[Illustration: Faithfully, yours, Fanny Stenhouse]
AN ENGLISHWOMAN IN UTAH:
THE STORY OF
_A Life’s Experience in Mormonism_.
An Autobiography:
BY
MRS. T. B. H. STENHOUSE,
OF SALT LAKE CITY,
FOR MORE THAN TWENTY-FIVE YEARS THE WIFE OF A MORMON MISSIONARY
AND ELDER.
WITH INTRODUCTORY PREFACE BY MRS. HARRIET BEECHER STOWE.
INCLUDING A FULL ACCOUNT OF
THE MOUNTAIN MEADOWS MASSACRE,
AND OF THE
LIFE, CONFESSION, AND EXECUTION OF BISHOP JOHN D. LEE.
FULLY ILLUSTRATED.
London:
SAMPSON LOW, MARSTON, SEARLE, & RIVINGTON,
CROWN BUILDINGS, 188, FLEET STREET.
1880.
[_All rights reserved._]
TO MY CHILDREN; WITH ALL A MOTHER’S LOVE AND TENDERNESS, THIS VOLUME, THE
STORY OF MY LIFE’S EXPERIENCE, IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED.
PREFACE BY MRS. HARRIET BEECHER STOWE.
In these pages, a woman, a wife and mother, speaks the sorrows and
oppressions of which she has been the witness and the victim.
It is because her sorrows and her oppressions are those of thousands,
who, suffering like her, cannot or dare not speak for themselves, that
she thus gives this history to the public.
It is no sensational story, but a plain, unvarnished tale of truth,
stranger and sadder than fiction.
Our day has seen a glorious breaking of fetters. The slave-pens of
the South have become a nightmare of the past; the auction-block and
whipping-post have given place to the church and school-house; and the
songs of emancipated millions are heard through our land.
May we not then hope that the hour is come to loose the bonds of a cruel
slavery whose chains have cut into the very hearts of thousands of our
sisters—a slavery which debases and degrades womanhood, motherhood, and
the family?
Let every happy wife and mother who reads these lines give her their
sympathy, prayers, and aid to free her sisters from this degrading
bondage. Let all the womanhood of the country stand united for them.
There is a power in combined enlightened sentiment and sympathy before
which every form of injustice and cruelty _must_ finally go down.
May He who came to break every yoke hasten this deliverance!
HARRIET BEECHER STOWE.
PREFACE.
In the fall of the year 1869, a few earnest, thinking men, members of
the Mormon Church, and living in Salt Lake City, inaugurated what was
regarded at the time as a grand schism. Those who had watched with
anxiety the progress of Mormonism, hailed the “New Movement” as the
harbinger of the work of disintegration so long anticipated by the
thoughtful-minded Saints, and believed that the opposition to Theocracy,
then begun, would continue until the extraordinary assumptions of the
Mormon priesthood were exploded, and Mormonism itself should lose its
political _status_ and find its place only among the singular sects of
the day.
It was freely predicted that Woman, in her turn, would accept her part in
the work of reformation, take up the marriage question among the Saints,
and make an end of Polygamy.
Little did I imagine, at that period, that any such mission as that which
I have since realized as mine, was in the Providence of Time awaiting
me, or that I should ever have the boldness, either with tongue or
pen, to plead the cause of the Women of Utah. But, impelled by those
unseen influences which shape our destinies, I took my stand with the
“heretics;” and, as it happened, my own was the first woman’s name
enrolled in their cause.
The circumstances which wrought a change in my own life produced a
corresponding revolution in the life of my husband.
In withdrawing from the Mormon Church, we laid ourselves, our
associations, and the labours of over twenty years, upon the altar,
and took up the burden of life anew. We had sacrificed everything in
obedience to the “counsel” of Brigham Young; and my husband, to give a
new direction to his mind, and also to form some plan for our future
life, thought it advisable that he should visit New York. He did so;
and shortly after employed himself in writing a history of the “Rocky
Mountain Saints,” which has since been published.
In course of time, the burden of providing for a large family, and the
anxiety and care of conducting successfully a business among a people
who make it a religious duty to sternly set their faces against those
who dissent from their faith, exhausted my physical and mental strength.
Considering, therefore, that change might be beneficial to me, and my
own personal affairs urgently calling me to New York City, I followed my
husband thither.
