[Illustration: 9054]
OULEVARD des Italiens;--aw copied that off a gas-lamp. It's a grand
saandin name but it is'nt hauf as grand as th' street, (for it is nobbut
a street after all.)
When Billy an' me turned aght we lukt as spruce as two new scraped
carrots, an' we walked along th' street like as if we'd just come into
one fortun an' wor expectin another. It wor a lively lukkin seet, varry
nearly ivvery other door wor a Cafe or a resterant or a saloon, an' ith'
front on'em all wor little tables an' cheers an' chaps wor sittin an'
chattin an' laffin just as if they'd been i' ther own hooams, an' ther
wor one thing at aw could'nt but admire an' that wor,'at they had ther
wives an' ther sisters an' ther dowters wi'em, an' altho' we could'nt
tell owt they sed, it wor easy to tell at they wor all enjoyin thersen.
We walked along, starin at all abaat us, for ther wor a deeal at wor
strange to us. Th' gas-lamps all seemed to grow aght o' sentry boxes,
an' they wor leeted up like lanterns an' wor turned into newspaper or
cigar shops, an' th' leets throo th' winders made all seem as breet as
day ommost. Even Billy seemed satisfied wi it.
But we sooin gat to whear it wor breeter still, an' lukkin up at th'
corner ov a buildin' aw saw we'd getten to th' Champs Elysees, an' what
th' Elysees is, is unknown to me, but thaasands o' gas jets wor blazing
away an' thaasands o' fowk wor sittin enjoyin ther drink an' ther smook
or strollin on, chattin an' laffin, as if th' world an' them wor
varry gooid friends. We went wi th' stream an' sooin fan ussen i' th'
Tuileries Gardens, whear bands o' music wor playin an' th' faantens wor
workin, an' th' lamps wor moor plentiful nor ivver. Aw wor enjoyin misen
furst rate, an' aw knew Billy must be for he'd nivver grummeld once an'
he wor soa takken up wi things abaat him wol he'd forgetten to get dry,
an' it wornt until aw wanted a leek on misen'at he bethowt him he'd a
maath. It wor strange to me to see him suppin his caffy-o-'lay, (yo see
awm leearnin French) asteead ov his pint o' ale, an' aw tell'd him soa,
"When yo're i' Rum yo mun do as th' Rummens do," he sed, "an' aw dooant
think at th' ale is quite as gooid here as it wor at hooam!" We strolled
on until we saw summat breeter an' moor glitterin nor all else an' we
made for that. Aw thowt it wor a triumphal arch'at had been put up for
some famous chap to goa throo, an' aw straitened mi shirt collar an'
shooldered mi umberel an' walked wi as mich dignity as aw could, but it
wor noa use jfor we had to pay to goa in. A'a! but it wor a grand spot!
It wor unlike owt awd ivver seen befoor! aw've heeard fowk tawk abaat
fairy land, but fairy land wor a fooil to it--faantens an' flaars an'
coloured lamps ivverywhear an' ith' middle on it all wor a stage for
doncin, an' a band o' mewsic. As we wor lukkin at it a chap comes up
an' says, "Billy, Billy," an aw nivver saw Billy luk as capt i' mi life.
"Tha knows mi name," he sed, "but awm blessed if aw can tell whear aw've
met thi befoor," an' he held aght his hand to shake hands wi him an'
as sooin as he did this, th' chap shoved him a ticket into it an' stood
waitin' Aw saw ther wor a mistak somewhear, soa aw tuk one an' gave
th' chap a franc an' he left us, an' then aw saw at they wer nobbut
programmes for th' Jardin Mabille. Th' music struck up, th' doncin stage
wor sooin full o' fowk, (an' some o' th' grandest young wimmen aw ivver
saw i' mi life; nay, they lukt ommost too grand for owt but angels,) an'
ther wor hundreds standin raand to watch'em, an' Billy an' me wor ith'
front row. It wor a dazzlin seet, one aw shall nivver forget, but one
such as aw hooap nivver to see agean. Aw dooant believe th' pen's been
made yet at i' th' cliverest hand could tell what that wor like. It wor
indescribable! an' aw may as well let it pass withaat makkin an' attempt
at it; but if all th' fiends i' Hell had stown heavenly shapes an'
played such shameless pranks, Satan wod ha turned away an' blushed for
em. An' yet, this wor done ith' front o' weel dressed men an'
wimmen, some on'em wi ther sons an' dowters standin by,--young, an'
innocent;--will ther innocence aghtlive ther youth? Awm feeard net.
