Whenever they talk of him, whom I will call "Noulens"--of his novels,
his method, the eccentricities of his talent--someone is sure to say,
"But what comrades, he and his wife!"--you are certain to hear it. And
as often as I hear it myself, I think of what he told me that evening
--I remember the shock I had.
At the beginning, I had expected little. When I went in, his wife said,
"I fear he will be poor company; he has to write a short story for
_La Voix,_ and cannot find a theme--he has been beating his brains
all day." So far, from anticipating emotions, I had proposed dining
there another night instead, but she would not allow me to leave.
"Something you say may suggest a theme to him," she declared, "and he
can write or dictate the story in an hour, when you have gone."
So I stayed, and after dinner he lay on the sofa, bewailing the fate
that had made him an author. The salon communicated with his study, and
through the open door he had the invitation of his writing-table--the
little sheaf of paper that she had put in readiness for him, the
lighted lamp, the pile of cigarettes. I knew that she hoped the view
would stimulate him, but it was soon apparent that he had ceased to
think of a story altogether. He spoke of one of the latest murders in
Paris, one sensational enough for the Paris Press to report a murder
prominently--of a conference at the Université des Annales, of the
artistry of Esther Lekain, of everything except his work. Then, in the
hall, the telephone bell rang, and madame Noulens rose to receive the
message. "Allô! Allô!"
She did not come back. There was a pause, and presently he murmured:
"I wonder if a stranger has been moved to telephone a plot to me?"
"What?" I said.
"It sounds mad, hein? But it once happened--on just such a night as
this, when my mind was just as blank. Really! Out of the silence a
woman told me a beautiful story. Of course, I never used it, nor do I
know if she made use of it herself; but I have never forgotten. For
years I could not hear a telephone bell without trembling. Even now,
when I am working late, I find myself hoping for her voice."
"The story was so wonderful as that?"
He threw a glance into the study, as if to assure himself that his wife
had not entered it from the hall.
"Can you believe that a man may learn to love--tenderly and truly love
--a woman he has never met?" he asked me.
"I don't think I understand you."
"There has been only one woman in my life who was all in all to me," he
said--"and I never saw her."
How was I to answer? I looked at him.
"After all, what is there incredible in it?" he demanded. "Do we give
our love to a face, or to a temperament? I swear to you that I could
not have known that woman's temperament more intimately if we had made
our confidences in each other's arms. I knew everything of her, except
the trifles which a stranger learns in the moment of being presented--
her height, her complexion, her name, whether she was married or
single. No, those things I never knew. But her tastes, her sympathies,
her soul, these, the secret truths of the woman, were as familiar to me
as to herself."
He hesitated.
"I am in a difficulty. If I seem to disparage my wife, I shall be a
cad; if I let you think we have been as happy together as people
imagine, you will not understand the importance of what I am going to
tell you. I will say this: before our honeymoon was over, I bored her
fearfully. While we were engaged, I had talked to her of my illusions
about herself; when we were married, I talked to her of my convictions
about my art. The change appalled her. She was chilled, crushed,
dumfounded. I looked to her to share my interests. For response, she
yawned--and wept.
"Oh, her tears! her hourly tears! the tears that drowned my love!
"The philosopher is made, not born; in the first few years I rebelled
furiously. I wanted a companion, a confidant, and I had never felt so
desperately alone.
"We had a flat in the rue de Sontay then, and the telephone was in my
workroom. One night late, as I sat brooding there, the bell startled
me; and a voice--a woman's voice, said:
"'I am so lonely; I want to talk to you before I sleep.'
"I cannot describe the strangeness of that appeal, reaching me so
suddenly out of the distance. I knew that it was a mistake, of course,
but it was as if, away in the city, some nameless soul had echoed the
cry in my own heart. I obeyed an impulse; I said:
"'I, too, am very lonely--I believe I have been waiting for you.'
"There was a pause, and then she asked, dismayed:
"'Who are you?'
"'Not the man you thought,' I told her. 'But a very wistful one.'
"I heard soft laughter, 'How absurd!' she murmured.
"'Be merciful,' I went on; 'we are both sad, and Fate clearly intends
us to console each other. It cannot compromise you, for I do not even
know who you are. Stay and talk to me for five minutes.'
"'What do you ask me to talk about?'
"'Oh, the subject to interest us both--yourself.'
"After a moment she answered, 'I am shaking my head.'
