have the honour of a line from quondam friend M----: now M---- is an
ill-natured fellow, but were it contrariwise--and M---- would indulge
him--I would enclose it in a frank--with something clever of my own to
make it more agreeable.--Sirrah! refuse if you dare--I will so expose
thee--do it--’tis I command you:--S----n only intreats--you have need
of such a rough chap as Sancho to counterpoise the pleasures of your
earthly paradise.--Pray take care of your Eve--and now, my dear M----,
after all my abuse, let me conclude
Yours affectionately,
I. SANCHO.
Postscript,
The tree of knowledge has yielded you fruit in ample abundance:--may
you boldly climb the tree of life--and gather the fruits of a happy
immortality--in which I would fain share, and have strong hope, through
the merits of a blessed Redeemer--to find room sufficient for self and
all I love--which, to say what I glory in, comprehend the whole race
of man--and why not Namby-Pamby M----? I cannot write to S----n till I
have your letter to enclose to him--if there is any delay, the fault is
not mine.
LETTER CX.
TO MR. R----.
October 20, 1779.
ZOUNDS, Sir! would you believe--Ireland has the * * * to claim the
advantages of a free unlimited trade--or they will join in the
American dance!--What a pack of * * * are * * *! I think the wisest
thing administration can do (and I dare wager they will) is to stop the
exportation of potatoes--and repeal the act for the encouragement of
growing tobacco * * *. It is reported here (from excellent authority)
that the people at large surrounded the Irish parliament, and made the
members--the courtiers--the formists and non-cons--cats--culls--and
pimp-whiskins--all--all subscribe to their--. Well, but what says your
brother--no better news I much fear from that quarter.--Oh, this poor
ruined country!--ruined by its success--and the choicest blessings
the Great Father of Heaven could shower down upon us--ruined by
victories--arts--arms--and unbounded commerce--for pride accompanied
those blessings--and like a canker-worm has eaten into the heart of
our political body.--The Dutch have given up the Serapis and the
Scarborough, and detained Paul Jones twenty-four hours after their
sailing:--how they will balance accounts with France, I know not; but I
do believe the Mynheers will get into a scrape.
Tell Mr. B---- the Pyefleets fluctuate in price like the stocks,
and were done this morning at Billingsgate change, at 1_l._ 6_s._
8_d._ _per_ bushel; but I have sent them this evening properly
directed--also a book of _Cogniscenti dilitanti divertimenti_.--As for
the ladies, I cannot say any thing in justice to their merits or my
own feelings:--therefore I am silent--write soon--a decent, plain, and
intelligible letter--a letter that a body may read with pleasure and
improvement--none of your circumroundabouts for
I. SANCHO.
LETTER CXI.
TO MR. R----.
Nov. 1, 1779.
DEAR FRIEND,
I SHOULD on Sunday night have acknowledged your kindness, but was
prevented by weakness!--idleness! or some such nonsense!--Were you
here, Mrs. Sancho would tell you I had quacked myself to death.--It
is true, I have been unwell--from colds and from a purging!--which
disorder prevails much in our righteous metropolis--and perhaps from
quacking; but of this when we meet.--I was much pleased with my
letter from Sir John--in which there is very little news--and less
hope of doing any thing to the purpose, either in the conquering or
conciliating mode, than in any letter I have been favoured with.--He
makes no mention of receiving any packets from me, and I have wrote
six or eight times within the last twelve months--so you see plainly
the packets are either lost, or his letters stopt.--I shall give him
a line by Wednesday’s post--and let it try its fortune.--I enclose
you some American congress notes--for he does not say he has sent you
any--though he mentions the news-papers.
