 92, next door) very kindly wrote, giving me leave, and
inviting me to dine at the same time, and--I know it was unpardonably
careless of me--but somehow I came here instead, and, Mr. and Mrs. TIDMARSH
being both too--er--hospitable to undeceive me, I never found my mistake
out till too late to put it right, without inconveniencing everybody.
That's really all.
[_Uneasy reaction in the company._
_Uncle Gab._ (_pompously_). Ha--hum--no doubt that puts a somewhat
different complexion on the case, but it doesn't explain your conduct in
calling yourself Lord STRATHFOOZLEUM, or whatever it was.
_Lord Strath._ I think you mean STRATHSPORRAN. I did call myself that,
because it happens to be my name.
_Mrs. Tid._ (_passionately_). I don't believe it.... I _can't_. If it is,
why did Miss SEATON call you "Mr. CLAYPOLE"?
_Lord Strath._ I beg your pardon--CLAYMORE. Because, when we last met, I
was DOUGLAS CLAYMORE, with no prospect whatever, as it seemed then, of
being anything else.
_Mrs. Tid._ (_faintly_). Then he really is--_Oh_!
[_She sinks on the couch, crushed._
_Uncle Gab._ Ha, well, my Lord, I'm glad this little misunderstanding is so
satisfactorily cleared up, and if I may venture to hope for the honour of
your company,--shall we say Friday wee----(Lord S. _looks at him
steadily._) Oh, if your Lordship has some better engagement, well and good.
Makes no difference to _me_ I assure you. JOANNA, our carriage must be here
by now, say good-bye and have done with it! Good-night, MARIA, I'll see you
don't expose me to _this_ again!
SCENE XII.--_The guests have all taken leave with extremely frosty
farewells_; Mr. TIDMARSH _is downstairs superintending their
departure._ GWENNIE _has been pardoned on_ Lord S.'s _intercession,
and dismissed, in much bewilderment, to bed._ Mrs. TIDMARSH _and_ Lord
STRATHSPORRAN _are alone._
_Mrs. Tid._ (_hysterically_). Oh, Lord STRATHSPORRAN, when I think how
I----What can I _ever_ say to you?
_Lord Strath._ Only, I hope, that you forgive my stupidity in blundering in
here as I did, Mrs. TIDMARSH.
_Mrs. Tid._ It _was_ a good deal your fault. If you had only said who you
really were--if my husband had not been idiot enough to misunderstand--if
Miss SEATON had been more straightforward, all this would never----!
[Illustration: "Sitting down heavily on a Settee."]
_Lord Strath._ We were all the victims of circumstances, weren't we? But I,
at least, have no reason to regret it. And, if I may ask one last
indulgence, will you--a--let me have an opportunity of saying good-bye to
Miss SEATON?
_Mrs. Tid._ She, she doesn't _deserve_--Oh, I don't know _what_ I'm saying.
Of _course_, Lord STRATHSPORRAN, anything, _anything_ I can do to----I will
send her down to you, if you will only wait. She shall not keep you long!
_Lord Strath._ (_alone, to himself_). It's an ill wind, &c. I shall have
MARJORY all to myself, now! To think that--but for a lucky blunder--I
should be spelling out scarabs and things on the wrong side of that wall at
this moment, and never dreaming that MARJORY was so----Ah, she's coming!
(Miss SEATON _enters, looking pale and disconsolate._) MARJORY, you've no
idea what you've missed! I _must_ tell you--it's too good to lose. What
_do_ you think all these good people have been taking me for? You'll never
guess! They actually believed I was hired from BLANKLEY'S! Give you my word
they did!... Why don't you _laugh_, MARJORY?
_Miss Seaton_ (_faintly_). I--I _am_ laughing. No, DOUGLAS, I'm not. I
can't; I haven't the conscience to. Oh, I never meant you to know--but I
must tell you, whatever comes of it! _I_ believed it too, at first.
(_Tragically._) I _did_, DOUGLAS!
_Lord Strath._ _Did_ you though, MARJORY? Then, by Jove, I _must_ have
looked the character!
_Miss Seaton_ (_timidly_). I knew you--you weren't very well off, DOUGLAS,
and so I fancied you might----Oh, I know it was hateful of me ever to think
such a thing, but I did. And you can never _really_ forgive me!
_Lord Strath._ Couldn't think of it! Shall I tell you something else,
MARJORY? I've a strong impression that you will not be an inmate of this
happy English household _much_ longer.
_Miss Seaton._ I'm _sure_ I shan't, from Mrs. TIDMARSH'S expression just
now. But I don't care!
_Lord Strath._ Don't be reckless. How do you know there isn't a moral lion
about? And where will you go next, MARJORY?
_Miss Seaton_ (_with a shrug_). I don't know. I suppose to anybody who
wants a Governess, and doesn't mind taking her without a reference, if
there _is_ such a person!
_Lord Strath._ Well, oddly enough, I fancy I know somebody who has been
trying for a long time to find a young person of just your age and
appearance, and might be induced to waive a reference on a personal
interview. (Miss SEATON _looks incredulous._)... MARJORY, don't you
understand? If I hadn't been such a pauper, I'd have spoken long ago, when
we were up in Scotland together, only it didn't seem fair then. I--I
daresay I've no better chance now; but, at least, I've more right to speak
than I had, and--and--will you have me, MARJORY? (_She turns away._) I--I
won't worry you, dear, if you really can't care about me in that way;
but--but if you only _could_, MARJORY, even a little!
_Miss Seaton._ DOUGLAS!...
_Same Scene--somewhat later._
_Lord Strath._ Not yet, MARJORY--I can't let you go just yet!... Must I,
really? Before I've said half what I wanted!... Well--in one minute, then.
And you're coming to my people as soon as you can get out of this, MARJORY;
and I shall see you every day, till--till we shall never be separated
any----Confound it!--who's that? [Mr. TIDMARSH _enters suddenly._
_Mr. Tid._ Oh--er--Lord STRATHSPORRAN, sorry to interrupt you, but--hem--my
wife, who's feeling too unwell to come down again, desires me to say that,
in her opinion, Miss SEATON has been here quite long enough. [Miss SEATON
_escapes by the back drawing-room._
_Lord Strath._ I entirely agree with Mrs. TIDMARSH; but I am happy to say
that Miss SEATON will not remain here very much longer, as she has just
done me the honour of consenting to be my wife. Good night, Sir, and many
thanks for a most er--eventful evening.
[_He goes out._
_Mr. Tid._ (_making an effort to escort him downstairs, but giving it up,
and sitting down heavily on a settee instead_). She'll be Lady
STRATHSPORRAN! And I shall have to break it to MARIA--after she's just gone
in and stuck a month's salary and immediate notice on her pincushion! Oh,
lor--as if my poor wife hadn't trouble enough to bear as it was!