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WVE discovered it to be a varry gooid plan nivver to write a letter
withaat rhyme or reason--If yo've gooid reason for it, fowk 'll nivver
care abaat th' rhyme, but if yo've noa reason, give'em some rhyme.=
```Dear Mally lass, awm fain to say
```Aw gate thy letter yesterday;
```It fun me weel as when aw started,
```Except for freeatin' 'coss we're parted.
```Ther's lots i' this strange place to see,
```But nowt at's hauf as dear to me,
```Wheariwer its mi fate to rooam;
```As that old lass'at's set at hooam.
```Awd come back bi th' next booat, but then
```Billy'd be looansome bi hissen;
```Aw want to keep him free thros bother,
```An' hand him safe back to his mother.=
```Aw think he's gettin cured at last,
```His stummack's mendin varry fast;
```An' ale!--its true lass what aw say,
```He doesnt sup a pint ith' day.
```He nivver has a bilious baat,
```Tho' aitin' moor withaat a daat,
```Awm savin all th' news till aw come,
```An' then tha'll see awst bring thi some;
```We meean to leeav here varry sooin,
```Aw think abaat next Mondy nooin;
```To find thi weel will mak me fain;
```Till then, believe me to remain,
```As oft befoor tha's heeard me tell,
```Thy faithful husband Sammywell.=
Bith' time shoo's managed to get throo that an' had a chonce to study
it ovver we shall be abaat at hooam, soa aw need'nt bother ony moor
wi letter writin. Aw went to th' pooast office an' paid 30 cents for a
stamp an' sent it off, an when aw gate back to whear awd left Billy, aw
fan him hard asleep an' th' sun shinin straight daan his throit. A claat
o' th' side o' th' heead wakkened him, an' he jumpt up to show feight
but th' seet o' mi umbrella nop quietened him an' as he saw whear he wor
an' who wor anent him he smiled an' sed, "A'a! is it thee Sammy? Aw wor
ommost droppin off!"
"Aw think tha had dropt off, but what are we to do wi ussen nah, for aw
mak nowt o' caarin here, let's have a walk."
"Ov coorse, awm sewer if tha thowt onnybody wor comfortable tha'd want
to disturb em, but tha may do as tha likes for it will'nt last long.
If awm spared to see yond bed o' mine agean awl have sich a sleep as
aw havnt had lately--start off wi thi an' get us booath lost an' then
tha'll be happy."
I' spite o' what Billy sed, aw knew he wor better pleeased to be walkin
abaat nor sittin still, soa we went up one street an' daan another until
we gate into one'at wor like what Bradford market wol twenty year sin,
nobbut aw nivver saw onny English market wi sich a show o' fruit. Ommost
ivvery-thing wor ticketed, an' that wor a gooid thing for us, an' we
booath on us enjoyed ussen to us heart's content. Ther wor nowt moor
cappin to Billy an' me nor th' amaant o' plums, an' peaches, an' sich
like stuff'at we put aght o' th' seet. If we'd etten quarter as mich at
hooam we should ha been ligged up for a wick at leeast, an' should ha
thowt we wor lucky if we wornt ligg'd under th' sod. We heeard a band
o' music strike up soa we went to see what wor to do, an' it wor a
circus,--an' they had ther bills printed i' booath French an' English
soa we thowt it ud be a nice way to spend th' afternooin an' we should
be able to see th' difference between an' English show an' a French
en. We wor just gooin in when a chap touched me o' th' shoolder an' sed
summat, but aw shook mi heead--"Anglish?" he sed.
"English throo Yorksher," aw sed.
"O, well, I can speek Anglish--the Anglish peeples have been var goot
to me, I vill be goot to dem. You going to de cirque? yaas; I have some
ticket; my vife is sick an cannot come and I vill sell dem to you for
hafe--only two franc de one, four franc de two."
"What are we to do Billy?"
"Buy em ov coorse if tha thinks it'll save owt."
Soa aw tuk em an' gave him four franc's an' then he shovd us each a bill
in us hand an' grinned an' lifted off his hat, "One franc each if you
plees gentlemons."
"Oh, be blowed!" aw sed, "tak em back we want nooan on em!" but he began
quaverin abaat an' gabberin away an' whewin his arms abaat wol we wor
sooin ith' middle ov a craad, soa Billy gave him th' two francs an' he
bowed an' smiled as perlite as if we'd been his long lost uncles come to
leeav him a fortun. We went up th' steps an' gave th' chap th' tickets
but he wornt for lettin us goa in. It wor noa use tawkin to him for he
could'nt understand a word we sed. Aw just began to smell a rat an' aw
whispers to Billy, "Aw believe we've been done."