We talk of sending over a vast force next spring. Why G--m--t will
so madly pursue a losing game, is amongst the number of things that
reason can never account for--and good sense blushes at:--it is
reported in the city, that our safety this summer was purchased of
d’Orvilliers and Monsieur Sartin:--it is certain (although a vote
of credit was granted for a million) that there is no money in the
Exchequer--and that the civil list is 800,000_l._ in arrears.--This
looks dark--whilst Ireland treats us rather laconic--Scotland not too
friendly--America speaks but too plainly:--But what a plague is all
this to you or me? I am doomed to difficulty and poverty for life--and
let things go as they will, if the French leave us Newmarket--they will
not ruin my friend.--I hope the good ladies are well and preparing
for London.--Squire S---- and his good woman well also, he in the
enjoyment of his gun--and she in the care of the sweet children.--My
best respects to Mr. and Mrs. B----, and I should be a beast to neglect
my worthy friend Mr. S----k. Now I have a scheme to propose to the
electors of Great Britain, to take Sir C---- and Mr. S---- for their
patterns--and at the general election (if they can find as many) to
return 300 such--it would immortalize them in the annals of this
country for their wisdom of choice--and what’s much better, it would
perhaps (with God’s blessing) save Old England. We want, alas!--only a
few honest men of sound principles and good plain understandings--to
unite us--to animate with one mind!--one heart!--one aim!--and to
direct the rouzed courage of a brave people properly--then we might
hope for golden times--and the latter end of the present reign emulate
the grand close of the last.
I got a very pretty young lady to chuse this inclosed ticket--meaning
to baffle ill-luck; for, had I chose it myself, I am certain a blank
would have been the consequence.--May it be prosperous!--Mrs. Sancho
joins me in every thing--love to O----; the girls giggle their respects
to Mr. R----; Billy joins in silence, but his love to Nutts is plain.
How does he do?
Yours,
IGN. SANCHO.
LETTER CXII.
TO MR. S----.
Nov. 14. 1779.
DEAR FRIEND,
YOURS by my brother gave me money--and, what was more pleasing
to me, a tolerable account of your success--the lateness of the
season considered.--Come, brighten up; my brother P---- has left
us much happier than he found us.--We have succeeded beyond our
expectation--humility is the test of Christianity--and parent of
many if not of all the virtues;--but we will talk this over, when
you return from grape-stuffed geese and fine girls.--H---- seems to
be in better favour with her goddessship Lady-Fortune:--his affair
will do--he will stand a fair chance of rising.--I wish from my soul
something good in the same line was destined for you;--but have
courage--time and patience conquer all things.--I hope you will come
home soon--and leave a foundation for better fortune next year at
B----, and its friendly neighbourhood.--Kitty is very poorly--God’s
will be done!--I have a horrid story to tell you about the--Zounds! I
am interrupted.--Adieu! God keep you!
Yours, &c. &c.
I. SANCHO.
Mrs. Sancho, and girls, and Billy, send their compliments, &c. and pray
all our respective loves and best wishes to the friendly circle at
B----, and every where else.
LETTER CXIII.
TO MR. S----.
Nov. 16, 1779.
YOU have missed the truth by a mile--aye and more:--it was not
neglect--I am too proud for that;--it was not forgetfulness, Sir--I am
not so ungrateful;--it was not idleness, the excuse of fools;--nor
hurry of business, the refuge of knaves:--it is time to say what it
was.--Why, Mrs. D---- was in town from Tuesday to Monday following--and
then--and not till then--gave me your letter--and most graciously did
I receive it--considering that both my feet were in flannels, and are
so to this luckless minute.--Well, Sir, and what have you to say to
that? Friend H---- has paid for them.--I pay him again--and shall draw
upon you towards Christmas--never poorer since created--but ’tis a
general case;--blessed times for a poor Blacky grocer to hang or drown
in!--Received from your good reverend parent (why not honoured father?)
a letter, announcing the approach of a hamper of prog, which I wish
you was near enough to partake.--Your good father feels a satisfaction
in doing--I think a wrong thing--his motive is right--and, like a true
servant of Christ, he follows the spirit, not the letter:--he will be
justified in a better world--I am satisfied in this--and thou wilt
in thy feelings be gratified.--Huzza!--we are all right--but your
father pays the piper. How doth Squire G----? odso--and his pretty
daughter?--kiss the father for me--and drink a bottle with the fair
lady.--I mean as I have wrote--so tell them--and do what’s best in
thy own and their eyes.--When you see brother O----, my love to him
and his houshold.----I have no spirits when the gout seizes me--pox
on him!--Great news from Sir Charles Hardy--huzza for ever!--all
mad--nothing but illuminations;--out with your lights--bells ringing,
bonfires blazing--crackers bouncing--and all for what?--what?--The
girls open-mouthed--Billy stares--Mrs. Sancho rubs her hands;--the
night indeed is cold, but Billy must go to bed:--the noisy rogues with
the Gazette-extra stun our ears. Adieu!