"'It is very unfeeling of you,' I said. 'And I have not even the
compensation of seeing you do it.'
"Imagine another pause, and then her voice in my ear again:
"'I will tell you what I can do for you--I can tell you a story.'
"'The truth would please me more,' I owned. 'Still, if my choice must
be made between your story and your silence, I certainly choose the
story.'
"'I applaud your taste,' she said. 'Are you comfortable--are you
sitting down?'
"I sat down, smiling. 'Madame--'
"She did not reply.
"Then, 'Mademoiselle--'
"Again no answer.
"'Well, say at least if I have your permission to smoke while I listen
to you?'
"She laughed: 'You carry courtesy far!'
"'How far?' I asked quickly.
"But she would not even hint from what neighbourhood she was speaking
to me. 'Attend!' she commanded--and began:
"'It is a story of two lovers,' she said, 'Paul and Rosamonde. They
were to have married, but Rosamonde died too soon. When she was dying,
she gave him a curl of the beautiful brown hair that he used to kiss.
"Au revoir, dear love," she whispered; "it will be very stupid in
Heaven until you come. Remember that I am waiting for you and be
faithful. If your love for me fades, you will see that curl of mine
fade too."
"'Every day through the winter Paul strewed flowers on her tomb, and
sobbed. And in the spring he strewed flowers and sighed. And in the
summer he paid that flowers might be strewn there for him. Sometimes,
when he looked at the dead girl's hair, he thought that it was paler
than it had been, but, as he looked at it seldom now, he could easily
persuade himself that he was mistaken.
"'Then he met a woman who made him happy again; and the wind chased the
withered flowers from Rosamonde's grave and left it bare. One day
Paul's wife found a little packet that lay forgotten in his desk. She
opened it jealously, before he could prevent her. Paul feared that the
sight would give her pain, and watched her with anxious eyes. But in a
moment she was laughing. "What an idiot I am," she exclaimed--"I was
afraid that it was the hair of some girl you had loved!" The curl was
snow-white.'
"Her fantastic tale," continued Noulens, "which was told with an
earnestness that I cannot reproduce, impressed me very much. I did not
offer any criticism, I did not pay her any compliment; I said simply:
"'Who are you?'
"'That,' she warned me, 'is a question that you must not ask. Well, are
you still bored?'
"'No.'
"'Interested, a little?'
"'Very much so.'
"'I, too, am feeling happier than I did. And now, bonsoir!'
"'Wait,' I begged. 'Tell me when I shall speak to you again.'
"She hesitated; and I assure you that I had never waited for a woman's
answer with more suspense while I held her hand, than I waited for the
answer of this woman whom I could not see. 'To-morrow?' I urged. 'In
the morning?'
"'In the morning it would be difficult.'
"'The afternoon?'
"'In the afternoon it would be impossible,'
"'Then the evening--at the same hour?'
"'Perhaps,' she faltered--'if I am free.'
"'My number,' I told her, 'is five-four-two, one-nine. Can you write it
now?'
"'I have written it.'
"'Please repeat, so that there may be no mistake.'
"'Five-four-two, one-nine. Correct?'
"'Correct. I am grateful.'
"'Good-night.'
"'Good-night. Sleep well.'
"You may suppose that on the morrow I remembered the incident with a
smile, that I ridiculed the emotion it had roused in me? You would be
wrong. I recalled it more and more curiously: I found myself looking
forward to the appointment with an eagerness that was astonishing. We
had talked for about twenty minutes, hidden from each other--half
Paris, perhaps, dividing us; I had nothing more tangible to expect this
evening. Yet I experienced all the sensations of a man who waits for an
interview, for an embrace. What did it mean? I was bewildered. The
possibility of love at first sight I understood; but might the spirit
also recognise an affinity by telephone?
"There is a phrase in feuilletons that had always irritated me--'To his
impatience it seemed that the clock had stopped.' It had always struck
me as absurd. Since that evening I have never condemned the phrase, for
honestly, I thought more than once that the clock had stopped. By-and-by,
to increase the tension, my wife, who seldom entered my workroom,
opened the door. She found me idle, and was moved to converse with me.
Mon Dieu! Now that the hour approached at last, my wife was present,
with the air of having settled herself for the night!
