1855.--Cousin L. W. asks me to pass the summer at Walpole with her. If
I can get no teaching, I shall go; for I long for the hills, and can
write my fairy tales there.
I delivered my burlesque lecture on "Woman, and Her Position; by
Oronthy Bluggage," last evening at Deacon G's. Had a merry time, and
was asked by Mr. R. to do it at H. for money. Read "Hamlet" at our
club--my favorite play. Saw Mrs. W. H. Smith about the farce; says she
will do it at her benefit.
_May_.--Father went to C. to talk with Mr. Emerson about the England
trip. I am to go to Walpole. I have made my own gowns, and had money
enough to fit up the girls. So glad to be independent.
[I wonder if $40 fitted up the whole family. Perhaps so, as my
wardrobe was made up of old clothes from cousins and friends.--L. M. A.]
_Walpole, N. H., June, 1855_.--Pleasant journey and a kind welcome.
Lovely place, high among the hills. So glad to run and skip in the
woods and up the splendid ravine. Shall write here, I know.
Helped cousin L. in her garden; and the smell of the fresh earth and
the touch of green leaves did me good.
Mr. T. came and praised my first book, so I felt much inspired to go
and do another. I remember him at Scituate years ago, when he was a
young shipbuilder and I a curly-haired hoyden of five or six.
Up at five, and had a lovely run in the ravine, seeing the woods wake.
Planned a little tale which ought to be fresh and true, as it came at
that hour and place--"King Goldenrod." Have lively days--writing in A.
M., driving in P. M., and fun in the eve. My visit is doing me much
good.
_July_, 1855.--Read "Hyperion." On the 16th the family came to live in
Mr. W.'s house, rent free. No better plan offered, and we were all
tired of the city. Here father can have a garden, mother can rest and
be near her good niece; the children have freedom and fine air; and A.
and I can go from here to our teaching, wherever it may be.
Busy and happy times as we settle in the little house in the lane near
by my dear ravine--plays, picnics, pleasant people, and good neighbors.
Fanny Kemble came up, Mrs. Kirkland, and others, and Dr. Bellows is the
gayest of the gay. We acted the "Jacobite," "Rivals," and
"Bonnycastles," to an audience of a hundred, and were noticed in the
Boston papers. H. T. was our manager, and Dr. B., D. D., our dramatic
director. Anna was the star, her acting being really very fine. I did
"Mrs. Malaprop," "Widow Pottle," and the old ladies.
Finished fairy book in September. Ann had an offer from Dr. Wilbur of
Syracuse to teach at the great idiot asylum. She disliked it, but
decided to go. Poor dear! so beauty-loving, timid, and tender. It is
a hard trial; but she is so self-sacrificing she tries to like it
because it is duty.
_October_.--A. to Syracuse. May illustrated my book and tales called
"Christmas Elves." Better than "Flower Fables." Now I must try to sell
it.
[Innocent Louisa, to think that a Christmas book could be sold in
October.--L. M. A.]
_November_.--Decided to seek my fortune; so with my little trunk of
home-made clothes, $20 earned by stories sent to the _Gazette_, and my
MSS., I set forth with mother's blessing one rainy day in the dullest
month in the year.
[My birth-month; always to be a memorable one.--L. M. A.]
Found it too late to do anything with the book, so put it away and
tried for teaching, sewing, or any honest work. Won't go home to sit
idle while I have a head and pair of hands.
_December_.--H. and L. W. very kind, and my dear cousins the Sewalls
take me in. I sew for Mollie and others, and write stories. C. gave
me books to notice. Heard Thackeray. Anxious times; Anna very
homesick. Walpole very cold and dull now the summer butterflies have
gone. Got $5 for a tale and $12 for sewing; sent home a Christmas box
to cheer the dear souls in the snow-banks.
_January, 1856_.--C. paid $6 for "A Sister's Trial." Gave me more
books to notice, and wants more tales.
[Should think he would at that price.--L. M. A.]
Sewed for L. W. Sewall and others. Mr. J. M. Field took my farce to
Mobile to bring out; Mr. Barry of the Boston Theatre has the play.
Heard Curtis lecture. Began a book for summer--"Beach Bubbles." Mr.
F. of the _Courier_ printed a poem of mine on "Little Nell." Got $10
for "Bertha," and saw great yellow placards stuck up announcing it.
Acted at the W.'s.
_March_.--Got $10 for "Genevieve." Prices go up, as people like the
tales and ask who wrote them. Finished "Twelve Bubbles." Sewed a
great deal, and got very tired; one job for Mr. G. of a dozen pillow
cases, one dozen sheets, six fine cambric neckties, and two dozen
handkerchiefs, at which I had to work all one night to get them done,
as they were a gift to him. I got only $4.
Sewing won't make my fortune; but I can plan my stories while I work,
and then scribble 'em down on Sundays.
Poem on "Little Paul"; Curtis's lecture on "Dickens" made it go well.
