EILEEN. No. (_After a moment's hesitation._) I wrote to him this
afternoon.
MURRAY. Him?
EILEEN. The letter you've been advising me to write.
MURRAY (_as if the knowledge of this alarmed him--haltingly_). You
mean--Fred Nicholls?
EILEEN. Yes.
MURRAY (_after a pause--uncomfortably_). You mean--you broke it all
off?
EILEEN. Yes--for good. (_She looks up at his averted face. He remains
silent. She continues apprehensively._) You don't say anything. I
thought--you'd be glad. You've always told me it was the honourable
thing to do.
MURRAY (_gruffly_). I know. I say more than my prayers, damn it! (_With
sudden eagerness._) Have you mailed the letter yet?
EILEEN. Yes. Why?
MURRAY (_shortly_). Humph. Oh--nothing.
EILEEN (_with pained disappointment_). Oh, Stephen, you don't think I
did wrong, do you--now--after all you've said?
MURRAY (_hurriedly_). Wrong? No, not if you were convinced it was the
right thing to do yourself--if you know you don't love him. But I'd
hate to think you did it just on my advice. I shouldn't---- I didn't
mean to interfere. I don't know enough about your relations for my
opinion to count.
EILEEN (_hurt_). You know all there is to know.
MURRAY. I didn't mean--anything like that. I know you've been frank.
But him--I don't know him. How could I, just meeting him once? He may
be quite different from my idea. That's what I'm getting at. I don't
want to be unfair to him.
EILEEN (_bitterly scornful_). You needn't worry. You weren't unfair.
And you needn't be afraid you were responsible for my writing. I'd been
going to for a long time before you ever spoke.
MURRAY (_with a relieved sigh_). I'm glad of that--honestly, Eileen. I
felt guilty. I shouldn't have knocked him behind his back without
knowing him at all.
EILEEN. You said you could read him like a book from his letters I
showed you.
MURRAY (_apologetically_). I know. I'm a fool.
EILEEN (_angrily_). What makes you so considerate of Fred Nicholls all
of a sudden? What you thought about him was right.
MURRAY (_vaguely_). I don't know. One makes mistakes.
EILEEN (_assertively_). Well, I know! You needn't waste pity on him.
He'll be only too glad to get my letter. He's been anxious to be free
of me ever since I was sent here, only he thought it wouldn't be decent
to break it off himself while I was sick. He was afraid of what people
would say about him when they found it out. So he's just gradually
stopped writing and coming for visits, and waited for me to realise.
And if I didn't, I know he'd have broken it off himself the first day I
got home. I've kept persuading myself that, in spite of the way he's
acted, he did love me as much as he could love anyone, and that it
would hurt him if I---- But now I know that he never loved me, that he
couldn't love anyone but himself. Oh, I don't hate him for it. He can't
help being what he is. And all people seem to be--like that, mostly.
I'm only going to remember that he and I grew up together, and that he
was kind to me then when he thought he liked me--and forget all the
rest. (_With agitated impatience._) Oh, Stephen, you know all this I've
said about him. Why don't you admit it? You've read his letters.
MURRAY (_haltingly_). Yes, I'll admit that was my opinion--only I
wanted to be sure you'd found out for yourself.
EILEEN (_defiantly_). Well, I have! You see that now, don't you?
MURRAY. Yes; and I'm glad you're free of him, for your own sake. I knew
he wasn't the person. (_With an attempt at a joking tone._) You must
get one of the right sort--next time.
EILEEN (_springing to her feet with a cry of pain_). Stephen!
(_He avoids her eyes, which search his face pleadingly._)
MURRAY (_mumbling_). He wasn't good enough--to lace your shoes--nor
anyone else, either.
EILEEN (_with a nervous laugh_). Don't be silly. (_After a pause,
during which she waits hungrily for some word from him--with a sigh of
despair--faintly._) Well, I've told you--all there is. I might as well
go back.
MURRAY (_not looking at her--indistinctly_). Yes. You mustn't lose too
much sleep. I'll come to your cottage in the morning to say good-bye.
They'll permit that, I guess.
EILEEN (_stands looking at him imploringly, her face convulsed with
anguish, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the rocks at his feet. Finally
she seems to give up and takes a few uncertain steps up the road
towards the right--in an exhausted whisper_). Good night, Stephen.
MURRAY (_his voice choked and husky_). Good night, Eileen.
EILEEN (_walks weakly up the road, but, as she passes the signpost, she
suddenly stops and turns to look again at_ Murray, _who has not moved
or lifted his eyes. A great shuddering sob shatters her pent-up
emotions. She runs back to_ Murray, _her arms outstretched, with a
choking cry_). Stephen!
MURRAY (_startled, whirls to face her and finds her arms thrown around
his neck--in a terrified tone_). Eileen!
EILEEN (_brokenly_). I love you, Stephen--you! That's what I wanted to
tell!
(_She gazes up into his eyes, her face transfigured by the joy
and pain of this abject confession._)
MURRAY (_wincing as if this were the thing he had feared to hear_).
Eileen!
