From my own Apartment, October 14.
There are two kinds of immortality, that which the soul really enjoys
after this life, and that imaginary existence by which men live in their
fame and reputation. The best and greatest actions have proceeded from
the prospect of the one or the other of these; but my design is to treat
only of those who have chiefly proposed to themselves the latter as
the principal reward of their labours. It was for this reason that I
excluded from my Tables of Fame all the great founders and votaries of
religion; and it is for this reason also that I am more than ordinarily
anxious to do justice to the persons of whom I am now going to speak,
for, since fame was the only end of all their enterprises and studies,
a man cannot be too scrupulous in allotting them their due proportion of
it. It was this consideration which made me call the whole body of the
learned to my assistance; to many of whom I must own my obligations for
the catalogues of illustrious persons which they have sent me in upon
this occasion. I yesterday employed the whole afternoon in comparing
them with each other, which made so strong an impression upon my
imagination, that they broke my sleep for the first part of the
following night, and at length threw me into a very agreeable vision,
which I shall beg leave to describe in all its particulars.
I dreamed that I was conveyed into a wide and boundless plain, that was
covered with prodigious multitudes of people, which no man could number.
In the midst of it there stood a mountain, with its head above the
clouds. The sides were extremely steep, and of such a particular
structure, that no creature which was not made in a human figure could
possibly ascend it. On a sudden there was heard from the top of it a
sound like that of a trumpet, but so exceeding sweet and harmonious,
that it filled the hearts of those who heard it with raptures, and gave
such high and delightful sensations, as seemed to animate and raise
human nature above itself. This made me very much amazed to find so very
few in that innumerable multitude who had ears fine enough to hear or
relish this music with pleasure; but my wonder abated when, upon looking
round me, I saw most of them attentive to three Syrens, clothed like
goddesses, and distinguished by the names of Sloth, Ignorance, and
Pleasure. They were seated on three rocks, amidst a beautiful variety of
groves, meadows, and rivulets that lay on the borders of the mountain.
While this base and grovelling multitude of different nations, ranks,
and ages were listening to these delusive deities, those of a more
erect aspect and exalted spirit separated themselves from the rest, and
marched in great bodies towards the mountain from whence they heard the
sound, which still grew sweeter the more they listened to it.
On a sudden methought this select band sprang forward, with a resolution
to climb the ascent, and follow the call of that heavenly music. Every
one took something with him that he thought might be of assistance to
him in his march. Several had their swords drawn, some carried rolls
of paper in their hands, some had compasses, others quadrants, others
telescopes, and others pencils. Some had laurels on their heads, and
others buskins on their legs; in short, there was scarce any instrument
of a mechanic art, or liberal science, which was not made of use on this
occasion. My good demon, who stood at my right hand during this course
of the whole vision, observing in me a burning desire to join that
glorious company, told me, "he highly approved that generous ardour with
which I seemed transported; but at the same time advised me to cover my
face with a mask all the while I was to labour on the ascent." I took
his counsel, without inquiring into his reasons. The whole body now
broke into different parties, and began to climb the precipice by ten
thousand different paths. Several got into little alleys, which did
not reach far up the hill before they ended, and led no further; and I
observed that most of the artizans, which considerably diminished our
number, fell into these paths.