On my way East I met a highly-valued friend of my family, who,
in the course of our journey together over the Pacific Railroad,
enthusiastically urged me to tell the story of my past life, and to give
to the world what I knew about Polygamy. I had been repeatedly advised to
do so by friends at home, but up to that time no plan had been arranged
for carrying out the suggestion.
I had hardly arrived in New York before the electric messenger announced
that a severe snow-storm was raging on the vast plains between the Rocky
Mountains and the Missouri River, and for several weeks all traffic over
the Union Pacific Railroad was interrupted, and I could not return to my
home in the distant West.
That unlooked-for snow-blockade became seriously annoying; for not only
was I most anxious to return to my children, but also, never having known
an idle hour, I could not live without something to do. At that moment
of unsettled feeling, a lady-friend, with whom I was visiting, suggested
again “_the book_;” and she would not permit me to leave her house until
she had exacted from me a promise that it should be written.
Next morning I began my task in earnest. I faithfully kept my room and
laboured unremittingly; and in three weeks the manuscript of my little
work on “Polygamy in Utah” was completed. It was very kindly welcomed
by the press—both secular and religious—and for this I was sincerely
grateful. I had not, up to that time, thought of much else than its
effect upon the people of Utah; but the voluminous notices which that
little book received showed the deep interest which the people of the
United States had taken in “the Mormon question,” and how ardently they
desired to see the extinction of the polygamic institution among the
Saints.
In Salt Lake City I was so situated that I was daily—I might almost say
hourly—brought in contact with visitors to the Modern Zion; for, during
the summer, thousands of travellers pass over the Pacific Railroad.
Not a few of these called to see me; and I received from ladies and
gentlemen—whose kind interest in my welfare I felt very deeply—many
personal attentions, many words of sympathy and encouragement, and many
intelligent and useful suggestions in respect to my future life. Indeed,
I saw myself quite unexpectedly, and, I may truthfully say, without my
own desire, become an object of interest.
By the earnest suggestions of friends and strangers, and by the
widely published opinions of the press, I was made to feel that I had
only _begun_ my work—that I had but partly drawn aside the veil that
covered the worst oppression and degradation of woman ever known in a
civilized country. Nearly all who spoke to me expressed their surprise
that intelligent men and women should be found in communion with the
Mormon Church, in which it was so clearly evident that the teachings of
Christianity had been supplanted by an attempt to imitate the barbarism
of Oriental nations in a long past age, and the sweet influences of the
religion of Jesus were superseded by the most objectionable practices of
the ancient Jews. How persons of education and refinement could ever have
embraced a faith that prostrated them at the feet of the Mormon Prophet,
and his successor Brigham Young, was to the inquiring mind a perfect
mystery.
The numerous questions which I had to answer, and the explanations
which I had to give, showed me that my little book had only whetted the
appetite of the intelligent investigator, and that there was a general
call for _a woman’s book_ on Mormonism—a book that should reveal _the
inner life_ of the Saints,—exhibit the influences which had contributed
to draw Christian people away from Christian Churches to the standard
of the American Prophet, Joseph Smith, and subject them to the power of
that organization which has, since his death, subjugated the mass of the
Mormon people in Utah to the will and wickedness of the Priesthood under
the leadership of Brigham Young.
A few months after the publication of my first book, I was invited to
lecture upon “Polygamy in Utah;” and wherever I spoke I observed the same
spirit of inquiry, and met with a renewed demand for more of circumstance
and narrative—which I had, from a sense of personal delicacy, withheld in
my former work.
I saw no way of satisfying myself and others than by accepting the
rather spiteful invitation of a certain Mormon paper to “TELL IT ALL;”
and this, in a narrative of my own personal experience, which I now
present to the reader, I have endeavoured to do. Not being in any sense
a literary woman, or making any pretensions as a writer, I hope to
escape severe criticism from the public and the press. I had a simple
story to tell—the story of my life and of the wrongs of women in Utah.
Startling and terrible facts have fallen under my observation. These also
I have related; but my constant effort has been to tell my story in the
plainest, simplest way, and, while avoiding exaggeration, never to shrink
from a straightforward statement of facts. I have disguised nothing, and
palliated nothing; and I feel assured that those who from their actual
and intimate acquaintance with Mormonism in Utah as it really is, are
capable of passing a just and impartial judgment upon my story, will
declare without hesitation that I have told “_the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth_.”
FANNY STENHOUSE.
