proprietes of life. When a man gits into trubble, these sub editurs go
fur him right strait, and they force their curosity away down into his
heart strings, and bore into his buzzom with an augur as hard and as
cold as chilld iron. Then away they go to skatter his feelins and
sekrets to the wide, wide world. You see the poor feller can't help
himself, for if he won't talk they'll go off and slander him, and make
the publik beleeve he's dun sumthing mean, and is ashamed to own it.
I've knowd em to go into a dungeon and interview a man who dident have
two hours to live. Dot rot em. I wish one of em would try to interview
me. If he didn't catch leather under his coat tail it would be bekaus he
retired prematurely--that's all. But I like editurs sorter--especially
sum. I like them that is the guardeens of sleepin' liberty, and good
morals, and publik welfare, and sich like; but there's sum kinds I don't
like. Them what makes sensation a bizness; feedin' the peepul on
skandal, and crime, and gossip, and private quarrels, and them what
levies black mail on polytiks, and won't go for a man who won't pay em,
and will go for a man that will. Them last watch for elekshun times jest
like a sick frog waitin' for rain.
As Bill Nations used to say, I'd drather be a luniak and gnaw chains in
an asylum, than to be an editur that everybody feard and nobody
respekted.
THE TWO BUSINESS MEN
BY CAROLYN WELLS
Once on a Time two Business Men were Each Confronted with what seemed to
be a Fine Chance to Make Money.
One Man, being of a Cautious and Prudent Nature, said: "I will not Take
Hold of this Matter until I have Carefully Examined it in All its
Aspects and Inquired into All its Details."
While he was thus Occupied in a thorough Investigation he Lost his
Chance of becoming a Partner in the Project, and as It proved to be a
Booming Success, he was Much Chagrined.
The Other Man, when he saw a Golden Opportunity Looming Up Before him,
Embraced it at once, without a Preliminary Question or Doubt.
But alas! after he had Invested all his Fortune in it, the Scheme proved
to be Worthless, and he Lost all his Money.
MORALS:
This Fable teaches that you should Strike While the Iron is Hot, and
Look Before you Leap.
THE RETORT
BY GEORGE P. MORRIS
Old Nick, who taught the village school,
Wedded a maid of homespun habit;
He was stubborn as a mule,
She was playful as a rabbit.
Poor Jane had scarce become a wife,
Before her husband sought to make her
The pink of country polished life,
And prim and formal as a Quaker.
One day the tutor went abroad,
And simple Jenny sadly missed him;
When he returned, behind her lord
She slyly stole, and fondly kissed him.
The husband's anger arose--and red
And white his face alternate grew.
"Less freedom, ma'am!"--Jane sighed and said,
"Oh dear! I didn't know 'twas you!"
_A Book about Indians, Animals, and the Woods_
Kuloskap, the Master
AND OTHER ALGONKIN LEGENDS AND POEMS
By Charles Godfrey Leland, F.R.S.L., _and_ John Dyneley Prince, Ph.D.
In the first four cantos are told the legends of the Indian god,
Kuloskap, narrating how he created the Indians' world, cared for the
interests of his children, dealt with the animal kingdom, and punished
the sorcerers. Following these cantos will be found the witchcraft lore,
lyrics, and miscellany. The stories take the reader into the heart of
nature. In the innermost recesses of the forest he follows the strange
doings of wizards, goblins, and witches, and revels in such exquisite
lyrics as those that tell of "The Scarlet Tanager and the Leaf," "The
Story of Nipon the Summer," "Lox, the Indian Devil," "The Song of the
Stars," and others.
_Dan Beard_ says: "It is the American Indian's 'King Arthur's Round
Table,' 'Robin Hood,' and 'The Arabian Nights.'"
_Ernest Thompson-Seton_ says: "... Priceless, unique,
irreplaceable."
_San Francisco Bulletin_: "It is a valuable contribution to the
folk-lore of the world, and of intense interest."
_The Independent_: "... Dainty in its woodsy freshness ... has the
same beauty as the Norse myths."
_12mo, Cloth, 359 pp., Ornamental Cover, Profusely Illustrated with
Half-tones by F. Berkeley Smith, Ten Birchbark Tracings by Mr. Leland
after Indian Designs, and a Frontispiece in Color by Edwin Willard
Deming. $2.00, post-paid._
FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers
NEW YORK and LONDON
_A Charming Book_
My Musical Memories
By REV. H.R. HAWEIS, A.M., _Author of "American Humorists," Etc., Etc._
A volume of personal reminiscences, dealing with early Life and
Recollections, Hearing Music, Old Violins, Paganini, Liszt, Wagner,
"Parsifal," and other kindred subjects, in a manner both artistic and
pleasing, which shows the author to be a person of great critical
ability in the realm of music. He is an enthusiast, for music hath
charms, so hath its memories; but his enthusiasm never carries him
beyond the bounds of good sense and fair judgment.
"Of all Mr. Haweis' contributions to musical literature none is
richer or more readable than 'My Musical Memories'; in short, it is
a treasury of musical intelligence such as only a critical taste
and an almost infallible instinct could have gathered."--_The
Musical Herald, Boston._
"Those who know the charm and clearness of Mr. Haweis' style in
descriptive musical essays will need no commendation of these
'Memories,' which are not only vivid but critical."--_The Public
Ledger, Phila._
_12mo, Cloth. Price, $1, Post-paid._
FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers,
NEW YORK and LONDON