Hear Emerson on "England."
_May_.--Anna came on her way home, sick and worn out; the work was too
much for her. We had some happy days visiting about. Could not
dispose of B. B. in book form, but C. took them for his paper. Mr.
Field died, so the farce fell through there. Altered the play for Mrs.
Barrow to bring out next winter.
_June, 1856_.--Home, to find dear Betty very ill with scarlet-fever
caught from some poor children mother nursed when they fell sick,
living over a cellar where pigs had been kept. The landlord (a deacon)
would not clean the place till mother threatened to sue him for
allowing a nuisance. Too late to save two of the poor babies or Lizzie
and May from the fever.
[L. never recovered, but died of it two years later.--L. M. A.]
An anxious time, I nursed, did housework, and wrote a story a month
through the summer.
Dr. Bellows and Father had Sunday eve conversations.
_October_.--Pleasant letters from father, who went on a tour to New
York, Philadelphia, and Boston.
Made plans to go to Boston for the winter, as there is nothing to do
here, and there I can support myself and help the family. C. offers
$10 a month, and perhaps more. L. W., M. S., and others, have plenty
of sewing; the play may come out, and Mrs. R. will give me a sky-parlor
for $3 a week, with fire and board. I sew for her also.
If I can get A. L. to governess I shall be all right.
I was born with a boy's spirit under my bib and tucker. I _can't wait_
when I _can work_, so I took my little talent in my hand and forced the
world again, braver than before and wiser for my failures.
[Jo in N. Y.--L. M. A.]
I don't often pray in words; but when I set out that day with all my
worldly goods in the little old trunk, my own earnings ($25) in my
pocket, and much hope and resolution in my soul, my heart was very
full, and I said to the Lord, "Help us all, and keep us for one
another," as I never said it before, while I looked back at the dear
faces watching me, so full of love and hope and faith.
[_Journal_]
Boston, _November, 1856: Mrs. David Reed's_.--I find my little room up
in the attic very cosey and a house full of boarders very amusing to
study. Mrs. Reed very kind. Fly around and take C. his stories. Go
to see Mrs. L. about A. Don't want me. A blow, but I cheer up and
hunt for sewing. Go to hear Parker, and he does me good. Asks me to
come Sunday evenings to his house. I did go there, and met Phillips,
Garrison, Hedge, and other great men, and sit in my corner weekly,
staring and enjoying myself.
When I went Mr. Parker said, "God bless you, Louisa; come again"; and
the grasp of his hand gave me courage to face another anxious week.
_November 3d_.--Wrote all the morning. In the P. M. went to see the
Sumner reception as he comes home after the Brooks affair. I saw him
pass up Beacon Street, pale and feeble, but smiling and bowing. I
rushed to Hancock Street, and was in time to see him bring his proud
old mother to the window when the crowd gave three cheers for her. I
cheered, too, and was very much excited. Mr. Parker met him somewhere
before the ceremony began, and the above P. cheered like a boy; and
Sumner laughed and nodded as his friend pranced and shouted, bareheaded
and beaming.
My kind cousin, L. W., got tickets for a course of lectures on "Italian
Literature," and seeing my old cloak sent me a new one, with other
needful and pretty things such as girls love to have. I shall never
forget how kind she has always been to me.
_November 5th_.--Went with H. W. to see Manager Barry about the
everlasting play which is always coming out but never comes. We went
all over the great new theatre, and I danced a jig on the immense
stage. Mr. B. was very kind, and gave me a pass to come whenever I
liked. This was such richness I didn't care if the play was burnt on
the spot, and went home full of joy. In the eve I saw La Grange as
Norma, and felt as if I knew all about that place. Quite stage-struck,
and imagined myself in her place, with white robes and oak-leaf crown.
_November 6th_.--Sewed happily on my job of twelve sheets for H. W.,
and put lots of good will into the work after his kindness to me.
Walked to Roxbury to see cousin Dr. W. about the play and tell the fine
news. Rode home in the new cars, and found them very nice.
In the eve went to teach at Warren Street Chapel Charity School. I'll
help as I am helped if I can. Mother says no one so poor he can't do a
little for some one poorer yet.
_Sunday_.--Heard Parker on "Individuality of Character," and liked it
much. In the eve I went to his house. Mrs. Howe was there, and Sumner
and others. I sat in my usual corner, but Mr. P. came up and said, in
that cordial way of his, "Well, child, how goes it?" "Pretty well,
sir." "That's brave"; and with his warm handshake he went on, leaving
me both proud and happy, though I have my trials. He is like a great
fire where all can come and be warmed and comforted. Bless him!
Had a talk at tea about him, and fought for him when W. R. said he was
not a Christian. He is my _sort_; for though he may lack reverence for
other people's God, he works bravely for his own, and turns his back on
no one who needs help, as some of the pious do.