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.
CONTENTS.
CHAP. PAGE
I. MY EARLY LIFE 1
II. MY FIRST INTRODUCTION TO MORMONISM 7
III. THE LABOUR OF MY LIFE BEGUN—HOW THE MORMON MISSIONARIES
MADE CONVERTS 16
IV. LIFE AMONG THE SAINTS—MY NEW ENGAGEMENTS 25
V. THE FIRST WHISPERINGS OF POLYGAMY 33
VI. MY HUSBAND’S MISSION—I AM LEFT ALONE 41
VII. OUR MISSION IN SWITZERLAND—MUTTERINGS OF THE COMING
STORM 56
VIII. THE REVELATION ON “CELESTIAL MARRIAGE” 67
IX. MISSIONARY WORK—TEACHING POLYGAMY 76
X. MORMONISM IN ENGLAND—PREPARING TO EMIGRATE 86
XI. EMIGRATING TO ZION—WE ARRIVE IN NEW YORK 97
XII. LIFE IN NEW YORK—CONDUCTING A MORMON PAPER 103
XIII. SAINTLY PILGRIMS ON THE WAY—THE “DIVINE” HAND-CART
SCHEME 111
XIV. A TERRIBLE STORY—THE HAND-CART EMIGRANTS CROSSING THE
PLAINS 123
XV. MARY BURTON’S STORY CONTINUED—TERRIBLE ENDING OF THE
HAND-CART SCHEME 132
XVI. WE FORSAKE ALL, AND SET OUT FOR ZION—OUR JOURNEY
ACROSS THE PLAINS 145
XVII. MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF THE CITY OF THE SAINTS 152
XVIII. BRIGHAM YOUNG AT HOME—WE VISIT THE PROPHET AND HIS
WIVES 163
XIX. THE WIVES OF BRIGHAM YOUNG—THEIR HISTORY AND THEIR
DAILY LIFE 168
XX. WAYS AND WORKS OF THE SAINTS—THE PROPHET’S MILLINERY
BILL 179
XXI. MYSTERIES OF THE ENDOWMENT HOUSE—FEARFUL OATHS AND
SECRET CEREMONIES 189
XXII. SECRETS OF SAINTLY SPOUSES—A VISIT FROM MY TALKATIVE
FRIEND 202
XXIII. SOCIAL LIFE IN SALT LAKE CITY—BALL-ROOMS,
“WALL-FLOWERS,” AND DIVORCE 209
XXIV. THE ORIGIN OF “THE REFORMATION”—EXTRAORDINARY DOINGS OF
THE SAINTS 224
XXV. THE “REIGN OF TERROR” IN UTAH—THE REFORMATION OF THE
SAINTS 235
XXVI. THE MOUNTAIN MEADOWS MASSACRE—“I WILL REPAY, SAITH
THE LORD” 247
XXVII. WHAT WOMEN SUFFER IN POLYGAMY—THE STORY OF MARY BURTON 259
XXVIII. HOW MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN UTAH—A NEW WIFE FOUND FOR
MY HUSBAND 268
XXIX. TAKING A SECOND WIFE—THE EXPERIENCE OF THE FIRST 278
XXX. TRIALS—THE SECOND WIFE CHOSEN—SHADOWS OF LIFE 285
XXXI. MARRIAGE FOR THE DEAD—ENTERING INTO POLYGAMY—THE NEW
WIFE 293
XXXII. DOMESTIC ARRANGEMENTS OF THE SAINTS—POLYGAMY FROM A
WOMAN’S STANDPOINT 299
XXXIII. LIGHTS AND SHADOWS OF POLYGAMY—MARRIAGE AND BAPTISM
FOR THE DEAD 306
XXXIV. MY DAUGHTER BECOMES THE FOURTH WIFE OF BRIGHAM YOUNG’S
SON—THE SECOND ENDOWMENTS 314
XXXV. REALITIES OF POLYGAMIC LIFE—ORSON PRATT: THE STORY OF
HIS YOUNG ENGLISH WIFE 323
XXXVI. “OUR” HUSBAND’S FIANCÉE—A SECOND WIFE’S SORROWS—STEPS
TOWARDS APOSTASY 331
XXXVII. SOME CURIOUS COURTSHIPS—BRIGHAM RUINS OUR
FORTUNES—BELINDA DIVORCES “OUR” HUSBAND 340
XXXVIII. MARY BURTON—LIFE’S JOURNEY ENDED: REST AT LAST 347
XXXIX. MY HUSBAND DISFELLOWSHIPPED—WE APOSTATIZE—BRUTAL
OUTRAGE UPON MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF 357
XL. AMUSING TROUBLES OF MY TALKATIVE FRIEND—CHARLOTTE WITH
THE GOLDEN HAIR 361
XLI. AFTER WE LEFT THE CHURCH—INTERESTING FACTS AND
FIGURES—MORMONISM AND MORMONS OF TO-DAY 363
L’ENVOI 377
POSTSCRIPT 380
XLIV. MOUNTAIN MEADOWS MASSACRE—COMPLETE CONFESSION OF
BISHOP JOHN D. LEE 384
KILLING A RIVAL PROPHET 398
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.