An' soa that's what all theas blazin leets an' flaars an' faantens an'
temples is for. A glitterin frame to a filthy picter! a string o' jewels
to hide a festerin sooar! hide! did aw say? Nay, net soa! but to deck;
an' bi that means to thrust th' looathsum cancer in yer face an'
seek for admiration, an' applause for that which makes ivvery drop o'
virtuous blooid i' yor body stop in its coarse an' hurry back to th'
inmost chamber o' yor heart to mourn ovver th' deeath o' ther sister,
Modesty.
We stopt wol we thowt we'd seen enuff (aw thowt we'd seen too mich,)
an' then we turned to-ward's 'Hooam, Sweet Hooam,' (tho' yo can cut
th' middle word aght an' net loise mich o' th' trewth,) an' when we gat
thear we pyked off to us beds, rare an' fain'at we'd beds to goa to,
for we wor just abaat done up. Aw slept varry weel considerin', tho'
aw dreamt a gooid bit, an' mi dreams worn't as pleasant as aw could ha
liked em, for all th' neet long aw fancied at aw wor runnin' as hard as
aw could to get aght o' th' gate o' awr Mally, an' shoo wor after me wi
th' pooaker i' one hand to knock me daan, an' th' bellus ith' tother
to blow me up, an' fowk a booath sides wor scageift me wi ladies heigh
heeld booits, silk stockin's an' stuff, an' when aw wakkened aw
wor thankful to find at aw wor at a safe distance throo em all, an'
especially Mally. But ther wor a fearful row gooin on i' th' next raam
to mine, an' aw wor a bit befoor aw could reight reckon it up, but when
aw bethowt me at that wor whear Billy slept, aw jumpt aght o' bed as if
ther'd been a whut cinder under me an' flew to see what wor to do. It
wor a rare gooid job aw went, for if aw had'nt, one o' them two wod ha
been tried for manslufter, an' it wod'nt ha been Billy. Nah, awve monny
a time nooaticed what an' amaant o' courage ther is in a pair o' booits
an' a pair o' britches, for aw nivver yet met a brave man when in his
shirt an nowt else--let a chap have his booits an' his britches on, an'
he'll run th' risk o' havin' a bullet sent throo his heead or his heart,
but ther's net monny at'll goa bare fooit an' run th' risk o' havin'
ther corns trodden on. Well, when aw jumpt aght o' th' arms o' Morpheus,
aw did'nt stop to put owt on, an' when aw gate into th' next hoil an'
went daan onto mi knees to seperate Billy an' another chap, aw lukt
varry mich like what th' infant Sammywell wod ha lukt like at my age if
they'd dressed him ith' same fashion as aw've allusseen him pictured in
as a child. Nah, ther's an' owd sayin' at one Englishman is equal to
two Frenchmen at ony time--but like a lot moor o' th' old sayins it
isnt true, for there are times when one Frenchman can bother a couple o'
Yorkshermen, (an' they're English if onybody is,) an' this happened to
be a case in point; an' ther's noa daat he'd ha lickt us booath if he'd
takken us booath at once, but when aw started o' him he left Billy an'
stuck to me, an' as we wor rollin' on th' floor Billy lukt aght for a
chonce, an' sat him daan fair on his shirt front, an' that settled him.
