Sam, who was in his best black and stiffest white tie, consequent upon
"the doctor" having company to dinner that evening, had just come out of
the dining-room of the dingy house in Wimpole Street, carrying a
mahogany tray full of dish covers, when cook opened the glass door at
the top of the kitchen stairs, thrust her head into the hall, looked
eagerly at Sam, as she stood fanning her superheated face with her
apron, and said--
"Well?"
There was a folding pair of trestles standing ready, and Sam placed the
tray upon them, raised a white damask napkin from where it hung over his
arm, and was about to wipe his perspiring forehead with it, when cook
exclaimed sharply--
"Sam!"
"Forgot," said that gentleman, and he replaced the napkin upon his arm
and took out a clean pocket-handkerchief, did what was necessary, and
then repeated cook's word--
"Well?"
"Did they say anything about the veal cutlets?"
"No," said Sam, shaking his head.
"Nor yet about the curry?"
"No. And they didn't say a word about the soup, nor half a word about
the fish."
"My chycest gravy soup, _ar lar prin temps_" said cook bitterly, "and
_filly de sole mater de hotel_. One might just as well be cutting chaff
for horses. I don't see any use in toiling and moiling over the things
as I do. Mr Landon's just as bad as master, every bit. I don't
believe either of 'em's got a bit o' taste. Hot as everything was,
too!"
"Spesherly the plates," said Sam solemnly. "Burnt one of my fingers
when the napkin slipped."
"Then you should have took care. What's a dinner unless the plates and
dishes are hot?"
"What, indeed?" said Sam; "but they don't take no notice of anything.
My plate looked lovely, you could see your face out o' shape in every
spoon; and I don't believe they even saw the eighteen-pen'orth o'
flowers on the table."
"Savages! that's what they are," said cook. "But they did eat the
things."
"Yes, they pecked at 'em, but they was talking all the time."
"About my cooking?"
"Not they! The doctor was talking about a surgical case he had been to
see at the hospital. Something about a soldier as had been walking
about for three years with a bit of broken spear stuck in him out in the
Soudan."
"Ugh!" grunted cook, with a shudder of disgust. "That was over the veal
cutlets," said Sam thoughtfully.
"And what did Mr Landon say? He ought to have known better than to
talk about such 'orrid stuff over his meals."
"Him?" said Sam, with a grin of contempt; "why, he's worse than master."
"He couldn't be, Sam."
"Couldn't? But he is. Master does talk about live people as he does
good to. Mr Landon don't. He began over the curry."
"Made with best curry paste too, and with scraped cocoanut, a squeeze of
lemon, a toemarter, and some slices of apple in, just as old Colonel
Cartelow taught me hisself. Talk about throwing pearls! And pray what
did Mr Landon talk about?"
"Mummies."
"Ugh!" ejaculated cook. "I saw some of 'em once, at the British Museum;
but never no more! The idea of bringing a mummy on to a dinner-table!"
"Ah," said Sam, "it's a good job, old lady, that you don't hear all that
I do."
"So I suppose," said cook, with a snort. "And he calls hisself a
professor!"
"No, no, he don't, old lady. It's other people calls him a professor,
and I suppose he is a very clever man."
"I don't hold with such clever people. I like folks as are clever
enough to understand good cooking. Professor, indeed! I should like to
professor him!"
"Well, master's no better," said Sam. "Look at the trouble I have with
him to keep him decent. If I didn't watch him he'd put on anything. I
can't even keep a book out of his hand when I'm cutting his hair. Only
yesterday he gives a duck down to cut the leaf of his book just at an
awk'ard moment, and of course in goes the point of the scissors."
"Serve him right!" said cook.
"And what do you think he said?"
"Oh, don't ask me."
"Nothing; and I dabbed the place and put a bit o' black court-plaister
on his ear, and I don't hardly believe he even knew of it."
"I'm not surprised," said cook indignantly. "Them two read and read
till they're a pair of regular old scribums. Anyone would think they
were old ancient men instead of being--How old is master?"
"Six years older than me."
"And you're six-and-twenty."
"Yes."
"And a fine, handsome man too."
"Thankye, cook," said Sam, smiling.
"Get out! I don't mean you. Master. How old's the professor?"
"Oh, he's thirty-five," said Sam, in rather a disappointed tone.
"And looks it," said cook. "Well, I wish he'd go abroad again to his
nasty grave-digging in the sands, and then praps master would have
decent people to dine with him. Oh! There's the front bell."
Cook dived down into the lower regions, and Sam opened the folding inner
doors to go and answer the street door bell, frowning the while.
"Wanted for some patient," he muttered sourly. "I do wish people would
have their accidents at decent times."