As it befell, that day at Balcarras was the last of the bright days, in
every sense, for the time being. Wet weather set in, as even the most
partial witness must allow does occasionally happen in Scotland, and the
domestic barometer seemed to go down accordingly. The girls grumbled at
being kept in-doors, and would willingly have gone out golfing under
umbrellas, but Auntie was remorseless. They were delicate girls at best,
so that her watch over them was never-ceasing, and her patience
inexhaustible.
David Dalziel also was in a very trouble-some mood, quite unusual for
him. He came and went, complained bitterly that the girls were not
allowed to go out with him; abused the place, the climate, and did all
those sort of bearish things which young gentlemen are sometimes in the
habit of doing, when--when that wicked little boy whom they read about at
school and college makes himself known to them as a pleasant, or
unpleasant, reality.
Miss Williams, whom, I am afraid, was far too simple a woman for the new
generation, which has become so extraordinarily wise and wide-awake,
opened her eyes and wondered why David was so unlike his usual self. Mr.
Roy, too, to whom he behaved worse than to any one else, only the elder
man quietly ignored it all, and was very patient and gentle with the
restless, ill-tempered boy--Mr. Roy even remarked that he thought David
would be happier at his work again; idling was a bad thing for young
fellows at his age, or any age.
At last it came out, the bitterness which rankled in the poor lad's
breast; with another secret, which, foolish woman that she was, Miss
Williams had never in the smallest degree suspected. Very odd that she
had not, but so it was. We all find it difficult to realize the moment
when our children cease to be children. Still more difficult is it for
very serious and earnest natures to recognize that there are other
natures who take things in a totally different way, and yet it may be the
right and natural way for them. Such is the fact; we must learn it, and
the sooner we learn it, the better.
One day, when the rain had a little abated, David appeared, greatly
disappointed to find the girls had gone out, down to the West Sands with
Mr. Roy.
"Always Mr. Roy! I am sick of his very name," muttered David, and then
caught Miss Williams by the dress as she was rising. She had a gentle
but rather dignified way with her of repressing bad manners in young
people, either by perfect silence, or by putting the door between her
and them. "Don't go! One never can get a quiet word with you, you are
always so preternaturally busy."
It was true. To be always busy was her only shield against--certain
things which the young man was never likely to know, and would not
understand if he did know.
"Do sit down, if you ever can sit down, for a minute," said he,
imploringly; "I want to speak to you seriously, very seriously."
She sat down, a little uneasy. The young fellow was such a good fellow;
and yet he might have got into a scrape of some sort. Debt, perhaps,
for he was a trifle extravagant; but then life had been all roses to
him. He had never known a want since he was born.
"Speak, then, David; I am listening. Nothing very wrong, I hope!" said
she, with a smile.
"Nothing at all wrong, only--When is Mr. Roy going away"?
The question was so unexpected that she felt her color changing a little;
not much, she was too old for that.
"Mr. Roy leaving St. Andrews, you mean? How can I tell? He has never
told me. Why do you ask?"
"Because until he gone, I stay," said the young man, doggedly. "I'm not
going back to Oxford leaving him master of the field. I have stood him
as long as I possibly can, and I'll not stand him any longer."
"David! you forget yourself."
"There--now you are offended; I know you are, when you draw yourself up
in that way, my dear little auntie. But just hear me. You are such an
innocent woman, you don't know the world as men do. Can't you see--no,
of course you can't--that very soon all St. Andrews will be talking about
you?"
"About me?"
"Not about you exactly, but about the family. A single man--a marrying
man, as all the world says he is, or ought to be, with his money--can not
go in and out, like a tame cat, in a household of women, without having,
or being supposed to have--ahem!--intentions. I assure you"--and he
swung himself on the arm of her chair, and looked into her face with an
angry earnestness quite unmistakable--"I assure you, I never go into the
club without being asked, twenty times a day, which of the Miss Moseleys
Mr. Roy is going to marry."
"Which of the Miss Moseleys Mr. Roy is going to marry!"
She repeated the words, as if to gain time and to be certain she heard
them rightly. No fear of her blushing now; every pulse in her heart
stood dead still; and then she nerved herself to meet the necessity of
the occasion.
"David, you surely do not consider what you are saying. This is a most
extraordinary idea."
"It is a most extraordinary idea; in fact, I call it ridiculous,
monstrous: an old battered fellow like him, who has knocked about the
world, Heaven knows where, all these years, to come home, and, because he
has got a lot of money, think to go and marry one of these nice, pretty
girls. They wouldn't have him, I believe that; but nobody else believes
it; and every body seems to think it the most natural thing possible.
What do you say?"
"I?"
"Surely you don't think it right, or even possible? But, Auntie, it
might turn out a rather awkward affair, and you ought to take my advice,
and stop it in time."