"The hands of the clock moved on--and always faster now. If she
remained till the bell rang, what was I to do? To answer that I had
'someone with me' would be intelligible to the lady, but it would sound
suspicious to my wife. To answer that I was 'busy' would sound innocent
to my wife, but it would be insulting to the lady. To disregard the
bell altogether would be to let my wife go to the telephone herself! I
tell you I perspired.
"Under Providence, our cook rescued me. There came a timid knock, and
then the figure of the cook, her eyes inflamed, her head swathed in
some extraordinary garment. She had a raging toothache--would madame
have the kindness to give her a little cognac? The ailments of the cook
always arouse in human nature more solicitude than the ailments of any
other servant. My wife's sympathy was active--I was saved!
"The door had scarcely closed when _tr-rr-r-ng_ the signal came.
"'Good-evening,' from the voice. 'So you are here to meet me.'
"'Good-evening,' I said. 'I would willingly go further to meet you,'
"'Be thankful that the rendez-vous was your flat--listen to the rain!
Come, own that you congratulated yourself when it began! "Luckily I can
be gallant without getting wet," you thought. Really, I am most
considerate--you keep a dry skin, you waste no time in reaching me, and
you need not even trouble to change your coat.'
"'It sounds very cosy,' I admitted, 'but there is one drawback to it
all--I do not see you.'
"'That may be more considerate of me still! I may be reluctant to
banish your illusions. Isn't it probable that I am elderly--or, at
least plain? I may even be a lady novelist, with ink on her fingers.
By-the-bye, monsieur, I have been rereading one of your books since
last night.'
"'Oh, you know my name now? I am gratified to have become more than a
telephonic address to you. May I ask if we have ever met?'
"'We never spoke till last night, but I have seen you often,'
"'You, at any rate, can have no illusions to be banished. What a
relief! I have endeavoured to talk as if I had a romantic bearing; now
that you know how I look, I can be myself.'
"'I await your next words with terror,' she said. 'What shock is in
store for me? Speak gently.'
"'Well, speaking gently, I am very glad that you were put on to the
wrong number last night. At the same time, I feel a constraint, a
difficulty; I cannot talk to you frankly, cannot be serious--it is as
if I showed my face while you were masked.'
"'Yes, it is true--I understand,' she said. 'And even if I were to
swear that I was not unworthy of your frankness, you would still be
doubtful of me, I suppose?'
"'Madame--'
"'Oh, it is natural! I know very well how I must appear to you,' she
exclaimed; 'a coquette, with a new pastime--a vulgar coquette, besides,
who tries to pique your interest by an air of mystery. Believe me,
monsieur, I am forbidden to unmask. Think lightly of me if you must--I
have no right to complain--but believe as much as that! I do not give
you my name, simply because I may not.'
"'Madame,' I replied, 'so far from wishing to force your confidences, I
assure you that I will never inquire who you are, never try to find
out.'
"'And you will talk frankly, unconstrainedly, all the same?'
"'Ah, you are too illogical to be elderly and plain,' I demurred. 'You
resolve to remain a stranger to me, and I bow to your decision; but, on
the other hand, a man makes confidences only to his friends.'
"There was a long pause; and when I heard the voice again, it trembled:
"'Adieu, monsieur.'
"'Adieu, madame,' I said.
"No sooner had she gone than I would have given almost anything to
bring her back. For a long while I sat praying that she would ring
again. I watched the telephone as if it had been her window, the door
of her home--something that could yield her to my view. During the next
few days I grudged every minute that I was absent from the room--I took
my meals in it. Never had I had the air of working so indefatigably,
and in truth I did not write a line, 'I suppose you have begun a new
romance?' said my wife. In my soul I feared that I had finished it!"
Noulens sighed; he clasped his hands on his head. The dark hair, the
thin, restless fingers were all that I could see of him where I sat.
Some seconds passed; I wondered whether there would be time for me to
hear the rest before his wife returned.
* * * * *
"In my soul I feared that I had finished it," he repeated.
"Extraordinary as it appears, I was in love with a woman I had never
seen. Each time that bell sounded, my heart seemed to try to choke me.
It had been my grievance, since we had the telephone installed, that we
heard nothing of it excepting that we had to make another payment for
its use; but now, by a maddening coincidence, everybody that I had ever
met took to ringing me up about trifles and agitating me twenty times a
day.
"At last, one night--when expectation was almost dead--she called to me
again. Oh, but her voice was humble! My friend, it is piteous when we
love a woman, to hear her humbled. I longed to take her hands, to fold
my arms about her. I abased myself, that she might regain her pride.