EILEEN (_pulling down his head with fierce strength and kissing him
passionately on the lips_). I love you! I will say it! There! (_With
sudden horror._) Oh, I know I shouldn't kiss you! I mustn't! You're
all well--and I----
MURRAY (_protesting frenziedly_). Eileen! Damn it! Don't say that! What
do you think I am!
(_He kisses her fiercely two or three times until she forces a
hand over her mouth._)
EILEEN (_with a hysterically happy laugh_). No! Just hold me in your
arms--just a little while--before----
MURRAY (_his voice trembling_). Eileen! Don't talk that way!
You're--it's killing me. I can't stand it!
EILEEN (_with soothing tenderness_). Listen, dear--listen--and you
won't say a word--I've so much to say--till I get through--please, will
you promise?
MURRAY (_between clinched teeth_). Yes--anything, Eileen!
EILEEN. Then I want to say--I know your secret. You don't love
me--Isn't that it? (Murray _groans._) Sssh! It's all right, dear. You
can't help what you don't feel. I've guessed you didn't--right along.
And I've loved you--such a long time now--always, it seems. And you've
sort of guessed--that I did--didn't you? No, don't speak! I'm sure
you've guessed--only you didn't want to know--that--did you?--when you
didn't love me. That's why you were lying--but I saw, I knew! Oh, I'm
not blaming you, darling. How could I--never! You mustn't look so--so
frightened. I know how you felt, dear. I've--I've watched you. It was
just a flirtation for you at first. Wasn't it? Oh, I know. It was just
fun, and---- Please don't look at me so. I'm not hurting you, am I? I
wouldn't for worlds, dear--you know--hurt you! And then afterwards--you
found we could be such good friends--helping each other--and you wanted
it to stay just like that always, didn't you?--I know--and then I had
to spoil it all--and fall in love with you--didn't I? Oh, it was
stupid--I shouldn't--I couldn't help it, you were so kind and--and
different--and I wanted to share in your work and--and everything. I
knew you wouldn't want to know I loved you--when you didn't--and I
tried hard to be fair and hide my love so you wouldn't see--and I did,
didn't I, dear? You never knew till just lately--maybe not till just
to-day--did you?--when I knew you were going away so soon--and couldn't
help showing it. You never knew before, did you? Did you?
MURRAY (_miserably_). No. Oh, Eileen--Eileen, I'm so sorry!
EILEEN (_in heart-broken protest_). Sorry? Oh, no, Stephen, you mustn't
be! It's been beautiful--all of it--for me! That's what makes your
going--so hard. I had to see you to-night--I'd have gone--crazy--if I
didn't know you knew, if I hadn't made you guess. And I thought--if you
knew about my writing to Fred--that--maybe--it'd make some difference.
(Murray _groans--and she laughs hysterically._) I must have been
crazy--to think that--mustn't I? As if that could--when you don't love
me. Sshh! Please! Let me finish. You mustn't feel sad--or anything.
It's made me happier than I've ever been--loving you--even when I did
know--you didn't. Only now--you'll forgive me telling you all this,
won't you, dear? Now, it's so terrible to think I won't see you any
more. I'll feel so--without anybody.
MURRAY (_brokenly_). But I'll--come back. And you'll be out soon--and
then----
EILEEN (_brokenly_). Sshh! Let me finish. You don't know how alone I am
now. Father--he'll marry that housekeeper--and the children--they've
forgotten me. None of them need me any more. They've found out how to
get on without me--and I'm a drag--dead to them--no place for me home
any more--and they'll be afraid to have me back--afraid of catching--I
know she won't want me back. And Fred--he's gone--he never mattered,
anyway. Forgive me, dear--worrying you--only I want you to know how
much you've meant to me--so you won't forget--ever--after you've gone.
MURRAY (_in grief-stricken tones_). Forget? Eileen! I'll do anything in
God's world----
EILEEN. I know--you like me a lot even if you can't love me--don't you?
(_His arms tighten about her as he bends down and forces a kiss on her
lips again._) Oh, Stephen! That was for good-bye. You mustn't come
to-morrow morning. I couldn't bear having you--with people watching.
But you'll write after--often--won't you? (_Heart-brokenly._) Oh,
please do that, Stephen!
MURRAY. I will! I swear! And when you get out I'll--we'll--I'll find
something. (_He kisses her again._)
EILEEN (_breaking away from him with a quick movement and stepping back
a few feet_). Good-bye, darling. Remember me--and perhaps--you'll find
out after a time--I'll pray God to make it so! Oh, what am I saying?
Only--I'll hope--I'll hope--till I die!
MURRAY (_in anguish_). Eileen!
EILEEN (_her breath coming in tremulous heaves of her bosom_).
Remember, Stephen--if ever you want--I'll do anything--anything you
want--no matter what--I don't care--there's just you and--don't hate
me, dear. I love you--love you--remember! (_She suddenly turns and runs
away up the road._)
MURRAY. Eileen! (_He starts to run after her, but stops by the signpost
and stamps on the ground furiously, his fists clenched in impotent rage
at himself and at fate. He curses hoarsely._) Christ!