"How?"
"Why, by stepping him out of the house. You and he are great friends: if
he had any notion of marrying, I suppose he would mention it to you--he
ought. It would be a cowardly trick to come and steal one of your
chickens from under your wing. Wouldn't it? Do say something, instead
of merely echoing what I say. It really is a serious matter, though you
don't think so."
"Yes, I do think so," said Miss Williams, at last; "and I would stop it
if I thought I had any right. But Mr. Roy is quite able to manage his
own affairs; and he is not so very old--not more than five-and-twenty
years older than--Helen."
"Bother Helen! I beg her pardon, she is a dear good girl. But do you
think any man would look at Helen when there was Janetta?"
It was out now, out with a burning blush over all the lad's honest
face, and the sudden crick-crack of a pretty Indian paper-cutter he
unfortunately was twiddling in his fingers. Miss Williams must have been
blind indeed not to have guessed the state of the case.
"What! Janetta? Oh, David!" was all she said.
He nodded. "Yes, that's it, just it. I thought you must have found it
out long ago: though I kept myself to myself pretty close, still you
might have guessed."
"I never did. I had not the remotest idea. Oh, how remiss I have been!
It is all my fault."
"Excuse me, I can not see that it is any body's fault, or any body's
misfortune, either," said the young fellow, with a not unbecoming pride.
"I hope I should not be a bad husband to any girl, when it comes to that.
But it has not come; I have never said a single word to her. I wanted to
be quite clear of Oxford, and in a way to win my own position first. And
really we are so very jolly together as it is. What are you smiling
for?"
She could not help it. There was something so funny in the whole affair.
They seemed such babies, playing at love; and their love-making, if such
it was, had been carried on in such an exceedingly open and lively way,
not a bit of tragedy about it, rather genteel comedy, bordering on farce.
It was such a contrast to--certain other love stories that she had known,
quite buried out of sight now.
Gentle "Auntie"--the grave maiden lady, the old hen with all these young
ducklings who would take to the water so soon--held out her hand to the
impetuous David.
"I don't know what to say to you, my boy: you really are little more than
a boy, and to be taking upon yourself the responsibilities of life so
soon! Still, I am glad you have said nothing to her about it yet. She is
a mere child, only eighteen."
"Quite old enough to marry, and to marry Mr. Roy even, the St. Andrews
folks think. But I won't stand it. I won't tamely sit by and see her
sacrificed. He might persuade her; he has a very winning way with him
sometimes. Auntie, I have not spoken, but I won't promise not to speak.
It is all very well for you; you are old, and your blood runs cold, as
you said to us one day--no, I don't mean that; you are a real brick
still, and you'll never be old to us, but you are not in love, and you
can't understand what it is to be a young fellow like me to see an old
fellow like Roy coming in and just walking over the course. But he
sha'nt do it! Long ago, when I was quite a lad, I made up my mind to
get her; and get her I will, spite of Mr. Roy or any body."
Fortune was touched. That strong will which she too had had, able, like
faith, to "remove mountains," sympathized involuntarily with the lad. It
was just what she would have said and done, had she been a man and loved
a woman. She gave David's hand a warm clasp, which he returned.
"Forgive me," said he, affectionately. "I did not mean to bother you;
but as things stand, the matter is better out than in. I hate
underhandedness. I may have made an awful fool of myself, but at least I
have not made a fool of her. I have been as careful as possible not to
compromise her in any way; for I know how people do talk, and a man has
no right to let the girl he loves be talked about. The more he loves
her, the more he ought to take care of her. Don't you think so?"
"Yes."
"I'd cut myself up into little pieces for Janetta's sake," he went on,
"and I'd do a deal for Helen too, the sisters are so fond of one another.
She shall always have a home with us, when we are married."
"Then," said Miss Williams, hardly able again to resist a smile, "you are
quite certain you will be married? You have no doubt about her caring
for you?"
David pulled his whiskers, not very voluminous yet, looked conscious, and
yet humble.
"Well, I don't exactly say that. I know I'm not half good enough for
her. Still, I thought, when I had taken my degree and fairly settled
myself at the bar, I'd try. I have a tolerably good income of my own
too, though of course I am not as well off as that confounded Roy. There
he is at this minute meandering up and down the West Sands with those two
girls, setting every body's tongue going! I can't stand it. I declare
to you I won't stand it another day."
"Stop a moment," and she caught hold of David as he started up. "What
are you going to do?"
"I don't know and I don't care, only I won't have my girl talked
about--my pretty, merry, innocent girl. He ought to know better, a
shrewd old fellow like him. It is silly, selfish, mean."
