THE ALEHOUSE-KEEPER--COMPASSION FOR THE RICH--OLD ENGLISH GENTLEMAN--HOW
IS THIS?--MADEIRA--THE GREEK PARR--TWENTY LANGUAGES--WHITER'S
HEALTH--ABOUT THE FIGHT--A SPORTING GENTLEMAN--FLATTENED NOSE--THAT
PIGHTLE--THE SURLY NOD
'Holloa, master! can you tell us where the fight is likely to be?'
Such were the words shouted out to me by a short thick fellow, in brown
top-boots, and bareheaded, who stood, with his hands in his pockets, at
the door of a country alehouse as I was passing by.
Now, as I knew nothing about the fight, and as the appearance of the man
did not tempt me greatly to enter into conversation with him, I merely
answered in the negative, and continued my way.
It was a fine lovely morning in May, the sun shone bright above, and the
birds were carolling in the hedgerows. I was wont to be cheerful at such
seasons, for, from my earliest recollection, sunshine and the song of
birds have been dear to me; yet, about that period, I was not cheerful,
my mind was not at rest; I was debating within myself, and the debate was
dreary and unsatisfactory enough. I sighed, and turning my eyes upward,
I ejaculated, 'What is truth?'
But suddenly, by a violent effort breaking away from my meditations, I
hastened forward; one mile, two miles, three miles were speedily left
behind; and now I came to a grove of birch and other trees, and opening a
gate I passed up a kind of avenue, and soon arriving before a large brick
house, of rather antique appearance, knocked at the door.
In this house there lived a gentleman with whom I had business. He was
said to be a genuine old English gentleman, and a man of considerable
property; at this time, however, he wanted a thousand pounds, as
gentlemen of considerable property every now and then do. I had brought
him a thousand pounds in my pocket, for it is astonishing how many eager
helpers the rich find, and with what compassion people look upon their
distresses. He was said to have good wine in his cellar.
'Is your master at home?' said I, to a servant who appeared at the door.
'His worship is at home, young man,' said the servant, as he looked at my
shoes, which bore evidence that I had come walking. 'I beg your pardon,
sir,' he added, as he looked me in the face.
'Ay, ay, servants,' thought I, as I followed the man into the house,
'always look people in the face when you open the door, and do so before
you look at their shoes, or you may mistake the heir of a Prime Minister
for a shopkeeper's son.'
I found his worship a jolly, red-faced gentleman, of about fifty-five; he
was dressed in a green coat, white corduroy breeches, and drab gaiters,
and sat on an old-fashioned leather sofa, with two small, thoroughbred,
black English terriers, one on each side of him. He had all the
appearance of a genuine old English gentleman who kept good wine in his
cellar.
'Sir,' said I, 'I have brought you a thousand pounds'; and I said this
after the servant had retired, and the two terriers had ceased the
barking which is natural to all such dogs at the sight of a stranger.
And when the magistrate had received the money, and signed and returned a
certain paper which I handed to him, he rubbed his hands, and looking
very benignantly at me, exclaimed--
'And now, young gentleman, that our business is over, perhaps you can
tell me where the fight is to take place?'
'I am sorry, sir,' said I, 'that I can't inform you, but everybody seems
to be anxious about it'; and then I told him what had occurred to me on
the road with the alehouse-keeper.
'I know him,' said his worship; 'he's a tenant of mine, and a good
fellow, somewhat too much in my debt though. But how is this, young
gentleman, you look as if you had been walking; you did not come on
foot?'
'Yes, sir, I came on foot.'
'On foot! why it is sixteen miles.'
'I shan't be tired when I have walked back.'
'You can't ride, I suppose?'
'Better than I can walk.'
'Then why do you walk?'
'I have frequently to make journeys connected with my profession;
sometimes I walk, sometimes I ride, just as the whim takes me.'
'Will you take a glass of wine?'
'Yes.'
'That's right; what shall it be?'
'Madeira!'
The magistrate gave a violent slap on his knee; 'I like your taste,' said
he, 'I am fond of a glass of Madeira myself, and can give you such a one
as you will not drink every day; sit down, young gentleman, you shall
have a glass of Madeira, and the best I have.'
Thereupon he got up, and followed by his two terriers, walked slowly out
of the room.
I looked round the room, and, seeing nothing which promised me much
amusement, I sat down, and fell again into my former train of thought.
'What is truth?' said I.
'Here it is,' said the magistrate, returning at the end of a quarter of
an hour, followed by the servant with a tray; 'here's the true thing, or
I am no judge, far less a justice. It has been thirty years in my cellar
last Christmas. There,' said he to the servant, 'put it down, and leave
my young friend and me to ourselves. Now, what do you think of it?'
'It is very good,' said I.
'Did you ever taste better Madeira?'
'I never before tasted Madeira.'
'Then you ask for a wine without knowing what it is?'
'I ask for it, sir, that I may know what it is.'
'Well, there is logic in that, as Parr would say; you have heard of
Parr?'
'Old Parr?'
'Yes, old Parr, but not that Parr; you mean the English, I the Greek
Parr, as people call him.'
'I don't know him.'
'Perhaps not--rather too young for that, but were you of my age, you
might have cause to know him, coming from where you do. He kept school
there, I was his first scholar; he flogged Greek into me till I loved
him--and he loved me: he came to see me last year, and sat in that chair;
I honour Parr--he knows much, and is a sound man.'
'Does he know the truth?'
'Know the truth! he knows what's good, from an oyster to an ostrich--he's
not only sound, but round.'
'Suppose we drink his health?'
'Thank you, boy: here's Parr's health, and Whiter's.'
'Who is Whiter?'
'Don't you know Whiter? I thought everybody knew Reverend Whiter the
philologist, though I suppose you scarcely know what that means. A man
fond of tongues and languages, quite out of your way--he understands some
twenty; what do you say to that?'
'Is he a sound man?'
'Why, as to that, I scarcely know what to say: he has got queer notions
in his head--wrote a book to prove that all words came originally from
the earth--who knows? Words have roots, and roots live in the earth;
but, upon the whole, I should not call him altogether a sound man, though
he can talk Greek nearly as fast as Parr.'
'Is he a round man?'
'Ay, boy, rounder than Parr; I'll sing you a song, if you like, which
will let you into his character:--
'Give me the haunch of a buck to eat, and to drink Madeira old,
And a gentle wife to rest with, and in my arms to fold,
An Arabic book to study, a Norfolk cob to ride,
And a house to live in shaded with trees, and near to a river side;
With such good things around me, and blessed with good health withal,
Though I should live for a hundred years, for death I would not call.