We left another considerable body of adventurers behind us who thought
they had discovered byways up the hill, which proved so very intricate
and perplexed, that after having advanced in them a little they were
quite lost among the several turns and windings; and though they were
as active as any in their motions, they made but little progress in the
ascent. These, as my guide informed me, were men of subtle tempers, and
puzzled politics, who would supply the place of real wisdom with cunning
and artifice. Among those who were far advanced in their way there were
some that by one false step fell backward, and lost more ground in a
moment, than they had gained for many hours, or could be ever able
to recover. We were now advanced very high, and observed that all the
different paths which ran about the sides of the mountain began to meet
in two great roads, which insensibly gathered the whole multitude of
travellers into two great bodies. At a little distance from the entrance
of each road there stood a hideous phantom, that opposed our further
passage. One of these apparitions had his right hand filled with darts,
which he brandished in the face of all who came up that way. Crowds ran
back at the appearance of it, and cried out, "Death!" The spectre that
guarded the other road was Envy. She was not armed with weapons of
destruction, like the former, but by dreadful hissings, noises of
reproach, and a horrid distracted laughter; she appeared more frightful
than Death itself, insomuch that abundance of our company were
discouraged from passing any further, and some appeared ashamed of
having come so far. As for myself, I must confess my heart shrunk within
me at the sight of these ghastly appearances; but, on a sudden, the
voice of the trumpet came more full upon us, so that we felt a new
resolution reviving in us, and in proportion as this resolution grew the
terrors before us seemed to vanish. Most of the company, who had swords
in their hands, marched on with great spirit, and an air of defiance, up
the road that was commanded by Death; while others, who had thought and
contemplation in their looks, went forward in a more composed manner up
the road possessed by Envy. The way above these apparitions grew smooth
and uniform, and was so delightful, that the travellers went on with
pleasure, and in a little time arrived at the top of the mountain. They
here began to breathe a delicious kind of ether, and saw all the fields
about them covered with a kind of purple light, that made them reflect
with satisfaction on their past toils, and diffused a secret joy through
the whole assembly, which showed itself in every look and feature. In
the midst of these happy fields there stood a palace of a very glorious
structure. It had four great folding-doors that faced the four several
quarters of the world. On the top of it was enthroned the goddess of the
mountain, who smiled upon her votaries, and sounded the silver trumpet
which had called them up, and cheered them in their passage to her
palace. They had now formed themselves into several divisions, a band of
historians taking their stations at each door, according to the persons
whom they were to introduce.
On a sudden the trumpet, which had hitherto sounded only a march, or a
point of war, now swelled all its notes into triumph and exultation.
The whole fabric shook, and the doors flew open. The first who stepped
forward was a beautiful and blooming hero, and, as I heard by the
murmurs round me, Alexander the Great. He was conducted by a crowd of
historians. The person who immediately walked before him was remarkable
for an embroidered garment, who, not being well acquainted with the
place, was conducting him to an apartment appointed for the reception of
fabulous heroes. The name of this false guide was Quintus Curtius.
But Arrian and Plutarch, who knew better the avenues of this palace,
conducted him into the great hall, and placed him at the upper end of
the first table. My good demon, that I might see the whole ceremony,
conveyed me to a corner of this room, where I might perceive all that
passed without being seen myself. The next who entered was a charming
virgin, leading in a venerable old man that was blind. Under her left
arm she bore a harp, and on her head a garland. Alexander, who was very
well acquainted with Homer, stood up at his entrance, and placed him
on his right hand. The virgin, who it seems was one of the Nine Sisters
that attended on the Goddess of Fame, smiled with an ineffable grace at
their meeting, and retired.
Julius Caesar was now coming forward; and though most of the historians
offered their service to introduce him, he left them at the door, and
would have no conductor but himself.
The next who advanced was a man of a homely but cheerful aspect, and
attended by persons of greater figure than any that appeared on this
occasion. Plato was on his right hand, and Xenophon on his left. He
bowed to Homer, and sat down by him. It was expected that Plato would
himself have taken a place next to his master Socrates: but on a sudden
there was heard a great clamour of disputants at the door, who appeared
with Aristotle at the head of them. That philosopher, with some
rudeness, but great strength of reason, convinced the whole table that a
title to the fifth place was his due, and took it accordingly.
He had scarce sat down, when the same beautiful virgin that had
introduced Homer brought in another, who hung back at the entrance, and
would have excused himself, had not his modesty been overcome by the
invitation of all who sat at the table. His guide and behaviour made me
easily conclude it was Virgil. Cicero next appeared, and took his place.
He had inquired at the door for Lucceius to introduce him, but not
finding him there, he contented himself with the attendance of many
other writers, who all, except Sallust, appeared highly pleased with the
office.