This was more than Miss Williams could bear. She stood up, pale to the
lips, but speaking strongly, almost fiercely:
"You ought to know better, David Dalziel. You ought to know that Mr. Roy
had not an atom of selfishness or meanness in him--that he would be the
last man in the world to compromise any girl. If he chooses to marry
Janetta, or any one else, he has a perfect right to do it, and I for one
will not try to hinder him."
"Then you will not stand by me any more?"
"Not if you are blind and unfair. You may die of love, though I don't
think you will; people don't do it nowadays" (there was a slightly bitter
jar in the voice): "but love ought to make you all the more honorable,
clear-sighted, and just. And as to Mr. Roy--"
She might have talked to the winds, for David was not listening. He had
heard the click of the garden gate, and turned round with blazing eyes.
"There he is again! I can't stand it, Miss Williams. I give you fair
warning I can't stand it. He has walked home with them, and is waiting
about at the laurel bush, mooning after them. Oh, hang him!"
Before she had time to speak the young man was gone. But she had no fear
of any very tragic consequences when she saw the whole party standing
together--David talking to Janetta, Mr. Roy to Helen, who looked so
fresh, so young, so pretty, almost as pretty as Janetta. Nor did Mr.
Roy, pleased and animated, look so very old.
That strange clear-sightedness, that absolute justice, of which Fortune
had just spoken, were qualities she herself possessed to a remarkable,
almost a painful, degree. She could not deceive herself, even if she
tried. The more cruel the sight, the clearer she saw it; even as now she
perceived a certain naturalness in the fact that a middle-aged man so
often chooses a young girl in preference to those of his own generation,
for she brings him that which he has not; she reminds him of what he used
to have; she is to him like the freshness of spring, the warmth of
summer, in his cheerless autumn days. Sometimes these marriages are not
unhappy--far from it; and Robert Roy might ere long make such a marriage.
Despite poor David's jealous contempt, he was neither old nor ugly, and
then he was rich.
The thing, either as regarded Helen, or some other girl of Helen's
standing, appeared more than possible--probable; and if so, what then?
Fortune looked out once, and saw that the little group at the laurel bush
were still talking; then she slipped up stairs into her own room and
bolted the door.
The first thing that she did was to go straight up and look at her own
face in the glass--her poor old face, which had never been beautiful,
which she had never wished beautiful, except that it might be pleasant
in one man's eyes. Sweet it was still, but the sweetness lay in its
expression, pure and placid, and innocent as a young girl's. But she saw
not that; she saw only its lost youth, its faded bloom. She covered it
over with both her hands, as if she would fain bury it out of sight;
knelt down by her bedside, and prayed.
"Mr. Roy is waiting below ma'am--has been waiting some time; but he says
if you are busy he will not disturb you; he will come to-morrow instead."
"Tell him I shall be very glad to see him to-morrow."
She spoke through the locked door, too feeble to rise and open it; and
then lying down on her bed and turning her face to the wall, from sheer
exhaustion fell fast asleep.
People dream strangely sometimes. The dream she dreamt was so
inexpressibly soothing and peaceful, so entirely out of keeping with the
reality of things, that it almost seemed to have been what in ancient
times would be called a vision.
First, she thought that she and Robert Roy were little children--mere
girl and boy together, as they might have been from the few years'
difference in their ages--running hand in hand about the sands of St.
Andrews, and so fond of one another--so very fond! With that innocent
love a big boy often has for a little girl, and a little girl returns
with the tenderest fidelity. So she did; and she was so happy--they were
both so happy. In the second part of the dream she was happy still, but
somehow she knew she was dead--had been dead and in paradise for a long
time, and was waiting for him to come there. He was coming now; she felt
him coming, and held out her hands, but he took and clasped her in his
arms; and she heard a voice saying those mysterious words: "In heaven
they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of
God."
It was very strange, all was very strange, but it comforted her. She
rose up, and in the twilight of the soft spring evening she washed her
face and combed her hair, and went down, like King David after his child
was dead, to "eat bread."
Her young people were not there. They had gone out again; she heard,
with Mr. Dalziel, not Mr. Roy, who had sat reading in the parlor alone
for upward of an hour. They were supposed to be golfing, but they staid
out till long after it was possible to see balls or holes; and Miss
Williams was beginning to be a little uneasy, when they all three walked
in, David and Janetta with a rather sheepish air, and Helen beaming all
over with mysterious delight.
How the young man had managed it--to propose to two sisters at once, at
any rate to make love to one sister while the other was by--remained
among the wonderful feats which David Dalziel, who had not too small an
opinion of himself, was always ready for, and generally succeeded in; and
if he did wear his heart somewhat "on his sleeve," why, it was a very
honest heart, and they must have been ill-natured "daws" indeed who took
pleasure in "pecking at it."
