[Illustration: 9128]
HER wor plenty to tawk abaat at th' braikfast table, an' all sooarts
o' guesses wor made as trick, but ov coorse we could'nt tell owt at wor
sed, nobbut what th' lanlord repeated to us, an' aw thowt he lukt varry
hard at us ivvery nah an' then as if he thowt it wor just possible we
knew moor abaat it nor we felt inclined to tell, but that mud happen
be all fancy, for we know'at a guilty conscience is sooin accused. In
a while we wor left to ussen an' had time to think abaat ha to mak th'
best use o' th' few haars at wor left us, for we'd made up us minds to
goa hooam that neet. It wor a weet mornin but yet it wor a varry welcome
change, for it made all feel nice an' fresh an' cooil. Billy wor quite
lively an' he says, "Nah Sammy, whear are we to steer for to-day?"
"Awve just been readin this book," aw sed, "an' it tells me'at one o'
th' mooast wonderful seets i' Payris is th' sewers."
"Sewers! what sewers?"
"Th' drains;--yo can travel varry near all under th' city ith' drains,
an' aw think that's a thing'at we owt'nt to miss. Aw've travelled on
th' undergraand railway but this'll be th' undergraand watterway.--What
says ta?"
"Why as far as drains is consarned, awd rayther swallow hauf a duzzen
nor be swallow'd bi one misen, an' as thas had me on th' watter an' sent
me up to th' sky, an' trailed me ovver th' surface o' th' eearth in a
foreign land, aw think awst do varry weel for one trip withaat gooin
into th' bowels o' th' eearth."
"Well, aw hardly think its a thing likely to suit thi, but its just
one o' them seets at aw dooant meean to miss, for aw wor allus ov a
scientific turn o' mind, an' studyin th' results o' man's inginuity
suits me; an' if tha likes to wait here wol aw get back or say whear
aw can find thi at a sarten time, awl awther come back here or meet thi
whear tha likes."
"Tha'rt varry kind Sammy, an' varry scientific too, noa daat; but all
thy science is like thi beauty, for its all aght o' th' seet. Aw dooant
like to run onny man daan, an' tha knows aw wod'nt hurt thi feelins,
but aw must say'at aw nivver knew at it tuk onny science to mak a
poverty-knocker; but aw defy yo to mak a brewer aght ov a chap at's born
withaat it. Science is to brewin what a horse is to a cart, its what
maks it goa, an' aw defy thee, or yor Mally awther, for that matter, to
say at aw cannot mak a brewin goa as weel as onny man! soa shut up abaat
science as long as tha lives!"
"Aw believe thi when tha says tha can mak a brewin goa, an' unless it
wor a varry big en tha'd be able to do it withaat onnybody's help; but
if tha thinks becoss a chap's a wayver'at he's nowt in his heead but
weft an' warp, thar't varry mich mis-takken, for some o' th' cliverest
chaps aw ivver met wor wayvers."
"Varry likely,--becoss tha's spent th' mooast o' thi time amang em, but
if tha'd kept a beershop like yond o' mine at th' moor-end, tha'd ha
met wi all sooarts o' fowk throo wayvers up to caah-jobbers, to say nowt
abaat excisemen an' magistrates. Thy mind's like a three quarter loom,
it can produce things up to a three quarter width an' noa moor, but
mine's different, it'll wratch to ony width, an' when tha begins tawkin
abaat science tha shows thi fooilishness;--net at aw meean to say tha'rt
a fooil,--nowt o' th' sooart,--but aw think tha owt to be thankful to
know'at tha arn'nt one, seein what a varry narrow escape tha's had."
"Billy,--if tha's getten thi praichin suit on an' fancies tha can tawk
to me like tha tawks to yond swillguts'at tha meets at th' moor-end,
thas made a mistak. Awm off to see th' sewers an' tha can awther come or
stop as thas a mind."
"Come! ov coorse aw shall come! for if aw did'nt aw dooant think they'd
ivver let thi come aght, for they'd varry likely think that wor th'
fittest place for thi--mun they're far seein fowk abaat here."
"Well, aw think th' risk o' bein kept daan'll be doubled if tha gooas,
but awm willin' to risk it."
"Does ta think thers onny risk on us gettin draanded?"
"They'll nivver be able to draand thee until tha gets some moor weight
i' thi heead, soa tha'rt safe enuff."
"If that's soa, tha's noa need for a life belt, soa come on!"
We gat th' lanlord to write it on a piece a paper whear we wanted to
goa, for we could'nt affoord to loise ony time, an' jumpin into a cab we
wor driven off.