1. Steel-plate Portrait of the Author _Frontispiece_
2. Steel-plate Portrait of Brigham Young _To face_
3. “Gathering to Zion”—Life on the Plains 125
4. Over at Last 136
5. View of Main Street, Salt Lake City (_From a Photograph_) 148
The Ladies’ Side of Mormonism.
6. Amelia Folsom Young, Brigham’s Favourite Wife 168
7. “Ann Eliza,” Brigham’s Nineteenth Wife 168
8. Miss Eliza R. Snow, Mormon Poetess and High Priestess 168
9. Mrs. John W. Young, Wife of Brigham’s Apostate Son 168
10. Brother Brigham’s Last Baby 168
11. Scene of the Mountain Meadows Massacre 255
12. The Crisis of a Life—Entering into Polygamy 296
13. Polygamy in Low Life—The Poor Man’s Family 302
14. Polygamy in High Life—The Prophet’s Mansion 302
15. Despair! 326
16. Fac-simile of a Mormon “Bill of Divorce” 344
AN ENGLISHWOMAN IN UTAH.
CHAPTER I.
MY EARLY LIFE.
The story which I propose to tell in these pages is a plain,
unexaggerated record of facts which have come immediately under my own
notice, or which I have myself personally experienced.
Much that to the reader may seem altogether incredible, would to a
Mormon mind appear simply a matter of ordinary every-day occurrence
with which every one in Utah is supposed to be perfectly familiar. The
reader must please remember that I am not telling—as so many writers have
told in newspaper correspondence and sensational stories—the hasty and
incorrect statements and opinions gleaned during a short visit to Salt
Lake City; but my own experience—the story of a faith, strange, wild,
and terrible it may be, but which was once so intimately enwoven with
all my associations that it became a part of my very existence itself;
and facts, the too true reality of which there are living witnesses by
hundreds, and even thousands, who could attest if only they would.
With the reader’s permission I shall briefly sketch my experience from
the very beginning.
I was born in the year 1829, in St. Heliers, Jersey—one of the islands of
the English Channel.
From my earliest recollection I was favourably disposed to religious
influences, and when only fourteen years of age I became a member of the
Baptist Church, of which my father and mother were also members. With the
simplicity and enthusiasm of youth I was devoted to the religious faith
of the denomination to which I had attached myself, and sought to live in
a manner which should be acceptable to God.
My childhood passed away without the occurrence of any events which
would be worthy of mention, although, of course, my mind was even then
receiving that religious bias which afterwards led me to adopt the faith
of the Latter-day Saints. Like most girls in their teens I had a natural
love of dress—a weakness, if such it be, of the sex generally. I was
not extravagant, for that I could not be; but thirty years ago members
of dissenting churches were more staid in their dress and demeanour and
were less of the world, I think, than they are to-day. In plainness of
dress the Methodists and Baptists much resembled the Quakers. My girlish
weakness caused me to be the subject of many a reprimand from older
church-members who were rather strict in their views. I well remember
one smooth-faced, pious, corpulent brother, who was old enough to be my
father, saying to me one day: “My dear young sister, were it not for your
love of dress, I have seriously thought that I would some day make you my
wife.” I wickedly resolved that if a few bright coloured ribbons would
disgust my pious admirer, it should not be my fault if he still continued
to think of me. But many of our other church-members were more lenient.
Our good minister in particular bore with my imperfections, as he said,
on account of my youth and inexperience; and later still, when I was
ready to leave my native island, an extra ribbon or a fashionable dress
had not affected my standing in the Baptist denomination.