She heard how I had missed and sorrowed for her; I owned that she was
dear to me.
"And then began a companionship--strange as you may find the word--
which was the sweetest my life has held. We talked together daily. This
woman, whose whereabouts, whose face, whose name were all unknown to
me, became the confidant of my disappointments and my hopes. If I
worked well, my thoughts would be, 'Tonight I shall have good news to
give her;' if I worked ill--'Never mind, by-and-by she will encourage
me!' There was not a page in my next novel that I did not read to her;
never a doubt beset me in which I did not turn for her sympathy and
advice.
"'Well, how have you got on?'
"'Oh, I am so troubled this evening, dear!'
"'Poor fellow! Tell me all about it. I tried to come to you sooner, but
I couldn't get away.'
"Like that! We talked as if she were really with me. My life was no
longer desolate--the indifference in my home no longer grieved me. All
the interest, the love, the inspiration I had hungered for, was given
to me now by a woman who remained invisible."
Noulens paused again. In the pause I got up to light a cigarette, and--
I shall never forget it--I saw the bowed figure of his wife beyond the
study door! It was only a glimpse I had, but the glimpse was enough to
make my heart stand still--she leant over the table, her face hidden by
her hand.
I tried to warn, to signal to him--he did not see me. I felt that I
could do nothing, nothing at all, without doubling her humiliation by
the knowledge that I had witnessed it. If he would only look at me!
"Listen," he went on rapidly. "I was happy, I was young again--and
there was a night when she said to me, 'It is for the last time.'
"Six words! But for a moment I had no breath, no life, to answer them.
"'Speak!' she cried out. 'You are frightening me!'
"'What has happened?' I stammered. 'Trust me, I implore you!'
"I heard her sobbing--and minutes seemed to pass. It was horrible. I
thought my heart would burst while I shuddered at her sobs--the sobbing
of a woman I could not reach.
"'I can tell you nothing,' she said, when she was calmer; 'only that we
are speaking together for the last time.'
"'But why--why? Is it that you are leaving France?'
"'I cannot tell you,' she repeated. 'I have had to swear that to
myself.'
"Oh, I raved to her! I was desperate. I tried to wring her name from
her then--I besought her to confess where she was hidden. The space
between us frenzied me. It was frightful, it was like a nightmare, that
struggle to tear the truth from a woman whom I could not clasp or see.
"'My dear,' she said, 'there are some things that are beyond human
power. They are not merely difficult, or unwise, or mad--they are
impossible. _You_ have begged the impossible of _me_. You
will never hear me again, it is far from likely we shall ever meet--and
if one day we do, you will not even know that it is I. But I love you.
I should like to think that you believe it, for I love you very dearly.
Now say good-bye to me. My arms are round your neck, dear heart--I
kiss you on the lips.'
"It was the end. She was lost. A moment before, I had felt her presence
in my senses; now I stood in an empty room, mocked by a futile
apparatus. My friend, if you have ever yearned to see a woman whose
whereabouts you did not know--ever exhausted yourself tramping some
district in the hope of finding her--you may realise what I feel; for
remember that by comparison your task was easy--I am even ignorant of
this woman's arrondissement and appearance. She left me helpless. The
telephone had given her--the telephone had taken her away. All that
remained to me was the mechanism on a table."
* * * * *
Noulens turned on the couch at last--and, turning, he could not fail to
see his wife. I was spellbound.
"'Mechanism on a table,' he repeated, with a prodigious yawn of relief.
'That is all, my own.'"
"Good!" said madame Noulens cheerily. She bustled in, fluttering pages
of shorthand. "But, old angel, the tale of Paul and Rosamonde is thrown
away--it is an extravagance, telling two stories for the price of one!"
"My treasure, thou knowest I invented it months ago and couldn't make
it long enough for it to be of any use."
"True. Well, we will be liberal, then--we will include it." She noticed
my amazement. "What ails our friend?"
Noulens gave a guffaw. "I fear our friend did not recognize that I was
dictating to you. By-the-bye, it was fortunate someone rang us up just
now--that started my plot for me! Who was it?"
"It was _La Voix_" she laughed, "inquiring if the story would be
done in time!"
* * * * *
Yes, indeed, they are comrades!--you are certain to hear it. And as
often as I hear it myself, I think of what he told me that evening--I
remember how he took me in.