CHAPTER XXI.

ALL THERE WAS TO TELL.

The custom in New Lindsey was that every Monday during the session of

Parliament the Executive Council should meet at Government House, and,

under the presidency of the Governor, formally ratify and adopt the

arrangements as to the business of the coming week which its members had

decided upon at their Cabinet meetings. It is to be hoped that, in these

days, when we all take an interest in our Empire, everybody knows that

the Executive Council is the outward, visible, and recognised form of

that impalpable, unrecognised, all-powerful institution, the Cabinet,

consisting in fact, though not in theory, of the same persons, save that

the Governor is present when the meeting is of the Council, and absent

when it is of the Cabinet--a difference of less moment than it sounds,

seeing that, except in extreme cases, the Governor has little to do but

listen to what is going to be done. However, forms doubtless have their

value, and at any rate they must be observed, so on this Monday morning

the Executive Council was to meet as usual, although nobody knew where

the Cabinet would be that time twenty-four hours. Lady Eynesford, who

wanted her husband to drive her out, thought the meeting under the

circumstances mere nonsense--which it very likely was--and said so,

which betrayed inexperience, and Alicia Derosne asked what time it took

place.

"Eleven sharp," said the Governor, and returned to the account of the

murder.

Time after time in the last few days Alicia had told herself that she

could bear it no longer. At one moment she believed nothing, the next,

nothing was too terrible for her to believe; now she would fly to

Australia, or home, or anywhere out of New Lindsey; now a

straightforward challenge to Medland alone would serve her turn.

Sometimes she felt as if she could put the whole thing on one side; five

minutes later found her pinning her whole life on the issue of it. Under

her guarded face and calm demeanour, the storm of divided and

conflicting instincts and passions raged, and long solitary rambles

became a necessary outlet for what she dared show to none. She shrank

from seeing Medland, and yet longed to speak with him; she felt that to

mention the topic to him was impossible, and yet, if they met,

inevitable; that she would not have strength to face him, and yet could

not let him go without clearing up the mystery. She told herself at one

moment that she hardly knew him, at the next that between them nothing

could be too secret for utterance.

What she hoped and feared befell her that morning. She went out for a

walk in the Park, and before long she met the Premier, with his daughter

and Norburn. The two last were laughing and talking--their quarrel was

quite forgotten now--and Medland himself, she thought, looked as though

his load of care were a little less heavy. The two men explained that

they were on their way--a roundabout way, they confessed--to the

Council, and had seized the chance of some fresh air, while Daisy was

full of stories about yesterday's triumph, that left room only for a

passing reference to yesterday's tragedy.

"I didn't like him at all," she said; "but still it's dreadful--a man

one knew ever so slightly!"

Alicia agreed, and the next instant she found herself practically alone

with Medland; for Daisy ran off to pick a wild-flower that caught her

eye in the wood, and Norburn followed her. Not knowing whether to be

glad or sorry, she made no effort to escape, and was silent while

Medland began to speak of his prospects in that evening's division.

Suddenly she paused in her walk and lifted her eyes to his.

"You look happier," she said.

Medland's conscience smote him: he was looking happier because the man

was dead.

"It's at the prospect of being a free man to-morrow," he answered, with

a smile. "You know, Cincinnatus was very happy."

"But you're not like that."

"No, I suppose not. Say it's----"

"Never mind."

After a pause she made another attempt.

"Mr. Medland!"

"Yes?"

"You've been very good to me--yes, very good."

He turned to her with a gesture of disclaimer. She thought he was going

to speak, but he did not.

"Whatever happens, I shall always remember that with--with deep

gratitude."

"What is going to happen?" he asked, with an uneasy smile.

"Oh, how can I?" she burst out. "How can I say it? How can I ask you?"

As she spoke she stopped, and he followed her example. They stood facing

one another now, as he replied gravely,

"Whatever you ask--let it be what it will--I will answer, truthfully." A

pause before the last word perhaps betrayed a momentary struggle.

"What right have I? Why should you?"

"The right my--my desire to have your regard gives you. How can I ask

for that, unless I am ready to tell you all you can wish to know?"

"I have heard," she began falteringly, "I have been told by--by people

who, I suppose, were right to tell me----"

In a moment he understood her. A slight twitch of his mouth betrayed his

trouble, but he came to her rescue.

"I don't know how it reached you," he said. "Perhaps I think you might

have been--you need not have known it. But there is only one thing you

can have heard, that it would distress you to speak of."

She said nothing, but fixed her eyes on his.

"I am right?" he asked. "It is about--my wife?"

She bowed her head. He stood silent for a moment, and she cried,

"It was only gossip--a woman's gossip; I did wrong to listen to it."