Yours, &c. &c.
I. SANCHO.
I should have inclosed a paper, but it will cost the devil and all.--My
family all join in customary customs.
LETTER CXIV.
TO I---- S----, ESQ.
Charles Street, Nov. 21, 1779.
DEAR SIR,
WE are happy to hear, by brother O----, that you and Mrs S---- enjoy
good health--may God preserve it, and increase your every comfort!
I am far from being sorry that you have not been in town this
Autumn;--for London has been sickly--almost every body full
of complaint; add also that the times are equally full of
disease.--Luxury! Folly! Disease! and Poverty! you may see daily riding
in the same coach--the doors ornamented with the honours of a virtuous
ancestry topped with coronets, surrounded with mantle ermined;--and,
alas! Corruption for the supporters.
Now, my good Sir, you can have no real pleasure but what must arise
from your own heart, were you amongst us--and that would be in pitying
our weakness, and sighing over distresses your benevolence of heart
could not alleviate!--and yet I fear--if you keep from town till times
mend--I shall have no chance of seeing you this side eternity.--You
should come up for a day or two, were it only to be witness to the
roguery of M----rs and lottery-office-keepers--and the madness of
the dupes of each.--I have much to thank you for--which I will not
forget in a better world, if I see you not in this.--We have eat your
turkey to-day;--it is a joke to say it was good--bad things seldom,
if ever, come from Mr. S----. Mrs. Sancho joins me in thanks to Mrs.
S----, who we hope will not be always unknown.--The customary wishes
of the approaching sacred season to you and all your connexions.--Pray
excuse blunders; for I am forced to write post, as I expect O----
every moment. As I write first, and think afterwards, my epistles are
commonly in the Irish fashion. You, who prefer the heart to the head,
will overlook the error of the man who is, and ever will be, very
sincerely and gratefully,
Your much obliged
friend and servant,
IGN. SANCHO.
It is expected the whole M----y will run from their posts before Friday
next, L--d S--h and Lord N--h excepted: Now, I have a respect for L--d
N--h: he is a good husband! father, friend, and master--a real _good
man_--but, I fear, a bad _m----r_.
LETTER CXV.
TO THE REV. MR. S----.
Dec. 5, 1779.
REV. AND HON. SIR,
I HAVE just now received your too valuable favor:--forgive me, good
Sir, if I own I felt hurt at the idea of the trouble and cost you
(from a spirit too generous) have been put to--and for what, my good
Sir? Your son shewed me many kindnesses--and his merits are such as
will spontaneously create him the esteem of those who have the pleasure
of knowing him--it is honouring me to suppose I could be of service to
him.--Accept then, good Sir, of my thanks, and Mrs. Sancho’s--and be
assured you have sevenfold overpaid any common kindness I could render
your deserving son and my friend.--I wish he was here to partake of
your bountiful treat--for well do I know his filial heart would exult,
and his eyes beam with love and respect.--Mrs. Sancho joins me in
respectful acknowledgements and thanks to Mrs. S---- and self.
We are, dear Sir,
Your most obliged servants,
+IGN.+ and +A. SANCHO+.
LETTER CXVI.
TO MR. S----.
Dec. 14, 1779.
SIR,
I EXPECT an answer.