Nah, it'll saand strange to some fowk to hear tell abaat ridin throo
a main sewer in a railway carriage, but its just as true as it is
strange--th' carriages are nobbut little ens reight enuff, an' ther's
noa engins, but ther's men to pool an' men to shov an' yo goa along
varrv nicely--its like travellin throo a big railway tunnel nobbut
ther's a river runnin along side on yo or under yo all th' way, an' net
a varry nice en--but awm sewer awve seen th' Bradford beck as mucky an'
as black. It wor leeted i' some pairts wi' gas, an' i' some pairts wi
lamps an' th' names o' th' streets at yo wor passin under wor put up,
an' nah an' then yo passed a boat wi men in it, an' ivverything luked
wonderful but flaysome. Billy sed he thowt they made a mistak to charge
fowk for gooin in, it ud be better to charge em for comin aght, an'
aw wor foorced to agree wi him for once, for i' spite o' all ther
ventilation, ther wor a sickenin sensation at aw should'nt care to have
aboon once. Dayleet an' fresh air wor varry welcome when we gate into em
agean, an' for all mi love o' science aw could'nt but admit'at ther wor
seets at we'd missed'at awd rayther ha seen. If we'd been booath gooid
Templars it wod ha proved an' economical trip for we wanted noa dinner,
but as we wornt, awm feeard it proved rayther expensive. Brandy at hauf
a franc a glass caants up when yo get a duzzen or two, but ther wor nowt
else for it at we could see, an' as we went hooam to pack up us bits o'
duds aw discovered at things had getten a varry awkard way o' doublin
thersen, an' Billy wanted to stand at ivvery street corner to sing 'Rule
Brittania,' but we landed safely an' gate a cup o' teah an' that set us
all straight agean. Th' train left for Calais at 8 o'clock, an' it
tuk us all us time to settle up an' get us luggage to th' station. Th'
landlord went part way wi us for he had to call to get a new lock an kay
for his back door, for he'd a nooation'at his next door naybor's kay wod
fit his lock, an it wod be varry awkward if they'd to mak a mistak some
neet and get into th' wrang shop. Billy said he thowt soa too, an it wor
varry wise to guard agean sich things i' time. Altho' we wor booath on
us glad to turn us faces toward hooam yet we felt a regret to leave a
place wi soa monny beauties, an' sich a lot'at we'd nivver had a chonce
to see; for ther's noa denyin it--Natur an' art have done all they could
to mak it th' finest city ith' world--It hasnt th' quiet classic beauty
o' Edinbro', nor th' moil an' bustle o' Lundun, nor th' quiet sedate
luk o' Dublin--nor can it compare wi some o' th' startlin featurs o'
th' American cities, but its fresher an' leetsomer an' altogether moor
perfect nor ony one on em. It seemed a long wearisom ride throo Payris
to Calais an' it wor a miserable drizzlin neet when we gate thear an'
we lost noa time i' gettin onto th' booat at wor waitin. What wor th'
difference between furst class passengers an' third class we could'nt
tell for all seemed to mix in amang. After a grunt or two we wor off,
an' th' mooin peept aght o' th' claads as if to say 'gooid bye' an' wish
us gooid luk--th' waves coom wi a swish an' a swash agean th' vessel's
side, an' th' two electric lamps glared after us from th' shore like two
big een, an' marked a path o' leet on th' watter for us to goa by. Th'
neet cleared up, but it wor varry chill, an' Billy an' me stopt on th'
deck all th' time. We had'nt a bit o' sickly feelin soa we could enjoy a
smook an' luk abaat us. Mooast o' th' fowk wor asleep an' all wor quiet,
an' nowt happened worth mentionin until dayleet showed us th' white
cliffs o' old England.
It wor like as if it gave mi heart a bit ov a fillip an' aw felt aw mud
awther aght wi' summat or aw should brust, for nivver did a child run
to meet its mother wi' moor joyous heart nor aw had when drawn near mi
native land--Billy wor capt when aw struck up--=
``They may say what they will, but no Englishman's
````heart,
```Whate'er his condition may be;
``But feels a keen pang when he's forced to depart,
```And a thrill when he comes back to thee.
``For whatever thy faults, thou art dear to us all,
```No matter what strange countries boast;
``No blessings are there, that can ever compare;
```With our home in thy sea-girdled coast.
```Then here's to thyself, thou wee bonny land,
````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee,
```Brave sons and fair daughters shall join heart and
`````hand,
````And sing "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
``If we grumble sometimes as all Englishmen will,
```And in politics fight tooth and nail;
``When hard times are pinching and trade standing still,
```If at government's tactics we rail;
``There's no rash outsider who dares interfere,
```Or he'll find to his cost if he tries;
``That our flag's independence to each one is dear,
```For there's freedom where ever it flies.
````Then here's to thyself, thou dearly loved land,
`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
````Dizzy, Gladstone and Bright in one theme can
`````unite
````And sing, "Ho, for the land of the free!"=
``If the world's all upset, and war's terrors abound,
```And tott'ring thrones threaten to fall;
``Thy Lion on guard, keeps his watch all around,
```And his growl gives a warning to all.
``They have seen his mane bristle, and heard his deep
`````roar,
```And his grip, once felt, none will forget;
``And although he's grown older he's strong as of yore,
```And he's king of the world even yet!
````Then here's to thyself thou wee bonny land,
`````Here's a bumper, old England, to thee;
```Thou hast nothing to fear, whilst our hearts hold
`````thee dear
````Then "Hurrah! for the land of the free!"=
We stept ashore an' th' train wor waitin. Dover wor a strange place to
me but still it felt like hooam--aw gat into a comfortable carriage,
lained mi heead back o' th' cushin an' when aw wakkened we wor at
Lundun.
[Illustration: 0136]