I mention these trifles, not because I attach any importance to them in
themselves, but because similar religious tendencies and a devotional
feeling were almost universally found to be the causes which induced
men and women to join the Mormon Church. From among Roman Catholics,
who place unquestioning confidence in their priesthood, and also from
among persons predisposed to infidelity, came few, if any, converts
to Mormonism. But it was from among the religiously inclined, the
Evangelical Protestants of the Old World, that the greater number of
proselytes came.
But to return to my story. I was one of the younger members of a large
family; and when I thought of the future I readily saw that if I desired
a position in life I should have to make it for myself; and this I
resolved to do. I began by consulting all my friends who I thought would
be able to counsel or assist me in carrying out my determination; and
before long I found the opportunity which I sought. An English lady,
the wife of a captain in the British army, to whom I had confided my
aspirations, proposed—although I was not yet fifteen years of age—to
take me with her to France, in the temporary capacity of governess, to
her children, assuring me at the same time that she would advance my
interests in every possible way after our arrival.
This lady and her husband were as kind to me as my own parents could
have been; and soon after our arrival in France they procured for
me a situation in one of the best schools in St. Brieux, called the
Maison-Martin, where, young as I was, I engaged myself to teach the young
ladies fancy-needlework and embroidery, as well as to give lessons in
English. Some of the elder girls, I soon found, were further advanced
in fancy-needlework and some other matters than I was myself. This, of
course, I did not tell them; but to supply my deficiency I spent many
a midnight hour in study and in preparing myself to give the advanced
instructions which would be required by my pupils on the following day.
For some time after I began my work as teacher in that school, I spent
the whole of my salary in paying for private lessons to keep me in
advance of my pupils. It was for awhile a severe task and a strain upon
my youthful energies; but I have never since regretted it, as it gave an
impulse to my mind that has remained with me through life.
I had not been more than six months in my situation when the parents of
one of the pupils objected to the school retaining a Protestant teacher,
and I was consequently given to understand that unless I consented to
be instructed, if nothing more, in the Roman Catholic faith, I could
not remain in my present position. This was my first experience of that
religious intolerance of which I afterwards saw so much. The principal
of the establishment, however, being very kindly disposed towards me,
advised me to submit, and it was finally agreed that I should be allowed
twelve months for instruction and consideration.
During this probationary year I attended mass every morning from seven to
eight o’clock, and was present at vespers at least three times a week.
Every Saturday morning I accompanied my pupils to the confessional, where
I had to remain from seven o’clock till noon; after which we returned
to breakfast. On Sundays there was the usual morning mass, and after
that high mass; and in the afternoon, from two to four, we listened to
a sermon. In addition to all these services, at which I was expected to
“assist,” a very good-looking, interesting young priest was appointed
to attend to the spiritual instruction of the young Protestant, as
they called me, after school hours. He saw me frequently, but he was
ill-qualified to instruct me in the Catholic faith or to remove my
doubts, for he was not himself too happy in the sacerdotal robe. At first
he aimed at convincing me that the apostolic priesthood vested in the
fishermen of Galilee had descended in unbroken succession in the Church
of Rome; but he seemed to me much more inclined for a flirtation than for
argument; I thought I could at times discover something of regret on his
own part at having taken holy orders; and in after years I heard that he
had abandoned his profession.
To the numerous stories of Catholic oppression and artifice in
undermining Protestants and seducing them from their faith, I cannot add
my own testimony. Those among whom I lived very naturally desired that
I should be instructed in their religion, and join the church to which
they belonged; but their bearing towards me was ever kind and respectful;
although when the twelve months of probation had expired, I found myself
as much attached to the religion of my childhood as ever, and had in
consequence to resign my situation. I had made many warm friends in the
school, and none were kinder to me than the principal, who proved her
attachment by finding for me a lucrative situation in a wealthy private
family.
My new position was a decided advance in social life. The family
consisted of husband and wife, two children, the husband’s brother, and
an elderly uncle. The little girls were, when I first knew them, of the
ages of five and seven years respectively. The young gentleman alluded
to—the husband’s brother—had been educated for the church, but when
the proper time came had refused to take orders; the uncle was a fine
old gentleman, a retired general in the French army, and a bachelor.
Altogether they formed as happy a domestic circle as I had ever known.
The position which I occupied among them was that of governess and
English teacher to the two little girls.
