BETTY. [_Through her laughter, choking._] Hector, Hector! Conventional
situations! The usual stodge! The lover and husband! You goose, you
wonderful old goose!
[WALTER, _with a mighty effort, has pulled himself together, and
roars with laughter too. He jumps up._ HECTOR _is standing there
blinking, paralysed._
WALTER. [_Merrily, to_ BETTY.] Oh really, you shouldn't. You've given it
away too soon!
BETTY. Too soon! He'd have strangled us. Did you ever see such a tiger?
WALTER. [_Chuckling hugely._] He didn't give the lover much chance to
stand up to him, did he?
BETTY. And _wasn't_ he original! Dog, hound, villain, traitor!
WALTER. To say nothing of Jezebel! Though, between ourselves, I think he
meant Messalina!
BETTY. And I was to go into the street. But he did let me fill my bag!
WALTER. I think the playwrights come out on top, I do indeed. [_He goes
to_ HECTOR, _and stands to left of him._] Hector, old chap, here's the
letter!
BETTY. [_Going to the other side of_ HECTOR, _and dropping a low
curtsey._] And please, Mr. Husband, was it to be a big bag, or a small
bag, and might I have taken the silver teapot?
[HECTOR _has been standing there stupid, dazed, dumbfounded, too
bewildered for his mind to act or thoughts to come to him; he
suddenly bursts into a roar of Titanic, overwhelming laughter. He
laughs, and laughs, staggers to the sofa, falls on it, rocks and
roars till the tears roll down his cheeks. He sways from side to
side, unable to control himself--his laughter is so colossal that
the infection catches the others; theirs becomes genuine too._
BETTY. [_With difficulty, trying to control herself._] The letter! Old
Gillingham! "His name, scoundrel, his name!"
WALTER. [_Gurgling._] With his hand at my throat! Sit there, villain, and
write!
BETTY. "I'll deal with _you_ presently! Wait till I've finished with
_him!_"
WALTER. "Into the street!" At least, they _do_ usually say "into the
night!"
HECTOR. [_Rubbing his eyes and panting for breath._] Oh, you pair of
blackguards! Too bad--no, really too bad! It was! I fell in, I did! Oh,
Lord, oh, Lord, what a nightmare! But it wasn't right, really it
wasn't--no really! My Lord, how I floundered--head and shoulders--
swallowed it all! Comes of reading that muck every day--never stopped to
think! I didn't! Walter, old chap! [_He holds out his hand._] Betty! My
poor Betty! [_He draws her towards him._] The things I said to you!
BETTY. [_Carelessly eluding the caress._] At least admit that you're
rather hard on the playwriting people!
HECTOR. [_Getting up and shaking himself._] Oh, they be blowed! Well, you
_have_ had a game with me! [_He shakes himself again._] Brrrrr! Oh, my
Lord! What I went through!
BETTY. It _was_ a lark! you should have seen yourself! Your eyes starting
out of your head! You looked like a murderer!