"Wish me joy, Auntie!" he cried, coming forward, beaming all over, the
instant the girls had disappeared to take their hats off. "I've been and
gone and done it, and it's all right. I didn't intend it just yet, but
he drove me to it, for which I'm rather obliged to him. He can't get her
now. Janetta's mine!"
There was a boyish triumph in his air; in fact, his whole conduct was
exceedingly juvenile, but so simple, frank, and sincere as to be quite
irresistible.
I fear Miss Williams was a very weak-minded woman, or would be so
considered by a great part of the world--the exceedingly wise and prudent
and worldly-minded "world." Here were two young people, one twenty-two,
the other eighteen, with--it could hardly be said "not a half-penny,"
but still a very small quantity of half-pennies, between them--and they
had not only fallen in love, but engaged themselves to married! She ought
to have been horrified, to have severely reproached them for their
imprudence, used all her influence and, if needs be, her authority, to
stop the whole thing; advising David not to bind himself to any girl till
he was much older, and his prospects secured; and reasoning with Janetta
on the extreme folly of a long engagement, and how very much better it
would be for her to pause, and make some "good" marriage with a man of
wealth and position, who could keep her comfortably.
All this, no doubt, was what a prudent and far-seeing mother or friend
ought to have said and done. Miss Williams did no such thing, and said
not a single word. She only kissed her "children"--Helen too, whose
innocent delight was the prettiest thing to behold--then sat down and
made tea for them all, as if nothing had happened.
But such events do not happen without making a slight stir in a family,
especially such a quiet family as that at the cottage. Besides, the
lovers were too childishly happy to be at all reticent over their
felicity. Before David was turned away that night to the hotel which he
and Mr. Roy both inhabited, every body in the house knew quite well that
Mr. Dalziel and Miss Janetta were to be married.
And every body had of course suspected it long ago, and was not in the
least surprised, so that the mistress of the household herself was half
ashamed to confess how very much surprised _she_ had been. However, as
every body seemed delighted, for most people have a "sneaking kindness"
toward young lovers, she kept her own counsel; smiled blandly over her
old cook's half-pathetic congratulations to the young couple, who were
"like the young bears, with all their troubles before them," and laughed
at the sympathetic forebodings of the girls' faithful maid, a rather
elderly person, who was supposed to have been once "disappointed," and
who "hoped Mr. Dalziel was not too young to know his own mind." Still,
in spite of all, the family were very much delighted, and not a little
proud.
David walked in, master of the position now, directly after breakfast,
and took the sisters out for a walk, both of them, declaring he was as
much encumbered as if he were going to marry two young ladies at once,
but bearing his lot with great equanimity. His love-making indeed was so
extraordinarily open and undisguised that it did not much matter who was
by. And Helen was of that sweet negative nature that seemed made for the
express purpose of playing "gooseberry."
Directly they had departed, Mr. Roy came in.
He might have been a far less acute observer than he was not to detect at
once that "something had happened" in the little family. Miss Williams
kept him waiting several minutes, and when she did come in her manner
was nervous and agitated. They spoke about the weather and one or two
trivial things, but more than once Fortune felt him looking at her with
that keen, kindly observation which had been sometimes, during all these
weeks now running into months, of almost daily meeting, and of the
closest intimacy--a very difficult thing to bear.
He was exceedingly kind to her always; there was no question of that.
Without making any show of it, he seemed always to know where she was
and what she was doing. Nothing ever lessened his silent care of her.
If ever she wanted help, there he was to give it. And in all their
excursions she had a quiet conviction that whoever forgot her or her
comfort, he never would. But then it was his way. Some men have eyes
and ears for only one woman, and that merely while they happen to be in
love with her; whereas Robert Roy was courteous and considerate to every
woman, even as he was kind to every weak or helpless creature that
crossed his path.
Evidently he perceived that all was not right; and, though he said
nothing, there was a tenderness in his manner which went to her heart.
"You are not looking well to-day; should you not go out?" he said. "I
met all your young people walking off to the sands: they seemed
extraordinarily happy."
Fortune was much perplexed. She did not like not to tell him the
news--him, who had so completely established himself as a friend of the
family. And yet to tell him was not exactly her place; besides, he might
not care to hear. Old maid as she was, or thought herself, Miss Williams
knew enough of men not to fall into the feminine error of fancying they
feel as we do--that their world is our world, and their interest our
interest. To most men, a leader in the _Times_, an article in the
_Quarterly_, or a fall in the money market is of far more importance than
any love affair in the world, unless it happens to be their own.
Why should I tell him? she thought, convinced that he noticed the anxiety
in her eyes, the weariness at her heart. She had passed an almost
sleepless night, pondering over the affairs of these young people, who
never thought of any thing beyond their own new-born happiness. And
she had perplexed herself with wondering whether in consenting to this
engagement she was really doing her duty by her girls, who had no one but
her, and whom she was so tender of, for their dead father's sake. But
what good was it to say any thing? She must bear her own burden. And
yet--
Robert Roy looked at her with his kind, half-amused smile.