If he'd been seized wi th' neet-mare he wod'nt ha been hauf as helpless,
as he wor under Billy's horse weight. My ovver coit (aw call it ovver
coit for it wor all aw had ovver me, an' nah it wor all ovver wi it,)
hung raand me like strings o' tape, an' aw borrowed a sheet off Billy's
bed to wind raand me, tho' aw did'nt like th' idea ov a windin' sheet;
but Mally's allusdrilled noations o' daycency into me, an' aw knew
shoo'd forgie me a deeal sooiner for gooin to th' Exhibition nor for
makkin one. When Billy had getten his puff, (an' bi that time th' chap
he wor sittin on had lost his,) he began to explain matters. "What does
ta think?" he sed, "when aw wor asleep i' bed this mornin', this black
muzzled, Kay-legged Payris chap coom into my raam, an' when aw wakkened
up he wor marchin away wi mi britches, an' all mi brass is ith' pockets,
an' when aw lawped aght o' bed to stop him he grinned an' gabbered away
as mich as to say at awd promised to give em him th' neet coom on drest
to represent Liberty--republican liberty aw mean,--an' shoo shaated
an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an'
altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell
an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if
sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo
wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked
aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another
'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy
ith' mornin."
[Illustration: 0061]
DIMANCHE.
[Illustration: 9061]
VEN i' Payris day seems to braik moor softly o' th' Sabbath nor ony
other day i' th' wick, an' th' burds tune ther throats to a mellower
nooat, an' th' sun seems to kiss old mother Eearth moor lovingly,
an' th' trees wave ther branches wi' a slower, statelier nod, as they
whisper to each other an' to ivverything araand, "It s Sunday." It may
nobbut be a fancy, but it's one o' them fancies aw favor, an' i' th'
time o' bits o' upsets an' bother, (an' aw get mi' share same as th'
rest o' fowk,) aw fall back o' that inner chaymer whear aw've stoored
up pleasant memories an fond con-caits an' find a comfort i' livin for a
while amang mi fancies an' mi follies. When aw gat daan to mi braikfast
Billy wor waitin', an' aw could see'at Sundy made a difference even to
him. His shirt neck lukt stiffer, an' he'd put a extra dooas o' tutty on
his top-pin', an' he'd treated hissen to a shave for th furst time sin
he'd left hooam, an' when he bid me gooid clothes early in the morning
an' brush them and bring them back, he's the valet de chambre.
"Aw want nawther hills nor vallies i' my chaymer an' if awd been i' mi
own haase awst ha gien him his mornin's fisick aglri ov a blunderbus,
an' he'd nivver come for a second dooas. But aw should feel varry mich
obleeged to yo if yo'd order theas fowk aght o' this hoil, th' wimmen
espescially, an' then if ther's owt wrang, as sooin as awm weshed an'
donned awst be ready to answer for it."
"Oh, that's no matter," he sed, "the women here think nothing about it."
"Happen net,--but that's noa reason aw should'nt." Soa th' maister
turned raand an' tell'd em all ha ther'd been a mistak an' after laffin
a bit, they pitied us an' coom to stroke us daan as if we'd been a
couple o' cannibals at had swollered a missionary in a mistak', an' wor
to be sympathised wi, becoss we knew noa better. An' if Billy had been
a cannibal he could'nt ha been moor savage nor he wor when one old woman
wi a face like a dried caah blether, went an' shoved her maath under his
nooas an' gave him sich a dooas o' onions'at that an' a bit o' liver wod
ha done for his braik-fast.
Th' maister made us understand at it ud be better to give em a trifle
just to save ony bother, soa Billy gate his britches an' pooled aght a
handful o' silver an' held it for him to help hissen, but he nobbut tuk
aght one france an' gave it to one o' th' police'at awd fancied wor a
sodger, an' he held it up for em all to see, an' they went aght smilin
an' makkin bows an' droppin curtsey's as if we wor kings.--Thinks aw, a
little brass gooas a long way here, for if yod to give a shillin to two
chaps at hooam, one on em ud be sewer to turn raand an ax if yo intended
that for em booath.
We made a hearty braikfast after all wor squared up an' then we began
to plan ha to spend th' day, just then th' pooastman coom in an' after
starin at me for a minit, he gave me a letter--When aw saw th' envelop
aw did'nt wonder at him lukkin a bit hard at me, for it wor throo Mally
an' shoo's a way ov her own wi mooast things, an' as shoo knew at
Sammywell Grimes' wor English, an' varry likely could'nt be understood
bi forriners, shoo'd cut mi pictur off th' back o' one o' th' "Seets i'
Lundun," an' pasted it on, an' had written undernaith
"Public Haase,
Payris."
[Illustration: 0064]