PREVARICATOR, n. A liar in the caterpillar state.
PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of
conscience in demanding it.
PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported
by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the
Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies
Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is
commonly dead.
PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us
that--
"Stone walls do not a prison make,"
but a combination of the stone wall, the political parasite and the
moral instructor is no garden of sweets.
PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his
knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him
in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.
For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey, the
illustrious Jo. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor, and
answered, absently: "When it is ajar," and threw himself from a high
promontory into the sea. Thus perished in his pride the most famous
humorist of antiquity, leaving to mankind a heritage of woe! No
successor worthy of the title has appeared, though Mr. Edward Bok, of
_The Ladies' Home Journal_, is much respected for the purity and
sweetness of his personal character.
PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly
these disputes were settled by physical contact of the disputants,
with such simple arguments as the rudimentary logic of the times could
supply--the sword, the spear, and so forth. With the growth of
prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into
favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous. Its
capital defect is that it requires personal attendance at the point of
propulsion.
PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of
unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to
that of only one.
PROOF-READER, n. A malefactor who atones for making your writing
nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may
be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the
passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The
object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for
future delivery.
PROSPECT, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually
forbidden.
Blow, blow, ye spicy breezes--
O'er Ceylon blow your breath,
Where every prospect pleases,
Save only that of death.