"Good physician. None better. That all acknowledge. But, if you'll
let me prescribe for you, I'll put you all straight in double-quick
time."
"Well, what will you prescribe, Andy?" said the gentleman.
"I'll prescribe this." And, as he spoke, he drew from under the
counter a bottle labelled--"Mrs.--'s Cordial."
"Take a glass of that, and you can throw your doctor's prescription
into the fire."
"You speak confidently, Andy?"
"I do, for I know its virtue."
The gentleman, who had in his hand a prescription for which he had
paid five dollars to one of the most skilful and judicious
physicians in New England, strange as it may seem, listened to this
bar-keeper, and in the end actually destroyed the prescription, and
poured down his throat a glass of "Mrs.--'s Cordial."
It is no matter of surprise that, ere ten o'clock in the evening,
the gentleman's premonitory symptoms, which had experienced a
temporary abatement, assumed a more alarming character. And now,
instead of going to, he was obliged to send for, a physician.
Doctor--, whom he had consulted, was called in, and immediately
recognised his patient of the morning.
"I'm sorry to find you worse," said he. "I did not in the least
doubt the efficacy of the remedy I gave you. But, have you taken the
prescription."
"Wh--wh--why no, doctor," stammered the half-ashamed patient. "I
confess that I did not. I took something else."
"Something else! What was it?"
"I thought a glass of Mrs.--'s cordial would answer just as well."
"You did! and, pray, who prescribed this for you?" said the doctor,
moving his chair instinctively from his patient and speaking in a
rather excited tone of voice.
"No one prescribed it. I took it on the recommendation of the
bar-keeper down-stairs, who said that he knew it would cure me."
"And you had my prescription in your pocket at the same time! The
prescription of a regular physician, of twenty-five years' practice,
set aside for a quack nostrum, recommended by a bar-keeper! A fine
compliment to common sense and the profession, truly! My friend, if
I must speak out plainly, you deserve to die--and I shouldn't much
wonder if you got your deserts! Good evening!"
Saying this, the doctor arose, and was moving towards the door, when
the frightened patient called to him in such appealing tones, that
he was constrained to pause. A humble confession of error, and
repeated apologies, softened the physician's suddenly awakened
anger, and he came back and resumed his seat.
"My friend," said he, on recovering his self-possession, which had
been considerably disturbed, "Do you know the composition of
Mrs.--'s cordial, which you took with so much confidence?"
"I do not!" replied the gentleman.
"Humph! Well, I can tell you. About nine-tenths of it is cheap
brandy, or New-England rum, which completely destroys or neutralizes
the salutary medicaments that form the tithe thereof. I don't wonder
that this stuff has aggravated all your symptoms. I would, if in
your state of health, about as leave take poison."
"Pray, don't talk to me in that way, doctor," said the patient,
imploringly. "I am sick, and what you say can only have the effect
to make me worse. I am already sufficiently punished for my folly.
Prescribe for me once more, and be assured that I will not again
play the fool."
Doctor--'s professional indignation had pretty well burned itself
out by this time; so he took up the case again, and once more gave a
prescription. In a couple of days, the gentleman was quite well
again; but that Mrs.--'s cordial cost him twenty dollars.
He is now a little wiser than he was before; and is very careful as
to whose prescriptions he takes. It would be better for the health
of the entire community if every individual would be as careful in
the same matter as he is now. Those who are sick should, ere taking
medicine, consult a physician of experience and skill; but, above
all things, they should shun advertised nostrums, in the sale of
which the manufacturers and vendors are interested. Often
testimonials as to their efficacy are mere forgeries. Health is too
vital a thing to be risked in this way.