"Done or net done," he sed, "Awm baan in!" an' i' hauf a second th'
chap flew wi his heead agean tother side o' th' passage an' Billy an' me
walked in. Th' show wor gooin on, just th' same as ony other circus for
owt aw could see, an' Billy stawped forrad an' made straight for th'
best seeat he could find empty an' aw stuck to him for aw thowt two
together in a row wor better nor one, an' aw unlawsed th' tape at wor
teed raand th' middle o' mi umberel so as to give it fair play an'
aw set waitin for th' rumpus. In a bit a dapper little chap comes an'
touches Billy o' th' shoolder an' mooationed him to follow, but he mud
as well ha tried to coax one o' th' pyramids o' Egypt; Billy nivver
stirred but sat starin at two chaps ith' ring at wor playin antics wi a
long powl. After a while th' same chap comes back wi other two, one on
em dressed up like a malishyman ith' awkard squad, an' he touched Billy,
but net just as gently as tother had done, but Billy nivver stirred, soa
this chap shoves past me an' seizes him bi th' collar, (which to say th'
leeast on it wor a fooilish thing to do until he'd calkilated th' weight
o' th' chap,) an' th' next minit he wor dooin a flyin lowp an' turned a
summerset into th' middle o' th' ring. This wor a performance'at they'd
nivver seen befoor an' th' audience all jumpt up an' th' chaps wi th'
powl threw it on th' sawdust an' lukt as capt as ony o' tothers. Billy
stood thear like a baited bull, waitin for th' next. Aw dooant know who
th' next wor but he did'nt show up. Aw could'nt help feelin a bit praad
o' Billy, an' altho' awm gettin into years aw grun mi teeth an' felt
detarmined at awd feight as long as a bit o' th' umberel ud hing
together. But it seemed at gooid luck had'nt forsaken us for one o' th'
actors coom up to us an as sooin as awd a gooid luk at his face aw
knew him in a minit, for awd seen th' same chap wi Pinder's circus i'
Bradforth, an' he knew me an' laffed wol aw wor feeard he'd braik his
middle garment, (aw dooant know what they call it, but its that'at they
sew spangles on an' devides ther legs from ther carcase,) an' aw tell'd
him what had takken place, an' he tell'd tother chaps an' then he sed
'he'd made it all right for us and we must wait for him when all was
over,' we promised we wod, an' aw felt a bit easier i' mi mind to
know'at we'd getten another o' awr side. Th' performance went on then,
but ther wor nowt in it different to what awd seen befoor an' we wor
booath pleeased when it wor ovver. Herr L------t wor as gooid as his
word an' wor sooin wi us, an' we walked aght withaat onybody mislestin
us. It seems'at we'd been duped, for th' tickets we'd bowt wor old
ens'at had been done away wi sin th' year befoor, an' when we showed
th' programes he laft harder nor ivver, an' he sed, one on em wor for
a theatre an' tother wor a bill o' fare for a cafe. We gat some
refreshments an' then Herr L----l left us an' we set off agean i' search
o' adventurs. Ther wor a craad raand a shop winder soa we went to see
what it wor. It wor a pictur'at filled th' whole o' th' winder, an' if
yo daat, as some fowk may, th' trewth o' what aw say, ax some o' yor
friends'at's been, an' if that will'nt satisfy, read what th' "Graphic"
correspondent says. It wor th' figure ov a woman, dressed ith' same
fashion'at Adam an' Eve wore befoor they sewed fig leeavs together. It
wor moor nor life size an' shoo wor shown standin on her heead, an' th'
artist had taen gooid care'at yo should'nt mistak it for a man. It
wor surraanded wi dumb-bells, indian clubs, an' different gymnastic
implements, an' aw wor informed after'at it wor an advertisement for a
taicher o' gymnastics an wor intended to show ha a woman's form could
be developed wi folloin his advice an' takkin lessons off him--"But," aw
sed, "dooant yo think its scandalous to have sich a thing exhibited in a
public street whear men, wimmen an' childer have to pass?"
"Oh, you see we have none of that false modesty here, that you English
people have. The very thing you object to has become one of the sights
of Paris and your own countrymen are as anxious to pay it a visit as any
others."
"Awm net gooin to say'at my countrymen are better nor yors, but this
aw will say,'at if yo consider what yo style their false modesty to be
their hypocrisy, aw hooap an' trust they'll continue to be hypocrites
an' to breed em as long as th' world lasts: for awd rayther have a chap
at tried to appear gooid, even if he isnt, nor one at'll flaunt his
brazen sin an wickedness i' yor face!"
It wor a grand relief to sit daan agean ith' cooil o' th' day an' sip
a drop o' coffee; (an' ther's noa mistak, they can mak coffee up to th'
mark,) ther wor just a gentle breeze an' fowk wor all awther lollin an'
takkin ther ease or else hurryin on to th' theatres. It ommost seems as
if pleasure wor ther livin, an' to a gurt extent aw suppooas it is. As
we'd been up all th' neet befoor we agreed to goa to bed i' gooid time
so as to be prepared for th' next day. We strolled along a rayther dark
an' narrow street till we coom to a door wi a row o' lamps ovver th'
top--fowk wor rollin in, an' bi th' bills we could manage to mak it aght
to be a sooart o' Variety Theatre. Havin a bit o' time to spare we went
in, an' it reminded me varry mich o' th' same sooart o' places at hooam.
It wor pretty well filled an' th' fowk seemed varry weel behaved, tho'
some o' th' men's faces wor ugly enough to freeten a child into a fit.
Th' band played some grand music, an' it wor a treat to hear "God save
the Queen," as a pairt on it. It seemed to have moor meanin nor awd
ivver known it to have befoor--Th' singers aw did'nt mak mich on,'ith'
furst place ther wor nobbut one on em'at had a voice ony moor musical
nor a penny trumpet, an' they shrugged ther shoolders an' twisted ther
faces an' stuck ther hands into sich shapes'at they lukt varry mich like
tryin to play th' fooil an' had'nt lent ha--One woman,--a strapper shoo
wor too--wi a voice as strong as a steam organ, an as sweet--coom
on drest to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo
shaated an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat,
an' altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an'
yell an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther
heeads, (if sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a
hullaballoo wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough
soa we pyked aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid
one another 'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it
ud be Sundy ith' mornin.
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