Yours,
I. S.
Our friend H----’s head and heart are fully occupied with schemes,
plans, resolves, &c. &c. in which (to his immortal honour) the
weal and welfare of his S---- are constantly considered:--the
proposal which accompanies this letter, from what little judgement
I have, I think promises fair.--You will, however, give it a fair
examination--and of course determine from the conviction of right
reason.--If, as a friend, I might presume to offer my weak opinion--I
freely say, I think in every light it seems eligible. The circle of
your acquaintance is at present circumscribed--I mean in the artist
line:--now in case you connect yourself in a business which requires
constant daily perambulation--the chances are on your side for forming
acquaintance--perhaps friendships--with men of genius and abilities,
which may happily change the colour of your fortunes--the old proverb
is on your side--“two heads,” &c.--and very fortunately in your
case, where in fact one has _wit_, and the other _judgement_,--the
_chair_ of _interest_ will have its compleat furniture in the two top
ornaments--and _honesty_ for its _basis_. So much for Mons. H----,
and now I have to reckon with you. How could you be so preposterously
wrong, to trouble the repose of your worthy father and mother about
me? Surely you must think me exceedingly interested--or your heart
must be a very proud one; if either--in the first instance you did me
a wrong--in the last, perhaps, I may wrong you;--be it as it may--I
know it gave me real vexation.--Your father sent such a basket, as
ten times repaid the trifling service I had the honour as well as
pleasure in rendering a man of merit, and my friend;--believe me, I
never accepted any present with so ill a will;--with regard to them,
every thankful acknowledgement was due.--I wrote a very embarrassed
letter of thanks--with a resolution to give you a chastisement for
laying me under the necessity.--I hear with pleasure that you have
enough to do. H---- declares he is sorry for it--as he wants and
wishes you in town. Pray give my best wishes to Mess. B---- and
S----w, and my love to O----. If you should happen to know a Miss
A----, a rich farmer’s daughter, remember me to her--were you not
widow-witched, she or some other heavy-pursed lass might be easily
attainable to a man of your--aye, aye, but that, says ----, will not
be, I fear.--For I verily believe, that * * * * * for the * * * * and
by the same token do you not * * * * * * *? But this is matter of mere
speculation.--God bless you! Yours sincerely--cordially--and sometimes
offensively--but always friendly,
IGN. SANCHO.
LETTER CXVII.
TO D---- B----E, ESQ.
Dec. 17, 1779.
GOOD SIR,
A STRANGER to your person (not to your virtues) addresses you--will
you pardon the interested intrusion? I am told, you delight in doing
good.--Mr. W----e (who honours me with his friendships, by whose
persuasion I presume to trouble you) declares--you are no respecter of
country or colours--and encourages me further--by saying, that I am so
happy (by the good offices of his too partial friendship) to have the
interest and good wishes of Mr. B----.
Could my wish be possibly effected to have the honour of a General
post-office settled in my house, it would certainly be a great
good--as (I am informed) it would emancipate me from the fear of
serving the parish offices, for which I am utterly unqualified
through infirmities--as well as complexion--Figure to yourself,
my dear Sir, a man of a convexity of belly exceeding Falstaff--and
a black face into the bargain--waddling in the van of poor thieves
and pennyless prostitutes--with all the supercilious mock dignity of
little office--what a banquet for wicked jest and wanton wit--as,
_Needs must_, _when_, &c. &c.--Add to this, my good Sir, the chances of
being summoned out at midnight in the severity of easterly winds and
frosty weather--subject as I unfortunately am to gout six months in
twelve--the consequence of which must be death:--death! now I had much
rather live--and not die--live indebted to the kindness of a few great
and good--in which glorious class, you, dear Sir, have the pre-eminence
in the idea of
Your most respectful
and obliged humble servant,
IGN. SANCHO.
LETTER CXVIII.
TO MR. B----.
Charles Street, Dec. 20, 1779.