My young charges during the first year made rapid progress, which was
very gratifying to the family, and secured for me their good-will and
interest. Had I been their nearest relative I could not have received
more respect and consideration from them. One member of the circle alone
seemed to be entirely indifferent to my presence; this was the brother of
Monsieur D——. Though I had lived in the same house with him a whole year,
and had sat at the same table every day, scarcely a word had ever passed
between us beyond a formal salutation.
The young gentleman was very handsome, and when conversing with
others his manner was extremely fascinating. I did not believe that I
particularly desired his attentions, but his indifference annoyed me—for
I had never before been treated with such coldness, and I determined to
become as frigid and formal as he could possibly be himself. This formal
acquaintanceship continued for two years, and I persuaded myself that I
had become altogether indifferent to the presence of my icicle, while
at the same time all the other members of the family increased in their
manifestations of attachment to me.
But trifles often possess a great significance. It was the custom of the
family to get up a little lottery once a week for the children, if my
report of their deportment and progress was favourable. In this lottery
were presents of books, toys, gloves, and a variety of fancy articles,
and among them there was sure to be a _bouquet_ of choice flowers for
“Mademoiselle-Miss,” as they familiarly called me. I knew not positively
whom to thank, although I instinctively felt from whom they came, for the
other members of the family always made me more useful presents. In time
one little attention led to another, until at the end of three years I
found myself the _fiancée_ of the wealthy Constant D——.
Madame D—— was opposed to my marriage with her brother-in-law, as she
desired that he should marry one of her own wealthy cousins of the
old _noblesse_ of France. She treated me, notwithstanding, with great
kindness, and confined her opposition to persuading me not to listen to
her brother’s suit; but finding opposition to his wishes ineffectual, she
finally consented to our engagement, which took place in the following
winter.
From what I observed of the relations which existed between husbands
and wives in France, I did not feel perfectly happy in the thought of
becoming the wife of a Frenchman, although I dearly loved the French
people. Several of my young lady acquaintances, I knew, had married
because it was fashionable, and especially because it was an emancipation
from what ladies in the higher ranks of society regarded as a severe
social restraint. It was considered shocking for any young lady to be
seen talking to a young gentleman in the street; indeed it was hardly
proper for any unmarried girl to be seen in the street at all without a
_bonne_ or some married lady to accompany her. But immediately she was
married she was at liberty to flirt and promenade with all the gentlemen
of her acquaintance, while her husband enjoyed the same liberty among the
ladies. This state of affairs did not at all coincide with my English
ideas, for to me the very thought of marriage was invested with the most
sacred obligations, and I knew I should never be able to bring my mind to
accept less from my husband than I should feel it my duty to render to
him.
I loved the French people, and was pleased with their polite mannerism,
but I was not French in character; and though the prospect before me of
an alliance with a wealthy and noble family was certainly pleasant, and
I was greatly attached to my _fiancé_, my mind was considerably agitated
upon the subject of marriage, as it had before been occupied with
religion.
During my sojourn in France I had frequently questioned myself whether
I had not done wrong in remaining absent for so many years from my home
and from communion with the church of my childhood, and I had always
looked forward to the time when I should return to them again. To this
occasional self-examination was now added another cause of anxiety,
produced by the thought of marriage with a person of a different faith.
Marriage, to me, was the all-important event in a woman’s life, and some
mysterious presentiment seemed to forewarn me that marriage in _my_ life
was to be more than an ordinary episode—though little did I then dream
that it would have a polygamic shaping.
My young ambition alone had led me to France. I had aspired to an
honourable social position, and had found both it and also devoted
friends. Sometimes I felt that I could not relinquish what I had gained;
at other times I yearned for the associations of my childhood and the
guiding hand of earlier friends. The conflict in my mind was often
painful. My early prejudices and the teachings of those around me induced
me to believe that the Roman Catholic religion was entirely wrong; yet,
notwithstanding, while living among Catholics I saw nothing to condemn
in their personal lives, but much to the contrary. In fact, Romanism
fascinated me, while it failed to convince my judgment.
While labouring under these conflicting sentiments, I resolved to
visit my native land, to consult with my parents about my contemplated
marriage; and for that purpose I asked and obtained two months’ vacation.
Surely some mysterious destiny must have been drawing me to England at
that particular crisis, and before the fulfilling of my engagement, which
would have changed so entirely the whole current of my existence.