"You had better tell me all about it; for, indeed, I know already."
"What! did you guess it?"
"Perhaps. But Dalziel came to my room last night and poured out
everything. He is a candid youth. Well, and am I to congratulate?"
Greatly relieved, Fortune looked up.
"That's right," he said; "I like to see you smile. A minute or two ago
you seemed as if you had the cares of all the world on your shoulders.
No, that is not exactly the truth. Always meet the truth face to face,
and don't be frightened by it."
Ah, no. If she had had that strong heart to lean on, that tender hand to
help her through the world, she never would have been "frightened" at any
thing.
"I know I am very foolish," she said; "but there are many things which
these children of mine don't see, and I can't help seeing."
"Certainly; they are young, and we are--well, never mind. Sit down here,
and let you and me talk the matter quietly over. On the whole, are you
glad or sorry?"
"Both, I think. David is able to take care of himself; but poor little
Janetta--my Janetta--what if he should bring her to poverty? He is a
little reckless about money, and has only a very small certain income.
Worse; suppose being so young, he should by-and-by get tired of her, and
neglect her, and break her heart?"
"Or twenty other things which may happen, or may not, and of which they
must take the chance, like their neighbors. You do not believe very much
in men, I see, and perhaps you are right. We are a bad lot--a bad lot.
But David Dalziel is as good as most of us, that I can assure you."
She could hardly tell whether he was in jest or earnest; but this was
certain, he meant to cheer and comfort her, and she took the comfort,
and was thankful.
"Now to the point," continued Mr. Roy. "You feel that, in a worldly
point of view, these two have done a very foolish thing, and you have
aided and abetted them in doing it?"
"Not so," she cried, laughing; "I had no idea of such a thing till David
told me yesterday morning of his intentions."
"Yes, and he explained to me why he told you, and why he dared not wait
any longer. He blurts out every thing, the foolish boy! But he has made
friends with me now. They do seem such children, do they not, compared
with old folks like you and me?"
What was it in the tone or the words which made her feel not in the least
vexed, nor once attempt to rebut the charge of being "old?"
"I'll tell you what it is," said Robert Roy, with one of his sage smiles,
"you must not go and vex yourself needlessly about trifles. We should
not judge other people by ourselves. Every body is so different.
Dalziel may make his way all the better for having that pretty creature
for a wife, not but what some other pretty creature might soon have done
just as well. Very few men have tenacity of nature enough, if they can
not get the one woman they love, to do without any other to the end of
their days. But don't be disappointed yourself about your girl. David
will make her a very good husband. They will be happy enough, even
though not very rich."
"Does that matter much?"
"I used to think so. I had so sore a lesson of poverty in my youth, that
it gave me an almost morbid terror of it, not for myself, but for any
woman I cared for. Once I would not have done as Dalziel has for the
world. Now I have changed my mind. At any rate, David will not have one
misfortune to contend with. He has a thoroughly good opinion of himself,
poor fellow! He will not suffer from that horrible self-distrust which
makes some men let themselves drift on and on with the tide, instead of
taking the rudder into their own hands and steering straight on--direct
for the haven where they would be. Oh, that I had done it."
He spoke passionately, and then sat silent. At last, muttering something
about "begging her pardon," and "taking a liberty," he changed the
conversation into another channel, by asking whether this marriage, when
it happened--which, of course could not be just immediately--would make
any difference to her circumstances.
Some difference, she explained, because the girls would receive their
little fortunes whenever they came of age or married, and the sisters
would not like to be parted; besides, Helen's money would help the
establishment. Probably, whenever David married, he would take them
both away; indeed, he had said as much.
"And then shall you stay on here?"
"I may, for I have a small income of my own; besides, there are your two
little boys, and I might find two or three more. But I do not trouble
myself much about the future. One thing is certain, I need never work
as hard as I have done all my life."
"Have you worked so very hard, then, my poor--"
He left the sentence unfinished; his hand, half extended, was drawn back,
for the three young people were seen coming down the garden, followed by
the two boys, returning from their classes. It was nearly dinner-time,
and people must dine, even though in love; and boys must be kept to
their school work, and all the daily duties of life must be done. Well,
perhaps, for many of us, that such should be! I think it was as well for
poor Fortune Williams.
The girls had come in wet through, with one of those sudden "haars" which
are not uncommon at St. Andrews in spring, and it seemed likely to last
all day. Mr. Roy looked out of the window at it with a slightly dolorous
air.
