It is very hard for the mind to disengage itself from a subject in which
it has been long employed. The thoughts will be rising of themselves
from time to time, though we give them no encouragement: as the tossings
and fluctuations of the sea continue several hours after the winds are
laid.
It is to this that I impute my last night's dream or vision, which formed
into one continued allegory the several schemes of wit, whether false,
mixed, or true, that have been the subject of my late papers.
Methought I was transported into a country that was filled with prodigies
and enchantments, governed by the goddess of Falsehood, and entitled the
Region of False Wit. There was nothing in the fields, the woods, and the
rivers, that appeared natural. Several of the trees blossomed in leaf-
gold, some of them produced bone-lace, and some of them precious stones.
The fountains bubbled in an opera tune, and were filled with stags, wild
bears, and mermaids, that lived among the waters; at the same time that
dolphins and several kinds of fish played upon the banks, or took their
pastime in the meadows. The birds had many of them golden beaks, and
human voices. The flowers perfumed the air with smells of incense,
ambergris, and pulvillios; and were so interwoven with one another, that
they grew up in pieces of embroidery. The winds were filled with sighs
and messages of distant lovers. As I was walking to and fro in this
enchanted wilderness, I could not forbear breaking out into soliloquies
upon the several wonders which lay before me, when, to my great surprise,
I found there were artificial echoes in every walk, that, by repetitions
of certain words which I spoke, agreed with me or contradicted me in
everything I said. In the midst of my conversation with these invisible
companions, I discovered in the centre of a very dark grove a monstrous
fabric built after the Gothic manner, and covered with innumerable
devices in that barbarous kind of sculpture. I immediately went up to
it, and found it to be a kind of heathen temple consecrated to the god of
Dulness. Upon my entrance I saw the deity of the place, dressed in the
habit of a monk, with a book in one hand and a rattle in the other. Upon
his right hand was Industry, with a lamp burning before her; and on his
left, Caprice, with a monkey sitting on her shoulder. Before his feet
there stood an altar of a very odd make, which, as I afterwards found,
was shaped in that manner to comply with the inscription that surrounded
it. Upon the altar there lay several offerings of axes, wings, and eggs,
cut in paper, and inscribed with verses. The temple was filled with
votaries, who applied themselves to different diversions, as their
fancies directed them. In one part of it I saw a regiment of anagrams,
who were continually in motion, turning to the right or to the left,
facing about, doubling their ranks, shifting their stations, and throwing
themselves into all the figures and counter-marches of the most
changeable and perplexed exercise.
Not far from these was the body of acrostics, made up of very
disproportioned persons. It was disposed into three columns, the
officers planting themselves in a line on the left hand of each column.
The officers were all of them at least six feet high, and made three rows
of very proper men; but the common soldiers, who filled up the spaces
between the officers, were such dwarfs, cripples, and scarecrows, that
one could hardly look upon them without laughing. There were behind the
acrostics two or three files of chronograms, which differed only from the
former as their officers were equipped, like the figure of Time, with an
hour-glass in one hand, and a scythe in the other, and took their posts
promiscuously among the private men whom they commanded.
In the body of the temple, and before the very face of the deity,
methought I saw the phantom of Tryphiodorus, the lipogrammatist, engaged
in a ball with four-and-twenty persons, who pursued him by turns through
all the intricacies and labyrinths of a country dance, without being able
to overtake him.
Observing several to be very busy at the western end of the temple, I
inquired into what they were doing, and found there was in that quarter
the great magazine of rebuses. These were several things of the most
different natures tied up in bundles, and thrown upon one another in
heaps like fagots. You might behold an anchor, a night-rail, and a hobby-
horse bound up together. One of the workmen, seeing me very much
surprised, told me there was an infinite deal of wit in several of those
bundles, and that he would explain them to me if I pleased; I thanked him
for his civility, but told him I was in very great haste at that time. As
I was going out of the temple, I observed in one corner of it a cluster
of men and women laughing very heartily, and diverting themselves at a
game of crambo. I heard several double rhymes as I passed by them, which
raised a great deal of mirth.
