Thus, said sneaking Jack, speaking like himself,
I'll be first; if I get my money, I don't care who suffers.
ROYAL
LETTERS PATENT,
MARTIN
VAN BUTCHELL's
NEW INVENTED
With caustic care----and old Phim
SPRING BANDS
AND FASTNINGS
Sometimes in Six Days, and always ten--
the fistulæ in Ano.
FOR
THE APPAREL
AND FURNITURE
July Sixth
OF
Licensed to deal in Perfumery, i.e.
_HUMAN BEINGS_
Hydrophobia cured in thirty days,
AND
BRUTE CREATURES
made of Milk and Honey,
which remained some years. In order a little to comprehend it: some
years ago, he had a famous dun horse, but on some dispute with the
stable-keeper, the horse was detained for the keep, and at last sold,
by the ranger of Hyde-Park, at Tattersal's, where it fetched a very
high price. This affair was the cause of a law-suit, and the reason
why Martin Van Butchell interlined the curious notice in small gold
letters, nearly at the top, as follows:--"Thus said sneaking Jack,
speaking like himself, I'll be first; if I get my money, I don't care
who suffers."
After losing his favourite dun horse, a purchase was soon made of a
small white poney, which he never suffers to be trimmed in any manner
whatever; the shoes for it are always fluted to prevent slipping, and
he will not suffer the creature to wear any other. His saddle is no
less curious. He humorously paints the poney, sometimes all purple,
often with purple spots, and with streaks and circles upon his face
and hinder parts. He rides on this equipage very frequently,
especially on Sundays, in the Park and about the streets.
The curious appearance of him and his horse have a very striking
effect, and always attracts the attention of the public. His beard has
not been shaved or cut for fifteen years; his hat shallow and narrow
brimmed, and now almost white with age, though originally black: his
coat a kind of russet brown, which has been worn a number of years,
with an old pair of boots in colour like his hat and about as old. His
bridle is also exceedingly curious; to the head of it is fixed a
blind, which, in case of taking fright or starting, can be dropped
over the horse's eyes, and be drawn up again at pleasure.
Many have been the insults and rude attacks of the ignorant and vulgar
mob, at different times, upon this extraordinary man; and instances
have occurred of these personal attacks terminating seriously to the
audacious offender. One man, we remember, had the extreme audacity to
take this venerable character by the beard; in return, he received a
blow from the injured gentleman, with an umbrella, that had nearly
broken a rib.
We shall now endeavour to exhibit his remarkable turn for singularity,
by his writings, as published at different times in the public prints,
and affording entertainment for the curious:
"Corresponding--Lads--Remember Judas:----And the year 80! _Last
Monday Morning, at 7 o'clock_, Doctor Merryman, _of Queen-street,
May-fair, presented_ Elizabeth, the wife of Martin Van Butchell,
with _her Fifth fine Boy, at his_ House _in_ Mount Street,
Grosvenor Square, and--they--are--all--well--. Post Master General
for Ten Thousand Pounds (--we mean Gentlemen's--Not a Penny
less--) I will soon construct--such Mail-Coach--Perch--Bolts as
shall never break!
To many I refer--for my character: Each will have grace--to write
his case; soon as he is well--an history tell; for the public
good;--to save human blood, as--all--true--folk--shou'd. Sharkish
people may--keep themselves away,----_Those that use me ill--I
never can heal, being forbidden--to cast pearls to pigs;
lest--they--turn--and--tear. Wisdom makes dainty: patients come to
me, with heavy guineas,--between ten and one; but--I--go--to--none_."
Mender of Mankind; in a manly way.
In another advertisement, he says:
"That your Majesty's Petitioner is a British Christian Man, aged
fifty-nine--with a comely beard--full eight inches long. That your
Majesty's Petitioner was born in the County of Middlesex--brought
up in the County of Surrey--and has never been out of the Kingdom
of England. That your Majesty's Petitioner (--about ten years
ago--) had often the high honour (--before your Majesty's
Nobles--) of conversing with your Majesty (--face to face--) when
we were hunting of the stag--on Windsor Forest."
"_British_ Christian _Lads_ (--Behold--now is the day--of
Salvation. Get understanding, as the highest gain.--) Cease
looking boyish;--become quite manly!--(_Girls_ are fond of hair:
it is _natural_.--) Let your beards grow long: that ye may be
strong:--in mind--and body: as were great grand dads:--Centuries
ago; when John did not owe--a single penny: more
than--he--could--pay."
Many more equally whimsical advertisements might be selected, and many
additional anecdotes might be told of him; but what we have here
recorded concerning this complete _original_ may be depended upon. Not
one word of which is contrary to truth.