"Gossip," he said, "is often true. This is true," and he set his lips.

The worst often finds or makes people calm. She had flushed at first,

but the colour went again, and she said quietly,

"If you have time and don't mind, I should like to hear it all."

She had forgotten what this request must mean to him, or perhaps she

thought the time for pretence had gone by. If so, he understood, for he

answered,

"It's your right."

Her eyes sank to the ground, but she did not quarrel with his words. She

stood motionless while he told his story. He spoke with wilful brevity

and dryness.

"I was a young man when I met her. She was married, and I went to the

house. Her husband----"

"Did he ill-treat her?"

"No. In his way, I suppose he was fond of her. But--she didn't like his

way. She was very beautiful, and I fell in love with her, and she with

me. And we ran away."

"Is--is that all? Is there no----?"

"No excuse? No, I suppose, none. And I lived with her till she died four

years ago. And--Daisy is our daughter."

"And he--the husband?"

"He did not divorce her. I don't know why not, perhaps because she asked

him to--anyhow he didn't. And he outlived her: so she died--as she had

lived."

"And is he still alive?"

"No; he is dead now." He was about to go on, but checked himself. Why

add that horror? How the man died was nothing between her and him.

"Have you no--nothing to say?" she burst out, almost angrily. "You just

tell me that and stop!"

"What is there to say? I have told you all there is to tell. I loved her

very much. I did what I could to make her happy, and I try to make up

for it to Daisy. But there is nothing more to say."

She was angry that he would not defend himself. She was ready--ah, so

ready!--to listen to his pleading. But he would not say a word for

himself. Instead, he went on,

"She didn't want to come, but I made her. She repented, poor girl, all

her life; she was never quite happy. It was all my doing. Still, I think

she was happier with me, in spite of it."

A movement of impatience escaped from Alicia. Seeing it he added,

"I beg your pardon. I didn't want you to think hardly of her."

"I don't want to think of her at all. Was she--was she like Daisy?"

"Yes; but prettier."

"I don't know what you expect me to say," she exclaimed. "I know--I

suppose some men don't think much of--of a thing like that. To me it is

horrible. You simply followed your-- Ah, I can't speak of it!" and she

seemed to put him from her with a gesture of disgust.

He walked beside her in silence, his face set in the bitter smile it

always wore when fate dealt hardly with him.

"I think I'll go straight home," she said, stopping suddenly. "You can

join the others."

"Yes, that will be best. I'm not due at the Council just yet."

"I suppose I ought to thank you for telling me the truth. I--" Her false

composure suddenly gave way. With a sob she stretched out her hands

towards him, crying, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" and before he

could answer her she turned and walked swiftly away, leaving him

standing still on the pathway.

She was hardly inside the gates of Government House when she saw Eleanor

Scaife, who hurried to meet her.

"Only think, Alicia!" she cried. "Dick is on his way home, and with such

good news. We've just had a cable from him."

"Coming back!"

"Yes. He's engaged! He met the Grangers on their tour round the

world--you know them, the great cotton people?--at Sydney, and he's

engaged to the youngest girl, Violet--you remember her? It all happened

in a fortnight. Mary and Lord Eynesford are delighted. It's just

perfect. She's very pretty, and tremendously well off. I do declare, I

never thought Dick would end so well! What a happy thought it was

sending him away! Aren't you delighted?"

"It sounds very nice, doesn't it? I don't think I knew her more than

just to speak to."

"Dick'll be here in four days. I've been looking for you to tell you for

the last hour. Where have you been?"

"In the Park."

"Alone, as usual, you hermit?"

"Well, I met the Medlands and Mr. Norburn, and talked to them for a

little while."

"Alicia! But it's no use talking to you. Come and find Mary."

"No, Eleanor, I'm tired, and--and hot. I'll go to my room."

"Oh, you must come and see her first."

"I can't."

"She'll be hurt, Alicia. She'll think you don't care. Come, dear."

"Tell her--tell her I'm coming directly. Eleanor, you must let me go,"

and breaking away she fled into the house.

Eleanor went alone to seek Lady Eynesford. Somehow Alicia's words had

quenched her high spirits for the moment.

"Poor child! I do hope she hasn't been foolish," she mused. "Surely

after what Mary told her--! Oh dear, I'm afraid it isn't all as happy as

it is about Dick!"

And then she indulged in some very cynical meditations on the advantages

of being a person of shallow emotions and changeful fancies, until she

was roused by the sight of Medland and Norburn walking up to the house,

to attend the Executive Council. From the window she closely watched

the Premier as he approached; her mood wavered to and fro, but at last

she summed up her impressions by remarking,

"Well, I suppose one might."

Half a Hero: A Novel · 第 21 / 30 章