Not far from these was another set of merry people engaged at a
diversion, in which the whole jest was to mistake one person for another.
To give occasion for these ludicrous mistakes, they were divided into
pairs, every pair being covered from head to foot with the same kind of
dress, though perhaps there was not the least resemblance in their faces.
By this means an old man was sometimes mistaken for a boy, a woman for a
man, and a blackamoor for an European, which very often produced great
peals of laughter. These I guessed to be a party of puns. But being
very desirous to get out of this world of magic, which had almost turned
my brain, I left the temple and crossed over the fields that lay about it
with all the speed I could make. I was not gone far before I heard the
sound of trumpets and alarms, which seemed to proclaim the march of an
enemy: and, as I afterwards found, was in reality what I apprehended it.
There appeared at a great distance a very shining light, and in the midst
of it a person of a most beautiful aspect; her name was Truth. On her
right hand there marched a male deity, who bore several quivers on his
shoulders, and grasped several arrows in his hand; his name was Wit. The
approach of these two enemies filled all the territories of False Wit
with an unspeakable consternation, insomuch that the goddess of those
regions appeared in person upon her frontiers, with the several inferior
deities and the different bodies of forces which I had before seen in the
temple, who were now drawn up in array, and prepared to give their foes a
warm reception. As the march of the enemy was very slow, it gave time to
the several inhabitants who bordered upon the regions of Falsehood to
draw their forces into a body, with a design to stand upon their guard as
neuters, and attend the issue of the combat.
I must here inform my reader that the frontiers of the enchanted region,
which I have before described, were inhabited by the species of Mixed
Wit, who made a very odd appearance when they were mustered together in
an army. There were men whose bodies were stuck full of darts, and women
whose eyes were burning-glasses; men that had hearts of fire, and women
that had breasts of snow. It would be endless to describe several
monsters of the like nature that composed this great army, which
immediately fell asunder, and divided itself into two parts, the one half
throwing themselves behind the banners of Truth, and the others behind
those of Falsehood.
The goddess of Falsehood was of a gigantic stature, and advanced some
paces before the front of the army; but as the dazzling light which
flowed from Truth began to shine upon her, she faded insensibly; insomuch
that in a little space she looked rather like a huge phantom than a real
substance. At length, as the goddess of Truth approached still nearer to
her, she fell away entirely, and vanished amidst the brightness of her
presence; so that there did not remain the least trace or impression of
her figure in the place where she had been seen.
As at the rising of the sun the constellations grow thin, and the stars
go out one after another, till the whole hemisphere is extinguished; such
was the vanishing of the goddess, and not only of the goddess herself,
but of the whole army that attended her, which sympathised with their
leader, and shrunk into nothing, in proportion as the goddess
disappeared. At the same time the whole temple sunk, the fish betook
themselves to the streams, and the wild beasts to the woods, the
fountains recovered their murmurs, the birds their voices, the trees
their leaves, the flowers their scents, and the whole face of nature its
true and genuine appearance. Though I still continued asleep, I fancied
myself, as it were, awakened out of a dream, when I saw this region of
prodigies restored to woods and rivers, fields and meadows.
Upon the removal of that wild scene of wonders, which had very much
disturbed my imagination, I took a full survey of the persons of Wit and
Truth; for indeed it was impossible to look upon the first without seeing
the other at the same time. There was behind them a strong compact body
of figures. The genius of Heroic Poetry appeared with a sword in her
hand, and a laurel on her head. Tragedy was crowned with cypress, and
covered with robes dipped in blood. Satire had smiles in her look, and
a dagger under her garment. Rhetoric was known by her thunderbolt, and
Comedy by her mask. After several other figures, Epigram marched up in
the rear, who had been posted there at the beginning of the expedition,
that he might not revolt to the enemy, whom he was suspected to favour in
his heart. I was very much awed and delighted with the appearance of the
god of Wit; there was something so amiable, and yet so piercing in his
looks, as inspired me at once with love and terror. As I was gazing on
him, to my unspeakable joy, he took a quiver of arrows from his shoulder,
in order to make me a present of it; but as I was reaching out my hand to
receive it of him, I knocked it against a chair, and by that means
awaked.