DEAR SIR,
THE Park guns are now firing, and never was poor devil so puzzled
as your humble Sancho is at this present moment.--I have a budget
of fresh news--aye, and that of consequence--and a million of stale
thanks, which perhaps you will think of no consequence.--Impelled
by two contrary passions, how should a poor Negro know precisely
which to obey? Your turkey and chine are absolutely as good, as
fine, and as welcome--as nobly given--and as gratefully accepted--as
heart can wish, or fancy conceive:--then on the other hand--the news
is as glorious--as well timed and authenticated--as pleasing,--as
salutary in the ministerial way--as much wanted--and as welcome--as
the turkey and chine to a certain sett, I mean--of king’s friends and
national * * * * *. The said turkey and chine will keep fresh and
good--and chear some honest hearts (I trust) on Christmas-day.--The
news, good as it is, may half of it prove false by Christmas--and the
true part will be stale news by that time--much of it will be liable
to doubt and malicious disquisition:--now, on the other hand, the
turkey and its honest fat companion are bettering every day--and feast
us by anticipation.--But again, the news will come with a handsome
face--attested by a Gazette extraordinary, garnished by the happy
flourishes of news-paper invention. Then there is the speech of the
noble Sir C----; I meant to say much upon that score; you have read
it without doubt--so have I more than once or twice--and I find the
same fault with it that the majority and minority do--which is neither
more nor less than what’s exceeding natural to both parties.--The
majority detest it for its truth--the minority would have better liked
it, had it not been so d--n’d _honest_. Now (between ourselves) I do
confess to you, my worthy friend, strip this famed speech of its truth
and honesty, there will very little worth notice remain, excepting
candour, a spice of benevolence, and perhaps too much charity;--but
as the above are the vices only of a very few, we may the better
endure it in Sir C----. There is certainly an express arrived this
day with very comfortable news--plenty of killed and wounded--plenty
of prisoners--and (as it always happens) with little or no loss on
our side;--but, dear me! how I have run on!--I protest, the sole
business of this letter was to ease my mind--by unburthening my head
and heart of some weighty thanks, which, for aught I know, except
very decently managed, are more likely to give pain than pleasure to
some odd-constructed minds, men who fatten upon doing good, and feel
themselves richer in proportion to their kindness:--such beings are the
S----’s, the B----s, the R----hs, O----ns, &c. &c.--whom God mend--in
the next world I mean:--so, wishing you every felicity in this, and
every comfort attendant on the approaching festival, with love and
good-will to all friends, especially to Mrs. B----n, the worthy Mr.
S----’s family, Squire S----ns, and his mate, in which Mrs. Sancho
claims her full share, I remain, dear Sir, (I fear I tire you)
Your most obliged
humble servant,
I. SANCHO.
LETTER CXIX.
TO MR. B----.
Dec. 24, 1779.
LOSERS have the privilege to rail--I was taking the benefit of the act
upon my seeing Johnny O----, when he abruptly (and not disagreeably)
stopped my mouth--with saying, he had just loaded a stout lad--in the
name of Mr. B----, and dispatched him to Charles Street:--now this
same spirit of reparation may suit well with both the in and out side
of Mr. B----; and those who know the man will not marvel at the deed.
For my own part, I have been long convinced of the blindness, and more
than Egyptian stubbornness, of repiners of every sect.--For how can
we say but that seeming evils in the seed, with the cultivation of
benevolence--mark that--may yield an abundant crop of real substantial
good?--The confounded lurches, and four by honours, trimmed me of ten
pieces:--Ten pieces; quoth I as I was preparing for bed--better been
at home:--Ten pieces! quoth Prudence, you had no business to play:--So
much good money flung away! cries Avarice.--Avarice is a lying old
grub--I have pork worth twice the money--and the friendly wishes of
a being who looks hospitality and good-will.--The blessings of the
season attend you!--May you have the pleasure and exercise of finding
out want, and relieving it! and may you feel more pleasure than the
benefited!--which I believe is mostly the case in souls of a kind,
generous, enlarged structure.--My respects attend the gun and dog of
Squire S----, which, being the things of most consequence, I name
before Mrs. S---- or himself.--They and every one connected with B----
house have my best wishes--and you, my good Sir, the thanks of
Your most humble servant,
I. SANCHO.
LETTER CXX.
TO MRS. M----.
Christmas-day, 1779.
MAY this blest season bring every pleasure with it to my kind and
worthy Mrs. M----! and may the coming year bless the good and happy man
of her heart with the possession of her person! and may every future
one, for a long period of time, bring an increase to her joys and
comforts!--So pray the Sancho’s--and all join in thanks to Mrs. M----
for her friendly present.--Will Mrs. M---- be so kind to say all that’s
civil and thankful to Mrs. W----e, for her kindness in sending me a
bottle of snuff?--and also make my respectful compliments to Mr. L----?
God keep you all!
Yours I remain, much
obliged and thankful,
IGN. SANCHO.
LETTER CXXI.
TO MR. W----E.
Dec. 26, 1779.