"I suppose I am rather _de trop_ here, but really I wish you would not
turn me out. In weather like this our hotel coffee-room is just a trifle
dull, isn't it, Dalziel? And, Miss Williams, your parlor looks so
comfortable. Will you let me stay?"
He made the request with a simplicity quite pathetic. One of the most
lovable things about this man--is it not in all men?--was, that with all
his shrewdness and cleverness, and his having been knocked up and down
the world for so many years, he still kept a directness and simpleness of
character almost child-like.
To refuse would have been unkind, impossible; so Miss Williams told him
he should certainly stay if he could make himself comfortable. And to
that end she soon succeeded in turning off her two turtle-doves into a
room by themselves, for the use of which they had already bargained,
in order to "read together, and improve their minds." Meanwhile she
and Helen tried to help the two little boys to spend a dull holiday
indoors--if they were ever dull beside Uncle Robert, who had not lost
his old influence with boys, and to those boys was already a father in
all but the name.
Often Fortune watched them, sitting upon his chair, hanging about him as
he walked, coming to him for sympathy in every thing. Yes, every body
loved him, for there was such an amount of love in him toward every
mortal creature, except--
She looked at him and his boys, then turned away. What was to be had
been, and always would be. That which we fight against in our youth as
being human will, human error, in our age we take humbly, knowing it to
be the will of God.
By-and-by in the little household the gas was lighted, the curtains
drawn, and the two lovers fetched in for tea, to behave themselves as
much as they could like ordinary mortals, in general society, for the
rest of the evening. A very pleasant evening it was, spite of this new
element; which was got rid of as much as possible by means of the window
recess, where Janetta and David encamped composedly, a little aloof from
the rest.
"I hope they don't mind me," said Mr. Roy, casting an amused glance in
their direction, and then adroitly maneuvering with the back of his chair
so as to interfere as little as possible with the young couple's
felicity.
"Oh no, they don't mind you at all," answered Helen, always affectionate,
if not always wise. "Besides, I dare say you yourself were young once,
Mr. Roy."
Evidently Helen had no idea of the plans for her future which were being
talked about in St. Andrews. Had he? No one could even speculate with
such an exceedingly reserved person. He retired behind his newspaper,
and said not a single word.
Nevertheless, there was no cloud in the atmosphere. Every body was used
to Mr. Roy's silence in company. And he never troubled any body, not
even the children, with either a gloomy look or a harsh word. He was so
comfortable to live with, so unfailingly sweet and kind.
Although there was a strange atmosphere of peace in the cottage that
evening, though nobody seemed to do any thing or say very much. Now and
then Mr. Roy read aloud bits out of his endless newspapers--he had a
truly masculine mania for newspapers, and used to draw one after another
out of his pockets, as endless as a conjurer's pocket-handkerchiefs. And
he liked to share their contents with any body that would listen; though
I am afraid nobody did listen much to-night except Miss Williams, who sat
beside him at her sewing, in order to get the benefit of the same lamp.
And between his readings he often turned and looked at her, her bent
head, her smooth soft hair, her busy hands.
Especially after one sentence, out of the "Varieties" of some Fife
newspaper. He had begun to read it, then stopped suddenly, but finished
it. It consisted only of a few words: _"'Young love is passionate, old
love is faithful; but the very tenderest thing in all this world is a
love revived.'_ That is true."
He said only those three words, in a very low, quiet voice, but Fortune
heard. His look she did not see, but she felt it--even as a person long
kept in darkness might feel a sunbeam strike along the wall, making it
seem possible that there might be somewhere in the earth such a thing as
day.
About nine P.M. the lovers in the window recess discovered that the haar
was all gone, and that it was a most beautiful moonlight night; full
moon, the very night they had planned to go in a body to the top of St.
Regulus tower.
"I suppose they must," said Mr. Roy to Miss Williams; adding, "Let the
young folks make the most of their youth; it never will come again."
"No."
"And you and I must go too. It will be more _comme il faut_, as people
say."
So, with a half-regretful look at the cozy fire, Mr. Roy marshaled the
lively party, Janetta and David, Helen and the two boys; engaging to get
them the key of that silent garden of graves over which St. Regulus tower
keeps stately watch. How beautiful it looked, with the clear sky shining
through its open arch, and the brilliant moonlight, bright as day almost,
but softer, flooding every alley of that peaceful spot! It quieted even
the noisy party who were bent on climbing the tower, to catch a view,
such as is rarely equaled, of the picturesque old city and its beautiful
bay.
"A 'comfortable place to sleep in,' as some one once said to me in a
Melbourne church-yard. But 'east or west, home is best.--I think, Bob,
I shall leave it in my will that you are to bury me at St. Andrews.'"
"Nonsense, Uncle Robert! You are not to talk of dying. And you are to
come with us up to the top of the tower. Miss Williams, will you come
too?"