We waited some time in expectation of the next worthy, who came in with
a great retinue of historians, whose names I could not learn, most
of them being natives of Carthage. The person thus conducted, who was
Hannibal, seemed much disturbed, and could not forbear complaining to
the board of the affronts he had met with among the Roman historians,
"who attempted," says he, "to carry me into the subterraneous apartment,
and perhaps would have done it, had it not been for the impartiality of
this gentleman," pointing to Polybius, "who was the only person, except
my own countrymen, that was willing to conduct me hither."
The Carthaginian took his seat, and Pompey entered, with great dignity
in his own person, and preceded by several historians. Lucan the poet
was at the head of them, who, observing Homer and Virgil at the table,
was going to sit down himself, had not the latter whispered him that
whatever pretence he might otherwise have had, he forfeited his claim to
it by coming in as one of the historians. Lucan was so exasperated with
the repulse, that he muttered something to himself, and was heard to say
that since he could not have a seat among them himself, he would bring
in one who alone had more merit than their whole assembly: upon which he
went to the door and brought in Cato of Utica. That great man approached
the company with such an air that showed he contemned the honour which
he laid a claim to. Observing the seat opposite to Caesar was vacant, he
took possession of it, and spoke two or three smart sentences upon the
nature of precedency, which, according to him, consisted not in place,
but in intrinsic merit: to which he added, "that the most virtuous
man, wherever he was seated, was always at the upper end of the table."
Socrates, who had a great spirit of raillery with his wisdom, could not
forbear smiling at a virtue which took so little pains to make itself
agreeable. Cicero took the occasion to make a long discourse in praise
of Cato, which he uttered with much vehemence. Caesar answered him with
a great deal of seeming temper, but, as I stood at a great distance from
them, I was not able to hear one word of what they said. But I could
not forbear taking notice that in all the discourse which passed at the
table a word or nod from Homer decided the controversy.
After a short pause Augustus appeared, looking round him, with a serene
and affable countenance, upon all the writers of his age, who strove
among themselves which of them should show him the greatest marks of
gratitude and respect. Virgil rose from the table to meet him; and
though he was an acceptable guest to all, he appeared more such to the
learned than the military worthies.
The next man astonished the whole table with his appearance. He was
slow, solemn, and silent in his behaviour, and wore a raiment curiously
wrought with hieroglyphics. As he came into the middle of the room, he
threw back the skirt of it, and discovered a golden thigh. Socrates, at
the sight of it, declared against keeping company with any who were not
made of flesh and blood, and, therefore, desired Diogenes the Laertian
to lead him to the apartment allotted for fabulous heroes and worthies
of dubious existence. At his going out he told them, "that they did
not know whom they dismissed; that he was now Pythagoras, the first
of philosophers, and that formerly he had been a very brave man at the
Siege of Troy." "That may be true," said Socrates, "but you forget that
you have likewise been a very great harlot in your time." This exclusion
made way for Archimedes, who came forward with a scheme of mathematical
figures in his hand, among which I observed a cone and a cylinder.
Seeing this table full, I desired my guide, for variety, to lead me
to the fabulous apartment, the roof of which was painted with Gorgons,
Chimeras, and Centaurs, with many other emblematical figures, which I
wanted both time and skill to unriddle. The first table was almost full.
At the upper end sat Hercules, leaning an arm upon his club; on his
right hand were Achilles and Ulysses, and between them AEneas; on his
left were Hector, Theseus, and Jason: the lower end had Orpheus, AEsop,
Phalaris, and Musaeus. The ushers seemed at a loss for a twelfth man,
when, methought, to my great joy and surprise, I heard some at the lower
end of the table mention Isaac Bickerstaff; but those of the upper end
received it with disdain, and said, "if they must have a British worthy,
they would have Robin Hood!"
While I was transported with the honour that was done me, and burning
with envy against my competitor, I was awakened by the noise of the
cannon which were then fired for the taking of Mons. I should have been
very much troubled at being thrown out of so pleasing a vision on any
other occasion; but thought it an agreeable change, to have my thoughts
diverted from the greatest among the dead and fabulous heroes to the
most famous among the real and the living.