_Monday, 14th_.--May came full of expectation and joy to visit good
aunt B. and study drawing. We walked about and had a good home talk,
then my girl went off to Auntie's to begin what I hope will be a
pleasant and profitable winter. She needs help to develop her talent,
and I can't give it to her.
Went to see Forrest as Othello. It is funny to see how attentive all
the once cool gentlemen are to Miss Alcott now she has a pass to the
new theatre.
_November 29th_.--My birthday. Felt forlorn so far from home. Wrote
all day. Seem to be getting on slowly, so should be contented. To a
little party at the B.'s in the eve. May looked very pretty, and
seemed to be a favorite. The boys teased me about being an authoress,
and I said I'd be famous yet. Will if I can, but something else may be
better for me.
Found a pretty pin from father and a nice letter when I got home. Mr.
H. brought them with letters from mother and Betty, so I went to bed
happy.
_December_.--Busy with Christmas and New Year's tales. Heard a good
lecture by E. P. Whipple on "Courage." Thought I needed it, being
rather tired of living like a spider--spinning my brains out for money.
Wrote a story, "The Cross on the Church Tower," suggested by the tower
before my window.
Called on Mrs. L., and she asked me to come and teach A. for three
hours each day. Just what I wanted; and the children's welcome was
very pretty and comforting to "Our Olly," as they called me.
Now board is all safe, and something over for home, if stories and
sewing fail. I don't do much, but can send little comforts to mother
and Betty, and keep May neat.
_December 18th_.--Begin with A. L., in Beacon Street. I taught C. when
we lived in High Street, A. in Pinckney Street, and now Al; so I seem
to be an institution and a success, since I can start the boy, teach
one girl, and take care of the little invalid. It is hard work, but I
can do it; and am glad to sit in a large, fine room part of each day,
after my sky-parlor, which has nothing pretty in it, and only the gray
tower and blue sky outside as I sit at the window writing. I love
luxury, but freedom and independence better.
[_To her father, written from Mrs. Reed's_]
_Boston, November 29, 1856_.
DEAREST FATHER: Your little parcel was very welcome to me as I sat
alone in my room, with snow falling fast outside, and a few tears in
(for birthdays are dismal times to me); and the fine letter, the pretty
gift, and, most of all, the loving thought so kindly taken for your old
absent daughter, made the cold, dark day as warm and bright as summer
to me.
And now, with the birthday pin upon my bosom, many thanks on my lips,
and a whole heart full of love for its giver, I will tell you a little
about my doings, stupid as they will seem after your own grand
proceedings. How I wish I could be with you, enjoying what I have
always longed for--fine people, fine amusements, and fine books. But
as I can't, I am glad you are; for I love to see your name first among
the lecturers, to hear it kindly spoken of in papers and inquired about
by good people here--to say nothing of the delight and pride I take in
seeing you at last filling the place you are so fitted for, and which
you have waited for so long and patiently. If the New Yorkers raise a
statue to the modern Plato, it will be a wise and highly creditable
action.
* * * * * *
I am very well and very happy. Things go smoothly, and I think I shall
come out right, and prove that though an _Alcott_ I _can_ support
myself. I like the independent feeling; and though not an easy life,
it is a free one, and I enjoy it. I can't do much with my hands; so I
will make a battering-ram of my head and make a way through this
rough-and-tumble world. I have very pleasant lectures to amuse my
evenings--Professor Gajani on "Italian Reformers," the Mercantile
Library course, Whipple, Beecher, and others, and, best of all, a free
pass at the Boston Theatre. I saw Mr. Barry, and he gave it to me with
many kind speeches, and promises to bring out the play very soon. I
hope he will.
My farce is in the hands of Mrs. W. H. Smith, who acts at Laura Keene's
theatre in New York. She took it, saying she would bring it out there.
If you see or hear anything about it, let me know. I want something
doing. My mornings are spent in writing. C. takes one a month, and I
am to see Mr. B., who may take some of my wares.
In the afternoons I walk and visit my hundred relations, who are all
kind and friendly, and seem interested in our various successes.
Sunday evenings I go to Parker's parlor, and there meet Phillips,
Garrison, Scherb, Sanborn, and many other pleasant people. All talk,
and I sit in a corner listening, and wishing a certain placid,
gray-haired gentleman was there talking, too. Mrs. Parker calls on me,
reads my stories, and is very good to me. Theodore asks Louisa "how
her worthy parents do," and is otherwise very friendly to the large,
bashful girl who adorns his parlor steadily.
Abby is preparing for a busy and, I hope, a profitable winter. She has
music lessons already, French and drawing in store, and, if her eyes
hold out, will keep her word and become what none of us can be, "an
accomplished Alcott." Now, dear Father, I shall hope to hear from you
occasionally, and will gladly answer all epistles from the Plato, whose
parlor parish is becoming quite famous. I got the _Tribune_ but not
the letter, and shall look it up. I have been meaning to write, but
did not know where you were.
Good-bye, and a happy birthday from your ever-loving child,