"No, I think she had better not," said Uncle Robert, decisively. "She
will stay here, and I will keep her company."
So the young people all vanished up the tower, and the two elders walked
silently side by side the quiet graves--by the hearts which had ceased
beating, the hands which, however close they lay, would never clasp one
another any more.
"Yes, St. Andrews is a pleasant place," said Robert Roy at last. "I
spoke in jest, but I meant in earnest; I have no wish to leave it again.
And you," he added, seeing that she answered nothing--"what plans have
you? Shall you stay on at the cottage till these young people are
married?"
"Most likely. We are all fond of the little house."
"No wonder. They say a wandering life after a certain number of years
unsettles a man forever; he rests nowhere, but goes on wandering to the
end. But I feel just the contrary. I think I shall stay permanently at
St. Andrews. You will let me come about your cottage, 'like a tame cat,'
as that foolish fellow owned he had called me--will you not?"
"Certainly."
But at the same time she felt there was a strain beyond which she could
not bear. To be so near, yet so far; so much to him, and yet so little.
She was conscious of a wild desire to run away somewhere--run away and
escape it all; of a longing to be dead and buried, deep in the sea, up
away among the stars.
"Will those young people be very long, do you think?"
At the sound of her voice he turned to look at her, and saw that she was
deadly pale, and shivering from head to foot.
"This will never do. You must 'come under my plaidie,' as the children
say, and I will take you home at once. Boys!" he called out to the
figures now appearing like jackdaws at the top of the tower, "we are
going straight home. Follow us as soon as you like. Yes, it must be
so," he answered to the slight resistance she made. "They must all take
care of themselves. I mean to take care of you."
Which he did, wrapping her well in the half of his plaid, drawing her
hand under his arm and holding it there--holding it close and warm at
his heart all the way along the Scores and across the Links, scarcely
speaking a single word until they reached the garden gate. Even there
he held it still.
"I see your girls coming, so I shall leave you. You are warm now, are
you not?"
"Quite warm."
"Good-night, then. Stay. Tell me"--he spoke rapidly, and with much
agitation--"tell me just one thing, and I will never trouble you again.
Why did you not answer a letter I wrote to you seventeen years ago?"
"I never got any letter. I never had one word from you after the Sunday
you bade me good-by, promising to write."
"And I did write," cried he, passionately. "I posted it with my own
hands. You should have got it on the Tuesday morning."
She leaned against the laurel bush, that fatal laurel bush, and in a few
breathless words told him what David had said about the hidden letter.
"It must have been my letter. Why did you not tell me this before?"
"How could I? I never knew you had written. You never said a word. In
all these years you have never said a single word."
Bitterly, bitterly he turned away. The groan that escaped him--a man's
groan over his lost life--lost, not wholly through fate alone--was such
as she, the woman whose portion had been sorrow, passive sorrow only,
never forgot in all her days.
"Don't mind it," she whispered--"don't mind it. It is so long past now."
He made no immediate answer, then said,
"Have you no idea what was in the letter?"
"No."
"It was to ask you a question, which I had determined not to ask just
then, but I changed my mind. The answer, I told you, I should wait for
in Edinburgh seven days; after that, I should conclude you meant No, and
sail. No answer came, and I sailed."
He was silent. So was she. A sense of cruel fatality came over her.
Alas! those lost years, that might have been such happy years! At length
she said, faintly, "Forget it. It was not your fault."
"It was my fault. If not mine, you were still yourself--I ought never to
have let you go. I ought to have asked again; to have sought through the
whole world till I found you again. And now that I have found you--"
"Hush! The girls are here."
They came along laughing, that merry group--with whom life was at its
spring--who had lost nothing, knew not what it was to lose!
"Good-night," said Mr. Roy, hastily. "But--to-morrow morning?"
"Yes."
"There never is night to which comes no morn," says the proverb. Which
is not always true, at least as to this world; but it is true sometimes.
That April morning Fortune Williams rose with a sense of strange
solemnity--neither sorrow nor joy. Both had gone by; but they had left
behind them a deep peace.
After her young people had walked themselves off, which they did
immediately after breakfast, she attended to all her household duties,
neither few nor small, and then sat down with her needle-work beside the
open window. It was a lovely day; the birds were singing, the leaves
budding, a few early flowers making all the air to smell like spring.
And she--with her it was autumn now. She knew it, but still she did not
grieve.
Presently, walking down the garden walk, almost with the same firm step
of years ago--how well she remembered it!--Robert Roy came; but it was
still a few minutes before she could go into the little parlor to meet
him. At last she did, entering softly, her hand extended as usual. He
took it, also as usual, and then looked down into her face, as he had
done that Sunday. "Do you remember this? I have kept it for seventeen
years."
It was her mother's ring. She looked up with a dumb inquiry.
"My love, did you think I did not love you?--you always, and only you?"
So saying, he opened his arms; she felt them close round her, just as in
her dream. Only they were warm, living arms; and it was this world, not
the next. All those seventeen bitter years seemed swept away,
annihilated in a moment; she laid her head on his shoulder and wept out
her happy heart there.
* * * * * *
The little world of St. Andrews was very much astonished when it
learned that Mr. Roy was going to marry, not one of the pretty Miss
Moseleys, but their friend and former governess, a lady, not by any
means young, and remarkable for nothing except great sweetness and
good sense, which made every body respect and like her; though nobody
was much excited concerning her. Now people had been excited about
Mr. Roy, and some were rather sorry for him; thought perhaps he had
been taken in, till some story got wind of its having been an "old
attachment," which interested them of course; still, the good folks were
half angry with him. To go and marry an old maid when he might have
had his choice of half a dozen young ones! when, with his fortune and
character, he might, as people say--as they had said of that other good
man, Mr. Moseley--"have married any body!"
They forgot that Mr. Roy happened to be one of those men who have no
particular desire to marry "any body;" to whom _the_ woman, whether
found early or late--alas! in this case found early and won late--is the
one woman in the world forever. Poor Fortune--rich Fortune! she need not
be afraid of her fading cheek, her silvering hair; he would never see
either. The things he loved her for were quite apart from any thing that
youth could either give or take away. As he said one, when she lamented
hers, "Never mind, let it go. You will always be yourself--and mine."
This was enough. He loved her. He had always loved her: she had no
fear but that he would love her faithfully to the end.
Theirs was a very quiet wedding, and a speedy one. "Why should they
wait? they had waited too long already," he said, with some bitterness.
But she felt none. With her all was peace.
Mr. Roy did another very foolish thing which I can not conscientiously
recommend to any middle-aged bachelor. Besides marrying his wife, he
married her whole family. There was no other way out of the difficulty,
and neither of them was inclined to be content with happiness, leaving
duty unfulfilled. So he took the largest house in St. Andrews, and
brought to it Janetta and Helen, till David Dalziel could claim them;
likewise his own two orphan boys, until they went to Oxford; for he
meant to send them there, and bring them up in every way like his own
sons.
Meantime, it was rather a heterogeneous family; but the two heads of it
bore their burden with great equanimity, nay, cheerfulness; saying
sometimes, with a smile which had the faintest shadow of pathos in it,
"that they liked to have young life about them."
And by degrees they grew younger themselves; less of the old bachelor
and old maid, and more of the happy middle-aged couple to whom
Heaven gave, in their decline, a St. Martin's summer almost as sweet as
spring. They were both too wise to poison the present by regretting the
past--a past which, if not wholly, was partly, at least, owing to that
strange fatality which governs so many lives, only some have the will to
conquer it, others not. And there are two sides to every thing: Robert
Roy, who alone knew how hard his own life had been, sometimes felt a
stern joy in thinking no one had shared it.
Still, for a long time there lay at the bottom of that strong, gentle
heart of his a kind of remorseful tenderness, which showed itself in
heaping his wife with every luxury that his wealth could bring; better
than all, in surrounding her with that unceasing care which love alone
teaches, never allowing the wind to blow on her too roughly--his "poor
lamb," as he sometime called her, who had suffered so much.
They are sure, humanly speaking, to "live very happy to the end of their
days." And I almost fancy sometimes, if I were to go to St. Andrews, as
I hope to do many a time, for I am as fond of the Aged City as they are,
that I should see those two, made one at last after all those cruel
divided years, wandering together along the sunshiny sands, or standing
to watch the gay golfing parties; nay, I am not sure that Robert Roy
would not be visible sometimes in his red coat, club in hand, crossing
the Links, a victim to the universal insanity of St. Andrews, yet
enjoying himself, as golfers always seem to do, with the enjoyment of a
very boy.
She is not a girl, far from it; but there will always be a girlish
sweetness in her faded face till its last smile. And to see her sitting
beside her husband on the green slopes of the pretty garden--knitting,
perhaps while he reads his eternal newspapers--is a perfect picture.
They do not talk very much; indeed, they were neither of them ever great
talkers. But each knows the other is close at hand, ready for any
needful word, and always ready with that silent sympathy which is so
mysterious a thing, the rarest thing to find in all human lives. These
have found it, and are satisfied. And day by day truer grows the truth
of that sentence which Mrs. Roy once discovered in her husband's
pocket-book, cut out of a newspaper--she read and replaced it without a
word, but with something between a smile and tear--_"Young love is
passionate, old love is faithful; but the very tenderest thing in all
this world is a love revived."_